boyfriend: still signing up in dating sites

[KewLan]

hello. i just want to relate my problem to everyone. i am confused and dont know what to do. i have a boyfriend from northern part of england. we have been talking online for almost a year now. it is only this week that i have found out that he has signed up in some dating sites (cebuanas.com, filipinaheart.com and other sites) on the web. i cant confront him because it would show that i am accessing his email account without his permission.

it just confuses me because he always professes that he loves me and always show enthusiasm in his upcoming visit. he even planned to marry me. but why sign up for dating sites? i feel that he is being unfaithful. i always believed that when you love someone, you will not do things like these.

please help me...

[KeithD]

Well we don't know, ask him!

[KewLan]

[KeithD]

I'd be more worried if he was signing up on gay sites

[KewLan]

honestly, i would be less hurt if he did sign up for gay sites. easier to let go than knowing he is looking for girls.

[KeithD]

This is the old 'jealousy' thing, you can't stop him looking in the 'shop window'.

[KewLan]

what will i do about it then?

[ervenescence]

what will i do about it then?

Do a spy thing.
If you like, play with him. Try to set up a new profile pretending that you are just another filipina whose looking for a foreigner. Tease him and wind him up...and if he reject you, you're safe but if he bites, well you know what to do....runaway.

[LadyJ]

Do a spy thing.
If you like, play with him. Try to set up a new profile pretending that you are just another filipina whose looking for a foreigner. Tease him and wind him up...and if he reject you, you're safe but if he bites, well you know what to do....runaway.

oh naughty girl

[ervenescence]

oh naughty girl

Hehe..

[aromulus]

This is the old 'jealousy' thing, you can't stop him looking in the 'shop window'.

Looking at the menu with dinner already on a plate in front of you.........

Yeah, well... There's something to be said about that....

[robeth]

It happened to me!

I had an account in one of the dating sites which i havent visited for years (forgotten about it) then out of the blues i checked my profile. Then searched for new members...and VOILA! i found my fiance's (now my husband) profile, blinking (saying that he is online!)

So i chatted him...i never put pictures in my profiles but i always give exact details i.e; names etc

I asked if He is available and he answered " engaged". (He still dont have any idea who I am )

Then i asked why he is on some dating site...and he said " my fiancee dont understand me..."

it was a very long conversation that i did all the questioning and he did all the answering....(sometimes funny and most of them annoying) then suddenly he asked what Im looking for online...so I answered " SUPER KILLER SEX! "

only then he looked up my profile and he find it strange that the details are very similar to his fiancee...

I find it so funny in the end...
just be confident with yourself and trust him....give him the benefit of the doubt unless proven otherwise...


goodluck

[LadyJ]

why dont you ask him? just tell that you so him accidentally on those sites. Im sure he can explain it to you because he won't sign up on those sites if he thinks you might see him there.

[KewLan]

thank you. i would try to find the right timing to ask.

[ervenescence]

thank you. i would try to find the right timing to ask.

Have a conversation with your bf with regards of what you found out. You'll never have a peace of mind if you just keep it to yourself.

[adamsky11]

Hi Kewlan
i have to confess to doing the same, initially because of time-wasters and liars , we will always have doubts about a relationship until we have met you for real. The biggest problem is that western men do not think like you (culturally you are 100% committed and in love, we men sometimes take a little more convincing)and sadly not all Filipino girls are as honest in love as you are, so we do not put all our eggs in one basket ! i think your b/f is just being cautious until he is 100% confident he will look. remember there is no damage in looking :-) It is good sense to have a few people to chat with and then as time passes the relationship grows , i hope for you more positively :-) i dont know your b/f but perhaps he has been cheated on before and he is just being cautious Or he is flirting with many girls for a sexual kick ? Only you can decide this one, challenge him and if he disappears, then you are lucky to have trusted your judgement, if on the other hand he apologizes and goes emotional then explain your feelings to him........Or he could just have forgotten to cancel his subscriptions !! i did that , they make it very difficult to cancel and take the payment monthly !!
good luck
adam

[KewLan]

Or he could just have forgotten to cancel his subscriptions !! i did that , they make it very difficult to cancel and take the payment monthly !!

thanks Adam for the reply. I have checked the sites, last logon was this weekend. i just hope this is just to pass time. i do admit our communication is not regular (daily) since i dont own a pc.

[alicat]

hi kewlan
i think much better if you just ask him about this matter,i know you scared to find out whats the truth but you need to face it...

[KewLan]

Yes, you're right Ervenescence. I should talk to him about it. It's just hard to bring up the issue. It was a shock for me because i never thought he is doing these things behind my back. I am being gullible i guess. I always expected my partner to be faithful to me as i am to him.

