yorkshireman travelling east

[nomorericepleas]

hi i'm just about to set off on my 6th trip to the phils. have massive relationship problem to try and fix there. my first relationship went bad due to her parasite family, now my latest fiancee has real insecurity and jealousy trouble which drove me insane while i was there over winter. Things got worse and i ended up sending flrity txt to her cousin. It's a long story believe me. Anyway, my fiancee seemd to have gotten over it,and asked me to go back to be with her at fiesta, only to change her mind the next day after i booked the non-refundable flight. doh! anyway, she says she now doesnt want to carry on with me, and im due to fly on the 26th 3 days away. i dunno yet if i'll be meeting her or looking for someone new there. it's a big mess and i'm getting fed up with it.

[kimmi]

hi nomorericepleas, welcome to the forum..

so u will be going to the phils. to meet her?

[jonnijon]

You got the ticket mate,go for it dont waste it.

[nomorericepleas]

hi nomorericepleas, welcome to the forum..

so u will be going to the phils. to meet her?

i plan still to go, although she told she finally decided we are through. i think if i go there she may feel differently. if not i haven't lost much except 3 weeks wages. if she won't accept me i can always leave our house and try to find girls in person rather than via chatrooms , which is probably a safer bet. i'm told she has a hearing with a lawyer and her cousins family, because she slapped her cousin over me. She says they expect me to go to this hearing to give my side of things. i'm un-decided what to do about this, but i may stand by her this last time, and see what happens. i don't want to be put in this situation, but i do want to support her, cos her family are as****es. She doesnt come online to talk now to me, she says she deleted my numbers etc, but i'm sure she's still around, as she's the insane jealous type and they never just drop a relationship. good job i don't own a bunny.

[KeithD]

I'd avoid any woman that shows violence, if a guy had smacked her cousin all hell would break loose, but it's OK cos it's a girl doing the hitting....DUH!!!! It's the same thing

[flomike]

hi i'm just about to set off on my 6th trip to the phils. have massive relationship problem to try and fix there. my first relationship went bad due to her parasite family, now my latest fiancee has real insecurity and jealousy trouble which drove me insane while i was there over winter. Things got worse and i ended up sending flrity txt to her cousin. It's a long story believe me. Anyway, my fiancee seemd to have gotten over it,and asked me to go back to be with her at fiesta, only to change her mind the next day after i booked the non-refundable flight. doh! anyway, she says she now doesnt want to carry on with me, and im due to fly on the 26th 3 days away. i dunno yet if i'll be meeting her or looking for someone new there. it's a big mess and i'm getting fed up with it.

hi welcome to the forum!!! Im from north yorks as well, married to a very nice yorkshire man good luck

[chino]

welcome to the forum and good luck as its a long way to sort things out...

Another Yorkshire Man here too (North though work in South Yorkshire)

[andypaul]

Welcome to the site.

What Admin says if she is having issues with temper, jealousy and feeling insecure. Are you planning to be together in Phill or the UK?
Either way round it sounds fraught with grief, if i was you i would move on for both your sakes.
A phill brit relationship is not easy on either partner particularly not the lady due to the pressure and changes she has to deal with. I think it takes a strong charcter to deal with it, if you think maybe its to much for her its properly best to go your seperate ways.

Good luck in what you choose to do

[nomorericepleas]

thanks for the welcome and thanks for all comments on my situation. It looked like things were over. I made a last ditch phone call and i think i talked her into trying to get over her trust problems. I've started by deleting the yahoo id's i have, and all the dating profiles i've made in the past have been turned off too. She has the passwords to a few ym id's so i can't do anything with those myself.
I'm sure her violent tendancies are down to her jealousy, and usually as a result of something careless i've done, without realising it would affect her so badly. I won't go into details about what went on during our last meeting, or what she did to me. I will be more careful what i do or say in future. I know she loves me very deeply indeed and i don't want to waste that kind of love, even if it is stifling at times. I know i can trust her, she never tried to cheat me in any way, and i don't know if i could say that about many others i have met on my travels there. I will make every effort to forget what she has done to me and my things, and i hope she can forget my stupid reactions.
It wont be easy winning her trust but i will try everything i can to do it, as she is a one in a million woman. She's completely at times when i make her angry, and many times i feel like, but i can never be sure i can find one like her.

