let's put an end to "HELP!!! problem with brit bf"

[princess_dhang]

Greetings!

I am addressing this to all those who have judged my BF based from my first post, "HELP!!! problem with brit bf". It's like a public slander and it is so unfair. My BF is not the Neil of York and I didn't meet him at FilipinaHeart FYI. As I have said, we are okay now and that he just seem to have flipped for 24 hours because of what he is going through. It's just so unfair to judge my BF without you guys, knowing the truth behind his stresses in life... And I am sure that half of the members in this forum would have committed suicide if they had to deal with the things my BF is having to deal with in life at this moment. He is only human and he can only take so much.

My BF is suffering from a lot of pains, actually 3 years of crap... He just lost his mother a few months ago and at the moment he's dealing with a lot of issues, both in his personal and business life. I just would like to sort things out and put the record straight. He just flipped for 24 hours and we are PERFECTLY OKAY now. I hope you, guys are now enlightened and have a better picture of what has happened. Please understand his situation instead of slating his personality. That is most unfair really. HE IS NOT THE NEIL OF YORK!!!

My BF has enough on his plate to deal with without people being judgmental on him. You do not even know him. He is actually a nice person, & not the guy you all seem to think he is.

PLEASE.... ONCE AND FOR ALL, STOP PASSING ON NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT MY BF. I know for a fact that he is not the Neil of York you are referring to.

I know I will get the ridicules from you but it's okay. If you want to ban me, then go ahead.... I just would like to rectify the situation. I am really sorry if I have wasted your time in reading my posts... And I do hope that you'll finally stop passing on negative comments about my BF. He is not the person whom you think he is. It's really unfair for you guys to judge him that way...

[KeithD]

Erm.....people on here can only judge by the info YOU supplied. And going by that, everyone came to the correct conclusion.

Besides, the 2 weeks bit, and most here agree, is plenty short enough to even consider a serious relationship.

So in future, if you want the replies you are looking for, either don't ask a question, or supply the FULL details.

[Bridget]

To Dhang, I agree with win2win. In the future if you have a little problem with your bf better not to bring it out to world if in the end you do not know how to accept other`s opinion. You can not undo what`s been said and done. So just be careful of your relationship and be more matured and learn from your experienced. I suggest you to read more about Relationships, get yourself a book or just browse through websites about filipina and british relationships. It will help as well if give your bf the websites that will help your bf to learn about filipina, I will recommend you to read about the website of peterginab as our friend pete discuss a lot of topics about filipina-western courtships and marriage. Your bf might be in his first time to have a filipina gf and that cause you having arguments. As I said, in every relationship, love is the easy part, but a healthy relationships takes time and hard work. Best wishes to both of you.
Cheers!
Bridget

[gracia143]

Hopefully, things will go smoothly. We can only wish you all the luck, the road has got more hurdles in store for you. Pray for enough strength Dhang, i am sure you'll need it. Brit/Fil relationship is tough!

[IanB]

Princess,

People said what they said out of kindness to you. We do not know you or your boyfriend. What we do know is that you were feeling upset, so we said nice things to help you feel better.

It is clear that you, as well as your boyfriend, are in a very emotional state. you need to relax, not let the relationship control your life or your feelings, and also be grateful that there are nice people around here who were sympathetic to you.

Ian

[kimmi]

i do replied on ur previous post, kindly see it Princess dhang..

[KeithD]

...and will people STOP POSTING THE SAME THING TWICE+

[Bridget]

Princess Dhang,
Thats a sign of maturity and intelligent. Brilliant..!Thats a real filipina. Humble,open-minded,knows to accept her fault and most of all willing to learn from her mistake.
Goodluck to you . Keep thats smile on your face...

[kimmi]

I second the motion with Bridget..

Goodluck and GOD bless Princess Dhang..

[Bridget]

Thanks Kimmi,
Yes, Gracia is right, filipina-brit relationship is tough. I did a lot of research about englishman, I read books, watch british love story and always seek information in the internet. Its not easy, but when you passed the test of time or after you`ve overcome the obstacles along the way, you will say its worth waiting. For me, just be faithful to your bf and be always there as his bestfriend. No more tampo -tampo or sulking, most brits do not want tampo or sulking. Be frank to him when you upset, tell him why and not just sit in one corner and sulk. Most important, do not act like a small child, no man wants to marry a narrow-minded woman. When you have a problem, just email him and say what you wanted to say if he doesnt want to talk or chat. Long distance, time difference, and etc are your enemy so you have to cooperate to each other to make your relationship works and love, trust and faithfulness will keep you stronger.
Best wishes.

