I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted
again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said
'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
55 more to go.. lol
Not an expert, I only try to help.
So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
The worlds worst meal..
shocks that was so awfulOriginally Posted by fred
The worlds worst meal..
.
Im sure its fine...tastes like chicken!!
Yes... it's fowl
If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!
Well I be ****ed!! Its barnsley-mark!!!!
Nice to see you back mate..
its barnsley-mark
Mark!!!! Me old mate - wher've ya been?If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!
Al.
He's gone again!
Al.
'Is that a hand sticking out of the ocean?'
'No, it's just a wave!'
Al.
About time you got back, naughty boy.If you get a peanut stuck in your ear.......
pour chocolate in! they come out a treat!!!!!
To your room without tea, now........
How is it going ,Mate???
Glad to see you still around.
Which classroom did hear this one in, Al....???'Is that a hand sticking out of the ocean?'
'No, it's just a wave!'
Al.
No classroom mate - just want to be in with a chance of being the winner of this threadWhich classroom did hear this one in, Al....???
Al.
..................although, surely nobody can touch Fred!!!!
Al.
Al....................although, surely nobody can touch Fred!!!!
Al.
Technically speaking,given the thread title...I concede...You win hands down.
Talking about technical things..Did you get my Skype message??
Hands downAl..
Technically speaking,given the thread title...I concede...You win hands down.
Talking about technical things..Did you get my Skype message??
Yes mate - I have just got home and received your message. Will contact very soon. Hi to everyone at home.
Al.
A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St.Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the man offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed.
'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
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