How would you deal with a "friend"

[purple]

Here is my story... (this will be long so readers can get the picture of the story) I'm trying to make it clear as possible.

I met this very friendly Thai lady from the leisure center I go to near me of which I'm a member. She's very friendly to the point of inviting herself in to my house. I like her in a way.

Now, she is married to an Englishman twice.

First she said she left her first husband while they were in Thailand because the first husband doesn't want to settle to a job and doesn't think of the future nor do have the financial capacities for family.. so she slept with another Englishman while in Thailand. She got pregnant, and she divorced the first husband. So she came here on fiance visa, got married at Brighton sea life. Then a year after she separated him because of these reasons:

- The 2nd ex-husband goes away for 6 weeks for work and comes home for 2 weeks. Doesn't help her looking after their child and just want to play XBOX

- Just want sex and not consider her state. (She mentioned this over dinner at my house with my children and husband around)

Now separated, her ex-husband bought her a flat and a car. Now he lives with his mum. I met the ex-husband once during my son's birthday party. I don't know anything about him, except he is the man that provides.

At one time, she told my husband over dinner in front of me that she would like to have a man who is like my dear Mark. Then would spend overnight at our house with her son because it was late for her to go home (8:30pm) She likes to invite herself in our house when she knew that there are days my husband works from home. That really made me uncomfortable, same with my darling husband because he is really that private type of man.

Here is my dilemma, she introduced this new man, who is 67 years old.. she is 32. He is divorced and very nice man. I've got to know him when we went for camping and over boxing day. I thought they were dating but not. This Thai friend of mine told me that she is not interested to be in relationship with this guy but has been asking her for trips abroad. Not that it's my bloody business. But I will find it awkward and so my husband as well. This poor man even give her 300 quid per month because the other room of her flat has been emptied by her previous lodger, showered her with expensive gifts and pay for her memberships ... then she told me flat that she is only being nice to this man because he is a generous man. (I made it sound nice because I don't want it to appear rude)

So, we will be traveling to Nice together, different accommodation though. Now this puts me into a dilemma. I find it uncomfortable talking this man knowing that this so called friend of mine is using him. I know there are some Filipina who are like that... but I haven't been in acquaintance or a friend of a freeloader or user.

...How would you deal with it if you are in my shoes.. I bump into her once a week at the gym. I'm just so busy with children, home and being a wife to my husband... I love being a housewife by the way, and I like my quality time with my husband. That surely I don't want anyone knocking on my door for cup of tea and chat. Not that I'm being a snob.. but having children is really hard to have quality time with your partner. I have told her that too, and still she would text or call me if I and husband were home of which I have ignored, at times she just knocks the door when she sees the car parked on the driveway.



Any thoughts..?

[grahamw48]

I think you already know the solution to this.

Cut this person out of your life NOW.

Attend to the needs of your own loved ones.

Don't worry about the man she's involved with either (as long as it's not your husband !). He is an adult, and you're not his mother.

[Moy]

the only thing i could say personally is.. I love to flirt, and I've never met a man I didn't like.

[stevewool]

as Graham says cut her loose or it may cause problems for you and your family at a later date,

No one needs so called friends like this person

[stevie c]

Break this friendship asap i think this woman had bad intentions & will use anyone to get her own way

[Dedworth]

I don't really understand this long rambling tale.

Putting the womans bizarre private life to one side is the problem :-

a) She turns up unannounced at your house

and / or b) She's going on a journey to Nice with you

[gWaPito]

Gotta get rid of her Purple. .I'm afraid she appears to be one of the thick skinned variety so you'll have to be blunt with her.

Definitely not the sort to leave alone with your husband.
Thanks for the interesting read.



Don't forget to get rid of her

[gWaPito]

Break this friendship asap i think this woman had bad intentions & will use anyone to get her own way

I used to know a couple of folks like that.

[gWaPito]

the only thing i could say personally is.. I love to flirt, and I've never met a man I didn't like.

