I find the thread a bit hypocritical to be honest.
I find the thread a bit hypocritical to be honest.
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
Why is that??Originally Posted by Steve.r
It's giving some balance..It's not all moonlight and roses..to be honest
I admit, it's possibly a tad unpalatable for some who don't really want to read this, especially on a site advocating Phil/Brit relationships...But I do think it's wise to make people aware of the possible pitfalls.
This is just a single thread out of many thousands on here..It's not misery being spread all over the forum.
I have been reading this thread with great interest.
I met so many scammers online on dating sites before I met Sheina.
They were so obvious. They would all do exactly the same thing. It would start great and then you would get the sob story why they needed money.
I used to think to myself that they must have tried it many times to become so apathetic in their approach.
It did make me very cautious but its always a wake up call to know that some people get caught a long time down the road. I am truly sorry to those who this happens to.
Cheers Cheekee for your honesty.
I've sent you a rep
part of my story:
my 2nd wife (24 years together ) died in late 2007. i was in a very bad way. too soon i met--and a year later--married wife #3. this was --unfortunately--a bad mistake and we separated after a year --although she still lived in my house for the next 2 years.
in that time-- i joined internet dating sites--met dozens of--local--women. some are still friends.
i certainly wasnt deliberately looking to date an asian lady--but--fate stepped in--and i met my partner in oct 2011---through plenty of fish. what a total difference to anyone else ive met.
at that time---i hadnt a clue about all the UKBA rules and regs--she was here on a student visa that expired in aug 2012--and back she went.
i also had no idea about the divorce rules in the filis--so that has presented added aggro. in another thread--someone suggested i should have found someone who wasnt already married---fair comment--but hindsight is a precise science.
only time will tell now--shes been here for 6 months on a visit visa--went back a month ago.
she has started annulment proceedings--hopefully if things go our way--she could be back with me later this year---3 years from when it all started.
when i first joined this forum--and wrote a few posts--someone here said our plans were a marriage of convenience--she wants to settle here--and marrying a Brit was really the only option---so i was the lucky contestant.
but--so what--arent all marriages "of convenience" in one way or another?
our relationship has grown in spite of a 1 year separation--and now another month and counting.
although i miss her like mad--and hate living alone--our relationship is withstanding the test of time-----just a damn pity i hadnt met her when she first came to the UK--still under the old rules.
but--thats life.
Its kinda funny reading this thread... Different views and opinion, depending on one's experiences. What can i say? Just be very cautious guys!!! Well, not only the Brits guys but Pinays as well. Not all Pinays ended up in good hands, some were treated like a caregiver or a servant :(. But, that's the choices we've made. There's no one to blame but our own self.
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
― William Shakespeare
That's exactly it Rani. ..different experiences different opinions. ..would be interesting to know those points of views 10 years from now. Remember marriage is a state of flux.
''Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences?''
Maybe because the women can't be bothered to broadcast it on such media or maybe because they are so embarrassed that they thought marrying an ugly old bloke would be a good idea and that havin' a little cash would compensate for their liberty and family which they were willing to sacrifice to have a presumed better life ?
''Don't be serious..Be Sincere''
That's an interesting point of view Mari. I must say that made me laugh. ..surely you can't be serious? I wonder if that's the general consensus amongst the rest of the Filipinas reading this ?
At the moment I am a very happy and grateful 'ugly old bloke'.
Must be our sense of humour, boys. Rayna's findings must be true. .90% of Filipinas actually do prefer it over good looksAt the moment I am a very happy and grateful 'ugly old bloke'.
i'm not really ugly--its my disguise
That made me laugh!
That's one of many bonuses when you advance in age. ..you don't take yourself too seriously
That's one of many bonuses when you advance in age. ..you don't take yourself too seriously... that's true - when you're a "good~looking"perfectionist
........................................................remark shows I've at least got a sense of humour ... and don't take myself too seriously.
Are you still laughing?
i hope people understand what could happen , but also dont tar everyone with that same brush too, and always remember that there is always two sides to every story, just a thought
Love reading this thread
Can we have some thoughts from our pinoy members here would love to hear your side
By the way gwaps ur looking in fine form...
