Opppppssssss no offense meant there Fred, will shut my big mouth now
Opppppssssss no offense meant there Fred, will shut my big mouth now
The bravest thing that men do is love women--Mort Sahl
Dont you dare!!Opppppssssss no offense meant there Fred, will shut my big mouth now
I love a feisty woman!!
You are a woman right?..
Hang on..Even if you say you are...
How could I believe you??
And round it goes!!
oh no ure doubting Gracia's gender, fred?
Not just a woman Fred, a feisty Filipina woman, Gabriela Silang is my great-great grandmother, the famous Lapu-lapu's blood runs through my veins. I love good debate as much as I do love banters and humour too. And one more thing Fred, it's the Brit humour that got me stuck to my future-husbandOriginally Posted by fred
Dont you dare!!
I love a feisty woman!!
You are a woman right?..
Hang on..Even if you say you are...
How could I believe you??
And round it goes!!. And I don't even need to convince you that I am a woman Fred
just ask Trevor hehe
The bravest thing that men do is love women--Mort Sahl
I knew there was something a bit different about you..Not just a woman Fred, a feisty Filipina woman, Gabriela Silang is my great-great grandmother, the famous Lapu-lapu's blood runs through my veins. I love good debate as much as I do love banters and humour too. And one more thing Fred, it's the Brit humour that got me stuck to my future-husband
Your great great grandmother is Gabriela Silang?
Lapu Lapu`s blood runs through your veins?
Now you have my undivided attention..
Tell me more.
I was just making it up mainly but generally speaking, I am a woman no need to convince you. The name is Grace, it stands for something, I'm sure my Dad has his reasons why he named me Grace. Gabriela Silang it's written in history, she is one of the brave Filipinas who fought for our freedom. Your wife surely, can attest to that. And as for Lapu-lapu he is a native of Cebu and I am a Cebuana so the history goes on...what else do you want to hear Fred?
The bravest thing that men do is love women--Mort Sahl
Kimmi, i think i'm in trouble here! Do you think Fred is drunk? Helllppppppp!
The bravest thing that men do is love women--Mort Sahl
And I thought I had found wonder woman!! Scoop of the century!!
What a let down!!
Sorry
And I thought I had found wonder woman!! Scoop of the century!!
What a let down!!
The bravest thing that men do is love women--Mort Sahl
Sorry
[QUOTE=IanB;38139]"If you suspect things are not quite right, then your instinct is normally spot on..."
I do not agree. Some people are suspiscious and their girlfriend is as straight as an arrow, while others get cheated on and dont suspect a thing!
Ian listen mate, my point is this, I am saying if you have to start saying "Has her interest cooled off" then the mere fact your asking on a public forum if their is a red flag, generally means this girl has behaved in such a way as to cause you to react in this way.
My experience tells me, and I have seen hundreds of stories like this, have countless freinds who have been in relationships with Filipinas, and
THEY NEVER ASKED IF THEIR GIRL IS COOLING OFF!
They Shot out the Phils either got married or brought their girls home !
3 years and not engaged or married....come on mate !!
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
hi Ady,
if she is reacting differently to you now , then there is a reason, paranoid ? or maybe what you think might be true, hard to tell.. at worse, i don't think shes a scammer, a scammer wouldn't turn down money, and you've meet her, so its unlikely. maybe she is using you and guilt is getting to her now, or what she says is true, only she knows...
you've known her for 3 years, and you phone her every couple of weeks now ? , not much of a relationship is it ?, i'm not having a go at you, i've been there, and in the same situation as you. 3 years is a long time, i would go and see my g/f every six months for 1 or 2 wks, and I did this for a couple of years, you soon get use to 'living your normal life' back home. your both 6,000 miles apart, 7 hours time difference, as many have said long distance relationships are difficult as it is.. but you and your g/f have friends, meet people at work or where ever, or old g/f and b/f's , so feelings for each other can change. its only natural.
as for advice, i wouldn't hire a PI, if she ever found out, it prob be over for ever, talk it out with her, tell her how you feel, what your problems are, how does she feel, talk about the future, and ask her, have her feelings changed towards you.. and make plans.. and what ever your problems are, you can work them out, i've been married near 5 years now..
i wish you luck
oh, i understand why you want to punch someone, i'm still looking for someone to..
