Hiya! newbie

[sally sanchez]

Good Morning everyone!

I am Sally Sanchez, married to Keith since November 2013. I arrived here in Isle of Anglesey, Wales in August 2013 on fiance visa, got married in November and got my spouse visa in July 2014. Had a wonderful married life with my husband until September of last year when he got ill. He was diagnosed with CUP (Cancer of Unknown Primary) and sadly passed away 3rd of January this year. He would have been 59 years old last Friday (9th Sept), while I turned 55 last July.

I joined this forum in 2013 with the intention of making friends and maybe get some help if we have trouble getting my visa and what have you. Now I'm here writing not for help with my visa but with something more personal. I knew instantly that my life would change the day we were told of Keith's diagnosis. Nothing will prepare you for what's coming when you hear something like that. But I did anyway for I have no choice. When keith died, i have our friends who helped me out with everything that needs to be sorted and I was grateful. When everything was done, I went back to Manila for a couple of months to be with my family. I left with a heavy heart and came back more broken. Coming back to an empty house is not just hard, it was tough. I just managed by keeping myself busy. I had my passport renewed with my married name on it so that when I apply for my ILR it will also be under my married name. I left again for Manila in July and came back yesterday. As soon as I receive my passport, I will start doing my ILR application and hopefully it will be granted.

While in Manila, i have been thinking deep and hard if I still wanted to stay in UK or not. My Keith made sure that I will be okay in terms of financial. We own our house, mortgage free so I really have no problems in that aspect. It is just so hard coming to terms with his death. I just got here and honestly I just want to go back now. I wanted to tell our friends here and ask for their advice on what's their take on me going back home for good. But I also wanted to hear from independent sources and hoping I can get a better perspective on the whole thing. It is in this light that I come here today to ask for your advice on what's the best thing to do or consider before I make any plans.

I feel a little better that I was able to share all these thoughts and thank you all in advance for whatever help/advice you can give me.

Sally

[stevewool]

What can anyone say when they read news like this but to say sorry,
I am sure you have heard that word many many times before.
You have experienced so much in such a little time and i hope the time you and Keith was together made both of your lives much better being together.
Maybe you know what you are wanting but other peoples advice may shine a light on something you have never thought off,
You say you have been back to the Phils a few times to be with your family over there and is there more for you back in Manila do you think.
Having a new life with new friends in a different part of the world is exciting but also can be very lonely too, and you have lost your biggest friend in Keith.
Time does heal, and all i can say is i wish you well in what ever choice you will make and i am sure it will be the right choice too, can i ask what do you think Keith would want you to do,
God bless

[SimonH]

Hi Sally,

That must have been a difficult story to write, but hopefully it's made things a bit easier for you actually getting your feelings down on paper as it were. I can only reiterate what Steve has said in asking what Keith would want you to do, I'm sure he'd want you to be happy.
Whatever choice you make, be sure it's you making that decision and it's what you want.

[sally sanchez]

What can anyone say when they read news like this but to say sorry,
I am sure you have heard that word many many times before.
You have experienced so much in such a little time and i hope the time you and Keith was together made both of your lives much better being together.
Maybe you know what you are wanting but other peoples advice may shine a light on something you have never thought off,
You say you have been back to the Phils a few times to be with your family over there and is there more for you back in Manila do you think.
Having a new life with new friends in a different part of the world is exciting but also can be very lonely too, and you have lost your biggest friend in Keith.
Time does heal, and all i can say is i wish you well in what ever choice you will make and i am sure it will be the right choice too, can i ask what do you think Keith would want you to do,
God bless

Hi Stevewool and thank you for your reply. Yes, you were right with me knowing what I want and a little light on that plan wouldn't hurt. Keith never said anything what he wants me to do when he's gone except for me to go back to my driving lesson and pass it. nothing big but really simple. he knew that I may have to go back to Manila eventually and even said that if i have to sell the house he would understand. first option is rent it out so i'll have income from it especially during summer then just go back to manila in winter season. i was considering it but i'm scared of renting it out. blame it on me watching this program about nightmare tenants! i cannot afford to risk losing our house like that. guess i am just being cautious. while on the other hand, with the money he left me, i was thinking of buying a condo in manila and lease it at the same time. between the two, i prefer the 2nd option since i know my way around in manila plus maintenance is not that high compared here if i rent out the house. i don't want to rush things but i have to start doing things now rather than later.

[sally sanchez]

Hi Simon, it was indeed but as you said i felt better after. i will definitely make the decision and just hope for the best! as the saying goes, more heads are better than one so i am hopeful that i get some inputs here that can help with my decision. Thanks for the reply!

