I am confused....

[gracia_006]

hi! i just want some input on the things that bothers me regarding this internet online dating.... i have been chatting for quite some times now and i have meet a lot of few wrong people, some are nice, and soem are not. but lately i have finally found someone whom i could say to my self and stop searching. I met this guy at an online dating site last july and from there on we have been constantly communicating until this days. We dont have yet that gf/bf relationship because we both wanted to know each other more and we want to see each other first because if we click. We are both in this stage of life that we wanted to have someone. He is planning his first tripearly next year and we are both excited about it... but i am confused of this things...
1. He doesnt initiate to email me firts, but when i email him he never fails to answer my email even though its very short. But there was never a point that he emails me first so sometimes i think am i important to him?

2. He just called me once in my cellphone because he said its very expensive, though we talked in msn during weekends but i think when he genuinely wants to know me more, sometimes its nice to recieve calls from the person you think is special. even text messages he seldom sends me, if i dont text him he will not text me also....

is he really genuine with his intentions towards me? I am really looking for a good man that i can be with in the future and i feel that this guy is the one, we just need to see each other first before we will get into the next step of our relationship....

[bigtombowski]

ok ... look do u want real answers?

ok

1) he never initiates email conversations to u? That is BAD! the man should court the woman!

2) he thinks it's too expensive to call u?

hmmmmm

i spend 1 hour per day talking to mar ... it IS expensive, but it's worth it ...

are u worth it to him??




in my very very humble opinion, u should keep ur options open til he calls u maybe 3 or 4 times a week ... or more

tom

[mhynne]

for me.. if he loves you.. he will do anything for you and he will move heaven and earth just to get a second of hearing your voice.....

as us filipinos would say,"kung gusto maraming paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan.."

[mhynne]

tom is right! my now husband spent 20 thousand pesos in a week before just to be able to talk to me.. he said it was worth every cent he paid for it..

[gracia_006]

ok ... look do u want real answers?

ok

1) he never initiates email conversations to u? That is BAD! the man should court the woman!

2) he thinks it's too expensive to call u?

hmmmmm

i spend 1 hour per day talking to mar ... it IS expensive, but it's worth it ...

are u worth it to him??




in my very very humble opinion, u should keep ur options open til he calls u maybe 3 or 4 times a week ... or more

tom

**** but we always talk on weekends, almost 5 hours each during saturdays and sundays and we talked also for a an hour everyday before he goes for work
**** he never calls because he wants to save for his visit next year.... though there was one instance that he plans to buy a phone card to call me but i told him that never mind and just save it for the trip.... but if he really wanted to call me then he would find ways right?

[kimmi]

hi gracia,

how are u?well i am pleased that u trust us with ur situation right now..but pls do remember that most of our post/advises here are only based on the info that u have given us..

anyway, i do understand ur sentiments..when I first chat with my fiance, he also didnt calls me and texted me before and like u I wonder why, is it because of the cost?or is it because he's not really serious..there's lots of questions running on my mind..but Ive decided to give the relationship a chance and give him the benefit of the doubt..so what I did, I open up my heart to him and discuss everything and right now we are engaged and will get married this january..

Good luck sis..

[gracia_006]

for me.. if he loves you.. he will do anything for you and he will move heaven and earth just to get a second of hearing your voice.....

as us filipinos would say,"kung gusto maraming paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan.."

but we are not yet a bf/gf because we both want to see each other and he plans to visit me next year.... or shouldi be more patience and understand him? because i dont want to waste time waiting for nothing, i have stopped my search and just talked with him constanly, i am not talking anymore with other guy and switch off my profile from the internet dating site i have join before.... is he worth it? or shall i continue my search?