The thing is Arthur, we don't. Thanks Mark :-)
i'm only ugly on the outside
Hey. ..at least you're not afraid to post your pics Bigmac
Find this thread interesting and it is time to share my point of view as a filipina.
As expected, this article left me speechless not because of what its all about but how the author wrote this very negative and rude article about filipinas. This is an example of article that we would have to ask ourselves if this is real, why? Because the author did not even mention even ONE advantage of marrying a filipina, well because its obvious that he wants to bash and say really negative things about us, made me think if this author is really credible... just to be honest. I guess if this is in a news paper, I will just accept the fact that this is an editorial page. So let's start:
I am aware that there are scams out there, well A LOT. But who would know? We don't know them and we don't know their stories. But let me ask you this, How would you know that you are being scammed? Is it because the filipina online was asking for money because her mother is in the hospital? Well, dude, every choice is in your hands, in just some types away, you can tell her NO. That's it.
How would you know if you are being scammed by your wife? If your wife is sending money to her family? And just relying from your savings and income? At the very first place, why would you marry someone who will be forever jobless and will just be your dependent forever? Or maybe, you are already aware that your wife will not be capable of working and she chose to be a housewife to take care of your kids and look after your house? Well I will just assume that you have talked about those before you get married. When it comes to sending money to her family in the province, what's wrong with that? That's her family, and you must be aware how filipino families are close to each other, one must learn more about filipino family cultures then.
You know, that study is pointless, I don't really understand why that has to be written. Relationships, Marriages, Visas, we cannot have those in just one day, we can only have those after very long processes that will take months and years which is very in favour for all of the couples to think about what kind of life they will have when they got married, the limitations, the responsibilities, obligations and every thing. Lots of days were given to us to think and talk about everything, if you fail and moaning about what you are experiencing regarding finances and how your partner manages it, it means you have failed to talk about it.
There are lots of narrow minded people who will just rely and listen to horror stories and unfortunately they would not really give filipinas a chance to know more about them, but I cannot blame anyone, they're just being careful.
This stigma is really unfair to those who are genuinely in a relationship.
My fiance has been hearing lots of horror stories about filipina scamming stuff, and it was really a difficult time for me to prove that my intention is real and as expected it took time before I earned his family's, friends', colleagues' and his trust. I had been stereotyped for how many times and made me really hurt, one said I was a lady boy and was just after his passport. I stood out and told him, that he had already told me that he is not wealthy so what else does he think I am after? I have a good life here and wouldn't trade it for any thing but I have to just to be with him and I don't want to be selfish, as much as I want him to settle here, he cannot because of his kid, But I am now thankful that we already graduated from that scam stuff arguments.
We have culture too Jen. There's nothing wrong in sending money back home as so long as it's not detrimental to your immediate family.
A lot of us guys have been married before to British.
Things like money are treated much differently. The average UK wage is apparently 23k per year. Still not much to provide a good standard of living so what normally happens is that the wages of both husband and wife are pooled. ..thus enabling to buy nice cars houses and holidays, generally enabling one's self up the social ladder.
I know from a previous life being with my first wife of 27 years, if she wasn't prepared to get stuck in as well we'd probably still be in the 2 up 2 down council house, taking a one and only annual holiday in a caravan in Bournemouth. We'd probably still be married as well
Luckily she was a worker for the team, her immediate family. We did very well. It takes 2 to tango. ..in this case it takes 2 to make a comfortable life in the UK if you're on low incomes
This was not my problem wd my filipina wife as my current earnings are over double the UK average, it was something quite different.
I'm just pointing out we have a culture too. Adaption is required from both sides.
Folks rant on here about the Muslims and our new brothers, the Eastern Europeans conforming to our way of life. ..what's the difference.
We have culture too Jen. There's nothing wrong in sending money back home as so long as it's not detrimental to your immediate family.
A lot of us guys have been married before to British.
Things like money are treated much differently. The average UK wage is apparently 23k per year. Still not much to provide a good standard of living so what normally happens is that the wages of both husband and wife are pooled. ..thus enabling to buy nice cars houses and holidays, generally enabling one's self up the social ladder.
