I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted
again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said
'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
55 more to go.. lol
Not an expert, I only try to help.
So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
The worlds worst meal..
shocks that was so awfulOriginally Posted by fred
The worlds worst meal..
.
Im sure its fine...tastes like chicken!!
Yes... it's fowl
If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!
Mark!!!! Me old mate - wher've ya been?If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!
Al.
He's gone again!
Al.
About time you got back, naughty boy.If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!
To your room without tea, now........
How is it going ,Mate???
Glad to see you still around.
Well I be ****ed!! Its barnsley-mark!!!!
Nice to see you back mate..
its barnsley-mark
A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St.Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the man offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed.
'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
Why I was fired....
For the last company picnic, management decided that, due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.
I was fired for ordering the cups.
You'll like this one...But it takes time to load.
1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE: http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/
Wait for the lady to appear (be patient), then...
2. Write your Christian Name in the First Box.
3. WRITE your Surname in the Second Box
4. Now Press the VISUALIZAR BAR.
Clever.
This one is brilliant mate!
Al.
FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP -
1. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman who helps at home, cooks & cleans.
2. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman you can trust & who would never lie.
4. Its IMPORTANT to have a woman who is good in bed & likes sex alot.
5. Its ABSOLUTELY ******* VITAL that these four women don't know each other.
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