The same old chap from my hometown Joe?
The bravest thing that men do is love women--Mort Sahl
[QUOTE=ginapeterb;38209]
totally agree with you peter, when i first chatted with my now wife, after a few weeks she said for me to come and meet her, i told her i would in a couple of months, those months past, and i said oh, couple more months becuase of work etc,, this happened more times, and til finally she said, if i didn't come in 2 months, not to bother at all, and i didn't go. but we finally meet about 6 months later, that was 18 months after we first chatted !!!, so i blame myself for the problems we had after that, but like i said, you can get thru anythnig, if you really want to ...
hahaha yes, he will need a gun, i'm not gonnaThe same old chap from my hometown Joehim for myself, but i'm doing it for someone else, oneday he will have to explain his words and actions to this person .. and me punching him will be nothing compared to that day
3 years of sporadic contact and only met once in Hong Kong....
If I were you, I would get the credit cards out and book a seat on the first plane going that way...
Meet the lady on her own turf, talk to her, listen to what she has to say, make plans together, or not, whichever is the case.
You have to admit to yourself that 1 meet in 3 years is neither here nor there, for a successful long distance relationship.
Most of the members on the forum have been over there several times, at great financial sacrifice to themselves, and that helped the relationships blossom.
And if the red flags are keeping you from traveling... go anyway, the worst come to the worst, you will have had a different vacation from the norm and you will have found peace of mind, one way or the other.
By procrastinating you are only prolonging the pain and increase the doubts in your mind.
Godspeed
Joe, I have read hundreds of stories like Ady's over the last 3 years, they all have the same look and feel to them, they all start off by asking "Is this a red flag?" the reason they ask is because something is niggling them at the back of their mind.
Communicating in cyber world, and ultra long distance like from Uk or USA to Philippines is always frought with dangers, why do I say dangers, because the atributes and expectations you place on the party at the other side of the world is based on your own experiences in life.
Maintaining a relationship with the opposite sex with someone of your own nationality in the same town can often be hard at times, just imagine when you text your girl across town, or you make 20 missed calls, and she still does not respond, hmmmm at least you can drive over and find out why there is a problem, and if there is, who can guarantee that the two of you are still not talking for a week, and thats with a girl in the same town !
Now translate that to UK-Phils, you have absolutely no idea what the other is doing ? I have heard countless stories where guys find out their supposed GF or Fiancee is actually with someone else, generally a Filipino, but not always, it could be with another foreigner.
It may not be the case with this relationships we are discussing, I hope its not..but after 3 years of this relationship, where is the end result ?
For exampe, where are the two of them going ? what is their end game as I call it
The end game is where you formulate a plan as a couple to see what will be the fruits of your relationship, in my book, if you wish to carry on, it has to be living together either:
1. As man and wife, whether that be in UK or Philippines.
2. Living together in a relationship like a marriage.
If the end game is not to be in either of the above, then what is the premise of the relationship - is it going to be a long distance chat, text, and yahoo for the rest of your years....I dont think so...but stranger things have happened.
Ady asked "Is she cooling off" well after 3 years with no end game in sight, she just might have decided that its boring her, her lack of visits to the internet cafe to talk to Ady...calling her a couple of weeks...geeeeze let me tell you, my best pal, Steve, used to call his GF now his wife, 5 to 7 times per day, sometimes he called her after coming out of a business appointment, his GF would want to know if he was ok, where was he ? what was he doing ? how is business ? those sort of things.
When I worked in London, I used to visit clients, my GF now my wife, would want to text me and ask me ? did you do business ? where are you honey ? I would text back probably 20-30 times a day, it did not bother me that it was costing 25p a text, I mean when your in love...who the hell cares about the cost of texting !
We always had an agreeement, that we would talk on yahoo at least once a day, I never went to sleep at night, until I had said goodnight on yahoo to my then GF, she woke up in the morning, and went straight to her PC, after a year of courting, it was about 10 minutes in the morning, and then off to work for her, and off to bed for me.
I remember another member of this forum who does not come here anymore, he courted a girl...in 3 months he was in Philippines, in 3 weeks he was back, making plans to marry her, he would do anything to get out there, use his savings, sell his car....and his mortorbike..he didnt care what it cost him...he wanted to be with his girl.
