Borrowing or lending cash

[stevewool]

Yes, we all have done it. Well - maybe all - but here you are and when will I get it back? And you do get it back 99.9% of the time too, but this is England and you know the person you are lending it to also.

Now it's a different story when it's your new family - or even friends from another part of the world.

It does take some getting use to. And yes, it has happened to me many times, but I do try to write it up as a gift. Say someone would like so much, but it's close to (for example) Christmas: "Well, here you are, Happy Christmas - here is your gift. So, to me, that way i have killed two birds with one stone sort of thing.

But it seems now they are getting wise to me. So what do I have to do, rather then just saying NO, NO,NOOOOOOOOOOOO?

My next plan is to get them to write some sort of agreement.

They have to put this to me with what they are wanting and when they know they can give it back. I don't tell them a time. I leave it to them to decide when they will promise to pay it back by.

Once they have done this, I then write, if it's not paid by when they have promised, do not ask ever again - no matter what!

And yes you are right, I don't see the cash again. But it's not all bad - the amount is not usually too much - and I have got rid of the person asking again. Maybe they will try, but all I have to do is just remind them of what they had promised me in the first place. So far, so good!

How do others get round this, rather then just saying a big fat "NO" straightaway?

Just one thing to add: NO children, adults, or even animals were harmed or suffered long or short term illness with what i am not doing or have done.

[Michael Parnham]

Well Steve, I've never borrowed any money off anyone and I have only ever given money to my wife's family to help contribute towards hospital bills. Mine and my wife's money is OURS and we both share everything. In the past I've had the occasional person say "can you lend me a tenner" or whatever the amount may be, and my answer has always been "get f****d!" I've worked hard all my life for what little I've got and I'm not giving it away. My ex took me for everything I ever worked for, and believe me that hurts and always will!

[stevewool]

... my ex took me for everything I ever worked for, and believe me that hurts and always will!

Many people on here Michael have been there and done that sort of thing too. But look at us all now, so I think it's a better life our exes gave us all. Just my thoughts.

[Michael Parnham]

Many people on here Michael have been there and done that sort of thing too, but look at us all now, so i think its a better life the ex gave us all, just my thoughts

I'm going to rename you 'Steve Sunshine' because you always seem to brighten up the downfall of others

[imagine]

Well Steve, I've never borrowed any money off anyone and I have only ever given money to my wife's family to help contribute towards hospital bills, mine and my wife's money is OURS and we both share everything. In the past I've had the occasional person say "can you lend me a tenner" or whatever the amount may be and my answer has always been "get f****d, I've worked hard all my life for what little I've got and I'm not giving it away, my ex took me for everything I ever worked for and believe me that hurts and always will!

Ditto, my ex took all - and more!

As for lending and borrowing, there is a saying I quote when asked: "Neither a lender or a borrower I shall be".

[stevewool]

Cheers there, Michael!

[Ako Si Jamie]

I lent a friend five grand once but it took him over a year to pay it back (which wasn't the agreement), so I charged him 2k interest.

No more lending out money over £20 after that.

[Longweekend]

I lent a friend five grand once but it took him over a year to pay it back (which wasn't the agreement), so I charged him 2k interest.

No more lending out money over £20 after that.

Been there and done that, lent a "friend" money for a club in Angeles unfortunately he was shot dead before it was repaid, never again....

[Ako Si Jamie]

Been there and done that, lent a "friend" money for a club in Angeles unfortunately he was shot dead before it was repaid, never again....

Not worth the hassle.

[stevewool]

A long, long time ago in a far off place, I too was going to lend someone a very large amount. Less then a year later, this person was out of my life. What chance would I have had of getting it back?

Now that's a nasty thought!

[Terpe]

For many years I've not done either borrowing or lending.

For family I followed the same strategy as you Steve. If I say it's a gift that's what it is.
If I don't say it's a gift then I leave it to them to pay back. Never happened.

Now whenever family ask for money I just tell them they still owe me from last time but if they pay it back I'll give it back to them.

Just like to add that my this strategy has resulted in most of the family now ignoring us completely. Good riddance we say. We certainly don't deserve to be treated like an ATM
Besides, as I say, I'm a pensioner with no job. Who'll look after me and buy my beer
That usually stops them in their tracks

Got to stand up sometimes.

The nephew we sponsored for education and had living with us for for free and providing an allowance for was kicked out after a few weeks.
We'll pay his final graduation costs of P13k next week but then that's it.
We informed the parents about our reasons and they also no longer contact to us.
This 19 year old was a lazy, deceitful, unhygenic liar who tried to scam us at ever turn.
even only P100 here P200 there.
Stuff went missing from our house too. Gold jewelery with significant monetary value as well as sentimental. No proof but.............
We felt we couldn't trust him and besides which we ended up totally disliking him.

