I have mentioned on my last thread that my bf has no plan for us to be together permanently, means no Marriage. This still remeains thesame.

I left in Boxing day, and the agony started at Heathrow Airport, We were both deppressed, grieving, I never felt so hurt and never cried liked somebody had just passed away... I just can't leave...

I went to UK to spend time with him and see if we can along well, it was a test for us and to know each other.

My bf is the most difficult person I've ever known, he is not easy to be with its hard to keep up with his ways,beliefs, life style, and he even have his own system in everything. Strange that I'm making him look like a monster. he is not that bad at all.

What I have learned was to stand up for myself, specially us filipinas, we are born to be submissive, kind, passionate, loving, etc, etc. Living together for the past 6 months have thought me lot, for the first three months with him, I can say it was hell inside me. I have no voice, no right, no nothing.

In October during a holiday in the Phils, we argued again, that was it for me! its not because I was in my home country but I was so damn tired of putting up with him (emotionally) I have spoken EVERYTHING of him not treating me well ( i felt i was always being ignored), of not spending time with me, but always with work. not being sweet and thoughtfull. In short I was not getting the love and caring the way I wanted. And told him that I am still going back to Uk with him but asked him for my remaining two months to try to be nice and treat me well and after that we can part ways when i go home.

And the last two months with him is the cause of my depperession now.

Its so hard to leave a person who tried to show his love the way he can to please me. And me always accusing him of not loving me back, because i wanted him to love me the way I want to (filipino way maybe), but he is not that person, he has his own ways, that I dont see and refused to understand, He is English,not too tactile, having the hard time of showing gestures to show affection.

Now, I realized, that I found home with him, he always comes home straight from work and dont go to bars for drinks, doesn't smoke and spends more time with me than with friends, never left me alone when ever we go to parties, his lifestyle of just staying home on weekends after a take away breakfast from starbucks, all these i found it wrong then because i want us to go out on a date but never thought that, just staying home together on the couch was a lot better than in a dinner table at a resto not sitting beside him, his beliefs of making yourself better and working hard and learning fast, I hated all these but it was for my own good to learn my way around central London like taking the underground train alone . I just looked at it the negative way or was only adjusting to English way. His ways.

And mostly his family, the English family are the best i should say as for my experience though, you are not criticised and judged they see and treat you as individual , Filipino family are so close and always expect presents, and we are so prone to disgareements and arguments with our siblings, parents, and relatives till the 5th degree and even with neighbors which we also consider as part of family and since you are from abroad you become a bit responsible in a way for food, bills and other needs at home. And after you run out of money you will be all by yourself.... and you will be branded as thrifty or tight. I have friends Texting me now, saying hi and where's my "pasalubong" ( presents) do they really want to see me or they just want the presents? How can I feel at home when they dont want you?


At the airport his last words for me was " I love you, even if I dont show it, believe me that I do" and it was too late for me to realised that cos im already boarding....yeah Marriage can wait...