[bigtombowski]

yeh, and i gotta say ...

i didn't call mar for about 3 months of our relationship

BUT

we emailed and chatted online EVERY SINGLE DAY! lol

i think if he is serious he should "initiate" the email chats and Yahoo messenger

...

if he likes u, he will spend lots of money to call u

it's not too expensive

if u want a number he can use to get cheao calls to u, email me ,,, my email is on my profile here, and i will give him the 0871 number ... 9pence per min

tom

[bigtombowski]

but we are not yet a bf/gf because we both want to see each other and he plans to visit me next year.... or shouldi be more patience and understand him? because i dont want to waste time waiting for nothing, i have stopped my search and just talked with him constanly, i am not talking anymore with other guy and switch off my profile from the internet dating site i have join before.... is he worth it? or shall i continue my search?

my opinion girl...
keep looking ...
but , keep talking to this guy, but let him know u are still looking
give him pressure

tom

[mhynne]

hi gracia.. i think as sis kimmi has given a very good advice and a different view of the picture...
you know everything is really up to you... if you give him a shot still.. stay on guard with your emotions... use both your head and heart.. i suggest if you love him stay with him.. but be cautious so you would not get yourself hurt in the process..

[bigtombowski]

good advice from mhynne!

it's the balanced approach! lol hehe!

tom

[cinmickey28]

You're right Mhynne & Tom, balance of probabilities as the ECO always considers in dealing with visa applications.

speaking of visas I hope we get ours very soon. Same to you sis Kimmi who's also patiently waiting. Good Luck sis hopefully we'll hear the good news.

[Missyalice]

Hello there Gracia, My husband used to call me at least 3 times a day during the courtship and until we got engaged while I was still in the Philippines…. aside from going on messenger mostly everyday. But he doesn’t mind the cost as he said I am worth it…. Anyway, that still depends on the man.

You seem to have some nagging thoughts in your head right now. Maybe you need to clear these up first before you move on. I think you should get to know him first, i mean face to face. Also one thing that you might consider is, what are his future plans for himself and also for the two of you as a couple if you click?

Well, wish u all the best to him, hope things works out better for both of you.

[gracia143]

Hi Gracia, hope you feel lot better now from reading the replies of the good people here. We all can be apprehensive in every situation and this situation you are both in can make you both apprehensive at some point. My advise is, keep an open mind. Keep talking to him as it is the only way you can get to know each other more but be aware too that being together in person is a different thing. There are loads to discover about each other. It is always true in every relationship. Journey on and keep safe! I wish you the best!

[KeithD]

1) Maybe he's shy, not every Brit is forward thinking, and some like to let the women do the moves, that way the guy knows he is not overstepping the line.

2) Depends how he is phoning, not everyone knows the cheap ways of doing so, he could be paying 400 pesos a minute!!!

As you say, early days, and you are probably both being cautious.

PS. If you want a loving trusting relationship with him, you need to be telling him this not us

[vbkelly]

if people confused their feelings to someone there going to log on in the comfuse.com to get a big loan of money to spend a phonecard to call or text their sweetheart.

[LEAHnew]

Hi gracia6 cheer up girl, I’ve been through in your situation, in my case… at first, I know the feeling was really different for him something “special” but I was confused too, I thought I’m the only one felt that ‘coz I can’t find that time what I’m looking for I was expecting lot of things from him to do, what I did was …..catching him up online, then always sending him email , but most of the time I didn’t got replies from it…Then few days I stopped what sweet things I usually does for him…when he buzz I said I’m busy (pakipot ‘wari) then all of a sudden he’s phoning (telebabad to the max)right now he’s moving heaven on earth
Tom is right give him pressure sometimes... then enjoy talking each other share thoughts and views in life ….. knowing him better is a good start …..But it’s all up to you to decide whether he’s worth it or not…is it a DEAL OR NO DEAL
GoodlucK

[eula mackay]

totally agree with the administrator.

we are not part of the "problem", speak to the one who is and he might sort it out with you.

as you are not in a proper relationship with him as well just yet, i dont think its fair to expect/demand something that actually happens in a proper one. if he is planning to visit you well then that is a good start, surely he would have not considered it if he does not like you at all.

take it one day at a time, dont give and ask too much too soon. let it flow naturally and if it develops to something deeper than regular friendship and you realize you think you can have a relationship with him and vice versa then go for it.

good luck!

