Why are there so many people in Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) here?

[eddiek]

Hello everyone,

I just thought of this question recently. I remember reading somewhere on this forum that lots of you guys are in long distance relationships.

Then I thought, why is this the case?

For me the reason is simply because my gf wants to be a nurse here in the UK, and must firstly secure a 7 in the IELTS exam, & secure some nursing experience in PH before applying for a nursing position here in the UK.

Why are you and your girl/lady in an LDR right now?

Thanks for contributing to this thread

[grahamw48]

Can only speak for myself, but...the chances of an old bloke like me getting with a gorgeous young lady less than half his age in this country are virtually zero.

[bigmac]

the only way my partner can settle here is to marry a brit. shes been here twice--1st time on a student visa--how we met--and--more recently on a visit visa. we have been in a relationship 2 &1/2 years now--half of it a LDR.

[eddiek]

hi bigmac,

sorry for being blunt, but is it not time to marry now?
But I guess you want to be sure before you make that step?

the only way my partner can settle here is to marry a brit. shes been here twice--1st time on a student visa--how we met--and--more recently on a visit visa. we have been in a relationship 2 &1/2 years now--half of it a LDR.

[bigmac]

hi bigmac,

sorry for being blunt, but is it not time to marry now?
But I guess you want to be sure before you make that step?

would if we could. she got divorced 18 months ago--here in the UK. i dont think her solicitor gave her the best advice---i only found out on this forum--the dreaded annulment word.

so thats holding things up--for now.

[eddiek]

sorry to hear that bigmac.

at least, we live in the age of technology now, with whatsapp, viber, we chat etc.

Things always be worse!

enjoy the sunshine today mate.

hi bigmac,

sorry for being blunt, but is it not time to marry now?
But I guess you want to be sure before you make that step?

would if we could. she got divorced 18 months ago--here in the UK. i dont think her solicitor gave her the best advice---i only found out on this forum--the dreaded annulment word.

so thats holding things up--for now.

[bigmac]

after she returned to the filis--august 2012--i joined here--and came across all the new july 2012 regs. TBH i thought it was all mission impossible: the earnings rule for sponsorship ruled me right out. then the annulment nonsense. plus--i wasnt divorced back then either.

but now--its only the annulment hurdle to get through. then the fiancee visa: although i am tempted to go out there--get wed--then come back. cost wise--its as broad as it is long.

[eddiek]

after she returned to the filis--august 2012--i joined here--and came across all the new july 2012 regs. TBH i thought it was all mission impossible: the earnings rule for sponsorship ruled me right out. then the annulment nonsense. plus--i wasnt divorced back then either.

but now--its only the annulment hurdle to get through. then the fiancee visa: although i am tempted to go out there--get wed--then come back. cost wise--its as broad as it is long.

hi bigmac, sounds like a bit of a pain, i also had times where it all sounded a bit mission impossible, but things start coming together after a while.

maybe we can have a chat offline - edmondkelleher@gmail.com

[Jentobeharrison]

Well maybe the answer to your question is; I have found acceptance from foreigners as I am ugly here for filipinos, hihihi.

[melovesengland]

Hello everyone,

I just thought of this question recently. I remember reading somewhere on this forum that lots of you guys are in long distance relationships.

Then I thought, why is this the case?

For me the reason is simply because my gf wants to be a nurse here in the UK, and must firstly secure a 7 in the IELTS exam, & secure some nursing experience in PH before applying for a nursing position here in the UK.

Why are you and your girl/lady in an LDR right now?

Thanks for contributing to this thread

That's a bit odd, the only reason is for her to come to the UK is to work here as a nurse that's why you both keep the relationship running even if it's a long distance. I think it should be because both of us love, care and want to be together.

One of the reasons why we prefer foreigner is that you show more care than our local men in the Philippines. You made us feel important, loved and not wasted or rubbish like mostly our local think as we are ugly. Even were far away from each other, it wasn't a hindrance to let us feel were loved and cared for, so we better have and stay on a long distance relationship and feel being loved than not being cared for even were together 24/7.

I think all of us go through ups and downs on LDR but if we are keen to be together and keep the love alive then we make amends, don't we? That's what me and my husband done and now I must say that we are living happily.

[eddiek]

@melovesengland: i think you might hav misinterpreted what I wrote..no offence.

our relationship is entirely based on love for each other - 110%

[melovesengland]

I'm soo sorry, I might have misunderstood it but it is good to know that its purely love and all that keeps you holding the relationship with her. I'm happy for you! again, my apologies.

[gWaPito]

after she returned to the filis--august 2012--i joined here--and came across all the new july 2012 regs. TBH i thought it was all mission impossible: the earnings rule for sponsorship ruled me right out. then the annulment nonsense. plus--i wasnt divorced back then either.

but now--its only the annulment hurdle to get through. then the fiancee visa: although i am tempted to go out there--get wed--then come back. cost wise--its as broad as it is long.

It's scary Bigmac I feel for you. Only you know what's best

I'm not sure too much knowledge is a good thing either especially when it comes to relationships. Unbeknown to me up until a couple of months back, I have a tendency to attract and be attracted to the narcissistic variety I can't afford any more mishaps so I have to be careful. It turns out my latest was more maliputive than all the others put together so I dropped her this morning.

I'll be going out to the Philippines a free agent which will be a refeshing experience . I'll be doing a Doc Alan

Why do we do it, Eddie....Why do we put oursleves through this In my case, my heart is my achilles heel

[grahamw48]

Ayup...tell us more Mark.

[gWaPito]

Ayup...tell us more Mark.

You did ask so I'll tell Sorry Eddie, this is a one off

The past few weeks I've allowed myself to be put under stress. I know when it gets bad, I start getting backache.

