Losing interest?

[ginapeterb]

Ady mate listen...I am reading your final reply, and I am sitting here thinking to myself...


hmmmmmm Pete me old mate..how many times have you heard this one !

listen to yourself here:

So, my next plan is this. I want to help her file for annulment - and I want to do it soon. When that is done - I mean in process - I will go to Davao. I can't go there until 2008 because I don't have any leave left from my work.

The reason this relationship is going nowhere, is that your girl is married under Philippine law !

You have known her for 3 years ? so what has been going on ? if you were mad about this woman...she is 36, time is not with you...you should have got the anulment petition presented...how long do you think an anulment takes ? if you have the money, not long, sometimes between 12 months and 18 months.

What stage is the anulment at ? has your girl had the psychological examination as yet ? has it been listed for the regional trial court ?

Please dont tell me, its been 3 years and your girl has not filed as yet ? because if not, you are going to have to wait an awful long time to resolve this, and their is no guarantee the grounds put forward to the trial judge will result in an anulment being granted.

Personally unless you get the right anulment attorney and pay enough palms to be greased I wouldnt bother about your leave in 2008, because on that basis, you wont be there until 2009.

The fact is...you should have gone to Davao to meet this lady, Kimmi is right in her post...listen to what she says and think about it from the perspective of Filipino loss of face.

here in the Philippines, if people knows that u are having a relationship with a foreigner this was known to all. Other people might tend to always look at ur girl thinking whats next or why is she still not married with her foreign bf..

When a Filipina is known to be in a relationship with a foreigner, all eyes will be on her, there will be lots of chikka in the barrios about this matter, if nothing is going on, or there is no progress, she will loose face...

In 3 years, you only met her once in Hong Kong, like the others I cannot understand for the life of me, why you didnt go to Davao and spend time with her, I have to be honest Ady, I rather fancy, this woman will not be come your wife...I know.I am being amazingly presumptious...

But dont shoot the messenger, just accept the message...

Its hard enough to conduct a long distance relationship over 6000 miles away, without having a monkey on your shoulder to make your progress agonizing, the monkey symbolizes your girls being married.

The one thing you dont tell us, is does she have kids ? at 36 I would not be suprised that she has one or two..and if thats the case...you have got 3 monkeys on your shoulder.

Point taken mate !!

Petes advice on this one.

Drop the monkeys on your shoulder, and move on....life is...never standing in the same part of the river...life is too short you have enough problems to deal with...this situation will drain you emotionally I doubt though whether you will take the message on board, but...best of luck...

P.S. Foreigners are always well looked after in Davao City, you have His Honour Mr Rodrigo Duterte to thank for that, you will be perfectly safe, Davao City has just been voted the safest city in the Republic of Philippines by Asia Business Magazine...the local undesirables are alway well taken care of by the Davao Death Squads...

[Ady]

Again, thanks a lot for the responses.

If I look deep inside myself, there is a mixture of feelings. But strongest of all is that I am in love with the girl. I am so happy when we are in HK that it makes me feel like a father and husband. But, in the cold light, I am just a bf. One 6000 miles away. I am in love with her really, and she is a part of my life for so long.

I am bad, I know it... because still we didn't file an annulment. When we get back home from HK - her husbands family took an illegitimate child and named my girlfriend and her husband as father and mother. They did it illegally, and I paid now for an atty. The court case was cancelled twice... and I dont think we can file annulment while we are waiting for this to be concluded.

I know it seems tough and messy, and life is short etc. But this girl, and her daughter - I cannot leave behind. I have to take them into my life... really I do. I can't turn away from them, I can't let them down.

I read a lot of things before coming to this site - like people jailed for adultery. Her husband is a jailer - what if he has contacts to use against me if I was there.

I read annulment can cost 180k in pesos... that is not a problem because I have my life savings. But I didn't want to part with it until we met in person - and that only happened 4 months ago.

Maybe this relationship is impossible... but there is something I cannot do. And that is walk away... unless she gives me a reason to walk away. I am 31, and she is 36, but sometimes she is like a child, and I really feel I have to take care of her. I am doing a lousy job at it, but I will keep trying.

I am scared now, what if the annulment is not possible. She told me that she can get annulled in a week or two - but that seems like a ripoff. I read about that too - so I told her to seek a good lawyer and attourney. But the other court case - where she is trying to remove her name from a birth certificate - it delays everything. She has to go to a court in Bansalan, the case is cancelled twice and as yet we have no new dates. Guys... I am sorry to open it all now. Everyone has their own problems.

What I know is I love her deeply. Sometimes I am paranoid or lose trust because of the distance. I created a duff account in yahoo to message her - as a guy - and she didn't reply, instead added the duff account to her ignore list. It is so complicated, but I cannot punish her for that. I am really in love with her, maybe one day my life is without her, but I cannot think that for now. There is always hope right? I mean this is not a hopeless case. We have so many setbacks - even we meet only once in 3 years, it is not through a lack of trying. Firstly the visa application for tourism is refused, and now the case of the misuse of her name on a birth certificate.

Again thanks a lot for your advice. I won't shoot any messengers, just Government officials that refuse visas and lack of divorce laws, and people abusing her name. What I have to say is, she has a lot of tough things in her life - I would have to be a real barsteward to let her face it alone.