[IanB]

Hi Gracia,

I agree completely with Keith - win2win. There could be many reasons behind this, including shyness, laziness, or plain social inadequacy! It does not necessarily mean he is not a good guy. The only way to find out is to be honest with him and tell him your concerns. He will either run away scared, or realise his errors and take the relationship forward. either way, you win!

You should also poit out that by searching around he should be able to call you for less than 10p per minute.

Ian

[bigtombowski]

i use tele discount ,,, it's 9p per min

[hilda_danao]

hi! i just want some input on the things that bothers me regarding this internet online dating.... i have been chatting for quite some times now and i have meet a lot of few wrong people, some are nice, and soem are not. but lately i have finally found someone whom i could say to my self and stop searching. I met this guy at an online dating site last july and from there on we have been constantly communicating until this days. We dont have yet that gf/bf relationship because we both wanted to know each other more and we want to see each other first because if we click. We are both in this stage of life that we wanted to have someone. He is planning his first tripearly next year and we are both excited about it... but i am confused of this things...
1. He doesnt initiate to email me firts, but when i email him he never fails to answer my email even though its very short. But there was never a point that he emails me first so sometimes i think am i important to him?

2. He just called me once in my cellphone because he said its very expensive, though we talked in msn during weekends but i think when he genuinely wants to know me more, sometimes its nice to recieve calls from the person you think is special. even text messages he seldom sends me, if i dont text him he will not text me also....

is he really genuine with his intentions towards me? I am really looking for a good man that i can be with in the future and i feel that this guy is the one, we just need to see each other first before we will get into the next step of our relationship....

Hi Gracia!
i think he doesn't want to rush yet in a relationship with you while not seeing you yet in person. He probably has feelings for you if he plans to visit you. There might be other reasons why he's not calling you more often just like what other member says here. My advice is, wait 'til he says the words 'i love you'. like you said, you don't have that bf-gf relationship yet so it's better if you don't expect too much yet until he says the most important 3 words. Just keep communicating with him. I think he's a good guy coz he doesn't say he loves you right away unlike other men who always flirt on the internet.
That's just my opinion & advice.

[silver13]

Hello gracia006, I met my now future husband sometime during the month of July also but in 2005, we communicate each other constantly through e-mails, in my case , I never received any phone calls or even text messages in the entire 4 months of talking over the internet :-( Although I wished to receive one but anyway we were not in this so called gf/bf stage so it’s understandable and i should not expect.

Usually if the man likes you, he always initiate the talking but not all people are the same, as most people in the forum said, he might be shy, being too cautious and any other reason but it doesn’t mean he don’t like you. I think from July, when you started talking to each other, you can feel anyway if you are important to him and considering he has a plan to see you then that is one good point to him although in some ways he missed the point of initiating the conversation.

Now just be a bit patient and it’s how you work out your communication. Me and Paul took 4 months before he said he thinks he loves me and ended up in a gf/bf relationship and from then I received everyday 3 times call and text messages and he don’t care how much he spent for the long hours of calling and I even complained that my ear was hurting already.

It’s still your decision if you want to continue your search since you are not in a gf/bf relationship yet so you are still free. However if you feel that you want to take the risk for a possible relationship with him then you need to be open.