[nomorericepleas]

I'd avoid any woman that shows violence, if a guy had smacked her cousin all hell would break loose, but it's OK cos it's a girl doing the hitting....DUH!!!! It's the same thing

well as far as i'm concerened women slap each other over men every day and it doesnt blow out of all proportion. Or is that just outside nightclubs in the UK? I can't believe the fuss that has been caused by her cousins family over this. I think it could be a pre-cursor to some kind of blackmail or some way to get some financial bung. That family really are an ungrateful bunch. I/We helped them no end, but they are ungrateful and turn their noses up at what we give them and expect more. My fiancee has apparently asked them to hand back things we have given to them. I can't see it happening.

[andypaul]

thanks for the welcome and thanks for all comments on my situation. It looked like things were over. I made a last ditch phone call and i think i talked her into trying to get over her trust problems. I've started by deleting the yahoo id's i have, and all the dating profiles i've made in the past have been turned off too. She has the passwords to a few ym id's so i can't do anything with those myself.
I'm sure her violent tendancies are down to her jealousy, and usually as a result of something careless i've done, without realising it would affect her so badly. I won't go into details about what went on during our last meeting, or what she did to me. I will be more careful what i do or say in future. I know she loves me very deeply indeed and i don't want to waste that kind of love, even if it is stifling at times. I know i can trust her, she never tried to cheat me in any way, and i don't know if i could say that about many others i have met on my travels there. I will make every effort to forget what she has done to me and my things, and i hope she can forget my stupid reactions.
It wont be easy winning her trust but i will try everything i can to do it, as she is a one in a million woman. She's completely at times when i make her angry, and many times i feel like, but i can never be sure i can find one like her.

Glad to hear things are on the up. Sounds like you both need to go some where with just the two of you and talk though things in depth with no intrruptions.

I hope things sort them selves out for you both

[nomorericepleas]

Glad to hear things are on the up. Sounds like you both need to go some where with just the two of you and talk though things in depth with no intrruptions.

I hope things sort them selves out for you both

right there mate, that was the big prob on the last trip, no time to ourselves. every day we had visitors, at meal times too. They'd all be chatting in visayan and i'd be sat like a spare prick not knowing what was being said. A very lonely and frustrating experience.
my fiancee now knows how i felt about that, so it hopefully wont repeat.

[andypaul]

Thats why its important to get away. Is there a resort nearby? Doesn't need to be flash just a simple place im sure will do.

Worth explaining to the Girlfriend this problem as you have, remeber she will not have noticed as its normal, to have a million people come round the house in many households in phill. But make sure you don't seem to offish to the family otherwise..

[nomorericepleas]

Thats why its important to get away. Is there a resort nearby? Doesn't need to be flash just a simple place im sure will do.

Worth explaining to the Girlfriend this problem as you have, remeber she will not have noticed as its normal, to have a million people come round the house in many households in phill. But make sure you don't seem to offish to the family otherwise..

well i never had a prob with family as such, i try to fit in, but being a shy bloke i dont like butting into conversations, so i got left out a bit. the real prob was meal times. there was 5 of us most every night. the other 4 would be chatting away about daily events, and i'd be just sat eating. i presumed someone would make an effort to include me at some point, but it rarely happened. i mean in the UK a foreign person wouldnt get ignored that way, or i doubt it.
i had a problem with my previous gf family in that they didnt speak such good english, so i didnt like to try to speak to them in english in case i put them in an embarrassing position trying to reply. That caused a prob, and her fmily ended up thinking i was suplado. I still have reluctance to speak english to people im not sure can understand or speak well, as i don't want them to feel as stupid as i feel when i can't reply in visayan. I didnt really get much help this trip to learn any visayan which hasnt helped.

[andypaul]

well i never had a prob with family as such, i try to fit in, but being a shy bloke i dont like butting into conversations, so i got left out a bit. the real prob was meal times. there was 5 of us most every night. the other 4 would be chatting away about daily events, and i'd be just sat eating. i presumed someone would make an effort to include me at some point, but it rarely happened. i mean in the UK a foreign person wouldnt get ignored that way, or i doubt it.
i had a problem with my previous gf family in that they didnt speak such good english, so i didnt like to try to speak to them in english in case i put them in an embarrassing position trying to reply. That caused a prob, and her fmily ended up thinking i was suplado. I still have reluctance to speak english to people im not sure can understand or speak well, as i don't want them to feel as stupid as i feel when i can't reply in visayan. I didnt really get much help this trip to learn any visayan which hasnt helped.

