The best thing to do. Plan it well and your have a great time.
maybe your right 99% of the time peter
, and from what i know and have seen thru the years with LDRs, you are right, time and distance does cause major problems.. but I'm sure you would have given me the same advice.. and maybe rightly so.. but there is the 1%, i've been married near 5 years, we've got 11 month old little joe now, thnigs are great btw us, since we've been togther 24/7....
but like you Ady, at the end of the day, i just couldn't walk away, i tried many times, so did she, but the goodbye was not for long, i'm not the type of person who can just forget the 1000s of hours , where we both chatted for upto 10 hours a time, and all the laughs we had, even some sad times, i wouldn't walk out on a friend, never mind g/f or fiancee and my situation looks to have been more complicated than yours..
sorry about your father, hope he gets better, in the last 3 years i've lost my step dad, my brother and my mother was close to death twice.. as for parents ruling your life, i've still got the memories of my mom pleading with me not to leave her for 2wks, as i went to bring my wife and daughter back to the uk
Ady your path looks to be long and difficult.. but If there's a roadblock, you jump over it, walk around it, crawl under it...
but like many on here have said, maybe you need to go and see her, make sure you both feel the same way.. as for having 5wks hols a year, i had and still have only 4, but i went many times for 2 wks, and some times i could only go for 1 wk !!
we made it, so can you.. good luck from me
Ady ... did u read Peter's advice?
I mean . . . did u really read it and let the advice sink in?
Please read it and reread it a few times . . . it may be hard for u to take, but i think if u take it it will ultimately be helpful for u and save you a lot of heartache now and in the future ...
just my humble opinion
Ady
also, i just want to say this ...
if u do want to continue in this relationship and you must continue on . . . then mate... make sure you talk a LOT with joebloggs here. He is not only someone who has been thru a lot of stuff who can help u with advice and stuff like that . . . he is also a really really good guy, a diamond geezer who can be a good friend for u . . .
i know coz he's helped me!
so that's another recommendation for u ady
oh and it's a "big-up" for Joe
tom
hi Ady,
i know how u feel when u talked about ur parents, since most of us I know cant decide properly when our parents are involved in the situation..
But I guess u'd better make a decision before everything falls down..
Like Peter have said Davao is really the safest and nicest place here in the Philippines, i should know because my mom is from Davao and we do have lots of relatives living there so u'd better start explaining it to ur parents, tell them that there's really nothing to worry. Btw, may I ask are u an only child? I mean are u the only one in charge with ur parents? Any brothers or sister which can help u about parents welfare?
So if everything is sorted about ur parents already then u can start making decisions about ur relationship with ur gf..Honestly ur gf's marital situation is really complicated.. U are saying that she is already separated with her husband but I wonder if they do still have communication?are they separated in a nice way or hate each other?because, why do his family makes her life miserable by putting her name as a mother of another child?About her annulment, like Peter have said, its really a long process unless u are willing to grease out the palms of greedy people here who are always taking advantage of other people who's in need..
If u really want this relationship to be successful, u'd better start doing something now though planning is good but everything will put into waste if u do not put it in action..Make a time table and take things one step at a time..
I know u might think it is easy for us to say things because we are not on ur situation but believe me, we can clearly think of solutions about ur problem because we are not in ur situation..
Just have faith in God, trust in Him and believe that everything happened for a reason..we may not fully understand it right now but I am sure in God's time everything will fall into its proper places..God blesses a good son..
I am with u in prayers..Good luck Ady and God bless..
Life is always full of challenges and it is better to admit as much and decide to be happy in spite of all. Looking back, my situation is just as complicated as yours. But like experts had said, difficulties are errands and when you are sent for them it is God's way of saying he trusts you and believes that no one else can do it other than yourself. Good luck Ady!
I love what you wrote Kim!
The bravest thing that men do is love women--Mort Sahl
Ady my wife thinks I am being too hard on you mate !
She says 'dont take away Ady's hopes and aspirations away"
She knows me better, Pete always tells it as it is, and if you need a cuddle from a freind who wont tell you how it is...get a dog !
The fact is...youve left this matter for far too long, and then wonder why your in the situation your in.
