State of Mind--How my Visa application Journey, Relationship, Belief and Weight changed it all.

[Jentobeharrison]

Hi,

My blog is all about how my mind is doing these past months,how my attitude become worse, how my personality reached to unlikely desirable one and it looks like you guys know which factor gave the biggest impact on what I am suffering now. I did not write this to put a bad image to my boyfriend, he is a kind man, he really is. The weight issues seem very unfair topic for every one of us, yes I admit, I would really love the saying "if he loves me, he should love me for who and what I am" I have been wanting to live in that kind of matter but I am living in reality where I cannot control every one as much as I wanted.

I was writing my blog whilst I was in pain, whilst I was feeling hopeless and inferior not because of what my fiance said but what I have become. The only thing I want now is to get back to my life, this is not me and I don't want to be like this forever. The issue is in me, if I had enough strength like what I used to have, I can cope with every thing I mentioned, but I am tired, my strength and optimisim have been absorbed but I do not regret because I can see how I made my boyfriend stable and happy unlike before. I want to be strong for us because I know he's not and he still needs me, but I want to love my self because I have already given it all to my family, friends and to him, nothing left for me. Now I am the one who needs a shoulder to lean on, I am glad that he is available like what I've been for him. The weight issues, he is not forcing me to be slim, we have overcome that issue but me to my self, I dont want to be eaten by insecurity every time we are together, I don't want him to be unattracted to me for a long time because I know our relationship won't work, love is not enough.

You are right, life is full of ups and downs, and I can easily describe that I am in my down part of my life but there's still few percent on my mind that someday I will be in the best part of my story.

I apologise for posting this here, I know it's irrelevant for other members of this website but it is a relief for me sharing my thoughts to the people who I don't personally know because as of now, I am afraid of being judged, I don't need it.

Thank you for the comments and advices, I am not upset with those.
I appreciate your time reading my long input, thank you for showing concern.

I am planning to go out with my friends and relatives again, I hope this is the step one of getting my life back.

I wanna get back to my sanity lol

[marksroomspain]

Hi,

My blog is all about how my mind is doing these past months,how my attitude become worse, how my personality reached to unlikely desirable one and it looks like you guys know which factor gave the biggest impact on what I am suffering now. I did not write this to put a bad image to my boyfriend, he is a kind man, he really is. The weight issues seem very unfair topic for every one of us, yes I admit, I would really love the saying "if he loves me, he should love me for who and what I am" I have been wanting to live in that kind of matter but I am living in reality where I cannot control every one as much as I wanted.

I was writing my blog whilst I was in pain, whilst I was feeling hopeless and inferior not because of what my fiance said but what I have become. The only thing I want now is to get back to my life, this is not me and I don't want to be like this forever. The issue is in me, if I had enough strength like what I used to have, I can cope with every thing I mentioned, but I am tired, my strength and optimisim have been absorbed but I do not regret because I can see how I made my boyfriend stable and happy unlike before. I want to be strong for us because I know he's not and he still needs me, but I want to love my self because I have already given it all to my family, friends and to him, nothing left for me. Now I am the one who needs a shoulder to lean on, I am glad that he is available like what I've been for him. The weight issues, he is not forcing me to be slim, we have overcome that issue but me to my self, I dont want to be eaten by insecurity every time we are together, I don't want him to be unattracted to me for a long time because I know our relationship won't work, love is not enough.

You are right, life is full of ups and downs, and I can easily describe that I am in my down part of my life but there's still few percent on my mind that someday I will be in the best part of my story.

I apologise for posting this here, I know it's irrelevant for other members of this website but it is a relief for me sharing my thoughts to the people who I don't personally know because as of now, I am afraid of being judged, I don't need it.

Thank you for the comments and advices, I am not upset with those.
I appreciate your time reading my long input, thank you for showing concern.

I am planning to go out with my friends and relatives again, I hope this is the step one of getting my life back.

I wanna get back to my sanity lol

Well said Jen you go girl...