On the way home from work today I was feeling annoyed about her asking for money a second time--after the robbery. She was due to call at 7 to make arrangements for the following day at Western Union. I solicited the advice of a couple of friends beforehand, one more experienced in these matter than the other. Both said to leave her. I impulsively called and canceled my airline tickets for later this month.
When I spoke to her I told her that what was going on didn't feel right, that it wasn't working out between us. She immediately put on her tough girl demeanor, but this quickly fell away and she began to cry, but still saying she didn't need me. And right away I went to butter, soon assuring her how much I loved her (absolutely true). Then we had one of our heartfelt talks. I can only accept her feelings as genuine. I assured her that I would still be coming down to see her later this month.
Now I have to reinstate my canceled airline tickets to get down there. It still may not seem quite right, but I cannot doubt her feelings for me. And now I've asked to marry me and she has accepted. I want everything to be settled between so that we can be together.
As you can imagine, all of this is driving me nuts. If she could find a job, waiting tables or whatever, I'd gladly make up the difference so that she and her family could get by. It's all of these requests--and my not knowing what is going on--that get to me. I know some of you might say I shouldn't be so mistrustful of her. Though I feel like I'm constantly teetering between the two sides, I have to find some way to trust her for now. It seems that I don't have a choice.