People on this forum genuinely hope and pray, everything goes well for you, so do I mate, the reality is thought...we would be deceiving you if we did not advise you that you have many mountains to climb, of course as some of the others have said, its not impossible, but then rarely is anything impossible.
I am saying...based on your story, its highly unlikely that this girl in Phils will end up being your wife..and living in UK with you, assuming of course that all of this 3 year 'relationship' shall we call it...is going in the direction of the two of you living in UK as man and wife.
What if its not the premise of your quest ? then really all our advice would be of no use to you.
Because in all your posts, you never once stated what I expected you to state...you tell us you love this girl..but suprsingly, your endgame is not mentioned at all !
Other than telling us, you want to help with her anulment and then go and see her when your leave next comes up...
To be honest Ady..I have this impression of you, that your not that serious about this lady..and I will tell you why I am led to form this impression of you.
Firstly, to have a Filipino wife at your side is considered a privilidge, many of the guys on this forum will tell you, that their wife is the best.. !!
The best yes...unique, not like any other, or their Girlfriend/Fiancee is, they would eat limma beans and walk around in shoes with holes in, as long as their girl has the very best.
They wouldnt care how they looked as long as she looked like a princess, they would climb mountains, swim oceans, jump through rings of fire, and sell everything they have just to spend one week with her in Philippines.
They would make almost amazing sacrifices to get out there !
That is the Philippines, I knew a guy who used to work for 9 weeks, never spent a penny on himself, saved up enough for a flight, and some spends, he used to go to internet every day, he asked his girl every day
"Are you eating ok honey, do you need clothes, is your hair ok, go and do your nails, look good and wait for me...not much longer, I will come...to you as soon as I can"
He didnt leave it long, 9 weeks later, he was back in Philippines, even if it was only for 2 weeks, or 3 weeks, he came back, started working again, within 9 weeks he was back again, and in all this time, he was organizing a divorce in UK, with all the stresses and all the paperwork, solicitors and court dates, he never lost sight of his endgame.
His goals were pretty clear for all to see, to make this lady his wife, was all he could dream about, she simply was the best woman in the world he had ever met, she was unique, it didnt matter that she had faults...hahaha, he never saw them..and if he did...they were covered over by his total admiration and love for her.
Over a period of 2 years, he had visited her 8 times, spent nearly 26 weeks during that period in the Philippines, they simply could not bare to be parted...
Finally they got married, and life could not be better, he was so proud of his Filipino wife, he put her on a pedestal, her needs were always more important than his, he got his pleasure out of seeing his Filipino wife happy, his personal feelings never came into it...
He was smart..he knew that a happy and contented Filipino wife was his best asset, you see Ady..he could not rest until he fulfilled the end game, and finally after 2 and half years of going back and forth, and thousands of pounds of his hard earned money and after selling all his possessions and his car...the wife finally landed at Londons Heathrow airport.
You should have seen this guy, man he was pole vaulting down the arrivals hall, smiling and beaming from ear to ear....
And then...the real life began...
This story is not unique, in fact, its pretty typical of freinds of mine who move mountains, shift large boulders in the way, they allow nothing to hold them back from achieving their end game, these men are on a crusade...they are on quest...
Could you be one of these guys Ady ? if this girl you tell us about who is married and after 3 years is still in Philippines....youve got the power to change that situation..
But what you have to think now...is this:
Is she really worth it ?
The wonderful thing is....only you can make that decision, I know mine is...Im sure the guys will all tell you that their girl is just like the girl in our story...
If she is worth it...then I wish you ever happiness in your crusade..but I suspect..that in your mind..she just isnt worth it enough to you.
Your actions in the last 3 years, just tell me everything ...and yet tell me nothing.
A man on holiday in the Pacific was out diving, he swam to the bottom of the sea, whilst swimming he saw a few yards away something glinting at the bottom, that was unique and like no other stone, on closer inspection, he found the most amazing precious pearl...the pearl shone bright and was of high value...the man released the pearl from its hiding place...he took it close to his heart, never letting it go...he cherished it...and hid it in the safest place he could find, after his holiday was complete, he took it back to Uk, the minute he placed his eyes upon the pearl, he could not take his eyes from it, its beauty, radiance and splendour, he could not forget, he placed it in his house, everyday he went to work, he could not wait until he came home to see his beautiful pearl...he cherished it..
