Other People's Reactions

[IanB]

This is not something that normally bothers me - after all I have been married twice to Thai women and have had 99% support from people who know me. The 1% never caused any problems.

But now that I have let a few friends know that I have a filipino girlfriend the result has been 100% negative. Superficially the reason is that people have seen me hurt twice and don't want to see me hurt again. But behind that is an assumption that "she" must simply be after my passport and that I am simply being a fool to fall for it again. One person actually said that.

The fact is that neither of my previous partners married me simply to get a passport, and the reasons my marriages fell apart were pretty normal for any couple. I really cannot be bothered to explain this to my friends or family, or tell them of the dozens of happy Thai / English and Filipino / English marriages I know.

How can I explain what Mae is like? How careful she is? What her hopes and dreams are? What she sees in me or what I see in her? How happy we make each other or how well we know each other?

Right now it feels like a bit of a lonely road. An hour a night on the phone / internet to Mae helps a lot. Boy can she talk! I just love listening to her. Last night it was about visiting family graves on November 1st. The night before it was about her laundry! She seems so incredibly keen to talk and you can hear how much she enjoys it! I think she has been quite lonely for a while - she does not really like going out with her friends and co-workers.

Bit of a ramble, sorry, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Ian

[andypaul]

I think the country of the phillipines has had a bit of a bad press. The country should be a major tourist destation from the UK. It is a English speaking, christain country with a fairly western style way of living compared to many of its neighbours in the south east asia region.

While in Boracay i did see white couples and families who had come out there along with Korean and japanese families. But not many, while thousands go to thailand and are not concerned.

I think opnions are changing two mates independently of me one has a thai wife and the other a fillpino girlfriend who went to meet recently.
In our group of friends none of our mates blinked an eyelid as others have had polish, french and girlfriends from all over come to think of it.
I think a lot of the negative press comes from Western women who come out with the passport comments etc. Male friends will sometimes advise you to be wary etc but once they see your happy are happy for you. They are more concerned if the relationship affects you watching football or going down the pub.

[tommyw]

I had 1 female make the same comment re the passport, but she's an unhappy idiot!
My Father was also very cautious, but that's his nature.
Everyone else has been 100% supportive, especially after meeting Lyn.
I can't comment on Thai / English and Filipino / English marriages as I am
100% Celt which is a different race, but I know what you mean.
All the Scottish/Asian marriages I know of here are very loving,
successful relationships.
I have always said that it's not too important what others think as our
love and respect for each other is so strong, but it's a great bonus that my friends and family have accepted Lyn totally, she's so happy about that and it gives her family peace of mind too.
Best wishes, Tommy and Lyn.

[KeithD]

You just ignore them, get rid of them, or punch 'em for being dim. However, most are probably just trying to protect you, and you just go with the flow your end.

Worry not what others think, but only about your happiness.

[vbkelly]

This is not something that normally bothers me - after all I have been married twice to Thai women and have had 99% support from people who know me. The 1% never caused any problems.

But now that I have let a few friends know that I have a filipino girlfriend the result has been 100% negative. Superficially the reason is that people have seen me hurt twice and don't want to see me hurt again. But behind that is an assumption that "she" must simply be after my passport and that I am simply being a fool to fall for it again. One person actually said that.

The fact is that neither of my previous partners married me simply to get a passport, and the reasons my marriages fell apart were pretty normal for any couple. I really cannot be bothered to explain this to my friends or family, or tell them of the dozens of happy Thai / English and Filipino / English marriages I know.

How can I explain what Mae is like? How careful she is? What her hopes and dreams are? What she sees in me or what I see in her? How happy we make each other or how well we know each other?

Right now it feels like a bit of a lonely road. An hour a night on the phone / internet to Mae helps a lot. Boy can she talk! I just love listening to her. Last night it was about visiting family graves on November 1st. The night before it was about her laundry! She seems so incredibly keen to talk and you can hear how much she enjoys it! I think she has been quite lonely for a while - she does not really like going out with her friends and co-workers.

Bit of a ramble, sorry, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Ian

listen to your heart ianb, if your happy with her go for it

[pinkbutterfly]

as the saying goes......Filipinas are worth dying for.......

[IanB]

"listen to your heart ianb, if your happy with her go for it"

I'm certainly very very happy with her, and I am determined to go for it. I think people who were giving me the benefit of the doubt for the first two marriages are beginning to doubt my sanity now!

Ian

[ervenescence]

Its a natural reaction of family and friends once you got involved with someone in a different world. I respect their opinions and I can understand them doubting if the relationship works. Simply because some of the filipino, thai or any other races are just using their foreign partners just to get out of the country or having a bad intentions. Sad but its true...and its unfair to us who genuinely love our partners.

