A Catholic priest has just been arrested for killing his entire congregation, a police spokesman has said it's the worst case of mass murder he's ever seen.....
A Catholic priest has just been arrested for killing his entire congregation, a police spokesman has said it's the worst case of mass murder he's ever seen.....
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fing fault!
Nice one Simon
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.
The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber.
He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking,
"Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"
He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."
Thanks MichaelOriginally Posted by Michael Parnham
Nice one Simon
Nice
Thanks Simon
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
I watch a porn film last night,
This woman started w__king off this plumber,then a electrician,a painter then a gardener,
The film was called Jack Off All Trades
Despite getting my A level results and getting A,B,B,A, no employer will take a chance on me
You probably asked for too much money, money, money
Yesterday while walking in town I saw a sign TURKEY £29, in a butcher's shop,
That's £300 cheaper then Thomas Cook
Condoms aren't completely safe,
A friend of mine was having sex with his neighbour, but still her husband shot him
I had to cancel my appointment with the sperm bank the other day.
I phoned them up and said I could not cum
I Do, I Do, I Do I DoYou probably asked for too much money, money, money
I Do, I Do, I Do I DoYou probably asked for too much money, money, money
Paddy says to Mick, I can't remember the name of that film about the Greek gods staring Brad Pitt.
Mick says, TROY,
Paddy says I am but I still can't remember
Love it
A boy goes up to his mum and asked,
Can I asked you about my dad.
Mum says, Your dad was a w__ker.
Why is this mum, was it because he walked out on you when I was a baby.
Mum says NO, its because your from a sperm bank
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
Archeologist digging in Egypt have uncovered a new burial chamber in the valley of the kings,
They have found a mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate and they believe it to be.
Pharaoh Rocher
My ex wife is suffering from depression,
She called me the other day saying she could throw herself under a bus, and I am not doing anything to help her.
So I sent her the bus time table
My ex wife is suffering from depression,
She called me the other day saying she could throw herself under a bus, and I am not doing anything to help her.
So I sent her the bus time table
We have a new neighbour she is so sexy, but she confronted me the other day.
Items of clothing is being taken off her washing line.
I nearly .... her pants
My wife is going to a fancy dress party dress as a Rastafarian, she asked me to do her hair,
I am dreading it
I had to go to the bank today, and while waiting in the queue the lady behind the counter started signing DOWNTOWN,
I thought that was a peculiar clerk
There's a lot of stuff here that really tickles me
Good job and thanks to all who bring that extra smile to my fun filled day
Paddy walks into Mick's farm building and see's Mick dancing naked and playing with his Willy in front of his tractor
Mick what the hell you doing,
Well you see paddy , me and the wife are having some problems, so the therapist told me I must get more sexy to attractor
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Quote Reply