Sad to be back in the Phils....

[beth18]

I have mentioned on my last thread that my bf has no plan for us to be together permanently, means no Marriage. This still remeains thesame.

I left in Boxing day, and the agony started at Heathrow Airport, We were both deppressed, grieving, I never felt so hurt and never cried liked somebody had just passed away... I just can't leave...

I went to UK to spend time with him and see if we can along well, it was a test for us and to know each other.

My bf is the most difficult person I've ever known, he is not easy to be with its hard to keep up with his ways,beliefs, life style, and he even have his own system in everything. Strange that I'm making him look like a monster. he is not that bad at all.

What I have learned was to stand up for myself, specially us filipinas, we are born to be submissive, kind, passionate, loving, etc, etc. Living together for the past 6 months have thought me lot, for the first three months with him, I can say it was hell inside me. I have no voice, no right, no nothing.

In October during a holiday in the Phils, we argued again, that was it for me! its not because I was in my home country but I was so damn tired of putting up with him (emotionally) I have spoken EVERYTHING of him not treating me well ( i felt i was always being ignored), of not spending time with me, but always with work. not being sweet and thoughtfull. In short I was not getting the love and caring the way I wanted. And told him that I am still going back to Uk with him but asked him for my remaining two months to try to be nice and treat me well and after that we can part ways when i go home.

And the last two months with him is the cause of my depperession now.

Its so hard to leave a person who tried to show his love the way he can to please me. And me always accusing him of not loving me back, because i wanted him to love me the way I want to (filipino way maybe), but he is not that person, he has his own ways, that I dont see and refused to understand, He is English,not too tactile, having the hard time of showing gestures to show affection.

Now, I realized, that I found home with him, he always comes home straight from work and dont go to bars for drinks, doesn't smoke and spends more time with me than with friends, never left me alone when ever we go to parties, his lifestyle of just staying home on weekends after a take away breakfast from starbucks, all these i found it wrong then because i want us to go out on a date but never thought that, just staying home together on the couch was a lot better than in a dinner table at a resto not sitting beside him, his beliefs of making yourself better and working hard and learning fast, I hated all these but it was for my own good to learn my way around central London like taking the underground train alone . I just looked at it the negative way or was only adjusting to English way. His ways.

And mostly his family, the English family are the best i should say as for my experience though, you are not criticised and judged they see and treat you as individual , Filipino family are so close and always expect presents, and we are so prone to disgareements and arguments with our siblings, parents, and relatives till the 5th degree and even with neighbors which we also consider as part of family and since you are from abroad you become a bit responsible in a way for food, bills and other needs at home. And after you run out of money you will be all by yourself.... and you will be branded as thrifty or tight. I have friends Texting me now, saying hi and where's my "pasalubong" ( presents) do they really want to see me or they just want the presents? How can I feel at home when they dont want you?


At the airport his last words for me was " I love you, even if I dont show it, believe me that I do" and it was too late for me to realised that cos im already boarding....yeah Marriage can wait...

[Manilana]

Hi Beth,
Firstly, welcome back to the Philippines. I understand how you feel now and I am sad that it didnt went well. But do not worry, the forum is here, you will have friends here to cheer you up. At least the good side you are now with your daughter and with your family.
Yes, being in a relationship with other nationality is not very easy. At least, you both being honest to each other, that you both decided to seperate instead of pursuing to get married despite of all the conflicts and disagreements.
I have read a story of a filipina in the US whose married now to American. She marry him even she knew that they will not be happy together, in the first few months of stay in the US as a fiancee, she discovered that the guy is so difficult to be with and also loads of vices, alcoholic, smoking, bars every night, go out with friends and most of the time leave her alone in their apartment. She still chose to marry him even she realised that the guy was completely opposite of the good guy she met in the internet a year ago. She marry him simply because she is scared of what the people will say or think about her if she will return to the Philippines. She still living with him up to now and living in hell with his husband. She believed that the guy married her just to have somebody to look after him, feed him and have someone to use if he needs sex.She regret it but she`s just hoping that oneday her husband will treat her nicely.
While you, you chose to stand on your feet and chose to start a new beginning. You know Beth, I admired your courage and being realist. You have your child to look after to and will give you inspiration.
Yeah, as they say, He is just a man... Control your life or someone else will... There is always sunshine after rain.
Who knows , after you left, he will realise how much you mean to him. He said, he loves you, if he really does he will make a way for you to be together permanently.

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=5966

I wish you all best Beth . Cheer up...!

[LEAHnew]

What a wonderful story..so touching and inspiring
Goodluck Beth

[nigel]

I'm sad to hear things didn't go too well for you, it sounds like he ignore's your needs and is really only interested in himself.. When you find a partner we must make adjustments and be compromising, I'm concerned my Vimvie might be become unhappy when she moves here, I'll be working 50 hours a week, surely she will get bored? That's why I want her to have lot's of friends! People say "isn't it great she can come and live in England!" But I feel it will be difficult for her really, she is very close to her family and friends, and it must be hard for her to leave that behind.. If this guy is not interested in keeping you happy then I think you should find someone else darling..if your going to marry someone you don't want to make the mistake of marrying someone awkward! Anyway, the flowers still grow! And don't forget you've got friends in England now!

