annoying brothers......they are freaking me out!!!

[allyn]

my hubby have two brothers who is younger than him.
a 22 yr old and 19 yr old guys who already have stable jobs.....

even on the first time i came here, the 19 yrs old brother of my hubby already dont like me...he keep on throwing out sarcastic remark towards me..wich i dont know why
i have told my hubby about his attitude towards me but my hubby said just ignore him,,its already his attitude so i should just let go all the irritatating stuff he is saying to me....

me and my husband used to stay in my inlaws house when i came here, but after a couple of months we got a new flat and move out,,,,
ON DESAME TIME, my husband brothers (who is living together on those time) suddenly desided to just seperate ways. the 19 yrs old brother suddenly decide to buy a flat with his girl friend, leaving the 22 yrs old without any place to stay....so the 22 ask my hubby if he can stay with us for a couple of months until he will be able to get a better job and will be able to get is own flat....my hubby is a very nice and kind to his brothers so he accept him in his flat....on that time every one seemes very nice to me and they ask me if the 22 yrs old brother of my husband can stay with us for a while....so i said yes...with open arms and with a smile...

but i regret it....coz the moment he move in to our flat...lots of crazy stuff happen that freak me out and became argument with me and my husband...
here are those crazy stuff:
*the 22 yrs old brother or my husband bring people in our apartment and make them sleep over...
*they watch tv and play ps3 the whole night until the next morning and make the volume of the tv so high,,,(am amaze our neighbor is not complaining about the noise)
*and then their 19 yrs old brother came over and just do whatever they feel like,,,,
*the 22 yrs old brother of my husband is so messy in his room and my husband is one who usually clean he's room, most of the time i close his room when he leave it open coz it smell (stink alot!!!)
*he never wash the dishes the he used,,,
*he just leave the mess wherever he feel like leaving it...
*he go in and out of our room....with no consent from me nor my husband..

I feel like am no one in my own flat...

then one time i really freak out when i went to work and my supervisor told me i can have the whole day off coz i been working 6 days straight ,,,
when i went back on our flat i remember that my hubby have my key, but im not too worried when im on my way coz my husbands two brothers are in our flat....it was raining on that morning and i started to ring my flat to get inside the building...but no one answered,,,,i rang so many time for almost 30 min but no one dare to open the door...since our building door bell is so loud our old neighbor heard it and went out his flat and open the main door of the building....but when i get to my flat door they still didnt open up the door...
i remember i have a spare key for the gate of our flat,,,when i open the gate of our flat i was so relife to know that the 2nd door of our flat is not locked...when i got inside i was so furious,the door of my brother inlaws is closed....i called my husband in his work and told him what happened,,,,and i got more furious when he said that, he's brothers might have a good reason why they didnt open the door.....
when my husband came after work, he ask his brothers why they didnt open the door when i rang the door bell...and they said...they are not bothered to open it because they are sleeping....
but the phone bell is just 5 steps from their room,,,and the window is just beside their bed...how can they are not be bother to look who is out side that keep on ringing the door bell for 30min....

im so annoyed and im with those people...

do i have no right to feel that way? or im just paranoid...

sorry for the long wrong grammar and wrong english of mine,,,just want to share a piece of my mind...

cheers!!!

[andypaul]

my hubby have two brother who is younger than him. a 22 yr old and 19 yr old.
the

and?

[Eljohno]

I think what you are saying is correct but it should be your husband who should do something about his brothers as he needs to put you first.

I know filipinos are shy and do not like confrontation but speak with your husband and tell him how you feel at the moment!!

[allyn]

ahhhh...
i have told him all about it...
it always end up me having an emotional breakdown...
he want to prioritize his brothers first because they are still young...and some how they need him....
actually our argument about that reach upto his parents...he's dad talked to me and he said if my hubby cant talk to his brother about their bad behaviour and stand out for me, i should stand out for my self...
but to be honest, im scared to confront them...
and beside im getting tired in complaining to my husband ,,,its going no where,,,
i just hope one day he'll realize my worth and make me his 1st priority...:(

[andypaul]

How olds your hubby?

[allyn]

he is turning 26

[andypaul]

Well the dad should be dealing with this he should be ashamed.

Maybe writing a letter to your hubby if you find it hard to talk about it might happen.

If its affecting your health he has to understand and do the right thing.

[allyn]

thanks andypaul and eljhono...
i think ill try your advice in writing my hubby, andypaul...
thanks again...

[bornatbirth]

is it just the brothers bothering you?

just think of all the stuff bothering you and write it all down then tell ur husband,if you already have done that and ur husband didnt do anything tell him that u came here with him and not to be a maid to is brothers.

your husband should be doing all he can to look after you and keep you happy,he really should know better!
tell ur husband that this is really affecting you and you want the brothers out of your life and house or he risks losing you!

goodluck!

[gracia143]

Hi Allyn, sorry to hear about your situation. I sympathize with you and I know that the situation you are going through is pretty tough. For a couple to be able to enjoy their first years of married life, I do believe they have to have a place to call their own and be on their own. Having your in-laws is such a difficult thing. I agree with Andy, the Dad should step-in and deal with the situation, he should have his boys with him at his place instead of letting his eldest son deal with the problem. It is somehow so unfair for you. I wish your husband would realize that too. Talk to him, tell him how you feel about the situation, tell him how hard it is for you. Don't nag, a sensible talk is all you need. If and then he still doesn't take action to straighten this problem out, give him an ultimatum. I'm not saying you have to walk out, but be the wife, , show them your real worth in the household because you have every right to be. Bear that in mind.