Me myself has been on this situation...which did upset me a lot. 4 years ago I met my husband through the web...(and thanks to those who invented that,,LOL)
And of course some of his friends and familys knows about it and the his plans of marrying me. And guess wots their reaction...shock? perhaps, but everybody's reaction were the same..BE VERY CAREFUL! SHE MIGHT BE A SCAMMER! OR SHE ONLY WANTED A VISA! their reason was, because they knew someone else, and they read it somewhere..,Oh, yeah...yeah..okay.

And now im here, and it reminds me everytime I saw those judgemental people. I smile with them, chat, and laughed but I don't trust them, they are the type of person who talked behind your back...FAKE!
I really don't care what they gonna say towards me. I don't have to persuade them that my intention is pure. My husband is happy with his decision and I can prove them, that they were wrong.

And the only person that I feel comfortable the most is my husband.

[Shifty-Sidney]

There is good and bad everywhere - people are always scared of what they dont know (dont anyone dare say it........ )
It does not matter how many times we fall and get hurt as long as we pick ourselves up just once more. follow your heart mate and enjoy what you have - worry about the future when you get to it

[Bridget]

Its a natural reaction of family and friends once you got involved with someone in a different world. I respect their opinions and I can understand them doubting if the relationship works. Simply because some of the filipino, thai or any other races are just using their foreign partners just to get out of the country or having a bad intentions. Sad but its true...and its unfair to us who genuinely love our partners.

I agreed to what Ervensescene said.
If you really like her and serious about her and she is the same to you do not listen to what others may say, at the end of the day it is your life. It is your happiness that matter most and not others comments and so so...Goodluck.

[IanB]

Thank you all for your comments. It does help getting some support!

Ian

[andypaul]

Your hear plenty of Brit/european women saying even nowdays "one day i will marry my prince/richman to take me away from all this" and yet think it bad if a non european marries one of their peers

[KeithD]

It does help getting some support!
Ian

I use rope hanging from a tree.....

[ginapeterb]

Ian

It always never seems to amaze me about the wealth of diversity in choosing a soul mate from the Philippines or Thailand.

Now for the reverse, one of my best freinds has had 2 Filipino wives, and a multitude of Filipino Girlfreinds, some he had affairs with, they dropped by the wayside.

Now he is empthatically and 100 per cent besotted with suprise suprise, a Thai girl...

2 divorces from Filipina's 4 other Filipina Girlfreinds, met them while they lived in UK, and now look whats happened, he has finally gone off the circuit and is in love with a Thai girl.

They plan to marry next year.....what goes around comes around.

I never believed it would happen, but I guess if a man lives long enough he gets to see everything.

I know lots of Filipinos living in UK, I have heard countless stories, of Filipinas who live in a certain city we shall not name it today, they are quite simply the most horrendous stealers of other Filipinas husbands you will ever meet, they contrive, manouever, and place themselves in positions where they can suck the men dry of their life savings...is this common ?

No of course its not, they are no worse or no better than other english women who do exactly the same thing, I can think of one english woman right now who is not happy with 50 million quid and 3 homes, so what does this prove...

That you cannot simply stereo type certain Filipinas into a pidgeon hole that says they are looking for a passport to a better life..and will run off with someone else, the minute they achieve it.

Are they out there ? of course they are ! there will always be those ones, can you protect against them ? not really..life is all about stories and chances, you take your chances, and then you get to tell your story.

Sometimes you get lucky..other times you dont ? so Ian

Best of luck mate with Mae...go for it...you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain...if you find the girl of your dreams..at least you had what it takes to go for it, freinds and relatives mean well, sometimes their unsolicited advice is painful, because some of what they say proves to be true, but when we seek to stereotype a race of individuals based on scams and practices of a small minority, it is both devisive and unfair, there are hundreds of thousands of decent, honourable, loving and quite simply amazing Filipina's who are the most loyal and loving wifes to be.

Cautionary tales from freinds and relatives, are exactly what they are...cautionary tales, but you don't have to heed their caution, you can listen, thank them politely, and then get on and do your own thing, most people who give cautionary advice, generally do not have all the facts,

I wish you every success in your future life with Mae...

[KeithD]

Anyone met Hop-Along Heather Mills? Battling with a UK ICON is not the best idea in the world

[Gie]

This is not something that normally bothers me - after all I have been married twice to Thai women and have had 99% support from people who know me. The 1% never caused any problems.