[Mrs.JMajor]

oh my gosh beth,
when u reply about my baguio city u made me happy so i click your name to know your profile a bit...and i read all your started post...gosh u make me cry..hehehe no! just being carried away by your story while reading your story from the start getting visa till ur 6 months at london till u come home(welcome back anyway) its really touching me...(pretending that its me) but unfortunately i think were far different,especially from ur man that u love....likewise ..

beth this was my 3rd post replying u,and i already told u my ym id so we can chat each other if u like to....and my pleasure to meet u here on the forum

GODBLESS U ALWAYS /GOOD LUCK,(HUGS)

JULIET

[kimmi]

hi beth,

i really dont know what to say now after reading ur post,it really touches my heart and soul when i read that..but there's one thing i want to tell u, I am really proud of u!!! It might be easy for me to say right now u deserve someone better, i guess u need time and space for urself now..

I hope and pray that GOD will give u all the strength and courage u need to let go and move on..Cheer up sis..

Goodluck and GOD bless..

[Pepe n Pilar]

Hi Beth 18,
I was touched by your story. Don't be sad you have friends in this forum. What more can i say but for you to be strong and wish that you will meet someone that will love and care for you and will bring out the best in you. You seem a nice lady, one that is not afraid to what people may say for as long as you're doing what you think is right. God Bless.
Best of luck Beth.

[KeithD]

we are born to be submissive

My wife must have missed that lesson in school

I'll be working 50 hours a week, surely she will get bored?

When you get the first phone bill, you will realise this is not the case

[joebloggs]

My wife must have missed that lesson in school

i think my wife must have gone to the same school as your good misses scouser keith, thats one thing my wife isn't

sad story, maybe he will realise now your gone how much he misses you, but then is he too late...

[rosstrtco]

hi, you now what, it is,nt always easy for us british men to deal with the love philipino,s give to us, and sometimes i forced my gf out on her own coz i want her to get used of the british way without me just in case i cant be with her, as long as ur man is,nt being bad to you as in bad give him time and maybe he will adjust to you as you will to him good luck

[Gie]

Hi Beth, you cannot expect your English bf to have Filipino ways. Just accept him for who he is. Living in London is not cheap and people are really working hard here trying to keep up with the cost of the living.

Who knows, he might go back to the Phils again. If you two really love each other so much, compromise and make it work. All the best

[lenn]

HI Beth,

Dont be sad... I always believe in "EVERYTHING HAPPENEDS FOR A REASON." I was really touched by your story. I used to have an English bf who doesnt care about what I feel. He thought giving me loads of money and expensive gifts will repay for his lack of love, time and commitment. I was really inlove with him at that time. I accepted everything he do including him having so many extra gf's. I treated him well. cook for him. take care of him when he was sick. stay with him when he needs me. Everybody is calling me TANGA!
I woke up one day and told myself if i stay with him like that i'll end up miserable for the rest of my life. You know what Beth? I left him. I'm scared at first coz i dont want to realize one day that its my lost.
Then I met Ross, my fiance. He loves me so much that it really feels great. He respects me and my decisions. he care's about my family and friends. he's family is supperb. they treated me so well. what else can i say???? We're both lucky to have each other.
If u know u have a good heart then dont be scrared of loosing somebody who you think is not worth your time and your love. Why? because you deserves to be happy.

Lenn

[vrn]

hi Beth,

Like the others, I was touched by your story too.

The good point is your bf was able to show some improvement...you mentioned that he tried to change in the last 2 months of your stay in UK, that's a good sign isn't it?

As you said "marriage can wait"...give him enough time to prove his love on you, try also to understand him because everyone is unique. If one day he comes in your doorstep, listen to him...loving is accepting and understanding one's weaknesses.

Wish you all the luck!

[Marwin08]

Hi beth. I want to say you this. "God nvr leave us empty. He replaces evrything we lost when He asked u to put something down its because He wants u to pick up something great."
cheer up sis.Be strong and move on.Maybe one day he realize emptiness without you.

[beth18]

To everyone,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sorry If I made some of you cried, sad and touched.

if i have to compile all my threads it will turn out into chapters of an untitled book, i just realised that it is actually the story of my whole journey to Uk, and this forum had turned into my diary, I'm doing these to pour out a little of whats inside me and at the same time I want all our friends here and myself as well to learn something from my experiences.

To be honest, i love my man, if something bad happens...I'm ready to put my self before him. My whole life was spent to be being nice cos I believe that its easier to be a good person than the other way around, but the sad part of it I am so prone to be taken for granted cos anyway I'm nice and most of the time taken advantage.

i dont think that its easy to find a new man, specially when you invested a lot of time, effort and emotions and was honest with your intentions. I just feel like Im running out of time cos mmmmmm..i'm 34 and want to settle into a very simple but comfortable family life with a very loving husband, I envy and proud to all the couples here in this forum, I often wish that I was Gina, Eula, chris, and all the rest.

