I sometimes wonder if my girlfriend is losing interest in me. She works in an internet cafe, so I wake early before work to talk to her. Everyday we try to talk this way, but sometimes she is interrupted with her work. Really I understand that, but sometimes I get to feel paranoid - what if someone else.

On Sundays, she would go to an internet cafe to talk with me. Maybe 2 hours every Sunday - but the last 4 Sundays - she didn't come. She told me she can't afford it, even though I sent money to her. So instead I call her. I don't really send her much money, maybe 5k a month. I am guilty I don't send more, but she doesn't make me feel guilty. I just feel guilty in myself.

She sent me some pics of her birthday cards recently. And in there was an envelope Air Mail. She told me it is from her daughter, and she has no idea where her daughter got the envelope. Today, I asked her about the envelope - just dropped it into our conversation - and she said it was from her pamangkin. When challenged, she said it was a mistake when she said it was from her daughter.

I didn't react, even I felt confused about it. But instead I just stayed quiet, and left to go to work. She offered to show me the envelope tomorrow, but I said it is not necessary. But I am sitting here thinking now. And thinking about how she seldom comes to see me on Sundays, how she is always saying she is broke even I send her the equivalent of her wage (Yes I should send more, but I am saving for annulment, visa and buying a place for us one day). I love her a lot, but I am starting to feel that - if she didn't work where she can easily access the net, then it would become a big chore to see me.

She asked me to send money for her to have a connection at home - but I refused because when we meet she has lots of chatfriends, including one guy that I really hate to this day. He is the sort of guy that just adds Asian women to his friends list. Besides, I am trying on many fronts to make the way easy for her to come here.

Anyway, I just let it off my chest haha,,, I am not yet - just