But now that I have let a few friends know that I have a filipino girlfriend the result has been 100% negative. Superficially the reason is that people have seen me hurt twice and don't want to see me hurt again. But behind that is an assumption that "she" must simply be after my passport and that I am simply being a fool to fall for it again. One person actually said that.

The fact is that neither of my previous partners married me simply to get a passport, and the reasons my marriages fell apart were pretty normal for any couple. I really cannot be bothered to explain this to my friends or family, or tell them of the dozens of happy Thai / English and Filipino / English marriages I know.

How can I explain what Mae is like? How careful she is? What her hopes and dreams are? What she sees in me or what I see in her? How happy we make each other or how well we know each other?

Right now it feels like a bit of a lonely road. An hour a night on the phone / internet to Mae helps a lot. Boy can she talk! I just love listening to her. Last night it was about visiting family graves on November 1st. The night before it was about her laundry! She seems so incredibly keen to talk and you can hear how much she enjoys it! I think she has been quite lonely for a while - she does not really like going out with her friends and co-workers.

Bit of a ramble, sorry, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Ian

Hello Ian

I am not surprised. I've experienced the same. When me and my English boyfriend (now my husband) met on the web a couple of years ago. His family and friends got the same reactions as yours. They even say that he will gonna get kidnap because there are lots of terrorists in the Philippines, which is not at all true! But they dont know so they assume. I am not saying all Filipinas are true, some are opportunists but any race has it. Just follow your heart and see it from there. If it doesnt work, so what? at least you try. Goodluck and best wishes to you both

[ginapeterb]

The last post is a fair post from Gie, that kind of sums it all up, some Filipinas are outright opportunists, Ive seen them all !, Gina and I just laugh at them, make fun of them, they always want something better than the others, they are the most competitively inbred females I have ever met.

The thing is, most of them are poor and they always want to get better with guess what ? other peoples hard earned dosh.

You can always see them, Luis Vuitton, Gucci, Dolci & Gabanna, Mercedes, BMW, Porsche, the list is endless.

These ones have traits that are superficial, they are social climbers, bigger house or appartment than a.n.other, fatter bank account than a.n. other filipina, I once saw a story on Asawa forum from way back about 2 Filipinas shopping in a supermarket.

Filipina A is with Filipina B, they met in the aisle of the deli section, Filipina A says to Filipina B, "What are you cooking for your husband tonight" Filipina B says, CHICKEN !

Filipina A says "Oh Chicken is it ? I never buy that for my husband, he is having steak tonight !"

Filipina B says, "Well you see Ate we are on a budget..and every penny counts"

Filipina A says "Oh yes well of course...well.. anyway, see you another time, my husband is meeting me this afternoon and he is buying me a new bag - its...Gucci "

Filipina B " well ok...I have to go to work at the care home..I have to support my husband"

Filipina A "oh right...my husband doesnt allow me to work, (laughs) he just wants me to get my hair done and have my nails done."


The above is a little embellished to make the point well made, but Filipina A should be a comedy actress, because thats how some of them look when they play big time, honestly gaga siya

What Filipina A didnt tell Filipina B, is that 6 months ago, she was riding around town in a tuck tuck, (trike) and eating 60 pesos lunches.

Just because she is now riding to the mall in her husbands Mercedes or BMW doesnt give her the right to make Filipina B uncomfortable, after all, Filipina B had a good job in Philippines, was educated, and lived on a fairly good salary by Filipino standards.

The Filipinas who live in UK who have superficial traits will always be there, you cannot stop them, and quite frankly, what do you care as long as your Fiancee/wife is not one of them.

The ones with superficial traits sadly are the ones that your freinds and relatives caution you against, the economic migrant types, they do anything to go abroad, the trouble is...no matter how good an actress they are, it will always shine through, they simply are not good enough to disguise it from anyone, it always comes through in the end.

Their motivations for wanting to come to UK or USA or any other European country are plain for all to see, since they simply cannot keep up the act for ever,

"I love you honey, you are the love of my life Gusto Kitang Makasama habang buhay soon drops away as fast as the money does...

No money = No honey.

So..what does this mean for Ian ?

It means he has the same chance as everyone else does....because for every scammer, confidence trickster, social climber, wealth acquirer, black widow type in the world...there will always be 10 more decent ladies to choose from.

Best of luck mate...its a numbers game I am afraid, sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your princess.

[IanB]

I am 100% certain that Mae is a very modest and careful lady, and as straight as they come.

Pete, though, I think you are being a bit harsh on the ladies who are seen to be money grabbing or greedy. Being poor affects different people in different ways. Having a hunger to move on from poverty, even at someone else's expense gets you criticised if you are a filipino lady, but if you are a self made business man it will get you into the House of Lords. Whether it makes the ladies concerned happy, is, of course, another matter!