[stevewool]

Sally have you any idea of what rental prices you may get for the area where you are, also is there great demand too.
I should carry on with the driving lessons and good luck with that.
You mentioned the ILR and that you still have a long way to go for that, are you interested in British citizenship after that also,
You have lots to keep you busy for now so there is no rush, and remember these programs on TV are a very small minority of bad people

[Trefor]

Sorry to hear about your loss Sally. I think that only you know what is best for you. It is good to hear that Keith made sure you were OK financially. What are you ties to the UK now? Do you have a network of friends and family you spend time with (socialise etc.) here in the UK? Do you work at all? (I'm guessing not with the long breaks you mention?). Anglesey is quite a remote part of the UK, not blessed with the best weather either, do you love living there? Or do you miss being warm? (many Filipina's have trouble adjusting to our climate).

Best of luck with the next-step!

[sally sanchez]

I really have no idea on the rental prices for our property altho I had it evaluated recently. I live in Llanfaelog near Rhosneigr and the real estate agent said there is great demand for properties around here because of its proximity to the beaches in Rhosneigr where the value of property is quite high. As for the citizenship, i did promise Keith that i will go for it to finish what we have started. That's why i am so torn right now if i have to rent or sell our property. I know that with regards to all those programs but I can't help thinking the risk involved if and when I decide to rent the house out. I just have to consider all the possibilities that may or can happen if i did it.

[raynaputi]

Hi Sally,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My husband (his name is Keith as well and he's the owner of this forum) and I have talked about this ourselves, although in a light hearted way. I always told him that if he passes away before me, I would be going back to the Philippines. We don't have a child and eventhough he has family that would be able to help or accompany me, I know I wouldn't be able to rely on them completely here in the UK. At least in Manila with my family around me, I know I'd be fine and won't have anything to worry about. We don't have anything else to hold on to in this country anyway (we live in a housing association so no mortgage), apart from the free health care. But that's just me. It's really up to you to decide what you think is best for you.

Good luck with whatever path you choose to take. The members here are just a message away to listen to you.

[Michael Parnham]

So sad to hear such tragic news Sally, whatever you decide to do in the future you will always have the happy memories of your Keith forever, good luck with whatever your decision is!

[sally sanchez]

Hi Trefor! Thank you for your reply. I have 3 friends here (2 British & Filipina) who lives nearby and whom I go to when i need help, that's it. I don't work but they're all working so not much time to socialize either. The only time i get out is when I do my shopping, on my own sometimes with them. That's how my life is now since my husband's passing. I told Keith in our last day out that I am loving Anglesey now, bad weather and all, and that really made his day. He said so to me during his last few days. it's his presence that i misses the most and that's one thing that is hard to beat. Thank you for the good luck i surely needed that!

[Ako Si Jamie]

Renting that house would have been my suggestion but instead of going back to the Phils straight away, maybe rent a smaller one bedroom flat or live with a friend if possible on a temporary basis. At least this will give you time to think things over before making a rushed decision. You may see things differently once you're away from your current residence.

[sally sanchez]

Thanks Rayna!

Exactly my thoughts, even if I have friends around here, i still prefer to be with my family. We didn't have any kids altho I have a daughter & grandaughter and my father in the Philipines so really their company surely helps in coping/healing with my loss.

[sally sanchez]

Thanks much Michael!

[sally sanchez]

Thanks Jamie! I have been thinking of that possibility too so will see what happens next...

[lordna]

Good Morning everyone!

I am Sally Sanchez, married to Keith since November 2013. I arrived here in Isle of Anglesey, Wales in August 2013 on fiance visa, got married in November and got my spouse visa in July 2014. Had a wonderful married life with my husband until September of last year when he got ill. He was diagnosed with CUP (Cancer of Unknown Primary) and sadly passed away 3rd of January this year. He would have been 59 years old last Friday (9th Sept), while I turned 55 last July.

I joined this forum in 2013 with the intention of making friends and maybe get some help if we have trouble getting my visa and what have you. Now I'm here writing not for help with my visa but with something more personal. I knew instantly that my life would change the day we were told of Keith's diagnosis. Nothing will prepare you for what's coming when you hear something like that. But I did anyway for I have no choice. When keith died, i have our friends who helped me out with everything that needs to be sorted and I was grateful. When everything was done, I went back to Manila for a couple of months to be with my family. I left with a heavy heart and came back more broken. Coming back to an empty house is not just hard, it was tough. I just managed by keeping myself busy. I had my passport renewed with my married name on it so that when I apply for my ILR it will also be under my married name. I left again for Manila in July and came back yesterday. As soon as I receive my passport, I will start doing my ILR application and hopefully it will be granted.