Been there mate when eating i just stuffed my face, but i found i would talk to the younger ones and slowly sussed out who was happy to speak english. Many could speak great english but lacked confidence.

I also used to try and learn tagalog words or phases and sused out the english words they all knew then speak tagalish which they felt more comfortable with.
Normally the wife would chat to me in english a little translating the family news where i would try and react if possile in tagalog even if it was only one word simplistic answers.

Maybe worth asking on here if people can give you a few pointers in visayan its amazing with some simple conversation you will feel a better bond. Even if it is just asking for the salt and offering water in da lingo.

[nomorericepleas]

Been there mate when eating i just stuffed my face, but i found i would talk to the younger ones and slowly sussed out who was happy to speak english. Many could speak great english but lacked confidence.

I also used to try and learn tagalog words or phases and sused out the english words they all knew then speak tagalish which they felt more comfortable with.
Normally the wife would chat to me in english a little translating the family news where i would try and react if possile in tagalog even if it was only one word simplistic answers.

Maybe worth asking on here if people can give you a few pointers in visayan its amazing with some simple conversation you will feel a better bond. Even if it is just asking for the salt and offering water in da lingo.

Yeh i made a real effort to learn for a few days, i even asked my gf to help me, which she did for 15 minutes one evening. The rest of the time she said she wanted to speak english with me so she could learn for when she came here. She already speaks and understands perfectly well, so i was a bit miffed she wouldn't help me out so i could fit in a bit better there. some of the family who dont speak any english did make an effort to talk to me, but if you don't understand it's not easy to learn the meanings. hope this time i'll get a bit more help.

[andypaul]

Yeh i made a real effort to learn for a few days, i even asked my gf to help me, which she did for 15 minutes one evening. The rest of the time she said she wanted to speak english with me so she could learn for when she came here. She already speaks and understands perfectly well, so i was a bit miffed she wouldn't help me out so i could fit in a bit better there. some of the family who dont speak any english did make an effort to talk to me, but if you don't understand it's not easy to learn the meanings. hope this time i'll get a bit more help.

Outright translating is very hard work so i can see why some shy away from it. I speak a bit of french and can get a decent idea of whats going on but if asked to translate between the two languages i would find it really tough.
I guess we also have to bear in mind if we speak with brit accents and use british terms and version of words it doesn't help some phills who may just understand better if we say garbage instead of rubbish etc.

For example all the kids in my Wifes family including her, speak or spoke English in School everyday, and in every class they are punshied if they dont. But in front of a native speaker they go to pieces and politely say the accent is hard to understand. Speaking far slower mimicing a phill accent they got me. Without noticing i would speed up and lose the accent which would then most of the time leave them in the same state as before.

Others may say different but sadly with some members you will only have very simple conversations or exchanges neither of you this trip will have the time to learn enough.

[nomorericepleas]

Outright translating is very hard work so i can see why some shy away from it. I speak a bit of french and can get a decent idea of whats going on but if asked to translate between the two languages i would find it really tough.
I guess we also have to bear in mind if we speak with brit accents and use british terms and version of words it doesn't help some phills who may just understand better if we say garbage instead of rubbish etc.

For example all the kids in my Wifes family including her, speak or spoke English in School everyday, and in every class they are punshied if they dont. But in front of a native speaker they go to pieces and politely say the accent is hard to understand. Speaking far slower mimicing a phill accent they got me. Without noticing i would speed up and lose the accent which would then most of the time leave them in the same state as before.

Others may say different but sadly with some members you will only have very simple conversations or exchanges neither of you this trip will have the time to learn enough.

yes i find myself speaking in a totally different way when i'm over there. my gf even asked me before why i talk in such a slow way, so i have to try to speak faster with her, but i naturally slow down with others. i find myself also pronouncing vowels the american way. up north a u is very strong, and words like bug or gut can really throw philippine people, who are more used to burg or gurt. thats the only trouble my fiancee has is with some vowel sounds, so i had to adapt my northern accent a bit.
i hope i can persude her to talk a little in visiayan to me throughout the day, if the same words or phrases crop up i soon latch on and it sinks into my grey matter, where as reading words in a dictionary is tough work to learn. just 10 or 15 minutes a day could make a big difference, but its such a complicated language i know i'll never get it completely. anyway i'm just about to get a lift to the station in 5 minutes, so may be missing a few weeks. i'm hoping to sort out a visa for her to come here.

