Joebloggs

Sorry about the long post. I just had to get it all out after 8 months of holding back and trying not to rock anyone's boat by questioning the way things were done.

I'm sad to say, the statistics on hand-washing in the UK are far from ideal.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19834975

No, I've never gotten ill from dodgy food in the Philippines. Before that miscarriage scare, I'd never had to stay overnight at a hospital nor ridden in an ambulance before either. The only times I'd been to the hospital before were to head to the emergency room because of my lungs closing up from a severe allergy (doctor said if we'd been 10 minutes later, I'd have died), some asthma attacks when I was a child, and the time I had to get my ACL rebuilt.

I know there are food inspectors in the Philippines, but as with all other aspects of life there, it's highly likely that greased palms aren't helping our standards of sanitation. There are certainly lots of unsanitary food handlers in the Philippines, but for the most part, they're easy to avoid.

It's not so easy when the woman who prepared it is sweetly watching you and smiling while waiting for you to eat a sandwich that you witnessed being contaminated with outdoor dirt that the neighbor's dog had just been sniffing around on, rancid butter, the contents of the vac she just dismantled, and the chemicals she handled right before manhandling the unwashed lettuce and tomato in the sandwich. Yes, that really happened. I died a little with each bite, especially the last one because it was so gritty from the vac.

Lordna

I haven't tried teasing them back about not speaking the Queen's English as my husband's family has its roots in the working class. I don't think that kind of teasing would go down well. My husband does try to correct his mother when she says things like "You need to learn your baby your language." However, I don't think what he says sticks. I understand that he doesn't know either why her family has such a poor grasp of the language as they all finished high school at least.

I may need to go out and meet more people to see just how widespread the whole "women's work" thing is here. So far, the people I've met have mostly had the same attitude.

Rosie1958

Thanks, Rosie! I've had another talk with my sister, and she says that when she told a friend of hers from the South about that guest, he commented that the men from the North are more prone to "shifting gears" than those from his neck of the woods. So maybe it's a regional thing. I'll have to make sure I nip that in the bud if this baby turns out to be a son as he'll most likely be surrounded by friends who'll be doing it and who won't see anything wrong with it.

Are car boot sales more common in the North then? I notice they pop up everywhere here every Sunday morning, and there are always lots of people at the sales. My mother-in-law has gotten really great deals at these sales, but from what my brother-in-law says, she seems to have a bit of a spending habit and tends to buy all sorts of junk that gets piled up in the garage.

Equality and independence are both very important to me too. So far, my husband has learned to cook himself instant noodles, and I notice that he feels more independent now that he doesn't have to badger the women in the family when he's hungry. We're taking baby steps with the other housekeeping skills, but the bulk of the pressure on me is from my mother-in-law. She's apologised for not teaching him any of these skills (I never asked her to apologise), and also for not teaching him the value of money or how to save and budget, as well as apologising for him being a very picky eater. Now she's told me that it's my job to teach him all these life skills and to try and get him to eat more kinds of food. It makes me feel like I've been made his parent instead of his partner. My husband and I are both willing to work on these issues, but I feel it's unfair that I've been volunteered to teach him all the things that he should know by now. Oh, and his parents are younger than mine.

I have been trying not to rock the boat; I really do want my in-laws to like me. Maybe you're right and the pregnancy hormones aren't helping.