Is it a Culture problem? (Help please!)

[louisdavid]

Hello,

I'm Louis and Italian. Sorry I'm not a native Englishman but I'll try my best.

I met a filipina 9 months' ago on a dating website. We did chat a lot, sometimes almost all the night and everyday. Quickly we did considered ourselves in a long term relationship. Even if I'm 23 and she's 34, we can have serious talking or silly talk, we both like to tease each other but only for fun...

She does running and kind of exercise 3 times/week. One day, after she came back from her training, I did tease her - telling her that running is not really a sport. She know that I'm really not into sport and so she did challenge me in sport when I ll be there. I told her that running is for women so she challenged me in wrestling. First I refused but after telling me that it's because I'm scared I did accept.

Few days, week later, she reminded me that we have a challenge and she proposed a bet - loser will cook a dinner for the winner - I accepted it of course.

Finally, I booked my flight to meet her after 8 months' chatting. I stayed there only for 8 days. The 3 first days were great, we did move and spent amazing moments together. The 4th day she reminded me that we have a challenge. I was hoping she forgot ... but no...! Anyway, even if we have approximately same height - and even if she runs - I'm confident I have more weight.

We prepared the room for safety and we started. First, we both took it easy, but quickly it became more intense. I tried my best to pin her but she defended herself pretty well. After a few minutes, I start to be exhausted and running after my breath. Suddenly she raises her legs and wrap my head on her thighs. She smiles at me and ask "give up?". I tried to unlock with my arms but she squeezed and I tapped out. She laughed so hard and seemed really happy. She said "now we know" and she went to the bathroom.

After a few seconds to recover, I congratulated her. So I did cook for her and everything was ok. The problem is, after that, she started to be more requiring. She asked me to go shopping. Well ok, but when I arrived I proposed to her and she refused. She asked me to buy her a new phone, well I'm ok. She started to be cold with me. We talked less, because she preferred to go to internet or on her phone...I asked her what happened, but she said nothing obviously. Since I came back to Italia I'm almost the only one to call her. Before it was 50/50.

I'm scared that "challenge" ruined all and that she doesn't see me the same. She's older than me, and now I ask myself if sees me as a kid and not a man or whatever. I don't know if in Philippine's culture, a woman can't be "stronger" than her man or if I missed something, because her behaviour with me has so much changed. I really don't want to lose her because before, we were so good together.

Do you have any idea of what could have happened?

[Michael Parnham]

Hello Louis, welcome to the forum. Very interesting reading and don't really know what to say other than could she have been testing you to see what she could get from you? Seems rather odd that she suddenly lost interest in you, not the normal Filipina reaction, let's see what other members have to say, good luck!

[louisdavid]

Hello Michael and thanks for your answer.

Well, I was scared that there is something in Philippine's culture that blocks if a woman is in better shape than the man. You know like a kind of really traditional vision of what are men and women.

I mean, for me, it was embarrassing because I didn't expect to tap out - specially that way - but it's ok it changes nothing for me.

It seems to be different for her...

[grahamw48]

What happened ?

You lost.

Sorry.

[Dedworth]

You can't beat this forum for the rich variety of posts it brings

Good luck Louis

[tiger31]

I think you have had a lucky escape. Sounds like the sparkle isn,t there between you, so move on. Did you see her naked to check on genitailia lol

[les_taxi]

I quite like the idea of the wrestle bit!

[Michael Parnham]

I quite like the idea of the wrestle bit!

Was "she" a MAN?

[grahamw48]

[Steve.r]

Sounds like she was fighting you for your wallet

[Terpe]

Hello, I'm Louis and Italian.....

Where do you live? Italy?

[Terpe]

It's getting more difficult to find a quality troll these days and you certainly fall well short of that mark louisdavid.

[Terpe]

The clock is ticking........

[SimonH]

I'm confused. Nothing new there though

[Dedworth]

It's getting more difficult to find a quality troll these days and you certainly fall well short of that mark louisdavid.

You can't beat a Stani troll from Hyderabad

[imagine]

Not bad English though

[PAT]

Hello louisdavid, I feel sorry for the kind of situation you are having with this girl.It is difficult because you already been emotionally attached with her.

I think it is not a culture problem, maybe it is better to put this way, if you think she lost interest with you, try to talk to her straight and think wisely..., if things wont go better, move on, do not waste your time thinking about her when she doesn't deserve it. You are still young, there are many good opportunities that come along. If she doesn't call you as often as before, call her less and see what happens - but tell her what you really feel towards her. She might not also sure and be afraid because you are younger than her.

I'm sorry if my response is not much of a help. But I am hoping for the better to you and her.

[Harry T]

Seems to me she got her new phone. As someone says, don't phone her - see if she phones you. If she doesn't, then move on. Plenty more fish in Phills.

[grahamw48]

Could have been worse.

