Help regarding sleeping arrangements

[Ako Si Jamie]

It just sounds to me it's all about what she wants, Jack, but it's your decision. I hope she can make you happy.

[SimonH]

Are you still in separate rooms

[fred]

Are you still in separate rooms

Bloody hell Simon! Give the man a chance.. He`s only just finished making her happy again!

[SimonH]

Bloody hell Simon! Give the man a chance.. He`s only just finished making her happy again!

Sorry Fred, you're right - a good relationship is all about give and take

[fred]

Just an update guys,

My wife like I said is very career orientatated and wants to pursue her vocation as a nurse and has been worried by wanting this so much as she doesn't need to work at all but she needs to do this as this was her vocation in the Phils.

She wants me to accept her dreams and basically let her do what she's always wanted but was to worried incase I would go against her wishes.

We have discussed in detail and opened both our hearts and found some sort of path forward regarding our fears, worries ect and decided to change things and bring some harmony into this marriage.

I feel a great relief on both sides as Maria thanked me for understanding her dreams and the first time in a long time I seen that sparkle back in her eyes.

I have told her to establish herself and prepare her for academic IELTS so her dreams can come true also baby number 2 planned for late 2016....

Jack..
You seem to have grasped all the advice given and have quite plainly seen the sense in what people like Harry have been telling you.. The problem is that quite obviously,you love this girl so much that every time you are about to confront her with the truth,the fear of losing her and your marriage, halts you in your tracks.... again!
The only thing I would say is for Gods sake..Dont even consider having another child with this woman until she displays the kind of love to you that you do to her.
Personally,I dont think she will EVER change.
I dont think there is any need for you to update us again for lets say 6 months or a year...or 3 until things are resolved one way or the other.
I wish you luck..Hang tough!

[London_Manila]

Jack..
You seem to have grasped all the advice given and have quite plainly seen the sense in what people like Harry have been telling you.. The problem is that quite obviously,you love this girl so much that every time you are about to confront her with the truth,the fear of losing her and your marriage, halts you in your tracks.... again!
The only thing I would say is for God's sake..Dont even consider having another child with this woman until she displays the kind of love to you that you do to her.
Personally,I don't think she will EVER change.
I don't think there is any need for you to update us again for lets say 6 months or a year...or 3 until things are resolved one way or the other.
I wish you luck..Hang tough!

Agreed and now she knows exactly how to behave to get just what she wants

I hope I am proved wrong but this relationship seems to be a little too one-sided for my liking

For her to behave in that manner and for so long would have ended it for me

Expect problems ahead

[proudMummy]

I have been following this thread for many days now and I thought I might as well chip in from a woman's point of view as I can see that most of the information/suggestions you've had are from men in this forum.
As London_Manila has pointed out, your relationship is a bit one-sided. From your recent post, seems to me that the only thing that has been discussed is how you can make her even more happy, you've not talked about how SHE CAN AND WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY. As far as I know, most Filipinas, including myself, if they do love their partners/husbands and family, they'd do everything to make the relationship harmonious and without tension. I've known and heard of many stories wherein all the man hears from the woman is "what about ME? MY family back home? What about MY savings for the future?" I know these relationships with such thinking of the woman don't always end nicely. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a perfect relationship, it's the opposite of your case, I'm hanging in there because we have a child together and I love my son. A mother never leaves her child.
I can deduce from your posts that you're a very good man. She's very lucky to have you though I don't think she clearly sees that because of her "other priorities". She came to this country TO BE WITH YOU. For both of you to build a supposed to be loving family together. Don't forget that. I think you should remind her of that.

[raynaputi]

Very good post Proud Mummy. I have the same opinion as you. I think that as long as Jack's wife thinks of her happiness only, this will always be a one-sided relationship. Yes she gave up everything to be here in the UK with Jack, but Jack has done everything for her to be too comfortable (according to his posts). She's not showing the love and affection that he needs and thinking of fulfilling her dream career more than what their marriage really need now, it will not end up good in my opinion.

[lordna]

Just an update guys,

My wife like I said is very career orientatated and wants to pursue her vocation as a nurse and has been worried by wanting this so much as she doesn't need to work at all but she needs to do this as this was her vocation in the Phils.

She wants me to accept her dreams and basically let her do what she's always wanted but was to worried incase I would go against her wishes.

We have discussed in detail and opened both our hearts and found some sort of path forward regarding our fears, worries ect and decided to change things and bring some harmony into this marriage.

