Another Family Funeral

[Terpe]

Another of my brother-in-laws passed away today. Heart attack.

My wife will go to Mindanao for the burial. I'll be staying home.

We've supported so many this past 12 months and I'm so sorry to say it, but it's very expensive.
Most of the family just don't seem to have any finances to manage.

I know I shouldn't say such things but I just did.

I'll not be travelling.

[Steve.r]

Sorry to hear your news Peter. There are simple funeral plans that can be paid into weekly/monthly in Phils, I know my wife does this just in case of the worst. Her mum who passes away 2 years ago was also covered. Not expensive, maybe the cost of a couple of bottles of MP a month.

[bigmarco]

Having a conscience doesn't come cheaply as we all find out.
My condolences .

[grahamw48]

Sorry to hear of your loss Peter.

My Mrs. knows that I've got no money (apart from what I give her for her living costs, plus mine, when I'm there).

So far nobody has asked me for any, but she also knows that the answer will be sorry, but no, because there is none.

[stevewool]

Sorry for your lose Peter, it does make you think hard what am i saving for and just another year or so to go, time waits for no man they say,
We was only talking about this the other day, and asking what we would do if this happened to a member of the family,
Funny i never got a answer

[Arthur Little]

Sorry too, to learn of the loss of one more of your brothers-in-law, ... may it be of comfort during this time of sorrow, to know that Myrna & I are thinking of Carina and yourself.

[Terpe]

He was the eldest of her brothers and sisters but still only 58 years old
Life can sometimes be a hard struggle here for many.

We weren't close to him or his family but I advised that she should attend the burial.

I'll be in charge of myself for a few days

[Terpe]

.........We was only talking about this the other day, and asking what we would do if this happened to a member of the family,
Funny i never got a answer

Usually everyone chips in best they can.

Philippine funeral traditions are quite something.
In the past 12 months we've been involved with six

[grahamw48]

I would add, that I do have several extremly friendly and kind brother-in-laws, and should one of them pass on, there would be SOMETHING contributed by me and my other half.

[Michael Parnham]

Sorry to hear of the sad occasion Peter, not an experience I have come across yet.

[Terpe]

Sorry to hear of the sad occasion Peter, not an experience I have come across yet.

I'd only ever attended one funeral/burial until quite late in my life.
These past 3-4 years has seen a long list of them

The older I get the more I need to attend.
I've attended a couple here of Brit ex-pats who were very nice folks even though I hadn't known them for so long.

[Jenky]

It does get to you. My wife`s family nobody works and when the s**t hits the fan regarding one of probably thirty different relatives in the good old Fil then the first thing that happens is she gets a txt asking for some help from the money tree that they all think grows in our garden.
Her brother died last year and she went straight to the bank and borrowed a four figure sum to pay for the funeral. At least she used some of the money to buy a small plot of burial land and so I guess the next time it may not be so expensive as there is already a resting place.
It makes me sad to see a lot of her salary every month being used to pay off this loan and various other hospital bills on top of the regular monthly allowance she sends them for provisions. But as she says to me who else will do it? I cant let my parents/relatives die.......Part of the joys of being married to a Filipina I guess. Unless you are lucky enough to be married to one whose family also has a money tree growing in their garden. You just have to bite your tongue when you want to say something about it because you will only make it worse than it already is.

[Terpe]

It does get to you. My wife`s family nobody works and when the s**t hits the fan regarding one of probably thirty different relatives in the good old Fil then the first thing that happens is she gets a txt asking for some help from the money tree that they all think grows in our garden.
Her brother died last year and she went straight to the bank and borrowed a four figure sum to pay for the funeral. At least she used some of the money to buy a small plot of burial land and so I guess the next time it may not be so expensive as there is already a resting place.
It makes me sad to see a lot of her salary every month being used to pay off this loan and various other hospital bills on top of the regular monthly allowance she sends them for provisions. But as she says to me who else will do it? I cant let my parents/relatives die.......Part of the joys of being married to a Filipina I guess. Unless you are lucky enough to be married to one whose family also has a money tree growing in their garden. You just have to bite your tongue when you want to say something about it because you will only make it worse than it already is.