[bornatbirth]

you have already got some good advice here but your thinking?....do i chat with him for 6 months before we meet and when we do,will we like each other? what if we dont click so am i wasting my time?
but he could be thinking the same as you?

put him to the test!

tell him exactly how u feel about everything and dont hold back,tell him you want to see him sooner if he doesnt come you will stop with him! just see what he as to say?
be as honest as you can with him and whatever he does then that wil be your answer!

my gf told me she wanted me there after 2 weeks of chatting on yahoo,well everyday almost,so i booked up after 6 weeks of our first chat we met up, after i got home in our first chat she wanted to be bf/gf so i said YESSSSS!

the reason i met my gf so soon?
i didnt want to miss my chance with her so i got there before someone did!
i already knew i liked her but until we both met i could never be sure if we would be good together?
so instead of waiting 6 months to find out i took 6 weeks.

so tell him how u really feel! goodluck

[winner]

hi gracia just like to say when you chat to him this on webcam and mike or not not no y you stop looking for other guys has he stop looking to all as he lots of chat mates do you think deep down he is just playing around he can buy phone card for 5 pounds this give him 300 mins to talk to you and he can text you 2 times a day not cost much you ask him straight were you stand cos no guy shy on internet .looking for love take care keep looking your find love in the end

[Bridget]

Hi Gracia,
I think when a man loves a woman theres nothing too difficult for him to do. My fiance told me that he spent more than 175pounds on his telephone bill during our first month.Those time we haven`t seen each other yet in person. He first email me Thursday afternoon, then Friday I emailed him my photograph and then Saturday morning he phone me, that how we started, He calls me everymorning during the week and night time on weekends where in one occassion we talk on the phone for more than seven hours straigth. That was four years ago and still he hasn`t change when were apart, he always find a chance to call me, even he is at the office, on holiday, on the football games, cricket match, in parents house and wherever.
But I think, everyone have their own way to show that they care. But if you have doubts dont go for it, or try not to go online for a while and see if he will miss you. If he does, he will call you, if you have given him your telephone number, if you have not of course thats the reason why he did not call hehehe just wanted you to smile.... OK if he misses you he will either call you or email you, but if he did not then you have to accept the truth that he is not into you.
Cheers!

[somebody]

Well till you meet him you have no idea if you both will click.
Mostly your being speaking to sucessful and very happy people in loving relationships.

Chat to him see how it goes and chill you cant make love happen.

You can both give it your best shot but in the end it happens or it don't

Like De man like Admin wrote he is most likely trying to not overstep the mark.
If he jumped on a plane after a few months and rang you 20 times a day you might think him slighty over the top and a bit of a stalker.
For other relationship it happens there is no template.

Show him links to moneysaving experts cheap call webpage so he can see if there is a cheap way to call you.

Whatever don't stress enjoy your chats and hopefully you will meet and love will blossom if thats what is to happen

[desRICHARDS]

Hello Gracia,

there are some men who are really not expressive when it comes to their feelings..theres alot diffrences when it comes to MEN.The best armor for yourself right now is to slow things up for you and make it FASTER on his side bec this man NEEDS a kick on his balls to realized your WORTH...YOU ARE A JEWEL BY NATURE ALREADY, YOUR SHINING ALREADY!!!!! and if he cant see the light that shines out on you then he must be


if he lacks initiative to do things for you and complains about the cost of a phone call that just mean that this guy would likely be most the GUY who will keep a list OF BUDGET FOR YOU...huhuhuu....

[gracia_006]

thansk everyone for all the advices and i am glad and enlighten now, yes i guess i should tell him and not demand from him much instead i will continue to communicate and be patient with him as he promise me to visit early next year and YES! HE has a ticket already....

[ervenescence]

So is it just me?.. who didn't want my brit to phone me when we were on the stage of knowing each other because I prefer a chat instead of talking on the phone. The reason was, because of his slang and his accent was very difficult to understand.

For me im not bothered that much if he doesn't phone me in a week, as long as we chatted on yahoo. Sending emails or text is the last resort if we didn't get the chance to chat at the same time for some reasons. We don't need to talked everyday, don't need to have loads of emails to prove our feelings are for real. Quality not quantity.

[LEAHnew]

So is it just me?.. who didn't want my brit to phone me when we were on the stage of knowing each other because I prefer a chat instead of talking on the phone. The reason was, because of his slang and his accent was very difficult to understand.

how ahhh u?wot r u dowwin. Same here boggie my friend