[andypaul]

yes i find myself speaking in a totally different way when i'm over there. my gf even asked me before why i talk in such a slow way, so i have to try to speak faster with her, but i naturally slow down with others. i find myself also pronouncing vowels the american way. up north a u is very strong, and words like bug or gut can really throw philippine people, who are more used to burg or gurt. thats the only trouble my fiancee has is with some vowel sounds, so i had to adapt my northern accent a bit.
i hope i can persude her to talk a little in visiayan to me throughout the day, if the same words or phrases crop up i soon latch on and it sinks into my grey matter, where as reading words in a dictionary is tough work to learn. just 10 or 15 minutes a day could make a big difference, but its such a complicated language i know i'll never get it completely. anyway i'm just about to get a lift to the station in 5 minutes, so may be missing a few weeks. i'm hoping to sort out a visa for her to come here.

Enjoy your time there

[alicat]

well i never had a prob with family as such, i try to fit in, but being a shy bloke i dont like butting into conversations, so i got left out a bit. the real prob was meal times. there was 5 of us most every night. the other 4 would be chatting away about daily events, and i'd be just sat eating. i presumed someone would make an effort to include me at some point, but it rarely happened. i mean in the UK a foreign person wouldnt get ignored that way, or i doubt it.
i had a problem with my previous gf family in that they didnt speak such good english, so i didnt like to try to speak to them in english in case i put them in an embarrassing position trying to reply. That caused a prob, and her fmily ended up thinking i was suplado. I still have reluctance to speak english to people im not sure can understand or speak well, as i don't want them to feel as stupid as i feel when i can't reply in visayan. I didnt really get much help this trip to learn any visayan which hasnt helped.

i think u and my hubby have a same situation
my family thaught he was suplado
coz hes not good in tagalog,and my family
is shy to talk to him,so the only key is me
i explain to my hubby and my family the
whole situation,now everything is fine
im the interpreter

[kimmi]

im the interpreter

I agree with u Alicat..I think that's what most of us filipina the interpreter between our family and hubby..he he he

[nomorericepleas]

i think u and my hubby have a same situation
my family thaught he was suplado
coz hes not good in tagalog,and my family
is shy to talk to him,so the only key is me
i explain to my hubby and my family the
whole situation,now everything is fine
im the interpreter

thanks, unfortunately my fiancee at the time never tried to fill the void so i was left out on a limb really and i never got on so good with that family. its been similar with the new relationship, that my fiancee is happy to chat to her friends in bisayan, while i'm sitting wondering whats happening. she's better than she was before, and occasionally explains, so i cant grumble too much. i just wish she made an effort to teach me bisayan on a regular daily basis, not 1 day every visit.

[andy17]

thanks, unfortunately my fiancee at the time never tried to fill the void so i was left out on a limb really and i never got on so good with that family. its been similar with the new relationship, that my fiancee is happy to chat to her friends in bisayan, while i'm sitting wondering whats happening. she's better than she was before, and occasionally explains, so i cant grumble too much. i just wish she made an effort to teach me bisayan on a regular daily basis, not 1 day every visit.

Good luck mate - I hope things work out for a fellow Yorkshireman. follow Kimmi's proverb - 'the serenity prayer' and you'll be OK

[Piamed]

I am often surrounded by native speakers of another language. It is always the same. Due to shyness or something similar, whenever I ask if they speak English they will say, 'no'. The fact is, they do but don't want to use it, fearing they will be grammatically incorrect.

I'm fortunate, both lolas, lolo, nanay, all kuyas and auntys speak English well. Only tatay and my little bro-in-law and nephews don't speak so well. But we use sign language and with my tatay the convergence of language that the bottom of a glass of Tanduay brings.

Occasionally, I find myself in situations where I don't understand what is being said, particularly Suriganon and Bisayan. My wife often translates but I don't expect her to all the time as it would be rather tedious for everyone. I'm just happy to see her smiling. And when someone appears to ask me a question I quickly reply 'sige' which is always apt and makes everyone laugh out loud.

T

[kimmi]

Good luck mate - I hope things work out for a fellow Yorkshireman. follow Kimmi's proverb - 'the serenity prayer' and you'll be OK

Yes Andy..