On culture shock, horror, and disgust: Some of the emotions from which I'm still reeling

[dontpushme]

I find the OPs post interesting, it certainly resonates with me.
I do get quite upset about hygiene, I think sometimes the UK in general deserves its bad reputation for crooked/yellow teeth and bad toilet habits. I cannot understand why the UK hasn't adopted bidets so much, and how many people fail to wash their hands after using the toilet...

That being said, I do get the impression that the OP is surrounded by a quiet naive and possibly 'rough' extended family.

I agree with Rosie's comment that the practices the OP has observed are certainly not widespread in my circle of friends and unlikely widespread in most of the other people on the forums family or friends.

As for the interference and rudeness from the extended family, it's time for your husband to grow up and be a man.

TBH, I don't think I'd be quite so upset about the hygiene if I weren't pregnant and if I hadn't ended up getting sick a few times and hospitalised because of all the cross-contamination. I'd still be grossed out, but I'd probably have been able to just keep reminding myself that it was a temporary situation.

I've had a talk with my husband, and I think the problem might be that he didn't realise how big the problem was. None of the men in the family ever went into the kitchen unless they were picking up their plates of food or getting a cup of tea. To be fair, he's talked to his mom and I can see she's making an effort to remember to wash her hands. She still forgets, but I'm fine with baby steps. As for the interference, most of it happens when I'm around the women and the men are absent, so I think my husband didn't realise the extent of that either. I still sometimes feel like telling them all to just mind their own business, but I'm learning to just give a non-committal shrug and pretend I'm busy with my phone.

Hi dontpushme!
Congratulations on your bub.

Sorry to hear your predicaments here in the UK.

Like what Rosie said, English people have different standards like the rest of the people in the world we cannot generalized them all just because one is Middle Eastern looking doesn't have to be a terrorist.

I think your husband needs to grow a back bone or you may have serious issues in the future.

One thing I know about the English is that most of them are polite which could be good and bad, depends on how you take it.

And no, my husband cooks well and does whatever he can to help me out. I was away to the Philippines for a week and he did great. My in laws are there when we need them but none of those things where they will make judgement on what I do etc.

Communicate is the key here.


But on the other hand.. being pregnant etc thus makes you hormonal and loses your proper reasoning.

Good luck!

Thanks, purple! We've had a talk and I told him he needs to understand his responsibility to his wife and child, and I think that woke him up. He's already had a talk with his mom about some of the issues I mentioned. And I agree that the pregnancy might have something with my reactions. I don't mean just the hormones, but also the fact that I don't want anything happening to my baby.

Next time before you moved to a new place do some research��������

I'm sorry, but research wouldn't have helped. There's no source that would have told me I'd be eating dirty sandwiches and be getting told it was the way things were done here. Besides, when you're in an online relationship, you can't really see your partner's family or gauge what kind of people they are. Also, the questions I found myself asking over and over in the last 8 months were things nobody would have considered before they moved. I don't know anyone who would've thought, "Hmm, I'm moving to the UK. I wonder if they adjust their crotches publicly.", especially since it's such a basic rule in the Philippines that nobody ever thinks about it.

The OP has just expressed what she was experiencing and was wondering if it's the same elsewhere in the country. She did generalise about it but I think she now knows it's not the case. Mind you, just in this forum, there are plenty of moaners so you can't just single her out because of what she posted.[/COLOR]

You're right. I did generalise at first because I was told the things I saw were just the way things were done here. This discussion, with all its positive and negative reactions, has actually been a welcome eye-opener for me.

I do find it strange Rick has come in for some stick when in fact others have said worse. I think you will find it was lighthearted tongue in cheek stuff...Still, it takes all sorts

It was because everyone else actually had something constructive to say, or just popped in to make one cheeky comment, but he came back again and again just to make nasty comments. I was fine the first couple of times, and I tried to let it go, but it became clear he wasn't gonna stop until someone put him in his place.

Now everybody is moaning about the moaners, find it funny!

Well, the forum does have a lot of moaners. If it's not about politics, or visas, or women, or getting duped, or immigration, or scroungers, it's about the weather on vacation (or cheese).