I had a filipino girlfriend for the past two years. Shes a nurse and has been a british citizen for the past two years. One of the big things we argue about is the expectations of her family particulary from her, and if we were together probably from me as well. Let me be very clear about mu view on support to family members in the philippines. I totally agree with it. I have myself helped her family a great deal especially her young son etc. I have no problems in principle with support in that respect. If you can afford to do it, budget for it, plan for it then whats the problem. I dont have a problem. My girlfriends family live in DAVAO in terms of filipino society they are not poor - caertainly not. If you divide filipino culture into lower, middle and upper class - they would be at the top end of upper i think. Nive property, businesses children going to private schools aetc etc. 2 of her brothers (shes comes from a very large family) work abroad and have there own families and have done very well for themself. Other members of the family particulary the other three sisters are not desperately poor but they need help i think. They have very small incomes etc etc. My girlfriend has always sent a monthly allowance back home. In terms of some of the allowances i know people send - its significant - in the hundreds of pounds a month i mean. Thats all fine and we've never argued regarding that matter. However what ive witnessed many people (well herself and friends especially) getting in to an absolute mess with is where families request funding for an emergency. Here im talking about medical emergencies. For example. Her flatmate had to send over £10000 back to the philippines for her mother to have a heart opearation via taking a loan. This girl is a band 3/4 healthcare assistant - income probably no more than 16k a year. What ive siad to my girlfriend is - ok fine - but what if that happens again and again and gain. If you (or more likely the family) have decided that as a foreigner working aboroad you have an obligation to support medical emergencies like that. Then in my point of view (life) and ive seen it happen, life will very quickly become unsustanable. A major illness something like that which you were expected to support could push you to the edage of bankruptcy (i dont think im exggarating). When i say this to my girlfriend she simply says you'll never change my families expectations and youll never change my obligations. My view (and i hope people dont think im being cruel here) is how can you possibly be in a mrraige - whatever and have that attitude. Where overnight you could (and probably would have too) throw your how life into chaos to support these things. Im not willing to live a life like that and take the risk of it happening. Ive been hurt enough and i have no intention of being hurt again. I do love my girlfriend very much but i think the financial expectations (partculary from some filipino families who have never travelled to or experienced life in the uk is totally unrealistic given our modest incomes) and for me its eroding the relationship we have.
Id also like to know what experience people have of the Health system. As i understand it - its two teir - private and government. Privately people get the best. You get the very best treatment but you have to pay. And pay i dont know how people do if im honest particulary those people on avearge incomes. The government system is not good (what would you expect) but you are entitled to treatment. You have to pay something but its nowhere near what you'd pay privately.I think in terms of treatment you just try to pay for the drugs etc etc. I understand this is not pleasant but if its a choice to use a government hospital or maybe push your son / daughter to financial ruin with the expectation they can pay for something - they simply dont have the capacity to do - then whats the choice ?. The whole attitude of some families scares me if im honest. I think in our relationship it would ruin any canve of success.
Id be really graetfuld for anyone who can offer me some advice or maybe just explain some of the attitudes, systems, expectations ive referred to in this e mail. Also id like to know how other people have coped with it.
Hope you can help. Im at the point of despair
nigel