A pearl is a wonderful thing to find in the bottom of the sea, it has value, and is beautiful to gaze at...a Filipino wife who loves you is 100,000 times more valuable and can actually have an intelligent conversation...
So ....decide if she is...and get some dosh together....and
GET OUT THERE !!!!!
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
As usual Peter, has dispensed some straight invaluable advice. (Wonder why it took him so long to return to the site sometime, but that is his business)
More or less on the same lines as I would have done myself.
So I feel that there is nothing else to add but to repeat, in my view, the most important point of them all, get yourself overthere and meet the girl on her own turf.
This is the only way to help unscramble the various difficulties and hurdles in your path.
And to start a game plan.
Targets + Planning = Result
Good luck
The kid is easy to resolve with a DNA test.
Davao is not a great place, can be a bit like Belfast in the 80's, but the chances of being blown in N Ireland, or kidnapped were very slim.
As for the visit visa, only around 5% succeed. Search the forum.
I knew my wife for 2 years before she came here, and visited her in Singapore about 5/6 times.
It would probably be cheaper for you to buy a cheap PC/Laptop for her, put her on broadband, and use Skype, or something.
Keith - Administrator
One last thing, it would help all enormously if your girl came on here.
Keith - Administrator
[QUOTE=Win2Win;38372]
Davao is not a great place, can be a bit like Belfast in the 80's, but the chances of being blown in N Ireland, or kidnapped were very slim.
[QUOTE]
yeh, if you were known here
(yeh i was brought up in a tough part of belfast and still live here, but ... i was sheltered thru the 80's, so i don't have a huge amount to go on hehe...)
i just thought i'd say
not that my comment has any connection with davao, so i'll just shut up now
Wow, Peter is so right!
In my case, since Ruby and I met online, we have not spent more than 6 weeks apart at any one time - and even that has been too long. All that time I have known exactly what I want .. to be married and to spend the rest of my life with Ruby, in the Philippines.
... and I'm so proud of her .. while she is in the UK I've wanted to introduce her to all my friends and acquaintances - only her shyness has stopped me from rushing this.
In our case, it is my divorce which has delayed a wedding, and now that the divorce is complete, Ruby wishes to wait until after our first baby arrives in February. However, we did discuss engagement and concluded that delays in the legal process of becoming free to marry should be no bar to us displaying our committment - so it was that I bought her a ring and we became 'officially engaged' on my second visit.
If your girl really did block your false contact on yahoo, without suspecting your trick, then that is a good sign. Be aware that any 'decent' filipina will take all possible steps to protect her reputation, just in case things don't work out, so what she may not tell other people about her true feelings, or the true nature of her relationship with you.
Please don't use reports of terrorism in Davao to keep you away .. it really is a safe place, despite the recommendations of our FO. I honestly have not felt any threat that I couldn't experience in the streets of London. In any case, your girl will not allow you to go anywhere on your own .. if she can't be with you, she will find a trusted friend or relative to accompany you.
I'm still not clear whether your girl actually lives in Davao city itself. In my case, I've spent most of my time in Tagum, which is an hour or two's drive from Davao city.
My advice is to keep up the regular contact, and move heaven and earth to get to Davao as soon as possible. Christmas is a special time for filipinos - I know that flights will be expensive, but can you not arrange extra time off across the holiday season? Also, discuss your fears and suspicions openly - if the relationship is good, and blessed by God, this will strengthen it. Even in the 6 months since we first met online, Ruby and I have had 'difficult' patches, but we quickly learned that honesty and openness is the best policy. Above all, we know that God has been with us all along .. that our relationship is His will - our destiny .. we can see how His plan was working even before we met online.
I wish you well!
no !Originally Posted by ginapeterb
a dog is like a fiancee or wife, not just for xmas but for life, i'm sure many on here have not known their wife or g/f for 3 yrs, 3yrs is a committment, and so the bond he has with her is not so easy to break, and when the hard times come in your relationship, do you just walk away?
but peter most of what you say is true..
oh little joe is here pulling at me mains cables..
time to go...
so Ady ud better start packing all ur clothes now and have a safe trip in Davao..
