Todays Joke

[stevewool]

My wife was dying...

I was by her bedside offering some comfort in her closing hours

She said in a weak, tired voice, "There is something I must tell you"
"Shhhh", I said, "Just rest"
"No, No, I must confess" she softly stammered with a tear emerging from her eye
"There's nothing to confess, everything is alright" I hushed soothingly
"No, I must die in peace. I had sex with your brother, your best friend and his best friend, and with your father!"
"I know", I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you. Now just close your eyes...."

[Longweekend]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.


After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"


The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....... Why?"


The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"


The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was close to death from heat exhaustion.


The Lone Ranger got the horse watered and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.


The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to cool down and feel better."


Tonto said, "Sure, no worries Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.


Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.


A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and says, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"


Ya left your injun runnin!".......

[Longweekend]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback - because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party, who I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery ?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

[stevewool]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback - because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party, who I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery ?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

That's funny