Thanks for our blessings

[Terpe]

This weekend we spent our time preparing the condo for renting.
We'll need to move all the personal stuff not to be included in the rental

We've decided not to sell but to rent instead.
One of the properties we have in Mindanao will be used to house some family members who will lose their current home.
Despite the fact that they've known this would happen for 2 years now there's been no forward planning so now it becomes an emergency.
Well I'm sorry but I can't just let them be without a home. Especially as they're nice people and we live a good life whilst they have pretty much nothing.
Doing nothing is just not something we can live with .
We are supporting their children in school and they doing brilliantly.
It would be cruel not to ihelp.
Means we will lose a tennent and an income when they will move in. But we've promised to let them have some land close to where they live in the future, but that's another plan on the backburner for now.
Education of the children must come first IMO

For us, that's how it must be.

Life in the Philippines is good. But it can be unpredictable.

[stevewool]

I understand everything you are saying Peter and it is down to all of us to plan the future for the just in case.
I am planning into my and Emma's future care for her dad and her brother if we make the Philippines our home .
Like you i know i cannot see any members of Emma's family out on the streets but i can see this happening in the future because they just do not plan for there future.
The house we built over there was built on the old family house, even though we paid for the build and we have the whole 2nd floor as our own , i can see problems in the future as its "the family home".
That is why i am not making our place wonderful and i am prepared to walk away from it too.
On the other hand if we are not there i wonder if the family would look after there own father and brother once the father has to finish work .
Hay ho i may be looking to far into things here

[Longweekend]

Family and life are complicated issues but hats off to you Terpe for helping out your family in need, it can become annoying that quite often our Filipino side of the family do not seem to plan for their own future but sometimes I wonder if it's because we are there for them....

[stevewool]

Family and life are complicated issues but hats off to you Terpe for helping out your family in need, it can become annoying that quite often our Filipino side of the family do not seem to plan for their own future but sometimes I wonder if it's because we are there for them....

They managed before we came, and maybe it's a little easier now we are here, but it's bloody annoying still

[jonnijon]

You have to keep a firm hand with family because they seem to have no respect in my house. Kids trying to plug in anything electrical, take battery's out of the remote controls, jumping about on the three piece suit, baby's peeing on the funiture. When I complain I get told its' just kids. But not in my house thank you.

[Arthur Little]

One of the properties we have in Mindanao will be used to house some family members who will lose their current home.

Well I'm sorry but I can't just let them be without a home. Especially as they're nice people and we live a good life whilst they have pretty much nothing.
Doing nothing is just not something we can live with .
We are supporting their children in school and they doing brilliantly.

Education of the children must come first IMO

For us, that's how it must be.

Pleased to learn that the children are doing so well at school.

Thank you, Peter ... for being such a *blessing - BOTH to them AND to members of our forum - *yourself!

[Steve.r]

You have to keep a firm hand with family because they seem to have no respect in my house. Kids trying to plug in anything electrical, take battery's out of the remote controls, jumping about on the three piece suit, baby's peeing on the funiture. When I complain I get told its' just kids. But not in my house thank you.

100% with you jonn, my house, my rules

[Michael Parnham]

100% with you jonn, my house, my rules

Same here

[stevewool]

What's happened to the OUR HOUSE,
Or is it a case of I have brought this and I have brought that so it's ALL MINE,
Yes each to there own

[sally sanchez]

i can totally relate to this. shameful as it is but yes that's how some of our relatives can be, my own family a classic example. when i went back to the phils. early this year after keith passed away, i decided to have the house renovated. the roof is rotting and really needs a good changing, put some windows glass in it (yes we didn't have windows with covers just plain windows), extended part of the house to have a decent kitchen with sink (yes that too! all those years we never had a sink) and a bathroom. i'm just content to provide them with a decent house finally and that's all because of Keith. my father owns the house with my daughter & grandchild. when my sisters found out about it they all sent me messages asking for help which means money. i did give some to my sister who helped me out and my daughter while i was away so that's ok, not much but i knew it will tide her somehow. my other sister tried to borrow some money too. told her i will just give her some, give not a loan, as she helped me too a long time ago. not too happy about it as she needs more and told me that when i needed help before she was too glad to do it. well told her i have & will never forget it and if i have more i would gladly help her but i made her realize that i lost a husband, i did not win the lotto! that did it and she unfriended me on FB! guess you cannot really please everybody lol btw, she's not really hard up as the husband is an OFW and two kids working already

[Steve.r]

What's happened to the OUR HOUSE,
Or is it a case of I have brought this and I have brought that so it's ALL MINE,
Yes each to there own

Steve, I say my house my rules because it is my castle. Having young children, and to people at home 'foreigner children' yes, I want them to have my standards of how to treat and respect the things around them. Good manners, respect for others is learnt by example. Sadly, if I am not there, there are outside influences that I do not approve of, and standards drop, things get lost or broken. Difficult sometimes

[SimonH]

Steve, I say my house my rules because it is my castle. Having young children, and to people at home 'foreigner children' yes, I want them to have my standards of how to treat and respect the things around them. Good manners, respect for others is learnt by example. Sadly, if I am not there, there are outside influences that I do not approve of, and standards drop, things get lost or broken. Difficult sometimes

My sentiments exactly

[Terpe]

Family and life are complicated issues

That's for sure wherever your life is.
Philippines a little more so....