I know from a previous life being with my first wife of 27 years, if she wasn't prepared to get stuck in as well we'd probably still be in the 2 up 2 down council house, taking a one and only annual holiday in a caravan in Bournemouth. We'd probably still be married as well
Luckily she was a worker for the team, her immediate family. We did very well. It takes 2 to tango. ..in this case it takes 2 to make a comfortable life in the UK if you're on low incomes
This was not my problem wd my filipina wife as my current earnings are over double the UK average, it was something quite different.
I'm just pointing out we have a culture too. Adaption is required from both sides.
Folks rant on here about the Muslims and our new brothers, the Eastern Europeans conforming to our way of life. ..what's the difference.
Oh well of course yeah, you have culture as well but it doesn't mean that you can take her away from her family once you get married, remember I am not saying that she doesn't want to move in to UK but if you will look at the bigger picture, you are almost taking away half of her life and she is up to sacrifice it for you (of course she also wants to have a better life and opportunity) it is not you guys who always do sacrificing (unless, you're spoiling your lazy woman so much),
. If you are thinking about the financial, I guess it is already given that you have to do it for her because even if she works 24/7 she can never earn the same amount of income that you are earning, you are 70 times richer than your woman, to make it worse,what if your woman here only earns lower than the minimum wage? and she still has to help her family? It won't be really enough for her, you guys have the wider abilities to do such stuff, and bottom line, if visa doesn't exist there will be no such a study like that. I know you can get what I am pointing out, I am thinking that you are just basing the judgement to your woman because of her financial capability. If you gonna moan about it and use it as attack against filipinas, then the fault is really with you at the very first place. In my case, as much as I want to help my fiance to sort finances, I cannot (but just in small stuff, yeah). And to make it always better, if you are a member of an online dating site, you should have put on your profile that you are not up to give perfumes and lotions to your woman's whole clan. That article is clearly an attack against us, author did not even consider the effect of every thing to us (relationship with a foreigner, visas, adjusting in UK etc.) I would say, those things really affect us, physically, emotionally, psychologically and even financially.
And still about the article, that is a very selfish and self-centered write-up from a person who cannot accept his faults, probably a man who fell in love and got fooled by a filipina.
It's not about percentages Jen. ..like I said. .pooling the money together. I remember my first wife saving her money for the annual holiday to Cyprus. ..or helping out when the car went unexpectedly wrong.
It's not a competition to see who earns the most, you are playing for the same team, same cause.
The fact is, Jen you look after your husband first before folks in the Philippines. You will sacrifice by coming over here. .don't you think your husband would of made substantial sacrifices too all for you and your future children? Works both ways. You can't give what you ain't got.
So what if the author has an axe to grind. .I'm afraid there is truth in what he says. .The claimed magnitude is, I grant you, debatable. There's not data!
Apologies. .I'm still at work.
BTW. ..'author can't accept his faults' have seen something I haven't? ?
My first wife was a simple, hard working cleaner who could save
Why on earth would I want to give perfumes and whatnot to the woman's whole clanOr have I missed something? Perhaps it's expected, along with lifetime financial support
Strange how the rest of the world finds that concept deeply offensive
Probably the author (Australian litigation Lawyer who spent 6 years sorting out Filipino Visa applications. Scroll down from the story in the link..some interesting reading) did get rolled over after all. You answered your own question, Jen
Well said ,
I too found this to be a sad write up from some person or persons who maybe have been hurt or not, but like i have said before do not tar everyone with the same brush, and if you do why then still look for the person you think will abuse your savings and your life , but then again it takes all sorts to make the world go round
No one's tarring anyone with the same brush Steve. The author isn't, neither am I.
All what is being pointed out is what can and does happen. There's no data on this but one would hope, happens very rarely.
The filipino dating sites don't give a favourable indication. There's a lot of chaff the work through to get to a diamond.
If I thought they were all the same I'm sure I wouldn't be stupid enough to go looking for some more of the same action.
Good response Jen
Good post Jen.
@jentobeharrison.
what a well crafted response--a pleasure to read. well worth a rep.
+1 from me.
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