[adamsky11]

Ahh without daily contact..........Lonliness does happen to get in the way
Yes i did that one too...i spend a lot of time on my own and as my g/f is usually sleeping when i am awake it made chatting difficult, so yes i chatted with other girls too, not in the same way as with my princess and from my point of view i did not see anything wrong....it is only chatting, i hasten to add having just come back from the phil's to meet my g/f for 2nd time i only have 1membership left and i stupidly paid for the year !! yes i clicked the wrong box !! but i will not update it and i have cancelled my contact details i think ! I definitely think you have to ask the question though, especially as you will never have peace until you do it....just be careful how you explain your knowledge !! did you download a key grabber on his pc ? did he give you his password ? please don't expect the worst, loneliness makes us do many strange things !! And having just spent my 1st night alone for 2 weeks i am feeling sad again now ! Falling in love over a few 1000 miles is not easy ..........but if it is the one then no matter what the cultural differences can always be sorted .....

[KewLan]

he gave me his password.

[alicat]

he gave me his password.

mybe hes honest to you then

[KewLan]

or maybe he forgot he gave it to me months ago.

[alicat]

or maybe he forgot he gave it to me months ago.

ohh..mybe!i have no idea..

[adamsky11]

I am sure you will find that he just gets lonely then, if he cannot chat to you every day it does make it more likely he is just chatting for something to do........Ask him !
Try this line of question to him, make out your friend has joined a dating site and ask him to imagine your shame when she presented you with details about your b/f !! tell him you have been hurt by this and see what happens !
it depends how you want to push the issue..i personally find jealousy very scary and my g/f does get incredibly paranoid (that is how it seems to me) when i am logged in on msn or ym and i am not chatting with her !! it is a difficult problem your love and commitment maybe total but we do have a more relaxed attitude to it, i am not saying its not 100% love we just do not express our feelings and emotions the same way.......don't forget there are qualities that you have that will annoy him too !! :-) good luck

[ervenescence]

temptations...temptations

[Alan]

Hello KewLan.

Easy answer here:

During your next chat just casually ask him if he is talking to you only or to others (on other sites.) If he says he is not on other sites, DROP HIM! He will be lying to you and that is no basis for a relationship.

If, on the other hand, he says 'yes' - then you have a topic for discussion.

Sorry to be so blunt - but - as I said - if you find out that he lies to you then I think you know what to do.

Good luck.

Al.

[nomorericepleas]

I am sure you will find that he just gets lonely then, if he cannot chat to you every day it does make it more likely he is just chatting for something to do........Ask him !
Try this line of question to him, make out your friend has joined a dating site and ask him to imagine your shame when she presented you with details about your b/f !! tell him you have been hurt by this and see what happens !
it depends how you want to push the issue..i personally find jealousy very scary and my g/f does get incredibly paranoid (that is how it seems to me) when i am logged in on msn or ym and i am not chatting with her !! it is a difficult problem your love and commitment maybe total but we do have a more relaxed attitude to it, i am not saying its not 100% love we just do not express our feelings and emotions the same way.......don't forget there are qualities that you have that will annoy him too !! :-) good luck

it almost sounds like my situation. i live in north england. my fiancee discovered i'm member of several sites. she never told me she signed up to this site, but i have mt suspicions now. antway adam, u got it bang on in your comments, and thats what i told her. i have no friends as such here, i dont go out on evenings, i have no tv, so i chat, simple as that. i gave my gf my passwords to my ym id's, and she changed them so i cant log in to some now. she's told me she cant trust me, and yes she is paranoid also. she sees things that r not there, and imagines everyone with robo in their handle is me. her jealousy really annoyed me on my last stay there, i was accused of falling for everyone i met, including a gay/bakla. she said we r now through, so i came to thjis site for advice and just happened to find this blog, which apparently is about me, but i can't be sure. you are also right that i didnt bother to close my profilles in the sites and i wasnt paid member so i coulnt contact anyway. i only just happened to look there in the last few days as my fiancee says we are finished. i happened to see she had accessed my profile in the site we met, and written things about me in my heading and description, scary, and not neccersary. your explanation is right on. i would hope she read it and understands. if it is my fiancee that wrote this, she can't have read it cos she doesn't understand.

[Troubadour]

I have often wanted o chat with people from the Philippines just to get advice on what my g/f is thinking and feeling. I am more stable in my relationship now, and have not done it for ages, but sometimes I got terribly scared that I was doing something wrong, and needed help I could not get from anyone not directly involved with Philippine culture. I can remember being very scared of meeting the g/f's family.

[joebloggs]

I can remember being very scared of meeting the g/f's family.

within minutes of meeting me misses father, he was telling me about his collection of guns and told me his daughter was a handful ..

i knew i should have then