Yesterday was a nightmare, as you may know, I have my boys Mondays and Tuesdays. My car had MOT yesterday morning and failed on a brake hose..they wouldnt let me have the car back until it was fixed. Both of their loan cars were out so I had to wait. It was going to mean I was going to be late picking my boys up.

This caused anxiety because I'm unable to contact the wife...she wont use the phone I gave her for this purpose, emergencies. Anyway I sent her an email just in case she didn't show up the following week (proof I tried to get there)...she actually replied Her response was, 'then get a train ..that's if I love them that much' which was rubbish, seeing how I spent thousands getting rightful access.

Where I pick them up is a 145 mile round trip...it's not as if she's around the corner . This is another bug bear..she refuses to tell me where she lives, the boys doctor or their schooling details..My solicitor is in the process drawing up papers to take her back to court

Anyway..Nothing I could do..I thought I'd go out and do some work in the garden..no point dossing round the house feeling the way I was....lo and behold, I put my back out cutting the 2nd shrub

Then the gf starts on saying she's still controlling you blah blah I didnt like that at all ...I mean, we hadn't even met yet she's talking to me like that The omen wasn't good so I went back through hours of our chat.....The penny dropped. The bad back did me a favour..It made me sit down and take stock.

Today I woke up a free and liberated man. The pit in my stomach had gone

BTW Here's a thought



It probably explains why a few drift from one profession to another, never settling on one

[grahamw48]

Thanks for sharing that Mark.

As you'll know, I've been in a very similar situation myself (though only a 120 mile roundtrip to pick my boy up, which went on for 5 years, until he came to live here with me).

Those not involved just have no idea how cruel an estranged partner can be, and how much pain it causes, when all you want is to be a good, loving and responsible dad...and to maintain contact with those who mean so much to you.

It's hardly surprising that you are so stressed out. Shame your lady in the Phils didn't have enough sense and understanding to appreciate this.

We can talk further about this over a beer in Manila, come May.

[Jentobeharrison]

My fiance's ex girlfriend who's the mother of his kid is the most horrible and worst woman (as my fiance says) but I never became a burden to my fiance if he and his ex are having difficult time as I respect their relationship as parents of my fiance's daughter and still respect her as she is the mother of the kid, in addition, I don't have anything personal against her

It's the matter of respect, you did the right thing

[gWaPito]

My fiance's ex girlfriend who's the mother of his kid is the most horrible and worst woman (as my fiance says) but I never became a burden to my fiance if he and his ex are having difficult time as I respect their relationship as parents of my fiance's daughter and still respect her as she is the mother of the kid, in addition, I don't have anything personal against her

It's the matter of respect, you did the right thing

That's all it is Jen..A harmonious mum and dad relationship is for the greater good of their daughter. It's all about the children Try not to side with your husband (soon!!!!) if he starts to rubbish her. Even if he's right..just going quiet is best

Yes, Ive finally found out how to respect myself

[Jentobeharrison]

Thank you for that fair enough advice!

[gWaPito]

Thanks for sharing that Mark.

As you'll know, I've been in a very similar situation myself (though only a 120 mile roundtrip to pick my boy up, which went on for 5 years, until he came to live here with me).

Those not involved just have no idea how cruel an estranged partner can be, and how much pain it causes, when all you want is to be a good, loving and responsible dad...and to maintain contact with those who mean so much to you.

It's hardly surprising that you are so stressed out. Shame your lady in the Phils didn't have enough sense and understanding to appreciate this.

We can talk further about this over a beer in Manila, come May.

The saga continues I had a big brown envolope pushed through my door this morning. Ive just this momment opened it up. It was from the Child Maintenance Service Team

Im being told I owe her a lot of money

Ive been giving her 20% of my income ever since she left....In fact, against my solicitor's advice I gave her (the boys money) 20% the day I got paid only 4 days after she left. Solicitor advised me only to pay her through bank transfer..I thank God I have

So now, she will have the boys money taken from me at source so she can do what she's be doing with it all along, blowing it on designer clothing and what have you... when in fact she should have that council house taken off her..my boys returned to me and be promptly kicked out the country

[Jentobeharrison]

Oh noes, your ex wife is being so difficult. Whys that :(

[gWaPito]

Oh noes, your ex wife is being so difficult. Whys that :(

This will give you an insight why
http://www.bpdcentral.com/narcissist...lmarks-of-npd/

[gWaPito]

I'll leave you to it..Best I call solicitor at £20 a go No choice

[grahamw48]

I was lucky, as we had an agreed sum that I paid each week. ...no lawyers or outside agencies involved right up to her being granted the divorce...which she also had to pay for (caused of course by her cheating).

.

[gWaPito]

I was lucky, as we had an agreed sum that I paid each week. ...no lawyers or outside agencies involved right up to her being granted the divorce.

You was lucky Graham. This is sometimes the outcome when you are dealing with sane, normal reasonable people

[grahamw48]

She was lucky too, I reckon, but some never have enough.

.

[gWaPito]

I'll more than likely just stay and have a wild time in Manila...I wont bother with the Catanduanes bit, It'll be a waste of drinking time. that's the way Im feeling right now

[grahamw48]

Nip over to Subic and Angeles for a few days mate.

[gWaPito]

Nip over to Subic and Angeles for a few days mate.

That's why I was looking at going to Clark...She's be giving me bad vibs for a while, getting too clingy..The plan was, if she was gonna play up, I'd sack her off and party in between dental visits............anyway You can clue me up over those beers im gonna be buying you guys

I remember my kids 4th birthdays too Graham...Special times

[grahamw48]

It'll be great to hook up Mark. I'll be happy to advise on those other places too. In fact I'll probably pop up to AC myself, to have a look at a new live music venue there.

Perhaps Merly can bring a cousin or niece along to make up a foursome.