Joke of the day

[stevewool]

A car full of Irish Nuns was sitting at traffic lights in Dublin city center, when a car pulls along side of full of rowdy drunks.
Hey,show us yer tits you bloody penguins, one drunk shouted,
So shocked Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary and says, " I dont think they know who we are, show them your cross.
Sister Mary rolls down her window and shouts,
Piss off , ya foukin little wan--ers , before i come over there and rip yer balls off.
Sister Mary then rolls her window up and says to Mother Superior "was that cross enough"

[Longweekend]

A bloke pulls a Chinese lass at a club.
She say "me so horny, me do anythin for you"
Bloke says "how about a 69?"
She says "you f*** off, me no cooking at this time of night!"

[stevewool]

A bloke pulls a Chinese lass at a club.
She say "me so horny, me do anythin for you"
Bloke says "how about a 69?"
She says "you f*** off, me no cooking at this time of night!"

[Longweekend]

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.

After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Francois," asks one, "ow 'av you been doing?"

"Merde!" answers Francois. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."

"And zen what 'appened?"

"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform two metres off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"

"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp Two metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."

"And zen what 'appened?"

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five metres off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."

"And did you jurmp?"

"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp five metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."

"What 'appened zen?"

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform thirty metres above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and 'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your burme!'"

"Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?"

"A leetle, at ze beginning....

[stevewool]

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.

After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Francois," asks one, "ow 'av you been doing?"

"Merde!" answers Francois. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."

"And zen what 'appened?"

"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform two metres off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"

"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp Two metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."

"And zen what 'appened?"

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five metres off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."

"And did you jurmp?"

"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp five metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."

"What 'appened zen?"

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform thirty metres above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and 'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your burme!'"

"Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?"

"A leetle, at ze beginning....

And everyone complains about my sphelling

[Jack32]

Try introducing yourself instead of posting a YouTube clip in your first post.

[Ako Si Jamie]

Coronavirus humour........