While in Manila, i have been thinking deep and hard if I still wanted to stay in UK or not. My Keith made sure that I will be okay in terms of financial. We own our house, mortgage free so I really have no problems in that aspect. It is just so hard coming to terms with his death. I just got here and honestly I just want to go back now. I wanted to tell our friends here and ask for their advice on what's their take on me going back home for good. But I also wanted to hear from independent sources and hoping I can get a better perspective on the whole thing. It is in this light that I come here today to ask for your advice on what's the best thing to do or consider before I make any plans.

I feel a little better that I was able to share all these thoughts and thank you all in advance for whatever help/advice you can give me.

Sally

Hi Sally,

Sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I decided to respond as I too was in similar circumstances to you back in spring 1999 when my first wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, given 6 months to live and passed away in January 2002. Life seemed very empty and it took me about 7 years to fully get over it. Perhaps i was fortunate in that i had three children to look after, so perhaps this helped me keep my sanity during what was a very difficult time. The local hospice who helped care for my wife did also offer counselling and other help for myself and my children which helped enormously as did me attending counselling session arranged by my local GP. Keeping myself busy and distracted with looking after the kids, finding a new hobby (family history) and improving the house also helped a lot. Eventually(2009), i decided it was time to seek another partner, something i never thought i would do, which led me to online dating and meeting my current filipina wife and her daughter. They joined me in the UK in 2010 and so far life is good again.
I think for you it's early days yet as IMHO you need time to get over losing your partner. In my case we had been together 22 years. My advice to you would be don't rush, it takes time. Find a hobby you always wanted to try that brings you into contact with other people perhaps. Ask for help at the local hospice or your GP. In time your life will heal itself and you will clearly see which direction your life should be heading, be it here or back home in the Philippines. Good luck and welcome back to the forum.

[stevewool]

I really have no idea on the rental prices for our property altho I had it evaluated recently. I live in Llanfaelog near Rhosneigr and the real estate agent said there is great demand for properties around here because of its proximity to the beaches in Rhosneigr where the value of property is quite high. As for the citizenship, i did promise Keith that i will go for it to finish what we have started. That's why i am so torn right now if i have to rent or sell our property. I know that with regards to all those programs but I can't help thinking the risk involved if and when I decide to rent the house out. I just have to consider all the possibilities that may or can happen if i did it.

What about holiday rentals, if like you say it's near the beach, why not rent the house out just for the holiday season,.
So many months rental, you can either do it yourself or join one of the many letting agents our there.
We have had many happy holidays by renting a full house by the owners, plus you have to leave a extra fee for damages so if it's bad at leased you have there deposit.
Lots to think about Sally I hope we have not given you a headache

[sally sanchez]

Hi Sally,

Sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I decided to respond as I too was in similar circumstances to you back in spring 1999 when my first wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, given 6 months to live and passed away in January 2002. Life seemed very empty and it took me about 7 years to fully get over it. Perhaps i was fortunate in that i had three children to look after, so perhaps this helped me keep my sanity during what was a very difficult time. The local hospice who helped care for my wife did also offer counselling and other help for myself and my children which helped enormously as did me attending counselling session arranged by my local GP. Keeping myself busy and distracted with looking after the kids, finding a new hobby (family history) and improving the house also helped a lot. Eventually(2009), i decided it was time to seek another partner, something i never thought i would do, which led me to online dating and meeting my current filipina wife and her daughter. They joined me in the UK in 2010 and so far life is good again.
I think for you it's early days yet as IMHO you need time to get over losing your partner. In my case we had been together 22 years. My advice to you would be don't rush, it takes time. Find a hobby you always wanted to try that brings you into contact with other people perhaps. Ask for help at the local hospice or your GP. In time your life will heal itself and you will clearly see which direction your life should be heading, be it here or back home in the Philippines. Good luck and welcome back to the forum.

Thank you Lordna!

Glad to hear and know that you were able to pull through with that difficult and painful chapter of your life and was given chance to experience happiness again with your current wife and her daughter. I wish I would have that chance too. It may be too early to say but finding a new partner, now or in the future is i think a remote possibility for me. i've been reading and came across with the story of this woman who lost her husband saying "if you were treated with kindness and so much love by your husband, even the thought of finding a new love would never enter your mind". i guess that goes for me too. like Keith, i have remained single for a long time even before we met online that's why i grieve so much for the love and life we were suppose to have with each other. To be honest, I never considered attending a counselling session but I might now. This might pave the way for me to overcome my grief and meet people who are in the same situation as mine and hopefully the load i'm carrying now would lighten. Thanks Lordna for this advice and for the welcome!