....but hats off to you Terpe for helping out your family in need

Thanks.
We enjoy a good life without constant family disturbances and we still have a couple of rental properties. Nothing fancy, but easy to rent out. The ones in Mindanao are nothing special and we get just P5k per month for each.
So although we will be giving up that income for a while we feel more than happy to give it up.
Once we sort the land out we'll split it out amongst the family and then they can build whatever they want or nothing at all.
The land will be their's do with as they please for as long as they live. The only constraint is that they actually don't own the land so cannot sell it.

[Terpe]

Pleased to learn that the children are doing so well at school.

Thank you, Peter ... for being such a *blessing - BOTH to them AND to members of our forum - *yourself!

Thanks for your kind words Arthur and thanks also for the rep which is appreciated

[Terpe]

You have to keep a firm hand with family because they seem to have no respect in my house. Kids trying to plug in anything electrical, take battery's out of the remote controls, jumping about on the three piece suit, baby's peeing on the funiture. When I complain I get told its' just kids. But not in my house thank you.

We're providing one of our 'for rental' properties in the rural area for them.
It's not a house we live in or have ever lived in.
We have no personal items at all there.
Rented unfurnished.

[stevewool]

Steve, I say my house my rules because it is my castle. Having young children, and to people at home 'foreigner children' yes, I want them to have my standards of how to treat and respect the things around them. Good manners, respect for others is learnt by example. Sadly, if I am not there, there are outside influences that I do not approve of, and standards drop, things get lost or broken. Difficult sometimes

I understand that Steve and just like you and maybe others too, there are rules to obay , once these are in place then everything is fine,
A very long time ago in my uncle's house no one could smoke at all, then one day he had a friend come over who he has not seen for ages.
Anyway this friend got out his fags and just about to light it, and he said do you mind me smoking Ken, welly uncle said no problem ,that was it everyone who smoked but new the rules lite up there fags and because they was sharing between this friend nothing was said, well till next day when he gave his kids a .......ing

[Steve.r]

No one smokes at ours, unless they go outside the gates. And that's for everyone.

[jonnijon]

What's happened to the OUR HOUSE,
Or is it a case of I have brought this and I have brought that so it's ALL MINE,
Yes each to there own

My wife insist's it is my house built with my money long before we married.

[bigmarco]

I agree totally it would be cruel not to help and I'm sure they're counting their blessings that they have you both. Like you I'm into supporting the children who have potential, we have 3 who we help out and so far, it's money well spent. We've managed to arrange a monthly income for a few families to make their life easier.
My Daughter, sister and even my ex wife now send a monthly payment to some families that we've put them in touch with.
It's difficult to stand by and do nothing.

[Arthur Little]

I agree totally it would be cruel not to help and I'm sure they're counting their blessings that they have you both. Like you I'm into supporting the children who have potential, we have 3 who we help out and so far, it's money well spent. We've managed to arrange a monthly income for a few families to make their life easier.
My Daughter, sister and even my ex wife now send a monthly payment to some families that we've put them in touch with.
It's difficult to stand by and do nothing.

, Marco ... and would also take my hat off to you and your family for the extra '' such acts of kindness have brought into the lives of those less fortunate than your goodselves.

[Jenky]

What an interesting thread.

You all think that you are helping and think they all appreciate that help. Keep on believing. Read Sally Sanchez post again. Maybe your wife may write a post like that one day. She lost her husband, maybe had some inheritance, tried to help out in the Phils and look what she got. They do not care that she lost a husband because it was not their husband. If you want to put that attitude down to them being in the poor old Phils with their hard times then fine. Keep believing it if you can afford to keep on paying for it. I love my wife and children but am under no illusions of what her being married to a foreigner means to her family. Dont get me wrong I have sent my fair share of cash for renovations, doctors, school fees etc over the years as has my wife. But I do it only for the good of our relationship. All of us here play the same game and some see the good in people and some see the opportunists. Long may that contiinue!

[Arthur Little]

What an interseting thread.

You all think that you are helping and think they all appreciate that help. Keep on believing. Read Sally Sanchez post again. Maybe your wife may write a post like that one day. She lost her husband, maybe had some inheritance, tried to help out in the Phils and look what she got. They do not care that she lost a husband because it was not their husband. If you want to put that attitude down to them being in the poor old Phils with their hard times then fine. Keep believing it if you can afford to keep on paying for it. I love my wife and children but am under no illusions of what her being married to a foreigner means to her family. Dont get me wrong I have sent my fair share of cash for renovations, doctors, school fees etc over the years as has my wife. But I do it only for the good of our relationship. All of us here play the same game and some see the good in people and some see the opportunists. Long may that contiinue!