3 months later, he went back, and took his Girl straight to the embassy, they applied, she got the fiancee visa, they came back together, this guy meant business...he was no slouch..thats what I call achieving the end game.
So my point will always be this :
If the two of you cannot be together, what is the point of carrying on, 3 years is far too long, although I am not saying it doesnt happen, I am sure it does, but their seems to be little intensity in this relationship, and in my view if it does up tempo soon, it will fizzle out...
finally:
A fish may fall in love with a chicken...but where will they build a house together ?
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
I totally agree with you peter, i've been in the same situation as Ady, wondering if something is wrong, and there was , for the reasons you just said, i totally blame myself, i was given many times to go and see her, and for many reasons i didn't (if you've read some of my posts, you will know some of the reasons why i didn't/couldn't). yes the old sayings ' HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST' and ' The ealry bird gets the worm'
my relationship was prob different from 99% of the users on here, my wife had just finished her first year at med school when we first chatted, and as i've said we chatted away for more than 18 months before we finally meet, and a year later we got married, as she was still at med school, we were married more than 2 years before we appiled for a spouse visa, and we've been married near 5 years now, and shes been in the uk 2 1/2 yrs ... not many relationships survive that time scale, never mind marriages... but you can if you try ..
Joebloggs, good on you, is a nice story, you pesevered and kept the momentum going, always having your engame in sight, congrats..
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
oh and now we've got little joe
any problems that come your way, will not last, hell i should know.. esp the last 3 yrs... its not the number of times life knocks you down, its the number of times you get back up that counts.. and today is a new day ...
Just get one of the forum female undercover officers to contact her as a 'new friend'.
Keith - Administrator
very well said Peter..I agree with all the points u have said..Being a woman, if i am in ur situation Ady and we've been talking for almost three (3) years and only met once in hongkong is something different.. I may even wonder if ur really serious with me..Sending money is not a proof that u love her and even talking online, there's something that only the two of u can feel..
here in the Philippines, if people knows that u are having a relationship with a foreigner this was known to all. Other people might tend to always look at ur girl thinking whats next or why is she still not married with her foreign bf..
u really have to talk to her and discuss ur plans Ady, maybe she's get tired of reasoning out to herself that soon both of u will be together..Have u tell her about ur plans re the annulment, visa application, and everything about ur relationship?
well if not ud better start now, so at least she will know that this relationship has something to look forward to..
Hmmm .. lots of thoughts about this ....
First of all, as many others have said, it seems that you might not be serious about the relationship (or, at least, that is what she might think).
I met Ruby online in April this year ... by September I had been to visit 3 times already, and brought her back to UK on a visitor's visa. For goodness sake, why have you not been to visit her in Davao???
Even with that amount of contact, we still had suspicions on both sides .. that's just part and parcel of a long distance relationship.
Oh, and I would miss out on many of my regular activities in order to be available when she could be online - so things like a football match would not take precedence.
Keith suggests one of the female members could befriend her - that can be useful as other forum members can attest. However, even more telling (and easier?) is for a male (it could even be you), to contact her on the net and see whether she is open to other relationships!
You say she is in Davao - do you mean in the city, or the province? Get out there .. meet her friends, family, work colleagues etc. Ruby and I will be returning to Davao province in December - to settle and marry. Can I do anything to help?
Women men and football.Oh, and I would miss out on many of my regular activities in order to be available when she could be online - so things like a football match would not take precedence.
Never the twain shall meet.
Hi all,
And I have to say thanks for all the advice and words. To say I have been lethargic is a big understatement, because it is 3 years and we only meet once.
First I will say, I don't call her just every few weeks. I call her every day - and I used a number that is free to my mobile except at weekends. That was until recently, when the number changed. My contact with my gf is, we mail each other daily, and we chat online daily before I go to work. I call her every weekday, and I always asked her to please come online Sunday as I cannot afford to call every Sunday. It is only recently that she won't come online on Sunday. It doesn't really affect me, but in moments of loneliness, it makes me paranoid that she loses interest. But sometimes the line is bad when we talk by phone, and in the weekdays she is working. So Sunday - coming online - gives us the best chance to plan our next movements. One time she texted to say she is drunk and can't make it online - and that is the first Sunday after we are back from Hong Kong.