I want to share a Poem that i wrote in 1998 seems i had predicted my life 10 yers ago....


THE BEGINNING…THE BEGINNING OF MY LIFE

When one is young, one never thinks of growing old, pays no mind of age.

Youth lies to us, blinds us, gives a false sense of immortality, makes us believe we are supreme, unbeatable, everlasting...

How frightening it is to learn that we are only too mortal, vulnerable, and that in the end we must die.

Love, laughter, life lived to the fullest-those were the things we cared about then.

When we are grown old and horrendous things happen to destroy the fabric of one's existence, age makes it easier to cope in so many ways.

We have acquired understanding, wisdom is ours, and we have life's experience to draw on and sustain us.

In our youth when trouble comes to plague us we have few weapon with which to combat it, no ready references, no old knowledge stored in our bones, no inner resources to see us through. It overwhelms, It can destroy us.

I KNOW THIS AND I KNOW IT WELL.

It was in my youth that great trouble came, life was difficult....terrible.

Unconscious things happen when I was young, destructive acts were perpetrated against me.

I SUFFERED ALONE.

I had no one to help me. No one to rescue me. No one to ease the pain. No one to console me. But I did not take my life. I found courage and strength within my self. I lived again. I came back up. Slowly. I rose higher. I soared.

I had not born great, But I had been born with courage.

Life is hard it meant to be hard. To test us, to test our mettle, break us, or make us, And the lessons of life are equally hard. Yet, if we are quick, then we only have to learn those lessons ONCE.

Very few people have an east time in this world, what count most is that we survive, endure.
My whole life is ahead of me. I'll live it well from this day ...forward..... B’98

[Mrs.JMajor]

beth,

the way i know u bit.....i assure u can find great one(if that relationship didnt work out ) and i do believe "LIFE BEGINS AT 40"...SO UR JUST 34 HMM STILL YOUNG AND U LOOK 25 THOUGH (WINK).....

[KeithD]

My life ended at 20

[Mrs.JMajor]

My life ended at 20

HUH !!

and u look zombie now by your picture here kieth,,,(joke) can i see u in real picture keith instead of that picture.pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[KeithD]

It's on the gallery....Search for 'stupid'.....

[Mrs.JMajor]

It's on the gallery....Search for 'stupid'.....

wowww! u look very young....hmmm i wonder how old are you ....hehehe

hello ate ping !!

[Tiggers0608]

hi beth, sorry to hear about your story, and thanks for sharing it ...

In my opinion if he asked for a second chance you should give it to him, since you both love each other, its just lack of communication on both your part and time for each other.

As we filipino girls used to more attention and if we give love we want it back too, same as we what we had given but remember theres an old saying "if you give love, don't wait for anything in return"

... we just have to keep in mind that we choose to have a relationship with a brit guy means different culture, different ways of living, different from us ....

Well i learned that from my lesson that life is not all about me I think if you give him another chance it will really work out. that is if you still wanna give him a chance and accept who he is and his ways of living.........

then again its all up to you good luck and best of everything and cheer up.

[singkit]

Hello Beth, I know it's painful when something you really want doesn't seem to come yet. But hey, that doesn't mean it's not going to happen anymore. Don't be so worried that you're 34 coz there are many people who got married older than what you can think of. In fact, some get married more than once after getting divorce or fed up with their long relationships. They never give up falling inlove again. Sometimes marriage is not always the solution to being happy and contented. I've heard you have a daughter. She's your precious, a reason to be happy...a reason to love and be loved. Who knows, your English boyfriend now is not really the one for you and that somewhere..some how...and at some time you might meet another man who's worth for you. In all the pains you've been through, it lets you down but you managed to stand up and speak out. That's strenght and bravery. Make yourself proud and don't lose hope. Carry the love you have in your heart and share it to someone that is worth while. Don't stop believing that love is always always wonderful when spent to someone you love. Till then, I wish you all the best.

[beth18]

thank you singkit and tiggers0608, its nice to know that there are still people like you that tries to put thier feet in my situation and shares thier fair judgement, cos i know that he is not a bad person its just the way he deals with life and i was just loosing hope cos maybe i was rushing things to happen.

[eula mackay]

"marriage can wait". it did on our case, it did not happen overnight. almost 4 years before we got married. and if i have to tell you the story of the route we took to be where we are now believe me youd get bored.

i dont know what i should say to make you feel better. it is a shame that it was too late when you realized how much he means to you. sometimes we dont know what we are missing or loosing until its gone. we may never find the right person for us but we can be the right person for someone!

so, how are things with you and him now? send me a private message and i will hear you out. dont ever think you are alone.

i hope all is well with you and enjoying being a mother again to your daughter!