[sally sanchez]

What about holiday rentals, if like you say it's near the beach, why not rent the house out just for the holiday season,.
So many months rental, you can either do it yourself or join one of the many letting agents our there.
We have had many happy holidays by renting a full house by the owners, plus you have to leave a extra fee for damages so if it's bad at leased you have there deposit.
Lots to think about Sally I hope we have not given you a headache

Oh no Steve that's fine with me, all advices/inputs are most welcome. its the reason why i'm here in the first place so keep them coming. at least the headache would be for a good reason so no need for me to complain here I was also considering doing holiday rentals too so we'll see.

[Doc Alan]

May I add my welcome back to our Forum, Sally. Already you have had supportive and helpful messages from other members.


I’m sure your late husband’s illness would be even harder to accept, knowing that the origin of his cancer could not be diagnosed. At least 3% of cancers are of " unknown primary ", despite all possible investigations, which I'm sure would have been made.


While I can’t give you specific advice, I’m glad that sharing your thoughts is helping, and wish you all the best for your future.

[marksroomspain]

.
You mentioned the ILR and that you still have a long way to go for that, are you interested in British citizenship after that also

Sally as to above I can inform you that as a spouse of a British Citizen who has passed away while you are under immigration control then rules of 60 month residency does not apply to you.

You can download from SET(O) from UK visas and immigration and can apply for ILR anytime after the passing of your spouse, also you do not have to meet the financial requirement or Life in the UK test too.

I would definitely advise you to go for ILR then British Citizenship which you could obtain 3 years after your first settlement in the UK, at least then if you decide to rent out your UK property it would be a lot easier that way.

Condolences on your loss, God Bless.x

[Harry T]

Sally what can i say ?, i can only pass on my condolences to you for your sad loss, and the excellent imformation and advice Marksroomspain above has given looks to me to be something you should consider. Loneliness unless someone has experienced it no-one will ever know, yes its great to have your family around you, and to be somewhere that you are familiar with, and knowing where you can go to find the simplest of things.... I think once you have come to terms with your loss you will be able to do the thing that is best for you, your Keith would only want one thing and that is for you to be happy, do not think that going back home would be something against his memory just think positive and try to remember lovingly the times you shared together, and YOU made him happy during his last years.. God bless you..

[sally sanchez]

May I add my welcome back to our Forum, Sally. Already you have had supportive and helpful messages from other members.


I’m sure your late husband’s illness would be even harder to accept, knowing that the origin of his cancer could not be diagnosed. At least 3% of cancers are of " unknown primary ", despite all possible investigations, which I'm sure would have been made.


While I can’t give you specific advice, I’m glad that sharing your thoughts is helping, and wish you all the best for your future.

Thank you Doc Alan! I must admit I am deeply touched by the warm welcome from the members here. I did the right thing when I finally decided to join the forum and share my story.

His diagnosis was a blow and eventual passing was worse but what is more difficult & painful to accept was how he was treated. He was sent home telling him that his case was now referred to an oncologist and that we would just have to wait. Two weeks passed and we never heard from anyone. We only found out that he has days to live when I spoke with the hospice nurse and told her about it. She immediately went to the hospital and chase the people handling my husband's case and upon inquiry that's when she was told that they cannot give him the treatment anymore as he was too weak to handle them and that we are just looking for days for him to live. We knew that he was dying but to be sent home just like that without telling us the real score was more than hard to accept. They owe it to us to speak to us directly and tell us the truth but no we were just made to wait for nothing. Anyway, he's gone now and there's nothing to be done so....

[sally sanchez]

Sally as to above I can inform you that as a spouse of a British Citizen who has passed away while you are under immigration control then rules of 60 month residency does not apply to you.

You can download from SET(O) from UK visas and immigration and can apply for ILR anytime after the passing of your spouse, also you do not have to meet the financial requirement or Life in the UK test too.

I would definitely advise you to go for ILR then British Citizenship which you could obtain 3 years after your first settlement in the UK, at least then if you decide to rent out your UK property it would be a lot easier that way.

