Thanks for our blessings

[sally sanchez]

Thanks for sharing Sally, yes we all have certain members of our families who think they are owed something and i dont mean just the family from the Philippines too.
How are you doing and have you managed to plan further down the line for yourself .

Hi Steve! i am doing fine thank you and in the process of getting all my docs sorted for my ILR appln soon. hopefully i can book my appt with PEO next week (fingers crossed). just feeling nervous though if its a success then that's the time i can really plan on what to do with my life so really i hope it will be granted

[sally sanchez]

Quite right. Last time I went there I gave one of her brothers some money to buy an engine for his small banca so that he can continue fishhing. The engine he had was totally shot. It made me feel good as he can carry on feeding his family. But I did not clear it with my wife first and once the other brothers heard about my act of kindness she went ballistic at me for not telling her about it because the other brothers were now on her case asking where is their help!....Trouble is there are often just too many of them and once you help one then you are almost duty bound to help them all. They are like my two young daughters. If one gets a new phone or game etc then the other one asks where is mine? OK that is fair enough coming from kids. At the time I thought my wife would be pleased with my act of kindness but all I did was to put friction between me and my wife and between my wife, her other brothers and their wives!..............I should have known better than to get involved in Filipino family politics. Now I just sit and drink in the sun and let her deal with it all. I just give the kids chocolates and ice cream.

i remember clearly, as soon as keith posted our wedding pics, friend requests from my kin started pouring in on his FB page. told him who to accept or not with a specific instruction that if they ask him for help or loan to tell me first and i will deal with them. don't want to give them the impression that they can go straight to him if they need help just because he's now a family. i do sympathize with Terpe and really commend him & the wife for helping her family. i would do the same thing too but only for someone who rightly deserve it so

[sally sanchez]

We all have our own frame of reference when it comes to compassion and how best to help or not.

We do what we do. It's a reasonable subject for discussion but not a subject that warrants critisism on how folks determine their own path.

Here's a real life decision I'll need to decide upon. I've already decided based on the facts I know.

But how would others react:-

Our nephew was supported in his education by me. His results were always brilliant. He maintained a scholarship level, which you may or may not know is very tough to do given the high levels of grade needed.

Just to say I personally neither like or get on well with this guy.

He want to be a doctor. He has taken his entrance exam with a result at 98%

So, he is asking can we support him in his studies by paying for his tuition. He himself will support his family and his allowance via his current employment.

Given that it's not a real hardship to support what would you do ?

Hi Terpe! i take my hats off to you & your wife for going out of your way to help him out. not many would do the same thing as they will look after their family's welfare first. taking medicine course doesn't come cheap plus it take so many years to finish and with his job to boot it will not be easy for him. i understand that he has a job now good enough to support his own family so maybe the thought of taking medicine comes into mind because he knows that you can/will support him? both your intentions are good (you & the nephew) but can you both cope in the end?

[Jenky]

We all have our own frame of reference when it comes to compassion and how best to help or not.

We do what we do. It's a reasonable subject for discussion but not a subject that warrants critisism on how folks determine their own path.

Here's a real life decision I'll need to decide upon. I've already decided based on the facts I know.

But how would others react:-

Our nephew was supported in his education by me. His results were always brilliant. He maintained a scholarship level, which you may or may not know is very tough to do given the high levels of grade needed.

Just to say I personally neither like or get on well with this guy.

He want to be a doctor. He has taken his entrance exam with a result at 98%

So, he is asking can we support him in his studies by paying for his tuition. He himself will support his family and his allowance via his current employment.

Given that it's not a real hardship to support what would you do ?

Seeing as you have already started down the road then see it through. I do not wish to criticise folks but we all see plenty of good causes amongst our Fils families and I guess if it no real hardship to you then keep going for it. Problems will only start for you and your own relationship when your money begins to run out. You are just a vehicle for them. Like a hire car you are there to be used and abused. Nephews, Neices, brothers, sisters, cousins. So many worthy causes.
I often wondered to myself what kind of person you need to be to live in the Fil as the husband of a Filipina and I think you need to be a bit of a B #####D because if you are a nice guy they will just chew you up and spit you out. That is why I can never contemplate living there.
From my own personal experience of helping out I would say dont bother helping the men help the girls instead because they are more mature and likely to sincerly appreciate what you do.

[raynaputi]

Keith and I don't send money to my family in the Philippines. They have more money than us..haha My mum even told me to use my credit card to buy things I want and she would pay the bill! We do send some gifts sometimes during special occasions if we can afford it.

[Terpe]

Problems will only start for you and your own relationship when your money begins to run out.

What an odd statement to make. I wonder where that came from and why.
You know nothing about us and nothing about our relationship.

I often wondered to myself what kind of person you need to be to live in the Fil as the husband of a Filipina and I think you need to be a bit of a B #####D because if you are a nice guy they will just chew you up and spit you out. That is why I can never contemplate living there.

Well as for me, I'm the husband of a Filipina. I also live in the Philippines. Never considered myself to a B #####D
Neither has my wife, her family, friends or those that know us. We believe we fit into what could be termed 'normal'

We all have different experiences and very different frames of reference.
Yours is not just different from mine but poles apart.

[Terpe]

My mum even told me to use my credit card to buy things I want and she would pay the bill!

My bro-in-law has organised a supplementary credit card for me on his account.
He trusts me. Thanks bro

[Jenky]

Keith and I don't send money to my family in the Philippines. They have more money than us..haha My mum even told me to use my credit card to buy things I want and she would pay the bill! We do send some gifts sometimes during special occasions if we can afford it.

Lucky for you That is a good situation to be in. But probably very much in the minority amongst the members here. When we visit the Fil I wish I could use my mother in laws credit card
I am sorry Terpe as I do not mean to criticise or pass comment on anybody in particular. We are all in different situations and like you say my statements are experiences taken from my own frame of reference which is poles apart from yours.

I helped one of my wifes brothers sons through college because he was a sensible kid. No smoking drinking gambling womanising. He had a steady girlfriend. Once he graduated he got a job in the middle east. Two year contract. Before he went his girlfriend became pregnant. He came back a year later to see his son and before he went back she was pregnant again. He was good at his job and he got another contract. But then he met a Filipina over there, married her and got her pregnant. As a side note the Filipina is Muslim so he had to converted to Islam to marry her.

So now his ex girlfriend has two of his kids and they are all staying with my wifes brothers family who are struggling to support themselves let alone them as well. But they do it because that is the Filipino way and it is to be very much admired. The guy sends very little if any help back home to them because he now has his own family living with him to support.
I feel so sorry for that girl as her future is now ruined. Who will want her with no prospects and two of somebody elses kids?.........I thought when I was helping him through college I was doing something good and that one day they could be a happy successful family. But when I look back at it what I did was to play my own part in ruining that girls future. If I had not helped him maybe they would still be together.

[fred]

I thought when I was helping him through college I was doing something good and that one day they could be a happy successful family. But when I look back at it what I did was to play my own part in ruining that girls future. If I had not helped him maybe they would still be together.

Are you quite mad???
Your fault??
Give yourself a large slap around the chops man!!!
Thats like saying that whilst filling up your car with petrol,this young fella came up and begged you for a fiver for enough gas for him to get home...
You give the poor little numpty a fiver.
On his way home he got into a fatal pile up and was splattered all over the M1...
What an absolute do gooder slaughtering twot you turned out to be!!!!
Give it a rest...Please!