[KeithD]

watch british love story

You couldn't find anything more misleading ....watch Eastenders/Corination Street to see the real world

[Bridget]

I watched Coronation Street when I was in the Uk but to be honest did not like that much, I rather to watch Little Britain..

[kimmi]

very true Sis Bridgette..im glad that I have found my best friend now..he he he

[Bridget]

Good to hear Kimmi...
Fabulous....

[Mrs Daddy]

You couldn't find anything more misleading ....watch Eastenders/Corination Street to see the real world

Not to forget emmerdale as well...

[andypaul]

Lot of really good advice here and i have never know anyone want to be rude about someone who is asking for help on here.

What you get on here is peoples true feelings and views and they are only said to help.

Both of you need to do some research on one anothers cultures as others have said.

When i first met my Wife i had very little knowledge on the phil and its people. So i read the internet found new and old books on the country and we did the same for my Wife.

Good luck on your relationship but both of you need to take care and make sure the relationship is what you really want.

[KeithD]

Not to forget emmerdale as well...

Yes you always get air crashes, terrorists, lesbians, mass murder, in villages in the UK

[ginapeterb]

Princess Dhang

I can sympathise with you, in that with the benefit of hindsight, you are now regretting making your rather impromptu comments about your dealings with your new found boyfriend.

In restrospect I can now detect that there is an issue of mild embarassment on your part since your original post may have been written whilst you suffered a mild amount of irritation of what seemed at first glance a rather childish response to your off the cuff remark to your BF.

The beauty of this asynchronous bulletin board is that you will receive a wealth of views, some suportive, and on the other side of the coin, some not so supportive.

As Keith quite rightly points out, your initial comments led us all to believe that you were asking for advice about what you should do in the situation as you presented it to the forum.

The Forum can only respond based on the information you supplied, given the narrowness of the facts you placed before us, there is little wonder that some such as myself suggested your BF was acting like a baby, I myself told you in my comment that he had spat out his dummy.

Having since told us that your BF has lost his dear Mother, and there are other factors in his life (If they be true) that have caused him to not be his normal self, then we could all sympathise with his state of mind, and perhaps at this moment in time, he is not disposed towards the extra responsibility of a relationship with you that he has just embarked upon.

My own advice to you, is that at present, it is early days for the both of you, I would hasten to add however, that whilst you could legitamately say that this man is your BF, a very loose term on internet, I assume at present that you have not actually met each other as yet.

If that is the case, then at present what you have is an internet chat friendship, that may lead to a meeting at some point, I hope it does, then you will perhaps gain an insight into what this man is really like, whether the two of you will get along, and if so, will it lead to something more permanent in the future.

There have been numerous cases that I have witnessed, where couples have chatted for nearly two years on internet, and never have they met, I have one personal experience of a Filipina chat freind of mine, who has been chatting to me for 3 years, and as yet I have never met her, she had a British Boyfreind for 2 years, who promised her he would come and visit, he continued to do this for the whole 2 years, he gave one excuse after the other, until finally about a year ago, she gave up on him, and got on with her life.


I relate this story because it illustrates clearly, that until you have met someone and lived with them in close proximity for a reasonable length of time, you don't really know them well enough to make a judgement on them.

Don't get me wrong, I think many of us on this forum can put their hands up and say, "hey it was great when I used to fly out to Manila, and meet my girl in Manila, and then off downtown to Makati and checking into the Shangri la or the Intercon, meals out in Oakwood, and shopping trips to Glorietta, trust me we have all done it, and yes, I am sure we would all agree, the sex was great...(Keith no dirty comments please !)

But when the real life begins, that is back in UK, trudging to work every day trying to etch out a living, and realizing, hey..he leaves his socks on the floor, hey, she cooks that awful smelling fish with vinegar...yuk....yuk...I am passing out with the fumes of her special meal...

Then you know if this is going to last forever ?

As I said Princess Dhang...hahaha its early days yet for you...I wish you well...Let me know how it goes, in about 3 years will you...then we will get a real insight into your relationship.

In the meantime...enjoy the courtship rituals wont you....and the teasers...and being pakipot...its a fun time...

Best of luck with your new BF of 3 weeks.

[joebloggs]

3wks to some people is a long time, i 'work' with someone who first meet his wife in a tent in the desert twice for an hour a time, then she was asked, would she marry him, she said yes and within in days they were married, and within 3wks she was in the UK.