I feel a great relief on both sides as Maria thanked me for understanding her dreams and the first time in a long time I seen that sparkle back in her eyes.

I have told her to establish herself and prepare her for academic IELTS so her dreams can come true also baby number 2 planned for late 2016....

That's great news, I am so glad you two have found a way forward.
Yesterday I starting writing a reply on here to the effect that I thought you should ignore any advice to "cut and run" as it seemed to me you just needed to sit down and discuss things with your wife. You described her as someone who said she loved you and to me it seemed there was an underlying problem that needed to come out in the open.

Well my computer shut down and wouldn't restart until today I tried it again and was so glad to hear your problem has been resolved. Good luck to both of you.

[Ako Si Jamie]

I've just thought of something, Jack.

I can't see a woman who is very career orientated wanting a baby, unless it's a number of years down the line. Also, who's going to look after it when it's born?

Is she just saying this to get what she wants then when the time comes to try for a baby turn around to you and say something to the effect of "I've got a career now, how can I have a child?"

If I'm being brutally honest Jack, I think she's got you wrapped around her little finger and see's you as a doormat.

Excellent posts, Fred and proudmummy.

[Harry T]

Good luck Jack, I'm afraid you are going to need it. and I'm afraid I have to agree with most of Jamie's last comment.

[proudMummy]

Thanks for the reps.

There is lots of good advice and good words to ponder upon here Jack. At the end of the day, the decision is yours to make. Everyone deserves to be happy - especially those who try and make everyone around them happy.

[joebloggs]

I've just thought of something, Jack.

I can't see a woman who is very career orientated wanting a baby, unless it's a number of years down the line. Also, who's going to look after it when it's born?

Is she just saying this to get what she wants then when the time comes to try for a baby turn around to you and say something to the effect of "I've got a career now, how can I have a child?"

If I'm being brutally honest Jack, I think she's got you wrapped around her little finger and see's you as a doormat.

Excellent posts, Fred and proudmummy.

My misses was working and studying up to a week before little Joe was born. Three wks after his birth, she was back working and studying. It's not easy but not impossible either.

But as you've said Jamie, it could all be delaying tactics. Once she is registered as a nurse, maybe she can get a work permit if she doesn't have ILR

But Lordna, I've got to agree with you. Walking away shouldn't be an option until they've tried counselling from someone like Relate.

[jack86]

Thanks guys for the recent replies.

Everything is in hand, so to speak, just wrapping a few things up with my lawyers so I can have peace of mind for future events and well worth the cash to be happy once again.

Maria seems sweet at the moment smiling again. I hope it lasts because I wouldn't want her to be unhappy one day. Think enough said.... Well, who says life can't be sweet after all.....

[Ako Si Jamie]

It sounds like this woman has mashed your head in, Jack, because you keep changing your mind.

I think there's something more to this than just sleeping arrangements if I'm being truthful.

Have you told family/friends about this or are they the dismissive types who'll just tell you to man up? If you have, what's their opinion?

Thanks to the anonymous member who sent me rep btw.

[Ako Si Jamie]

My misses was working and studying up to a week before little Joe was born. Three wks after his birth, she was back working and studying. It's not easy but not impossible either.

I suppose that can work if the husband is happy to take on that role.

[Arthur Little]

Thanks to the anonymous member who sent me rep btw.

... 'twas Harry T, I think, Jamie!

[Ako Si Jamie]

... 'twas Harry T, I think, Jamie!

How do you know that, Arthur?

[raynaputi]

How do you know that, Arthur?

Mods can see everything, well except the PMs..

[Ako Si Jamie]

Mods can see everything, well except the PMs..

I'd better turn off my webcam then!

[joebloggs]

I suppose that can work if the husband is happy to take on that role.

Role of being mom . We've got an excellent child-minder whom we've been using for 10 yrs now, she is like an aunt to them!

[Tawi2]

A relationship is like a family home, it needs strong foundations to stand the test of time. This relationship from the outset isn't/wasn't as stable and didn't have strength. Marry in haste repent at leisure! I have just read your other post where you realise love has waned. Take a little 'me' time, heal yourself, then rebuild slowly.

Your ex certainly sounds odd - separate beds - and she wasn't tactile? That's NOT typical Pinay behaviour at all, but that's maybe how she is as an individual Enjoy your future, focus on yourself for a while.