Laughter keeps us all in top shape
Laughter keeps us all in top shape
I challenged myself to a ten second .....
Almost pulled it off!
My new girlfriend says im crap at sex, how can she say that after just 2 minutes?
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When
we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear
after me, ok?'
'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.
'Oh, shiit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got
up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f@cking Coco Pops'
Last week my wife caught me cross dressing........
So I packed her things and left.
A teacher asked her third grade class to name nouns ending with the syllable “tor” and which eats things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator." "Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."“ Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done. "Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
Well my Sister has one and she says it eats fu----g batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
A teacher asked her third grade class to name nouns ending with the syllable “tor” and which eats things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator." "Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."“ Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done. "Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
Well my Sister has one and she says it eats fu----g batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
Life was so simple before I got married.
I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.
My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.
Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester"
If a woman has a problem with you masturbateing she either,
A- Has intimacy issues.
B- Is fridged.
C- Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus.
Love your jokes Fred so keep them coming. I just for the life of me cannot work this one outOriginally Posted by fred
Clue..The place he chose to masturbate may have been inappropriate.Love your jokes Fred so keep them coming. I just for the life of me cannot work this one out
Subject: Guts or Balls?
There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.
We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.
Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.
It was the bus that confused me FredClue..The place he chose to masturbate may have been inappropriate.
Brilliant!!!
As its..."Quiet"...
I used to be hooked on the hokey cokey but then I turned myself around and that's what it's all about.
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