[ginapeterb]

Whilst I appreciate that these things happen Joe, a chance a meeting in a tent, followed by marriage lessens the chances of a successful relationship, given the narrowness of your comment, is hard to make an honest appraisal of their situation di ba.

[gracia143]

Yeah best of luck Dhang, Pete is right and so is Joe...anyway, lovely day today, it's bright and sun is up. Hey guys have you had your coffee? I'm having one now and enjoying reading your posts.

[bigtombowski]

i wish the sun was up here! lol, i just failed my MOT, am drinking coffee and it's bloody freezing BUT

I AM GOING TO PHILIPPINES IN 7 WEEKS
SO I DON'T CARE what problems i got now yay

Dhang. . . look, only YOU know your heart
you are grown up and u are entitled to make big decisions for yourself
follow your heart ...
but
...
let your brain do leading also

tommi

[joebloggs]

Whilst I appreciate that these things happen Joe, a chance a meeting in a tent, followed by marriage lessens the chances of a successful relationship, given the narrowness of your comment, is hard to make an honest appraisal of their situation di ba.

the guy is from north africa, a sort of arranged marriage, as his mom is english, maybe she thought they should at least meet a couple of times before they tie the knot, sure it might be thier culture, but 'THIS IS ENGLAND' and i don't think 2 hours is enough to prove a relationship when applying for a spouse visa !!!, i like most on here, had to prove a relationship with letters, emails, bills etc. there should be one rule for everyone, and culture should have nothnig to do with immigration law .. oh his brother is getting married xmas eve, and hes planning to do the same...


but i agree with you, not a good start to a marriage, and I wouldn't sell my daughter to anyone, culture or no culture

[bigtombowski]

joe u are very right
why should one culture or religion have automatic immigration when we in our fil-brit relationships have to go thru hell and give the sun moon and stars to the ECO!

it enrages me!

[andypaul]

3wks to some people is a long time, i 'work' with someone who first meet his wife in a tent in the desert twice for an hour a time, then she was asked, would she marry him, she said yes and within in days they were married, and within 3wks she was in the UK.

Like Pete says he told you he met for two hours etc but who ever helped him with his application may not quite have said that. Remeber most of us have had to come to sites like this because prior to our relationships we had no idea about visas etc.
People from certain backgrounds i have met seem to be walking reference guides due to the amount of cousins and other relations they know who have gone though the process.

Remeber also because they are from a similar cutural and racial background the ecos think it must be more natural (ie them being pc correct in a rasict way). If we had cousins abroad and said we would marry them i bet the eco would make alsorts of enquirys with certain backgrounds its the norm ie pakistan so no one would blink an eye.

rant over must go j j jog in the c cc cold

[bigtombowski]

Like Pete says he told you he met for two hours etc but who ever helped him with his application may not quite have said that. Remeber most of us have had to come to sites like this because prior to our relationships we had no idea about visas etc.
People from certain backgrounds i have met seem to be walking reference guides due to the amount of cousins and other relations they know who have gone though the process.

Remeber also because they are from a similar cutural and racial background the ecos think it must be more natural (ie them being pc correct in a rasict way). If we had cousins abroad and said we would marry them i bet the eco would make alsorts of enquirys with certain backgrounds its the norm ie pakistan so no one would blink an eye.

rant over must go j j jog in the c cc cold

rant more
i like it

t

[joebloggs]

why doesn't the gov just come up with and publish some set minimum limits when applying for a spouse visa, maybe they will, they are suppose to be simplifying immigration law in april.

Accommodation - as now you need to have somewhere for your spouse to live and enough room.

Finances - say you need to earn minimum of £15k a year and have savings of £3k

Relationship - evidence that you have known them for at least 3 or 6 months..

just a minimum set of published standards so people have a better idea of what evidence they need to send with a visa app, and also have a higher success rate as you know what the minimum limits are .. and one set standard for ALL

[bigtombowski]

why doesn't the gov just come up with and publish some set minimum limits when applying for a spouse visa, maybe they will, they are suppose to be simplifying immigration law in april.

Accommodation - as now you need to have somewhere for your spouse to live and enough room.

Finances - say you need to earn minimum of £15k a year and have savings of £3k

Relationship - evidence that you have known them for at least 3 or 6 months..

just a minimum set of published standards so people have a better idea of what evidence they need to send with a visa app, and also have a higher success rate as you know what the minimum limits are .. and one set standard for ALL

and

Names -- Your Initials must be T.L.
Eyes -- You must have blue eyes

[joebloggs]

yes and you've got to be from England

[bigtombowski]

hehe, i was conceived in Wolverhampton