Condolences on your loss, God Bless.x

Hi Mark! Thank you for this...I came across this information while browsing the website (gov.uk) looking for info on what to do when someone dies. It was a relief knowing that they give due consideration to someone like me who lost a partner and not to undergo the usual process. I have already downloaded the forms needed and gathering all the documents to go with it while waiting for my new passport to arrive. I will definitely be back here to ask more info as soon as i'm ready with the application so thanks again for the info & advice

[sally sanchez]

Sally what can i say ?, i can only pass on my condolences to you for your sad loss, and the excellent imformation and advice Marksroomspain above has given looks to me to be something you should consider. Loneliness unless someone has experienced it no-one will ever know, yes its great to have your family around you, and to be somewhere that you are familiar with, and knowing where you can go to find the simplest of things.... I think once you have come to terms with your loss you will be able to do the thing that is best for you, your Keith would only want one thing and that is for you to be happy, do not think that going back home would be something against his memory just think positive and try to remember lovingly the times you shared together, and YOU made him happy during his last years.. God bless you..

Harry thank you...my eyes are leaking while reading your post. you've just said the most endearing words anyone like me would love to hear so it's more than enough..

[Rosie1958]

Welcome back to the forum Sally, I am so very sorry to learn about the loss of your dear husband. There has been some excellent advice from some very caring people; I wish you well in whatever you eventually decide is the right thing for you

Wishing you continued strength to see you through this difficult time

[sally sanchez]

Welcome back to the forum Sally, I am so very sorry to learn about the loss of your dear husband. There has been some excellent advice from some very caring people; I wish you well in whatever you eventually decide is the right thing for you

Wishing you continued strength to see you through this difficult time

Thank you Rosie!

[Terpe]

Hello sally sanchez, welcome back.
So very sorry to read the story of your loss of your wonderful hubby.

It's almost impossible to give definitive advice and help as you and only you will know the path.

I fully agree with what Harry posted and most specifically this:-

... I think once you have come to terms with your loss you will be able to do the thing that is best for you, your Keith would only want one thing and that is for you to be happy, do not think that going back home would be something against his memory ..

Yes it's in your favour to apply for ILR under existing UKVI regulations for someone in your circumstances. Something we would all advise. This ILR will certainly allow you time to evaluate your longer term strategy and your UK friends/family support network.

Whether or not you feel it right to remain in the UK in order to secure British Citizenship will become clearer as time moves on.
Do however be aware that this is a longer term strategy as you will not be eligible for application for Naturalisation until you have completed 5 years living in the UK.
There are residence requirements to consider which may or may not be important to you and you should review these.
In principle, you should not really consider absences from the UK of more than say 90 days in the 12 months leading up to application and additionally not more than 450 days outside the UK during the 5 year residence period.
Well at least it gives a basis for consideration on what's ahead.

The above residence requirements may or may not impact the times you feel you need to be with family in the Philippines, but do be aware.

Do allow time to reflect on what is best for you and your family in the longer term.

Good luck and very best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

[Arthur Little]

Condolences, Sally. Having [previously] been widowed myself - in 1991, at age 47 in my case - I can, even now, still readily identify with the much more recent pangs of grief you're going through so soon after your sad loss.

However, what I found made things easier to bear, was the fact that, like yours and Keith's, ours had been a happy and fulfilling union ... one with lots of *precious memories to look back on. Indeed, to this day, I remember my GP's words at the time: "Although a person we hold most dear may have gone from our lives, the LOVE itself remains with us in our hearts forever".

As with me, it is *those that you'll cherish in the years ahead. Meanwhile, to this friendly forum and God Bless.

[sally sanchez]

Hello sally sanchez, welcome back.
So very sorry to read the story of your loss of your wonderful hubby.

It's almost impossible to give definitive advice and help as you and only you will know the path.

I fully agree with what Harry posted and most specifically this:-



Yes it's in your favour to apply for ILR under existing UKVI regulations for someone in your circumstances. Something we would all advise. This ILR will certainly allow you time to evaluate your longer term strategy and your UK friends/family support network.

Whether or not you feel it right to remain in the UK in order to secure British Citizenship will become clearer as time moves on.
Do however be aware that this is a longer term strategy as you will not be eligible for application for Naturalisation until you have completed 5 years living in the UK.
There are residence requirements to consider which may or may not be important to you and you should review these.
In principle, you should not really consider absences from the UK of more than say 90 days in the 12 months leading up to application and additionally not more than 450 days outside the UK during the 5 year residence period.
Well at least it gives a basis for consideration on what's ahead.

The above residence requirements may or may not impact the times you feel you need to be with family in the Philippines, but do be aware.

Do allow time to reflect on what is best for you and your family in the longer term.

Good luck and very best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

Hi Terpe and thank you! Having gone through the ILR's guidelines, I also went to read and check the last and final step which is Naturalisation. I must admit that when I came to that residence requirement part I was bothered for a while but then just like what you said the waiting time for me to be eligible for naturalisation may serve me some time to reflect on what is best for me in the longer term. Thanks again!