Worried

[Soupdragon]

Hi I'm hoping to get some advice here. I'm in a sort of relationship with this beautiful pinay. But it's only been 3 months. In that 3 months there hasn't been a day that we haven't contacted each other. Until now. 2 days ago I upset her it was something so trivial. And now I can't get in contact. When I say trivial this is what happened. She told me she couldn't cook. So jokingly I said what about boiled eggs. She said that was her speciality. So It was all joking. Then a couple of days ago she said she wanted to cook me breakfast. I said oh ur speciality boiled egg. She flipped and said that I was underestimating what she could do. I've not heard from her in coming up to 3 days. Advice I'm looking for is are pinay really that sensitive. She's sang to me and I thought we was getting close. Any advice would be appreciated. I've only had one relationship in my life so I admit I'm no expert. Thanks

[grahamw48]

How old are you ?

[Ako Si Jamie]

It's what's known in the trade as a tampo.

[Soupdragon]

I'm 29 she's 20. I did forget to say she's had a fever the last couple of days

[Tawi2]

Sulking is what petulant kids do,at least until they grow up and mature,she is playing pinay mind-games very early on,only 12 weeks into whats essentially just an online friendship,get on with life while she thinks things over,play her at her own game,ignore her for a month or so.

[Dedworth]

As Jamie says - tampo - read here

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

[Ako Si Jamie]

The first Pinay I dated was 26 but acted like she was 12 so it was important for me when I met Maria that she had a fair level of maturity.

If I was you, Soupdragon, I'd look for a girl nearer to your age or maybe even older. You also need to consider on how she will adapt to this country should you bring her over.

[Soupdragon]

Do they Just have a "Tampo" for no reason?

[Ako Si Jamie]

Do they Just have a "Tampo" for no reason?

There's a reason but it can be very trivial or even bizarre like the time when my ex had one after I asked if she was hungry. Work that one out.

[cheekee]

The good old pinay Tampo.

I had this with sheina in the beginning. Happy to say now it hardly happens.We had a good talk about the cultural differences in this aspect. In Filipino culture the female expects the male to be sweet to them when this happens. I didn't realise that. Sheina didnt realise that in western culture its different.

Hope you get it sorted.

[Terpe]

The good old pinay Tampo.

I had this with sheina in the beginning. Happy to say now it hardly happens.We had a good talk about the cultural differences in this aspect. In Filipino culture the female expects the male to be sweet to them when this happens. I didn't realise that. Sheina didnt realise that in western culture its different.

Hope you get it sorted.

This is the best strategy all round IMO too.

When it comes to cultural differences there really does need to be some serious discussions, explanations, compromise and agreements.

It's no good taking the high road on cultural aspects without understanding on both parts.

If a 'grown up' discussion doesn't work then move on.
My experience tells me that relationships with cultural differences need calm understanding from both parties to develop into a rich and worthwhile one.

[Ako Si Jamie]

Also, don't be apologetic or feel guilty if they go in a tampo, unless you understand you've done something wrong. All you've done is make a light hearted comment and she's blown it out of proportion by going off on one.

Having been a victim of a few tampo's over the years, I'd try and nip this habit in the bud to a manageable degree early doors by having some words with the young lady.

[London_Manila]

Sounds to me like she had a hissy fit over something very trivial

May i suggest that you dont fall at her feet and beg for mercy every time she decides to act like a spoilt child. If you do she will just resort to this kind of behavior in the future anytime she wants to get something.....I would probably call her bluff and inform her that i dont want a relationship with any spoilt brat. That may sound harsh but hissy fits normally increase with time so maybe an early exit might save you a lot of hassle in the future....

Females from south east asia normally behave as badly as you let them

[Tawi2]

Sounds to me like she had a hissy fit over something very trivial

May i suggest that you dont fall at her feet and beg for mercy every time she decides to act like a spoilt child. If you do she will just resort to this kind of behavior in the future anytime she wants to get something.....I would probably call her bluff and inform her that i dont want a relationship with any spoilt brat. That may sound harsh but hissy fits normally increase with time so maybe an early exit might save you a lot of hassle in the future....

Females from south east asia normally behave as badly as you let them

Word exactly!The best advice!I have had relationships with quite a number of pinays,and SEA ladies in general (yeah,mermaids) Tampo is ridiculous for a grown woman in a serious relationship,they use it as some sort of emotional/mental blackmail,it doesnt work if you dont let them twist you around their finger from the outset,if she is trying it on theres plenty more fish in the sea and in SEA,but your going to have to sort through a lot of stones to find a diamond,a relationship is balance not mental control,move on if she is that way inclined,lifes too short.