Ian

[ginapeterb]

Ian

Pete, though, I think you are being a bit harsh on the ladies who are seen to be money grabbing or greedy.

Thats my intention mate, harsh yes...since that is what they are, would you want a money grabber for a wife...if so...dont look too hard, you will always find what you are looking for.

My post says exactly what I think, if you are one of those who ends up with a money grabbing ecnomical migrant who wants nothing better than to fleece you of all your life savings, your property and make you homeless, nothing anyone says will ever distract you.

Like I said previously, there is good and bad everywhere, masama at maganda...

I had an e mail last year from a guy who told me his Filipino wife was a nightmare when it came to money grabbing, she could never live within his salary, everytime he got paid, the money was gone shortly after, in the end, he found out that the house he bought for her to live in, was being secretly lived in by her, her Filipino boyfriend, while he was away working, only by chance did he get leave to come home from his job, and found guess who in his bed.

With these ones, it doesnt matter how much you give them, they always want more, now he is happily divorced from her, he met another Filipina, and they have now been happily married for 5 years, have a little girl, and he told me, she is the opposite, not interested in this that and the other, like I said previously.

ITS A NUMBERS GAME !

[KeithD]

Most Western woman are grabbers, hence that the majority of Western debt is due to the she variety.

[Gie]

Money grabbing, fake people etc., it depends on the person not from where you came from!

Goodluck and Best wishes IanB

[charlwill]

Most Western woman are grabbers, hence that the majority of Western debt is due to the she variety.

Every man have the same complain that most western woman are grabbers and if their man dont have money they just dump their man and look for another person they can grab.

I am 100% certain that Mae is a very modest and careful lady, and as straight as they come.

Pete, though, I think you are being a bit harsh on the ladies who are seen to be money grabbing or greedy. Being poor affects different people in different ways. Having a hunger to move on from poverty, even at someone else's expense gets you criticised if you are a filipino lady, but if you are a self made business man it will get you into the House of Lords. Whether it makes the ladies concerned happy, is, of course, another matter!

Ian

Ian, if you think Mae is the woman for you, then go for it and follow your heart. Accept all the people's opinion, it a natural reaction. Anywhere we go in this world there are bad and good. Not all filipinas are the same, some are good and some are bad. Same to any race. Remember, there are two kinds of person and this world.... the good and the bad.

[pinkbutterfly]

oooops u forgot the "UGLY"...it goes like this...the good the bad and the ugly..
seriously ian..all i can say whatever will make you happy.. GO!!! life is so short, buddy..and follow ur heart...

[Pepe n Pilar]

I agree with Gie it depends on what kind of person not from what country she came from. You may put all the bad/negative comments about the filipina but it is applicalbe to all. It depends on her family values, upbringing and education. With regards to your story about Filipina A and Filipina B i would say that Filipina A is "mayabang". Maybe stepping in UK is the thing she considered her ultimate happiness, eating good food and wearing nice clothes. It takes to be more understanding to people who shall we say less fortunate. Filipina B is definitely had an education back home. She stays humble and no pretentions. In the end people will notice her good traits and she will shine through.

[andypaul]

I am 100% certain that Mae is a very modest and careful lady, and as straight as they come.

Pete, though, I think you are being a bit harsh on the ladies who are seen to be money grabbing or greedy. Being poor affects different people in different ways. Having a hunger to move on from poverty, even at someone else's expense gets you criticised if you are a filipino lady, but if you are a self made business man it will get you into the House of Lords. Whether it makes the ladies concerned happy, is, of course, another matter!

Ian

Ian i have heard these convos and heard from my wife and other phills old and young about the same convos which are insulting and don't need to be said to others what ever your past present or future.

I know what you mean about the house of lord types i hold the same distain for them as i do for those who make the hardworking or frugal feel insecure.

[wynna]

Ian you cant please everybody with the decision that you are going to make but as long as you please or make yourself happy and sure that your mae is something worth fighting for then you go for it, follow your heart. You cant also blame the people that surrounds you to think negative about this cos "when you listen to the news about this kind of relationship, people are more curious to hear about the bad stuff/bad stories that a woman in a certain race did to an englishman or (the kano)" and that worries them. You'll get to hear nice stories about this kind of relationship when you actually meet someone, see and get to know them yourself. All you can do now is just hope for the best and when you get there prove them wrong and for sure they'll get to understand you soon.
No matter who you are with or where you are if the intention of a certain person is bad then that could be your fate cos in this world its either someone can be good or nasty.
Wishing you all the best.