What you guys say is right... and it sometimes takes the words of an outsider to point it out. I apologised to her deeply today - because we are friends 3 years, and in a relationship 2.5 years but we only met once. That is my fault. She asked me many times to go to Davao - and I only found this forum recently. Davao is on Mindanao, and the FCO have many warnings against going there. That doesn't worry me - but I have a sick parent and I am trying not to give them cause to concern. In September 2006 - we applied unsuccessfully for a tourist visa. The reason of rejection was that they didn't think she will return home. It was only a few months later I realised we can meet in HK. Yes, it should be Davao - but my parents read a lot about kidnappings in Davao. I am not worried to go to Davao, but I didn't want to cause my family extra concern. My father has been seriously ill, and I take a number of days absence from work to take him to hospital. I know what it looks like - that my parents rule my life, or I am a coward. But I am trying to find a compromise after our rejection of a toursit visa.
After we were rejected in the tourist visa, really I thought there is no way that I can bring her here to live. But this site, and an advisor from the IAS said that tourist visas are the hardest to get. That has given me renewed hope.
About my girlfriend, her brother is working in the UK - and I met him, and just called him. I spoke to some of her pamangkins, and to some of her sisters and brothers too. I speak to her daughter a lot. Her daughter is 9, and I am not used to kids lol... but I really connected with her.
So, my next plan is this. I want to help her file for annulment - and I want to do it soon. When that is done - I mean in process - I will go to Davao. I can't go there until 2008 because I don't have any leave left from my work.
I am sure she is not scamming me, but she has a tough life before, and her marriage breakdown has hurt her. At times I am scared that she wants to pay back men for what happened to her - I know that has happened with jilted partners (I really want a better phrase) before. She is 36 now, and I am 31 - and I want to be together in a marriage with her this time next year. Is it too tough a schedule? I don't know. I am glad some of the ladies posted here - because I am more happy to know about things from the other side. Sometimes I am blind stupid, and I have been selfish to let this girl wait 3 years. I should have been to Davao many times already - as many as my work will allow. I am serious about her, and I really love her a lot. I am just scared to lose her, or scared that she will lose interest.
I didn't ask her to marry me yet, even she knows that is what I want. The reason being, she is still married. I can't ask her until she is annulled na?
I am scared to fail in this, the girl means the world to me.
Thanks a lot for your advice... and making me see that there is more I should do.
I don't know if I answered all the questions asked... and I will try to answer anything that is asked - within reason.
My girlfriend knows about the plans - that we will seek annulment, then I will go to Davao whilst it is in progress, and then later seek a fiance visa - with maybe other visits to Davao in between. I only have 5 weeks leave a year, so there is a limit to what I can do in this respect - but I acknowledge I should have done more than I have.
Thanks a lot everyone.
To have taken all the time to write the messages show you care Ady, its not easy to just jet off. To be honest it would have taken me far longer to go if it happened at a different period of my life.
Any decent person will understand if your parents worry. Maybe people from here who know davo (Never been so can't comment personally) can reasure you its not as bad as it sounds.
Stick around and the people on here will try and help as much as they can.
Ady mate listen...I am reading your final reply, and I am sitting here thinking to myself...
hmmmmmm Pete me old mate..how many times have you heard this one !
listen to yourself here:
The reason this relationship is going nowhere, is that your girl is married under Philippine law !So, my next plan is this. I want to help her file for annulment - and I want to do it soon. When that is done - I mean in process - I will go to Davao. I can't go there until 2008 because I don't have any leave left from my work.
You have known her for 3 years ? so what has been going on ? if you were mad about this woman...she is 36, time is not with you...you should have got the anulment petition presented...how long do you think an anulment takes ? if you have the money, not long, sometimes between 12 months and 18 months.
What stage is the anulment at ? has your girl had the psychological examination as yet ? has it been listed for the regional trial court ?
Please dont tell me, its been 3 years and your girl has not filed as yet ? because if not, you are going to have to wait an awful long time to resolve this, and their is no guarantee the grounds put forward to the trial judge will result in an anulment being granted.
Personally unless you get the right anulment attorney and pay enough palms to be greased I wouldnt bother about your leave in 2008, because on that basis, you wont be there until 2009.
The fact is...you should have gone to Davao to meet this lady, Kimmi is right in her post...listen to what she says and think about it from the perspective of Filipino loss of face.