Hello Addy, Three years is a long time and yet you didn’t know where your relationship is going. I just want to share my thoughts and experience on this.
I think you must have to talk and open this up to her. On my case that I am only separated from my husband (now annulled) before I meet my fiancé. Lots of questions comes to my mind. So, on my point of view she might have the same feeling as I had before. Lots of “what if’s in my mind”. Like where would our relationship ends? (specially yours that its been 3 years already). How serious is he to me considering my situation? Will he be able to accept my son? What if he cant wait till I will be free? What if my annulment will not be granted? What if I will be madly in love with him and he don’t love me really? (Like ur gf I had a very tough life too with my ex so for me I really need to be very careful). A feeling of insecurities arise as you have been aware that lots of young women are wanting to be with westerners since the internet has been popularized.
I must admit that before I meet him personally 4 years ago, though we talk very seriously via emails daily and he calls me at least 3 times a day but still I was not so convince if he really want me that much. Still I could not build the trust because of my situation. Not until we meet 6 months after communicating and that he wanted me to be committed to him as he said he loves me and want me and would hurt him very much if the time I will just meet him one day and leave him for the rest of the 3 weeks just flying here in the Philippines to meet me. But after our meeting and he has answered all my questions on my mind day by day that makes us draws closer and fell in love with each.
Some questions are: Are you willing to wait till she is free, provided that she still has another case this time to sort out? Though you mention that she said she can get annulled a week or 2. I haven’t heard that but that is in Davao. In Cebu I heard there was 2 months being handled by my lawyer as what his messenger told me the other day. But for sure with that kind of annulment she has to take risk if technicalities arise as for sure there is “magic” on the proceedings. A normal annulment that is really following the proper court order would really takes nearly a year and even years. (Mine is more than 2 years).
I think she needed your support too and give her assurance with your relationship that you will be together soon either in the UK or in the Philippines. If you really love her that much. Not only words but let her feel it by your presence by visiting her as what others says here. Filipinos value more the family and it will be a points too in order to make a good foundation in your relationship and not just by meeting her to other country. Also if a woman is introducing you to her family you will feel more secure as you can tell that it is true. ( It is not that I am saying that it is your gf but just based on the experience of a friend from Birmingham who happened communicate a girl from Iligan but the woman wants to meet him in Cebu, she just took her money and said good bye, then he found out that she is married with kids. It hurts him very much but anyway he is happy now with another woman.)
It seems I can sense that both of you are having uncertainties in your mind by then. But this have to be taken seriously if you really love each other. Open communication is very much needed. As for sure you cannot read her mind nor she does to you.
But still you have to open your senses still as to other possibilities of her change and the red flags that other says. You have to evaluate other aspects too. And if your senses tells you that she is being dishonest to you then I think it is better to move on though it will hurt at first but in the long process wounds will heal.
Hello Ady, Im from Davao and my bf is coming in January to meet me....If there is anything I can help, we can help, please don't hesitate to ask. I can make friends with your gf if you want. I live in the city proper by the way.
Goodluck to both of you and my best wishes.
Guys, thanks a lot for all the advice to date. I apologise for not replying, my father is currently in hospital awaiting an operation. This is a stressful few days ahead, so hope to come back soon.
Thanks again.
Les_lady, my gf is in Catalunan, and works in Buhangin. Maybe I will ask you some advice later if it is ok. But for now, I have to say bye.
I hope the Operation goes smoothly, we all understand if you have family matters like these to attend to.
hi Ady,
I hope and pray that ur father have a successful operation.. Just always have faith and believe in GOD..
Goodluck and GOD Bless..
.Les_lady, my gf is in Catalunan, and works in Buhangin. Maybe I will ask you some advice later if it is ok. But for now, I have to say bye
Ady, I know the places youve mentioned. And I have a house near Catalunan. I'll sure be glad to be of help. And I wish and pray for your father's immediate recovery. God bless you.
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