I am not really familiar here yet aside from posting stuff and asking questions but somehow I realised it will be better if I would start (well I already started with my Introduction of my self thread) a way where I can interact with you more.

I know that this is a bit personal but I will just let you know some of the things that make me really pre-occupied this day. I think there are some people here who can relate with this entry but I have no intention of making you feel sad and hopeless, let's just be real.

As on my previous post, my boyfriend and I looked like we have an almost perfect relationship, yes we do but as I also mentioned, we have ups and downs, unfortunately today, I had the most unexpected day of my life.

It started with the MTO test and my fiance has only limited savings for us, for my future fiancee visa, apparently his car did not pass the MTO test and he has to buy a new car which we all know it costs a lot and he told me that he doubts us against this visa.

My world became blank and called him, I am broken. Cried out loud and beg him to be strong and we can make it, we only have a month and we're getting there. He then told me everything (don't want to put into details), made me hurt more. We both love each other but there are things which are not under our control, it's unfair. The most painful thing I have heard today is, he is trying to detach himself to me so he would not be hurt that much once our fiancee visa got refused, fair play but it hurts. I am trying to be strong for us, but how will I stand if I know that he already lost his hope? So again, even if I was breaking down, I still stood up and become like a bible again by giving him power words, it wasn't that successful

Generally, it is quite unfair that someone has to decide about our relationship. I am really amazed how visas can change every one's life especially couples who are genuinely in love. I know that there is always a way if you really want to but what if there's no way left anymore? Some will say it is impossible, but believe me, it's true, one's options can be not enough for every thing and it hurts, it really does.

Money can't buy happiness, yes it can. Our partners are our happiness, and we cannot be together for good without the use of money. Yes, it is true.

Love has no boundaries, yet it has. It's the immigration.

Tonight, I am trying to put myself into track again and go back studying about visa stuff without interest at all. I lost my energy looking at my computer screen and crying for hours. I wanted to give up because I am already making his life miserable and he's getting disorganised but we both want this I know, he might just be totally overpowered by negative vibes because of what we have been through for a year and our visa rejection last week. We both want each other, we love each other but one is almost giving up, that is more painful than visa rejection.