Copied from a friend of a friend's facebook:
.
'And just to remember you Manelyn:

I did all for you. I paid your accomodations, cloths, medicine, doctor, teeth, dentist, school tutions for your last 2 years of High School, your massage school at Cebu City, your Au-Pair school at Quezon City, your Care Giver school at Cavite City, your another Au-Pair school at Bohol managed from your NEW BEST FRIEND Jed Dah. And I paid your wedding papers, translating of it and legalization. Your fees for the Fiancée Visa and Au-Pair Visa. Almost all. I spent my last money for you to bring to my place. And how did you pay back that all to me?

By just waiting until I was not able to send you the money for the flight ticket on the right time. No you did not wait. You already signed the working contract for work as Au-Pair in Germany on middle of June 2014.

Even that time you did not yet have the money for the flight ticket.

How stupid doing! Signing alreay working contract before having the money for the flight ticket. Doing step 2 before step 1 and than when realizing it than breaking up with me and getting that other guy. Wow, changing me like a pantie!

Uups! I foget! I can remember now that September till November 2013 you received already 30,000 Pesos from me for the flight ticket. Did you remember that? And until April 2014 you always told me that you still have that money. But on May 2 you told me that you spent that money already before.

The question is: Why did you not tell me that already before. You spent that without my permission. That is called 'abusing my money'.

I guess there are only 2 possibilities for what you have spent that:

1) You used that to your parents for buying furniture after the typhoon destroyed your house November 2013

2) Or you used that money for paying the utang of your sister to her boss in Ormoc. You told me that she have utang to her boss for 40,000 Pesos which she was ordered to bring to the bank. But on the way going there it was been stolen.

I guess no. 2 is correct. Because your sister is now at Bohol. So you used my money for your flight ticket to pay your sisters utang. Without asking me first.

See what person you are.

And then breaking up and telling me it is my fault that I was not able to send you again money for the ticket.

I guess you just waited for that moment to have a reason to break up with me. Because you never planed to get married to me.

You already made plans since long to get married to that Jonathan Sørensen. I have seen him in your friends list of Facebook in March 2013. And short time after you blocked me in your Facebook. Telling me that you need your privacy.

In real you did it to hide your secrets to me and your flirting to that Jonathan to me. So you made already plans for the future with that guy. And that was the person you always chatting at Skype and telling me that it was not you being online at Skype.

But it was you. Because since May 17 2014 nobody used your Skype anymore. So only you have been the one. On that May 17 you informed your host family that on May 18 you will leave the Philippines for going to Frankfurt Airport by plane. And same day you informed Jonathan about your flight.

And on May 19 2014 you arrived at Frankfurt Airport where your host family was picking you up, right?

But all of that you hided to me. You did that all secretely.

And then sending me on May 25 2014 an e-mail telling me that you are not interested in being an Au-Pair anymore and you will not go to Germany. Even that time you are already in Germany for 1 week and working as Au-Pair.

How liar you are!

And sending me on June 8 another 4 e-mails and telling me some more lies.

That you went to Denmark to get married to that Jonathan already. Hahaha. Nobody can get married within 2 weeks of being in Germany. The papers must be prepared first. And your papers need to be translated or legalized first.

And that you are already now going back to the Philippines and waiting for Jonathan to follow you. Hahaha, another lie! What shall he do there? Looking for job as coconut counter in Bohol?

I know that you are now living near Hamburg and you are working there as Au-Pair.

But even you have income there now you never paid back your utang to me. And that utang is not only about money. It is about love, care, trust and promise to get married to me.

Promises are not made to be broken. But you never kept even a single promise to me. All your promises to me you have broken.

And all my gifts I ever gave to you you brought to the pawn shop, right: my engagement ring you lost in the sea (even you are bringing it to the pawn shop to get the money), the jewellery I gave to you (1 necklace, 1 bracelet and 1 ankle bracelet) you did same only the ankle bracelet you gave to your Pinoy lover Cecelio because I saw him wearing it on one picture (YUCK, how bastos doing), the laptop I gave to you also at pawnshop). Wow, how selfish doing and how trustworthy you are.

See how much you loved me? You only loved my money in all the years.

But I trusted you and cared for you as my wife even we have not been married.

You are the reason why I will never be able to build a family. You ruined my life.

And you destroyed my trust in any Pinay.

And then telling me in your last e-mails that I must be happy now that you are happy with Jonathan. How pervert idea is that? I must be happy - even unhappy and down - that you are happy now with other guy by stealing all my money and using me only as money ko.

You taught me only one thing: NEVER TRUST A PERSON! Just trust yourself, because you only know yourself.

And you showed to the whole world that Pinays are liars, cheaters, playing games, gold diggers and persons you can never trust. You are a shame for your country!

And a person without HONOR, LOYALITY, RESPECT, MORALITY and ETHIC.

You can teach your future kids same like that. You can tell them how you broke up to your first love. The one guy making you become a woman.

