Advice

[aprilmaejon]

My leave to remain visa is nearly expired and thinking to divorce my husband cause he don't want to have a child.

What am I going to do?

Chloe, before you and your husband got married, didn't you talk about having children in the future? Was it not discussed? Having a child is one of the priority topics for a couple who is in a relationship, most especially to a couple wishing to get married... even boyfriend-girlfriend relationship talks about it... A wife and husband on their own can't be called a family...there should be a child to make it a Family.

Now, does he know that you want to divorce him due to him not wanting a child? What is his reaction with regards to that matter? Is he not bothered? Is there NO LOVE to prevent you two from divorcing each other for one single reason? No open discussion? No compromising? Your situation makes me wonder so much you know...if love is still in the air for both of you, I would agree with graham to go for a counsellor first and talk this through and not make prompt decisions. Who knows, after a counselling your husband might realise that you having a child with him will make you happy and IF because he loves you, he might change his mind as a man who truly loves their wife will do whatever it takes to make their wife happy. At the end of the counselling if he will still insist not to have a child and you wanting a child, then you two is better off without each other as there will be no happiness in the house if two person's world contradicts to one another. Do what is best for you and for him.

But

Sort your visa first before you do anything like divorce.

Is that the only reason you married, Children? Children are very expensive, also prevent you from working a big headache and a lot of problems. Wake up, you should marry because you love one another and be happy together whatever the circumstances. You should have told your husband when you first met that you wanted children, there are lots of people that choose not to have children and are quite affluent and have the money to be able to see the world during their life, if they had children they would not be able to do anything much with their life. Just my thought, no offence to anyone on this forum!

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Michael,

It's not nice to read your idea about having children. I agree with you that children can be very expensive...so as marrying a person from a different country which you have to pay their visas, tickets and stuffs like that, supporting their family; so as paying taxes in this country; so as buying a house and a car; so as going for holidays; so as paying for foods....everything is expensive. Nothing is cheap in this LIFE but we got to take responsibilities in all this things, isn't it? Problems just comes and goes...we've got to take it or leave it, it's up to the person.
Yes, you should marry because you love one another and be happy together...but how can a couple be happy together if one wants what the other doesn't want?....loving is giving...put yourself in Chloe's husband's place , what will you do if your wife really wanted to have a child and you are against it knowing that it will be her happiness apart from you, will you not give it? Can you bear to look at your wife wanting something that she couldn't have because of you? Do you think she can feel completeness as a woman without a child?....
We don't know Chloe's story yet so we can't speculate that she hasn't told her husband about her wanting a child...or whatever...
Yeah, there's a lot of people in this country who choose not to have children..getting old without any children...and you know what? I find those people's life the most miserable. I am working in an 84-bedroom residential care home, and I noticed that those residents who never have children are our most miserable residents. They are the ones who ask for so much attentions, moans about life and never smiles. They have all the things in the world except for the love of a child. They are always horrible and grumpy. It wasn't just me who had observed that, out of 30 care staffs, 26 have the same observations...4 staffs disagree as they don't want children themselves. According to them, children are a responsibility and they don't want it.
I wasn't offended on your statement in this forum, but I just want to share what's in my thoughts while reading your point of view with regards to this topic, however, I respect what you say.

I am a woman who would never liked to be pregnant or have kids if my savings aren't enough. And I want to have kids once my fiancé and I will have children in the right time, stable in every aspect because I can see how children suffer here in the Philippines when their parents cannot support even just their needs. How could you say that children are expensive? Big headache? Lots of problems? Is that a parent's perspective?

Practical thinking Jen...we got the same thinking actually, to have kids when we will be financially ready, or stable in every aspect of life... But when are we gonna be stable anyway? In 5 years in 10 years or never? We don't know what life's gonna bring us in the future.
I have several colleagues who keep telling me to have a child soon...and I always tell them, NO, WE AREN't financially ready, we got loans to pay and this and this, we are not stable and they answered me that no one in this material world will ever be stable..it's our human nature to ask for more and more which is actually true.
Three of those colleagues of mine are so desperate to have a baby but after years and years of trying, nothing happens. One of them is a Filipina, she got married at the age of 22, to a 21- year English husband. She told me that they were using contraceptives before, to control because they said they aren't stable yet, but after 5 years of marriage, they were still unstable but wanting a baby...a decade have passed after that but they are still trying. She's in and out of the hospital now for diagnostics, to ready her in an IVF procedure. She told me to have the baby earlier than regret it later in life when we can no longer have it. Second colleague of mine is the same, her and the husband's been trying to have a child for years but nothing comes up. She just undergone an IVF procedure but it was a failure so they are running another diagnostics for her and do another IVF procedure soon. The third one is also trying to have a child but no luck of getting pregnant, they wanted to have a free IVF from the NHS but they don't qualify as her husband already have children(husband is 20 years older than her) and FREE IVF is only for couples who never have a child and been trying to have one.
So I stopped my depo injection, and we will just go on with the flow of life......if we will gonna have a child soon, he/she won't prevent me from working hard...instead he/she will motivate me more to achieve my goals in life , along with my wonderful husband of course. I had a baby when I was 17 but it didn't stopped me from finishing my nursing course and taking the licensure exam for only once and passed it. My child was my inspiration to study/work and the thought of having another one will double that motivation.