Based on what you have said i think in the future you will find yourself in many more situations where you will be asked for money for this and that. when i met my now wife she would never ask for anything and i had to drag it out of her about any money problems. Just take your time, keep your eyes wide open and do not be made a fool of....
Hello Eljohno, just noticed you are from Lisburn. I am from Belfast and have a filippina girlfriend. I haven't made many posts but we have had some invaluable advice from the forum. Just nice to know someone closeby is here if you know what i mean.
Hey good to hear from you, it is a small world!!
Send me a pm and tell me your story of how you met the asawa....
John
I am not too sure how to go about doing that. From what I can gather I dont think I can pm here because I haven't made enought post's , but I could be wrong
I'm from South Belfast mate - (Finaghy).Originally Posted by vinmer
I posted some advice on another thread. hope u got it
Good to hear fro you, thanks, I didn't but i will check it out.Small world!!
Hello,
i am actually working in Finaghy now on a Temp contract with NIHE so getting to know the area a bit!!
Sorry to get of track with the thread - continue!!
Hi !!
- maybe you can fix my rubbish chute door on the 13th floor in Moylena House!
small world indeed.
sorry peeps - back to ATM .
Why a Filipina? I'll talk first about S in particular. Yes, she is very pretty, petite, but she makes herself large with her liveliness, her energy. I love to watch her talk a mile a minute in Basiya. Yes, there are people like her everywhere, but it would sure be hard to find one among the Chinese, for example. In HK I can pick out Filipinas not by their look--many do look Chinese, and in fact have Chinese ancestry--but by their temperament. I liked that S would cut up my food for me, and I'm sure if I were to marry her, she would gladly fetch my slippers, but this isn't what I find attractive. And what's wrong with identifying what are cultural determined characteristics? What's wrong with finding them attractive? They are not the last word, but they are there.
When I lived in the States I found Latinas to be attractive in the same way, but Mexico or Puerto Rico aren't as convenient for me to visit as is the Philippines. From HK, Cebu is just a little over two hours away by plane; Manila, an hour.
I've been to the Philippines three times now. I like the place, I like the people--all of them. To marry a Filipina and have a strong connection to the place for the remainder of my days would be fine with me.
S is 31 years old, and I am a fit 51--I'd challenge any Filipino half my age to a 10-km race. That isn't a vast difference in age.
Nothing wrong in liking a person for their qualities and looks. But, you are in danger of generalising all Filipinas a certain way. With respect to you, and your situation, that has left you liable to get stung.
51 and 31 is a huge age difference. I am 31 now - and to see myself with a 51 year old woman is just unthinkable. What would we have in common? We would have even less in common if we were from different countries. You had already voted/got married and had your first drink when her mother was carrying her in her womb. When you were 31, she was still a schoolgirl. I am not opposed to relationships of a big age difference (many work), but you are kidding yourself if you think that age difference is not big. Just think - at that age would you have started a relationship with a 51 year old?
My Filipina gf is older than me by 4 years. And she is sometimes worried about the age difference. I said to her - but what about some fil-west relationships? Where there is an age gap of 20 years or more. She just smiled and said - that is not a relationship - it is a convenience. For the older guy he has a young wife once more. For the girl, she has a sugar-daddy (she used a Tagalog term for this - I forgot it). My gf has 8 siblings - all are married, and all are married to people of a similar age. Her friends are in relationships/marriages - and they are all of a similar age. It is, in my humble opinion, a large misconception that Filipinas prefer the older guy. Undoubtedly, some will. But, just look at the majority of all Fil relationships. Age differences rarely exist. Age differences only become apparent when a Filipina has a relationship with a Westerner.
My gf is scared that, when I hit 40 I will have a mid-life crisis and go running for an 18-year-old for the convenience - just like the many Westerners that visit her shores. Because she sees it a lot there.
As I said in my earlier reply - people fall into the trap of generalising a whole nation based on some Hollywood like notion that they are all submissive wives that will cater to your every need. When you meet a Filipina, you already have a preconceived idea about how the relationship will be. Some Filipinas know this - and will use it to their advantage. As in your situation. The realities are very different. And you will find that, by and large, Filipinas are no different to British women - some cultural differences of course, but personality wise you will meet hot tempered, passive, romantic, cold, loving, manipulative, loyal and disloyal. But, whilst you carry around the idea that Filipinas are all one of a kind, you will always give the bad ones amongst them a chance to use you. Do not judge a book by it's cover.
I just gotta add when hanging round with the Wifes friends and older female cousins quite a few have mentioned when we are out why is that girl with that man. When there is a huge age gap. Not in any particularly nasty way just more out of curisoty it appears.