I literally threw him out the door with all his stuff.

There's no family now we help

[stevewool]

We are led to believe we are the ones who are tight and we should be there to help because they can't.

"We have an Englishman in our family, we are rich because they are rich and in love with my sister, our daughter, so he will support us."

Like you Peter, I have sensed there is a wedge between myself and certain members, but my Ems thinks kindly of everyone. Maybe it's me, but I know since my saying "NO", there has been a change.

And since the house was stopped being built the way certain people wanted it - again by me - there has been no sign of them.

I see it as their loss not mine!

Time will tell if I have done what I think is right, but I am a long-term planner and I intend to live a good life with those who wants the same thing.
I am being told now i am not kuripot but wise and careful , thats a start

[mickcant]

Well done on standing your ground Steve.
Mick.

[Ako Si Jamie]

That's the thing that annoys me most about going to the Phils; people think that all westerners are rich.

I tell them that an 80 peso packet of Marlboro Lights costs over "1,000 peso's" in the UK. It's worth it just to see the look on their faces.

[fred]

That's the thing that annoys me most about going to the Phils; people think that all westerners are rich.

I tell them that an 80 peso packet of Marlboro Lights costs over "1,000 peso's" in the UK. It's worth it just to see the look on their faces.

Ah yeah but then they think,"If he smokes and can afford 1,000 PHP for 20 ciggs,he is definitely rich!"

[Ako Si Jamie]

Ah yeah but then they think,"If he smokes and can afford 1,000 PHP for 20 ciggs,he is definitely rich!"

Valid point, Fred. I'll have to add something else to the equation.

[jonnijon]

Got three boys and one girl, step kids here, the boys don't work and the girl is a 'Jesus freak', so you can guess what they get told!

[stevewool]

"Amen! Bless you, and get off your and find a job!"

[tiger31]

I was told before I ever went to the Philippines, if you lend money to family you will never see it again. So I decided, if asked (like Steve said) write it off as a gift. So far, I,ve been lucky as in not to have been asked to lend them anything, but more to help in dire situations. Like last year in CDO - when they suffered big floods - the bro' in law,s house was practically washed away. Then I was happy to help him. But overall, the requests have been small - due to the fact that my missus is as tight as a duck,s ass, lol. She won,t lend unless she knows she will get it back, lol.

[Longweekend]

It's difficult really, as we do tend to have more than the average Filpino....

[grahamw48]

People know me well enough not to bother asking.

Oh, and if you regard ANY money given in the Phils as a gift, you will save yourself a lot of disappointment and stress.

[Ako Si Jamie]

Yup, no such thing as loans over there.

[imagine]

Yup, no such thing as loans over there.

Oh yes, there are:

Teachers' Loans!

[imagine]

I do not lend to any of Lolita's family, and they have never asked!

But what I did do - by my own choice - was, I took over what Lolita was paying her mama and papa for their old age needs, an allowance of 3,000 Php per month. It pays towards their survival, food etc. and isn't really enough for them in my opinion. But I am glad to help. I pay it by my choice. In return, Lolita will get a larger part of land from them, on their deaths. The remaining land will go to her sisters and brothers.

I employ one of Lolita's brothers and will do for as long as is possible to keep him in employment. He is 100% trustworthy, reliable, honest, a good worker and friend. During my building project, he has been my right arm. Without him, the project would have cost more, taken longer and would have been very hard for me. As a bonus, I let him have my multi-cab which I paid 65,000 peso for and the cost of repairs less than 1 year ago. I asked only 10,000 from him - "the rest", I told him, "is your bonus".

However, I will not extend this to her other brothers and sisters.

[stevewool]

It is always good to treat people they way they treat you.

Everyone is not out to get you. And once you have found the person you can trust, look after them. Em's dad is that type of person for me.

[Michael Parnham]

Yup, no such thing as loans over there.

Most people in Philippines live on borrowed money Jamie, and very few pay it back!

[imagine]

Most people in Philippines live on borrowed money Jamie and very few pay it back!

That's a bit like UK - credit cards, house loans, car loans - but the difference is, they have to be paid back!

[stevewool]

That's a bit like UK - credit cards, house loans, car loans - but the difference is, they have to be paid back!

Very, very true, paid back one way or another.

[les_taxi]

I lend close friends fairly often. If I've got it and someone's stuck, I help out - just my nature.

[stevewool]

That's what friends are for. Sometimes I have not got a quid on me and I will say, "lend me a quid till later", but you always make sure it's paid later too.