But I am sure you already created a new lie for them even not yet born. I am sure you will tell them that I was a bad person, right? Even I did all for you. I even gave by blood for you. And I was sitting beside you as you aborted your ACCIDENT PREGNANCY. I was taking half of the sin on my shoulder even that was not my baby. When that was my baby I would even fight against the devil for the life of my child. But it was your result by cheating me.

That time as you got pregnant by your cheating to me and as that Pinoy broke up with you, you needed me again and you could remember me again. Wow, when you are in troubles you can remember me.

But when doing stupid things and doing sin you forgot me. You even hided yourself to me. And now that I helped you to find a work in Germany you don't need me anymore now, right. Because now you don't need money anymore from me.

Your way of not contacting me anymore now, shows me exactly that! It was only money you needed from me. Money to comfort your life and to fulfill all your dreams. Your dreams without me!

Getting happy by making unhappy the person who cared for you since almost 7 years is a false beginning for a new way in your life. Not NEW LIFE. YOU only live once, not twice! So don't forget: You are still in same life, at same planet, at same time and at same responsibility. Responsibility to the one who cared for you and loved you. You can't escape your responsibility and you can't escape your past. Because it will be there from birth till death.

Hope you will get your KARMA....soon. So that you will feel same as what you gave to me: Many sleepless nights, tears, pain to my heart and soul. I guess my broken heart will never get healed again. You put the knife to deep inside.

You have been and you will always be my SOUL MATE. A SOUL MATE can never be changed. Because that is created by destiny. And you forgot and you ignored the signs already: We are connected by our B-Days: You on Feb. 1 and me on Feb. 2. Your Pa was carpenter and mine too. And Jesus was a carpenter.

We have been perfect lovers. And your family loved and accepted me as their son in law already. We had so many nice moments with your family. I loved your Mom, Pa, Mark, Felix Jr., Marjerie, Angela. But you destroyed all of that. Even you have been so closed like never before to me on April 2014. Only by your own stupid doing (maybe intentionally done to break up and getting that Jonathan) you destroyed everything between us.

OK cha_cha!

Hope you will read that before it is to late for it.

But for me: I will never accept your marriage to that Jonathan Sørensen, NEVER!

Because that will be done by sin. He have no rights to you. Because you have given your promise to get married first to me. And your father give your hand also to me not to him. And you accepted that before.

So all your doing now against me is SIN and FRAUD!

Think of my words.

Dein

Richard'

[Dedworth]

Blimey he's been turned over good and proper

[grahamw48]

Blimey he's been turned over good and proper

Happens all the time mate.

Hormones over-ruling good sense.

[PAT]

Very sad for that guy....

[louisdavid]

I think you have had a lucky escape. Sounds like the sparkle isn,t there between you, so move on. Did you see her naked to check on genitailia lol

Well I can certifate she's 100% female

[louisdavid]

Sounds like she was fighting you for your wallet

Well, that what I thought...

[louisdavid]

Where do you live? Italy?

yes why?

[louisdavid]

Hello louisdavid, I feel sorry for the kind of situation you are having with this girl.It is difficult because you already been emotionally attached with her.

I think it is not a culture problem, maybe it is better to put this way, if you think she lost interest with you, try to talk to her straight and think wisely..., if things wont go better, move on, do not waste your time thinking about her when she doesn't deserve it. You are still young, there are many good opportunities that come along. If she doesn't call you as often as before, call her less and see what happens - but tell her what you really feel towards her. She might not also sure and be afraid because you are younger than her.

I'm sorry if my response is not much of a help. But I am hoping for the better to you and her.

Hello Pazt and thx for your answer,

Well it's strange and I still can't understand her... I did call ehr less and now she call me more but it seems different... I did ask her if it can be a problem cause Im younger and she said not at all and she said she want a long term relationship. I asked her if it was cause that "challenge" she laugh a lot and said not at all and that she think it's "cute"... The problem is now I think she see me more as her child than her man...

[louisdavid]

Hi guys,

Do you know how can I post a pic here that is on my hard drive?

[grahamw48]

You'll need to copy and paste a link from a picture storage site like Photobucket, Flickr etc.

Can't post direct from PC except for profile pic and your avatar.

[raynaputi]

You'll need to copy and paste a link from a picture storage site like Photobucket, Flickr etc.

Can't post direct from PC except for profile pic and your avatar.

Yes you can.

Click "Go Advanced" in the reply box. You will be taken to the advanced page. There will be an attachment icon (a paper clip) beside the "Text Color" (the icon with letter A) and click that. A new box will appear wherein you can add files. Just take note that there's a file size limit (I can't remember what is it though) so resize the file (not the resolution) if it's too big. After you uploaded it, just click "Insert Inline" then click Done.

[grahamw48]

Well I'm glad somebody has pointed that out.

At one time you could upload pics direct, but then that facility seemed to disappear.