[London_Manila]

Word exactly!The best advice!I have had relationships with quite a number of pinays,and SEA ladies in general (yeah,mermaids) Tampo is ridiculous for a grown woman in a serious relationship,they use it as some sort of emotional/mental blackmail,it doesnt work if you dont let them twist you around their finger from the outset,if she is trying it on theres plenty more fish in the sea and in SEA,but your going to have to sort through a lot of stones to find a diamond,a relationship is balance not mental control,move on if she is that way inclined,lifes too short.

Both sides normally try and push the boundaries in the early stages of a relationship and this is the right time to send a message concerning what you will not put up with
I found that once they understand that you are not going to put up with their hissy fits then you will see a clear marked improvement with their behaviour
Acting like a poor love sick puppy and trying to placate her mood swings will just bring you many more mood swings in the future...................

[imagine]

Lita has tempo's usualy if she is busy and i try talk to her lol,
also if she is hungry, especialy if there is no rice,

she expects me just to accept it as normal, expects me to be sweet , expects ice cream, but no i wont

[Michael Parnham]

I think someone mentioned on another thread that "Tampo" is when they don't speak, if that's the case I wish my wife had them because she's just the opposite, she get's really angry at the slightest thing and never shut's up, but I don't mind really because when she apologises It's heaven

[Ako Si Jamie]

I think someone mentioned on another thread that "Tampo" is when they don't speak,

Silence isn't always golden.

Tampo's didn't bother me at first but after awhile they become very annoying.

[stevewool]

Hi there all i can add is that in just the short three months you have spoken and you say she has not spoken to you for three days, well if you have tried yourself to make contact, i would not bother again for a few days , if there is no contact after that , walk away

[imagine]

its when they stamp their feet and that hard look in her eyes as she says ,,, i will kill you

[stevewool]

Never seen one yet in all the time i have known Ems, a TAMPO i mean

[Soupdragon]

thanks for everyones input ive done a bit of research. She obviously has stronger feelings for me than i thought for her to act this way. she contacted me this morning full of apologies. Iv'e told her we need to talk and shes agreed. So we will. and see what happens. But im going have to do a lot more research

[Michael Parnham]

thanks for everyones input ive done a bit of research. She obviously has stronger feelings for me than i thought for her to act this way. she contacted me this morning full of apologies. Iv'e told her we need to talk and shes agreed. So we will. and see what happens. But im going have to do a lot more research

Don't worry Soupdragon, have a great future together!

[imagine]

thanks for everyones input ive done a bit of research. She obviously has stronger feelings for me than i thought for her to act this way. she contacted me this morning full of apologies. Iv'e told her we need to talk and shes agreed. So we will. and see what happens. But im going have to do a lot more research

just dont mention eggs or cooking

[Slip]

I made a joke to my wife the other day. Then a few minutes later I asked her somthing and she ignored me. I asked if she was speaking to me? She ignored me. So I said fine, I wont talk to you, quietest 24 hours in my home for a while.....

I was probably being childish, but wasn't giving in, she ignored me first lol.

[Michael Parnham]

I made a joke to my wife the other day. Then a few minutes later I asked her somthing and she ignored me. I asked if she was speaking to me? She ignored me. So I said fine, I wont talk to you, quietest 24 hours in my home for a while.....

I was probably being childish, but wasn't giving in, she ignored me first lol.

I ask Maritess a question and she answers three weeks later, life's great fun with a Filipina!

[Dedworth]

I made a joke to my wife the other day. Then a few minutes later I asked her somthing and she ignored me. I asked if she was speaking to me? She ignored me. So I said fine, I wont talk to you, quietest 24 hours in my home for a while.....

I was probably being childish, but wasn't giving in, she ignored me first lol.

That's the best way to deal with it Slip

[imagine]

just thinking pinoy humour is pretty much like ours, but i find a dry kind of humour isnt taken well or understood,

perhaps when she said she wanted to cook your breakfast, she may have been making the effort to learn in order to please you, that would make your remark hurt her feelings

[grahamw48]

My young lady is always sweet-tempered, I must say. (Of course we HAVE actually met).

[raynaputi]

When Keith joked about me and my family eating dogs (this was during the first few months we were a couple), I snapped at him and told him we're not the kind of people he thinks we are. I didn't talk to him much at that time because I was upset. Then 2 days later, I got a delivery of a big stuffed toy and some Starbucks GC. Everything was forgiven then! Haha.. It's the way the guy handles the situation and not the attitude of dropping everything just like that.