When a Filipina is known to be in a relationship with a foreigner, all eyes will be on her, there will be lots of chikka in the barrios about this matter, if nothing is going on, or there is no progress, she will loose face...here in the Philippines, if people knows that u are having a relationship with a foreigner this was known to all. Other people might tend to always look at ur girl thinking whats next or why is she still not married with her foreign bf..
In 3 years, you only met her once in Hong Kong, like the others I cannot understand for the life of me, why you didnt go to Davao and spend time with her, I have to be honest Ady, I rather fancy, this woman will not be come your wife...I know.I am being amazingly presumptious...
But dont shoot the messenger, just accept the message...
Its hard enough to conduct a long distance relationship over 6000 miles away, without having a monkey on your shoulder to make your progress agonizing, the monkey symbolizes your girls being married.
The one thing you dont tell us, is does she have kids ? at 36 I would not be suprised that she has one or two..and if thats the case...you have got 3 monkeys on your shoulder.
Point taken mate !!
Petes advice on this one.
Drop the monkeys on your shoulder, and move on....life is...never standing in the same part of the river...life is too short you have enough problems to deal with...this situation will drain you emotionally I doubt though whether you will take the message on board, but...best of luck...
P.S. Foreigners are always well looked after in Davao City, you have His Honour Mr Rodrigo Duterte to thank for that, you will be perfectly safe, Davao City has just been voted the safest city in the Republic of Philippines by Asia Business Magazine...the local undesirables are alway well taken care of by the Davao Death Squads...
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
Again, thanks a lot for the responses.
If I look deep inside myself, there is a mixture of feelings. But strongest of all is that I am in love with the girl. I am so happy when we are in HK that it makes me feel like a father and husband. But, in the cold light, I am just a bf. One 6000 miles away. I am in love with her really, and she is a part of my life for so long.
I am bad, I know it... because still we didn't file an annulment. When we get back home from HK - her husbands family took an illegitimate child and named my girlfriend and her husband as father and mother. They did it illegally, and I paid now for an atty. The court case was cancelled twice... and I dont think we can file annulment while we are waiting for this to be concluded.
I know it seems tough and messy, and life is short etc. But this girl, and her daughter - I cannot leave behind. I have to take them into my life... really I do. I can't turn away from them, I can't let them down.
I read a lot of things before coming to this site - like people jailed for adultery. Her husband is a jailer - what if he has contacts to use against me if I was there.
I read annulment can cost 180k in pesos... that is not a problem because I have my life savings. But I didn't want to part with it until we met in person - and that only happened 4 months ago.
Maybe this relationship is impossible... but there is something I cannot do. And that is walk away... unless she gives me a reason to walk away. I am 31, and she is 36, but sometimes she is like a child, and I really feel I have to take care of her. I am doing a lousy job at it, but I will keep trying.
I am scared now, what if the annulment is not possible. She told me that she can get annulled in a week or two - but that seems like a ripoff. I read about that too - so I told her to seek a good lawyer and attourney. But the other court case - where she is trying to remove her name from a birth certificate - it delays everything. She has to go to a court in Bansalan, the case is cancelled twice and as yet we have no new dates. Guys... I am sorry to open it all now. Everyone has their own problems.
What I know is I love her deeply. Sometimes I am paranoid or lose trust because of the distance. I created a duff account in yahoo to message her - as a guy - and she didn't reply, instead added the duff account to her ignore list. It is so complicated, but I cannot punish her for that. I am really in love with her, maybe one day my life is without her, but I cannot think that for now. There is always hope right? I mean this is not a hopeless case. We have so many setbacks - even we meet only once in 3 years, it is not through a lack of trying. Firstly the visa application for tourism is refused, and now the case of the misuse of her name on a birth certificate.
Again thanks a lot for your advice. I won't shoot any messengers, just Government officials that refuse visasand lack of divorce laws, and people abusing her name. What I have to say is, she has a lot of tough things in her life - I would have to be a real barsteward to let her face it alone.
Looks like you need to plan a trip to Phill then, if meeting her in Davo is not a good idea why not meet in another location in phill? Sounds like you both need a holiday and time to relax before the long process starts if after meeting again your both ready to go ahead with it.
I think Davao is the place to go. I will go there early 2008, it is the only way.
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