A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, 'But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.'
I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says 'Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, 'Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'.
We went into the local indian restuarant and when eating our meal the waiter came over and said curry ok? To which i said go on then mate one song then sling your hook..........
Nice ones Fred, keep em coming
I'm going to an afro carribean convention next week.
I'm dreading it.
Q: What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief?
A: A thief snatches your watch.
A husband and wife were shopping in Tesco's when the man picked up a crate of Stella and put it into the trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asked the wife.
'It's on offer, only £10 for 24 cans,' he said.
'Put them back, we can't afford it,' said the wife, so he did and they carried on shopping.
A few aisles later the woman picked up a £20 jar of face cream and put that in the trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asked the man.
'That's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she said.
The man replied: 'So does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the fking price!'
Originally Posted by SimonH
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 16-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and
without missing a beat, she says:
Well, that's great...that's just great...
some asshole's got my pen.
I was hoovering today and like most blokes i looked at the hose, looked at my penis,looked at the hose,looked at my penis looked at the hose again and thought,why am i hoovering ive got a penis?
Kick boxing Cat.
Man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra.The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.
"Why not?' asked the man .
"Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor .
"But I need it really bad,' said the man .
"Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor ,
Man answered, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a triple dose."
On Monday, he dragged himself in to the doctor's office, his right arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"
Reply ? "No one showed up."
Oh well...Seeing it pretty close to Christmas and I`m feeling particularly generous....
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband standing around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?"
She asked.
"Hunting Flies"
He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone
You never fail to make me smile Fred
What do you call a Frenchman who wears sandals?
PHILIPPE PHLOP!
The ban on smoking in cars when children are present is a stupid idea. My 3 year old twins got pneumonia stood out in the pissing down rain while i had a smoke over the weekend.
Love em Fred
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