You're making me jealous There was me thinking I was the only one, your husband doesn't count

[Rosie1958]

Purple ....... from what you have said, you already feel very uncomfortable with this woman's behaviour. Go with your gut instinct and part company with her She sounds like trouble and not worthy of your friendship

[purple]

I don't really understand this long rambling tale.

Putting the womans bizarre private life to one side is the problem :-

a) She turns up unannounced at your house

and / or b) She's going on a journey to Nice with you

Thanks Ded, when she knew about our trip to Nice, she asked this friend to book a trip the same as ours.

[purple]

the only thing i could say personally is.. I love to flirt, and I've never met a man I didn't like.

Haha you're making laugh Moy. It's true though. I was a bit daft thinking she might be just lonely.. And the "pa awa" effect... (Ex husband not around for 6 weeks and her with the child, no friends and family around)

After she revealed herself over few dinners, my husband told me that he was not comfortable having her around the house because we no longer have privacy.. And yet there I was thinking she needed company.

Later we knew her mother in law takes care of her child on weekends and the boy goes to nursery..

She later asked me if I've always wanted to marry a westerner. I said no, as it obvious I got 2 children from previous relationship both Filipinos different fathers..mark being my first westerner bf and husband. I later told her if I really wanted to there has always been a chance considering my family belongs to an expat community in Cebu. Besides, like in my previous posts.. Some of the expats in the community gave me the impression of supremacist-who-knows-better-how-to-run-a-country but chose to live in pinas which puts me off. But that all change now..that there are really "English-man" like my husband polite et al..but exciting and humorous. Not grumpy and knows how to be diplomatic at all times..but rants sarcastically on guardian's commentary section.

[Moy]

You're making me jealous There was me thinking I was the only one, your husband doesn't count

Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance.

[Moy]

Haha you're making laugh Moy. It's true though. I was a bit daft thinking she might be just lonely.. And the "pa awa" effect... (Ex husband not around for 6 weeks and her with the child, no friends and family around)

After she revealed herself over few dinners, my husband told me that he was not comfortable having her around the house because we no longer have privacy.. And yet there I was thinking she needed company.

Later we knew her mother in law takes care of her child on weekends and the boy goes to nursery..

She later asked me if I've always wanted to marry a westerner. I said no, as it obvious I got 2 children from previous relationship both Filipinos different fathers..mark being my first westerner bf and husband. I later told her if I really wanted to there has always been a chance considering my family belongs to an expat community in Cebu. Besides, like in my previous posts.. Some of the expats in the community gave me the impression of supremacist-who-knows-better-how-to-run-a-country but chose to live in pinas which puts me off. But that all change now..that there are really "English-man" like my husband polite et al..but exciting and humorous. Not grumpy and knows how to be diplomatic at all times..but rants sarcastically on guardian's commentary section.

Truth is a great flirt.

[Terpe]

Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance.

Tell that to Vhong Navarro

[Moy]

Tell that to Vhong Navarro

[gWaPito]

Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance.

I used to know a flirt years when married to my first wife. ..she was supposedly my wife's best friend. I remember going to one of her numerous house parties...she got my wife drunk then started putting her hands in my trousers .....Needless to say, that was an end to a beautiful friendship, not. We ended up moving house coz of that. We'd already been married 20 years by then so no lasting damage was done.

I got sick of the humble pie.

[grahamw48]

Don't you just hate it when women do that.

[gWaPito]

Whoever gave me a rep......Thank you so much

If you'd left your name in the comment box I cld return the compliment

[gWaPito]

Don't you just hate it when women do that.

Yes.. it was all my fault, of course

BTW She wasn't using the conventional pocket entry, either

[Arthur Little]

Tell that to Vhong Navarro

Wonder if he's related to Myrna? - same surname - but the Christian name's ... "vhong" !

[Arthur Little]

Wonder if he's related to Myrna? - same surname - but the Christian name's ... "vhong" !

Touch of Jonathan Voss ... !

[Michael Parnham]

Here is my story... (this will be long so readers can get the picture of the story) I'm trying to make it clear as possible.