There's some truth in what you say. When I was earning a good amount I could afford to help but limited my contributions for education, medical emergencies and funerals.
I always tried to avoid anything else, but in honesty didn't always deny my conscience.

Since being retired and also since living here, we've made our position clear. It has sadly resulted in almost all of my wife's family being cut-off from us for one reason or another.

In terms of education help, it's only there for those who I feel have the capability, motivation and character to see it through and help their siblings in like.
For Medical help I only support payment of hospital bills that I've pre-approved and for medication that I personally source and supply.

Funerals are a tricky one. I always decide who of us , or both, will attend the burial and exactly which part of the funeral we will support and how much.

It might sound tough from a western frame of reference, but it's just common sense really given the culture and tradition here for the vast majority.

My bro-in-law would be considered to be living in poverty. However, not that he didn't get opportunities.

[grahamw48]

I shall continue to refer mine on to the Bill Gates Foundation.

[Steve.r]

I still stand by what I said before, there are easy and cheap methods to cover funeral expenses. What always annoys me in the Philippines is that anyone can afford a bottle of MP or Red Horse, but no one can afford to fix a light bulb on their motor or provide for funeral expenses. In some ways I find it very selfish that they rely on others to pay for their own problems instead of being responsible enough to cover themselves. The small price my wife pays every month into her 'death club' covers all funeral costs, coffin, flowers, lights etc, and as I say, a bottle of MP covers it.

[stevewool]

I still stand by what I said before, there are easy and cheap methods to cover funeral expenses. What always annoys me in the Philippines is that anyone can afford a bottle of MP or Red Horse, but no one can afford to fix a light bulb on their motor or provide for funeral expenses. In some ways I find it very selfish that they rely on others to pay for their own problems instead of being responsible enough to cover themselves. The small price my wife pays every month into her 'death club' covers all funeral costs, coffin, flowers, lights etc, and as I say, a bottle of MP covers it.

We are all different Steve, and i understand what you are saying too, infact i understand everyone's views ,
I am becoming a grumpy old git when it comes to money and sharing, but thats the magic word which many dont understand SHARING

[Michael Parnham]

There's some truth in what you say. When I was earning a good amount I could afford to help but limited my contributions for education, medical emergencies and funerals.
I always tried to avoid anything else, but in honesty didn't always deny my conscience.

Since being retired and also since living here, we've made our position clear. It has sadly resulted in almost all of my wife's family being cut-off from us for one reason or another.

In terms of education help, it's only there for those who I feel have the capability, motivation and character to see it through and help their siblings in like.
For Medical help I only support payment of hospital bills that I've pre-approved and for medication that I personally source and supply.

Funerals are a tricky one. I always decide who of us , or both, will attend the burial and exactly which part of the funeral we will support and how much.

It might sound tough from a western frame of reference, but it's just common sense really given the culture and tradition here for the vast majority.

My bro-in-law would be considered to be living in poverty. However, not that he didn't get opportunities.

Well said Peter

[Michael Parnham]

I still stand by what I said before, there are easy and cheap methods to cover funeral expenses. What always annoys me in the Philippines is that anyone can afford a bottle of MP or Red Horse, but no one can afford to fix a light bulb on their motor or provide for funeral expenses. In some ways I find it very selfish that they rely on others to pay for their own problems instead of being responsible enough to cover themselves. The small price my wife pays every month into her 'death club' covers all funeral costs, coffin, flowers, lights etc, and as I say, a bottle of MP covers it.

Valid point Steve, forgive my ignorance, what is MP?

[Steve.r]

This Michael,

[Michael Parnham]

Thank you Steve, forgive me for not knowing because I don't drink

[Steve.r]

Thank you Steve, forgive me for not knowing because I don't drink

I don't drink it either unless I really have to. But at around 100-120peso a bottle, which is easily afforded by everybody in the Philippines (in my observations) if just two bottles each a month are not bought, this is enough to enable a funeral plan.

[grahamw48]

Hmm... will have to look into this 'death cover' business ... as long they don't provide her with the gun and bullets too.

[Steve.r]

Hmm... will have to look into this 'death cover' business ... as long they don't provide her with the gun and bullets too.

haha... I think you had the loaded gun Graham