BC News: Bad drivers to face £100 fines
Seems a bit sexist to me.
BC News: Bad drivers to face £100 fines
Seems a bit sexist to me.
A farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from his stream & shouts: "Ey up Cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer, its full o hoss piss an cow ....., an it could kill thee".
The bloke says: "Sir, I am a muslim from Pakistan , can you be speaking clearer, and slower please"
The farmer replies: "If.... You.... Use.... Two.... Hands.... You....Won't... Spill....any"
Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night.
Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement…!
That's when I thought “ wait a F@@ing minute!…”
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved
forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back and
forth...back and forth...in and out....in and out
She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts and
trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end.
Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned,softly
at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out
an almighty scream and shouted..........
"OK, OK! I CAN'T park the car!
You do it, you SMUG .......!"
My daughter had some friends over for a sleepover at the weekend.
I heard one of the girls say to her your dads a dirty old man and a disgusting pervert.
Well!!...
I nearly fell out of the wardrobe.
Just picked up my takeaway from the the local Indian.
When I collected it, he poured the curry straight into a carrier bag, tied a knot in it and said ,"There you go"
"What's that" I said
"Did you not know" he replied, "We can't put Indians in containers anymore"
All tickled me loads
Laughter always the best medicine
I went to see the film Interstellar last night.
It's nothing to do with a man that likes lager!
I've managed to build a car without a reverse gear or a steering wheel.
It's pretty straight forward really.
Isis are using insect suicide bombers now, Jihadi longlegs
Paddy buys a bath but takes it back the next day complaining that the water keeps running out.
The manager asks, "did you buy a plug?"
Paddy says, "you swine! You never said it was electric!"
"I'm having a few drinks to remember my mate who died yesterday," I told the barman. "He wanted to reduce his carbon footprint, so he decided he was going to cycle to work."
"What happened?" He asked. "Did he get knocked off his bike?"
"No. He drowned." I explained. "He worked on an offshore oil rig."
My wife started crying about her weight while we were eating our lunch today.
I said, "Chin up, love."
She said, "Aw, thanks babe. I'm glad I have you to support me."
I replied, "No, I mean pull your chin up. It's in your soup."
My mate has just started works at a dentist's. He says that everything is new and strange but he reckons in a few days he'll know what the drill is.
Finally got my knee fixed as you can see in the x-ray
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."
My doctor is a very attractive lady doctor. She checked my testicles the other month which was so pleasant I thought I'd ask her to check them again for me, but she just told me pull my trousers up and said I shouldn't bother her while she's shopping in Sainsburys.
An American in Philippines picked up a hooker and took her back to his Hotel and very soon they got busy, the girl told American that he was very large and asked why do you have a tattoo with the word 'Little'? and the American replied, wait till I get an erection it says 'Little Rock Arkansas United States of America'!
Hahaha...some gudduns there.
This made me laugh....
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