I met this very friendly Thai lady from the leisure center I go to near me of which I'm a member. She's very friendly to the point of inviting herself in to my house. I like her in a way.

Now, she is married to an Englishman twice.

First she said she left her first husband while they were in Thailand because the first husband doesn't want to settle to a job and doesn't think of the future nor do have the financial capacities for family.. so she slept with another Englishman while in Thailand. She got pregnant, and she divorced the first husband. So she came here on fiance visa, got married at Brighton sea life. Then a year after she separated him because of these reasons:

- The 2nd ex-husband goes away for 6 weeks for work and comes home for 2 weeks. Doesn't help her looking after their child and just want to play XBOX

- Just want sex and not consider her state. (She mentioned this over dinner at my house with my children and husband around)

Now separated, her ex-husband bought her a flat and a car. Now he lives with his mum. I met the ex-husband once during my son's birthday party. I don't know anything about him, except he is the man that provides.

At one time, she told my husband over dinner in front of me that she would like to have a man who is like my dear Mark. Then would spend overnight at our house with her son because it was late for her to go home (8:30pm) She likes to invite herself in our house when she knew that there are days my husband works from home. That really made me uncomfortable, same with my darling husband because he is really that private type of man.

Here is my dilemma, she introduced this new man, who is 67 years old.. she is 32. He is divorced and very nice man. I've got to know him when we went for camping and over boxing day. I thought they were dating but not. This Thai friend of mine told me that she is not interested to be in relationship with this guy but has been asking her for trips abroad. Not that it's my bloody business. But I will find it awkward and so my husband as well. This poor man even give her 300 quid per month because the other room of her flat has been emptied by her previous lodger, showered her with expensive gifts and pay for her memberships ... then she told me flat that she is only being nice to this man because he is a generous man. (I made it sound nice because I don't want it to appear rude)

So, we will be traveling to Nice together, different accommodation though. Now this puts me into a dilemma. I find it uncomfortable talking this man knowing that this so called friend of mine is using him. I know there are some Filipina who are like that... but I haven't been in acquaintance or a friend of a freeloader or user.

...How would you deal with it if you are in my shoes.. I bump into her once a week at the gym. I'm just so busy with children, home and being a wife to my husband... I love being a housewife by the way, and I like my quality time with my husband. That surely I don't want anyone knocking on my door for cup of tea and chat. Not that I'm being a snob.. but having children is really hard to have quality time with your partner. I have told her that too, and still she would text or call me if I and husband were home of which I have ignored, at times she just knocks the door when she sees the car parked on the driveway.



Any thoughts..?

Not a friend at all, don't trust her and get rid!

[Moy]

I used to know a flirt years when married to my first wife. ..she was supposedly my wife's best friend. I remember going to one of her numerous house parties...she got my wife drunk then started putting her hands in my trousers .....Needless to say, that was an end to a beautiful friendship, not. We ended up moving house coz of that. We'd already been married 20 years by then so no lasting damage was done.

I got sick of the humble pie.

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. and rememeber 3 common lies from guys: I'm sorry, I love you, I won't hurt you. 3 common lies from girls: I'm fine, I'm not mad at you, I don't love you.
3 common lies from guys: I'm sorry, I love you, I won't hurt you. 3 common lies from girls: I'm fine, I'm not mad at you, I don't love you.

[Jentobeharrison]

You family has a simple and smooth life (as what I have read on your post) that Thai woman has a complicated life, if you will continue being attached or acquianted to someone who has a complicated life, expect that yours might have the same. It's so nice to live with few problems, I mean with your own problems not with the problems of someone else.

[grahamw48]

I agree.

[MissDi]

try give her direct avise about what she needs to do with the poor old man. maybe she needs to hear something she havnt heard before from somebody before she wakes up from being a golddigger. lol and also, if she continue popping up at ur home without notice even after u told her. let her in fine. but dont be chatty and talk too much anymore each time she (uninvitedly) comes. until she feels shes not welcome and stop being a thick faced stealing u and ur partner's quality time