Quote Originally Posted by sally sanchez View Post
Good Morning everyone!

I am Sally Sanchez, married to Keith since November 2013. I arrived here in Isle of Anglesey, Wales in August 2013 on fiance visa, got married in November and got my spouse visa in July 2014. Had a wonderful married life with my husband until September of last year when he got ill. He was diagnosed with CUP (Cancer of Unknown Primary) and sadly passed away 3rd of January this year. He would have been 59 years old last Friday (9th Sept), while I turned 55 last July.

I joined this forum in 2013 with the intention of making friends and maybe get some help if we have trouble getting my visa and what have you. Now I'm here writing not for help with my visa but with something more personal. I knew instantly that my life would change the day we were told of Keith's diagnosis. Nothing will prepare you for what's coming when you hear something like that. But I did anyway for I have no choice. When keith died, i have our friends who helped me out with everything that needs to be sorted and I was grateful. When everything was done, I went back to Manila for a couple of months to be with my family. I left with a heavy heart and came back more broken. Coming back to an empty house is not just hard, it was tough. I just managed by keeping myself busy. I had my passport renewed with my married name on it so that when I apply for my ILR it will also be under my married name. I left again for Manila in July and came back yesterday. As soon as I receive my passport, I will start doing my ILR application and hopefully it will be granted.

While in Manila, i have been thinking deep and hard if I still wanted to stay in UK or not. My Keith made sure that I will be okay in terms of financial. We own our house, mortgage free so I really have no problems in that aspect. It is just so hard coming to terms with his death. I just got here and honestly I just want to go back now. I wanted to tell our friends here and ask for their advice on what's their take on me going back home for good. But I also wanted to hear from independent sources and hoping I can get a better perspective on the whole thing. It is in this light that I come here today to ask for your advice on what's the best thing to do or consider before I make any plans.

I feel a little better that I was able to share all these thoughts and thank you all in advance for whatever help/advice you can give me.

Sally
Hi Sally,

Sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I decided to respond as I too was in similar circumstances to you back in spring 1999 when my first wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, given 6 months to live and passed away in January 2002. Life seemed very empty and it took me about 7 years to fully get over it. Perhaps i was fortunate in that i had three children to look after, so perhaps this helped me keep my sanity during what was a very difficult time. The local hospice who helped care for my wife did also offer counselling and other help for myself and my children which helped enormously as did me attending counselling session arranged by my local GP. Keeping myself busy and distracted with looking after the kids, finding a new hobby (family history) and improving the house also helped a lot. Eventually(2009), i decided it was time to seek another partner, something i never thought i would do, which led me to online dating and meeting my current filipina wife and her daughter. They joined me in the UK in 2010 and so far life is good again.
I think for you it's early days yet as IMHO you need time to get over losing your partner. In my case we had been together 22 years. My advice to you would be don't rush, it takes time. Find a hobby you always wanted to try that brings you into contact with other people perhaps. Ask for help at the local hospice or your GP. In time your life will heal itself and you will clearly see which direction your life should be heading, be it here or back home in the Philippines. Good luck and welcome back to the forum.