ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Paddy walks past a new pub and sees a sign in the window,
pies 50p, wanks 10p, he couldn`t believe his luck. He
goes in and sees a stunning blonde barmaid and asks her
"are you the one that gives wanks?" Yes she replies.
"Well" he says "wash yer ******* hands i want a pie"
A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of live frogs. The sign says:
"SEX FROGS"
Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll TAKE one!" As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions!
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads
the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store."
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over." Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!"
The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:
"LISTEN TO ME!! I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!!"
Female Geography:
Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 years, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is the only answer.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.
After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan : many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there...
Male Geography:
Between 15 and 70, a man is like the USA :
ruled by a dick...
Ahhhh..So thats why !!
Meanwhile..In a posh town in Liverpool...
Kuya Fred are u trying to reach 1000 posts?73 posts more to go..
hehehe...thats what im thinking too
but its all great...walang itulak kabigin
Wedding dance..With a difference.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqiw-Kqtlr0
Chinese Food Prank Call
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TXjt...eature=related
Priest: What is your sin child?
Girl : I confess father, I called a man a son of a bitch.
Priest: Why?
Girl : Father he touched me!
Priest: Like this..? (The priest then touches the girl)
Girl : Yes!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.
Girl : Yes, but then he stripped me naked!
Priest: Like this..? (The priest then rips the girl's clothes off)
Girl : Yes!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.
Girl : Yes, but then he had sex with me!
Priest: Like this..? (The priest then has wild sex with her)
Girl : Yes exactly like that!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son of a bitch!
Girl : But father he had genitle herpees!
Priest: That son of a bitch!
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
Some of these are so funny
I got stopped for speeding the other day.
I denied the charge ...and then the copper pointed at my back seat..
Gorgeous blond came by the house yesterday and said she wanted part time work. I said she could paint my porch for £100, and I already had the paint purchased. She said ok, so I took a nap.
She knocked on the door about an hour later and sed, "By the way, it's not a porch, it's a BMW.
Can you believe that Bitch?
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