Hmm ... ... truth is, many families in the Philippines ARE genuinely living in poverty ... sadly!

[stevewool]

i can totally relate to this. shameful as it is but yes that's how some of our relatives can be, my own family a classic example. when i went back to the phils. early this year after keith passed away, i decided to have the house renovated. the roof is rotting and really needs a good changing, put some windows glass in it (yes we didn't have windows with covers just plain windows), extended part of the house to have a decent kitchen with sink (yes that too! all those years we never had a sink) and a bathroom. i'm just content to provide them with a decent house finally and that's all because of Keith. my father owns the house with my daughter & grandchild. when my sisters found out about it they all sent me messages asking for help which means money. i did give some to my sister who helped me out and my daughter while i was away so that's ok, not much but i knew it will tide her somehow. my other sister tried to borrow some money too. told her i will just give her some, give not a loan, as she helped me too a long time ago. not too happy about it as she needs more and told me that when i needed help before she was too glad to do it. well told her i have & will never forget it and if i have more i would gladly help her but i made her realize that i lost a husband, i did not win the lotto! that did it and she unfriended me on FB! guess you cannot really please everybody lol btw, she's not really hard up as the husband is an OFW and two kids working already

Thanks for sharing Sally, yes we all have certain members of our families who think they are owed something and i dont mean just the family from the Philippines too.
How are you doing and have you managed to plan further down the line for yourself .

[Steve.r]

For me, when the chips are down, my direct family come in very much first, everyone else can do one. SOrry, but I am not in this to be ripped off, and everyone knows it.

[Michael Parnham]

What an interesting thread.

You all think that you are helping and think they all appreciate that help. Keep on believing. Read Sally Sanchez post again. Maybe your wife may write a post like that one day. She lost her husband, maybe had some inheritance, tried to help out in the Phils and look what she got. They do not care that she lost a husband because it was not their husband. If you want to put that attitude down to them being in the poor old Phils with their hard times then fine. Keep believing it if you can afford to keep on paying for it. I love my wife and children but am under no illusions of what her being married to a foreigner means to her family. Dont get me wrong I have sent my fair share of cash for renovations, doctors, school fees etc over the years as has my wife. But I do it only for the good of our relationship. All of us here play the same game and some see the good in people and some see the opportunists. Long may that contiinue!

Good point!

[stevewool]

End of the day if you are happy helping out anyone then do it,
Last time I was over there I use to give the local kids some cash and it made me feel happy, now someone said I should not do that because the kids parents send them out to do that.
So what I said, again it made me happy and that is all what mattered .
We all have our own ways of dealing with it,

[Jenky]

End of the day if you are happy helping out anyone then do it,
Last time I was over there I use to give the local kids some cash and it made me feel happy, now someone said I should not do that because the kids parents send them out to do that.
So what I said, again it made me happy and that is all what mattered .
We all have our own ways of dealing with it,

Quite right. Last time I went there I gave one of her brothers some money to buy an engine for his small banca so that he can continue fishhing. The engine he had was totally shot. It made me feel good as he can carry on feeding his family. But I did not clear it with my wife first and once the other brothers heard about my act of kindness she went ballistic at me for not telling her about it because the other brothers were now on her case asking where is their help!....Trouble is there are often just too many of them and once you help one then you are almost duty bound to help them all. They are like my two young daughters. If one gets a new phone or game etc then the other one asks where is mine? OK that is fair enough coming from kids. At the time I thought my wife would be pleased with my act of kindness but all I did was to put friction between me and my wife and between my wife, her other brothers and their wives!..............I should have known better than to get involved in Filipino family politics. Now I just sit and drink in the sun and let her deal with it all. I just give the kids chocolates and ice cream.

[Terpe]

We all have our own frame of reference when it comes to compassion and how best to help or not.

We do what we do. It's a reasonable subject for discussion but not a subject that warrants critisism on how folks determine their own path.

Here's a real life decision I'll need to decide upon. I've already decided based on the facts I know.

But how would others react:-

Our nephew was supported in his education by me. His results were always brilliant. He maintained a scholarship level, which you may or may not know is very tough to do given the high levels of grade needed.

Just to say I personally neither like or get on well with this guy.

He want to be a doctor. He has taken his entrance exam with a result at 98%

So, he is asking can we support him in his studies by paying for his tuition. He himself will support his family and his allowance via his current employment.

Given that it's not a real hardship to support what would you do ?

[stevewool]

It's double hard if you don't like the bloke, but if you have paid since year one and if will not cause you any hardship well why not,
But deep down you will do what you think is right.

[stevewool]

When I first got involved in the Phil's it was a shock, asking for this and that and not being use to this the answer was nearly always a big fat NO,.
But we all mellow and for the sake of our partner's we try to help.
Our way of dealing with cash help is I am in charge.
They ask Emma to ask me to borrow some amount, we then agree a set time to pay it back and if they and myself are happy then the money is sent, so far it's all been returned on the dates too, that's except one person who will not get anything ever again.
It works for us, but maybe may not work for you