I think many of the Filipinas i have met, would not full into the stay at home and be submissive wife. Most are far better qualified than their male siblings and peers they also have generally very good jobs by Phill standards.
Another thing to add - my sister is 2 years younger than me. I, obviously, have no say in who she dates. But I would be far more suspicious if a guy 20 years her senior started taking an interest.
Of course, these relationships happen and they work. But why are these girls interested in men so much older? Some of these girls are drop dead gorgeous and intelligent, and they end up with a guy a great deal older and with nothing in common.
I really don't believe that it is a cultural thing - and I don't believe that it is common practice, other than when they hook up with Westerners. As you say Andy, none of the Filipinas I know via my gf would fall into the category of submissive housewives. If my gf fell into that category - I would be completely turned off.
Sorry for highjacking thread again as i am unable to send you a personal message but can you email me john_dropinnatmsndotcom
Don't worry about 'large' age differences - I'm 54, and Ruby is now 24. I have a sister-in-law who is 47 years younger than I am!
However, we had to laugh when the 5 y/o who lives next door (but spends much time in our house), described me as 'your father' when speaking to Ruby!
We have 13 years different but never an issue except if she wants to be mischievious by saying something like I five then when I tell her that that particular Police or U2 song or such like that we just heard was a favourite of mine when I was in Uni!!!!
Live your life for a reason and don't worry be happy
if you don't know where you are going then any road will do!!
its also the same in our case..my hubby is older with me and also to my parents..he he he
but everything is ok and we love each other..
yah,i agree age is not the issue,the important is u have trust,respect,
ur both happy,and offcourse love...
Hi PeterB,
Can you tell me why Filipinas go back home when this happens?
Thanks
Well i have seen many times where the foreign boyfriend suggests because the Filipino has been on such a low wage that they stop work as the boyfriend will give them the same amount. There are different reasons for this with two being that if they are not working all the time then they can organise the wedding and have free time when the boyfriend travels over!!
You can also chat more my poor wife was waking up before the chickens to chat to me.
Also go home as if they the lady is to move abroad might as well see the family and her friends as much as possible also.
After four months--and two visits after our first meeting--I've decided to call it quits with S. As I mentioned above she no longer is working so I've been sending her money here and there, for rent, food, etc. After seeing how she lives, pretty much hand-to-mouth, I believe the money was going for what she said it was--most of the time. Between the trips down there from HK and this, I nearly broke the bank. There is also a new computer, a laptop that I should have waited to buy.
I'd planned to go down there next weekend to give my old desktop to her. I would pick up a used monitor, keyboard, etc. and get her hooked up to the Internet so that we could chat more regularly and more cheaply. She was very excited about this. She might be able to make a little money.
Then, late last week she asked me to wire her a little money for some medicine. She claimed she had a fever. I told her that there wasn't any money to send, that I was having to get an advance on my pay to bring her the computer. She quickly lapsed into melodrama, saying that she might be dead the next time I called. Though I'd been slow to send money in the past, this was the first time I didn't budge.
I called yesterday, Sunday, evening to advise her to look into where to pick up a monitor. She said she was still not feeling well and was rather short with me, ending our conversation first--the first time I can remember. I've been calling every other day from the start so what followed was surprising: before a quick good-bye, she told me not to call until I arrive next Saturday.
I'm going to cancel my ticket, give the computer to a local charity and write nothing until I hear from her. I know that there will be more melodrama, so I'll have to refuse verbal conversation. I am well beyond heartbreak. I am a man of my word, yes, and I'd told her I would come, but enough is enough.
Amen to that........
Its sorry things end up like this. But generally you get the real truth when you stop the money even for a few weeks. Its a big problem with most people they start sending money and then it becomes a constant allowance. Which for a girlfriend i think is wrong, you wouldnt do it in the West but ive been in that trap myself and its when i stemmed the flow of cash the real person comes out. A genuine filipina although life maybe hard is unlikely to ask for money. Definitly until you know each other better at least. Also anything financial the problems were there before you came along so i strongly advise anyone getting into similar situations keeping cash involvement to a minimal because it just complicates things.
Amen to that........
I second the motion!!!!
" The people who mean something to your life are not rated "the best" don't have the most money, haven't won the greatest prizes....
They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by... "
same here , keep up your words WAI
well we will know if he can stick to his word..
Hi WaiGuoRen, Did you make contact with S again? What happened?
Geeeeze I cannot beleive this thread is still going, I thought the original guy was thinking he was an ATM Machine, quite frankly, there are many of us here athe forum who could post a similar thread, isnt it time to curtail this one.
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
What's up Pete, get out of bed the wrong sideMaybe some more retail therapy would help you.
pete.
i could write many threads, but it would only make me
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