[chino]

your aswa and you should not be dealing with this... the father should be...

Tell him that he is only 26 and he should not be dealing with this...

[keithAngel]

sounds like you married his family too

[lil John]

sounds to me like the 26 y.o. husband is really 18 y.o. and should be putting his wife's feeling first.

[Eljohno]

I am not sure if it is the responsibility of your hubby's father to deal with this as all his sons are grown. At 26 he is more than old enough to do what is right and he should stop ignoring your requests!!

[aromulus]

You might not like it, but here it goes anyway....

Don't ask your hubby.... Tell him that the brothers have to go and fend for themselves.
You are sick and tired of their antics, and it is not a healthy situation to have two extra blokes in the household.
You are not the family servant or slave, but an integral part of HIS own family unit.
It is time for him to ease off from the past, he is not a child anymore, his responsabilities are towards you, not the brothers.
You are not prepared or willing to put up with the uncivilized behaviour.

And your personal space and privacy are being intruded.
How do you know if one of them is not looking at you while getting dressed....Or undressed???

And if it doesn't work that way, I suggest a super royal dose of tampo with cheese on, extra large.....
That will do the trick....

[alicat]

i dont know what to say,i cant deal with that...
i think u and ur husband need to talk seriously.
honestly if im in ur situation,im gonna be mental.
i think ur both very nice indeed.bless u

[LEAHnew]

Hi sis sorry to hear that

What more can I say

How about ......do the PAPAYA dance you will be fine sis:

I hope I made you smile

cheers,
Leah

[LadyJ]

Hi Allyn,

I know your feelings, I've been to that situation before. It's hard to live in the same property with only one lady, we (ladies) always want our properties to be clean and tidy.

Since you and your husband are the main tenant in the property you both should make a rules in the house and these rules must be follow! If they can't follow the agreed rules then they should leave the house!

[chino]

How about ......do the PAPAYA dance you will be fine sis:

I hope I made you smile

cheers,
Leah

I don't think you fixed anything but i bet you did make her smile and me too

[ervenescence]

DUMPED him! Tell him you had enough..., hehe. ( jowke)

You 2 need a serious conversation with regards to that matter. Ask him to choose...Me or the dogs? lol

[Pepe n Pilar]

DUMPED him! Tell him you had enough..., hehe. ( jowke)

You 2 need a serious conversation with regards to that matter. Ask him to choose...Me or the dogs? lol

i like this. Well if i'm in your shoes i will talk to my hubby and let him choose between me and his brothers. For a 26 yr old guy i guess he is somewhat immature. He should not be ignoring your continuous comments about his brothers. I'm sorry to hear about your situation Allyn. This is irritating. I hope that you'll get through this ok very soon. God Bless....

[IainBusby]

Hi Allyn,
You should tell him straight. You came here to be his wife and make a home with him, not to live in a dosshouse and skivvy for both him and his brothers.

Louella & Iain.

[aposhark]

You might not like it, but here it goes anyway....

Don't ask your hubby.... Tell him that the brothers have to go and fend for themselves.
You are sick and tired of their antics, and it is not a healthy situation to have two extra blokes in the household.
You are not the family servant or slave, but an integral part of HIS own family unit.
It is time for him to ease off from the past, he is not a child anymore, his responsabilities are towards you, not the brothers.
You are not prepared or willing to put up with the uncivilized behaviour.

And your personal space and privacy are being intruded.
How do you know if one of them is not looking at you while getting dressed....Or undressed???

And if it doesn't work that way, I suggest a super royal dose of tampo with cheese on, extra large.....
That will do the trick....

Spot on aromulus, direct, correct and straight to the point.

Allyn, All the "boys" are men. They all need to act their age and respect YOU If the younger brothers won't act their age, you husband must. He has a WIFE now

Best of luck there

[allyn]

Hi sis sorry to hear that

What more can I say

How about ......do the PAPAYA dance you will be fine sis:

I hope I made you smile

cheers,
Leah

hahahahhaa,,,,after reading your message i laugh out loud,,,hopefully no one hear me outside,,,or else they might think im crazy
thanks for making me smile

[allyn]

thanks everybody for all your advice...

actually me and my hubby already talked about his brothers before...
i have told him everything that disturbing me about his brothers attitude and doings...it became a very huge arguments
he tried to explain to me that he's brother need him and if i have a problem about them i should talk to them my self (its desame thing that my father inlaw told me), because he dont want his whole family and his brothers to get mad at him...
hearing those stuff and knowing that im not his 1st priority from him hurt me alot...on that night that we had huge argument i got emotional breakdown,,,i cry the whole night and went to work with swolen eyes the next day (im so dramatic)

my husband is a very sweet guy and i love him so much, and i know he love me too,,,but i just want my own family, i just want to be treated and respected as a wife, i just hope he'll realize my worth...
ill just keep on hoping....

[andypaul]

Your Husband and his dad seem like very weak people. Worried at upsetting the little Brothers/sons.

Is there any members of the family or his friends you get on with well. Your hubbys mum any aunts, any of his mates or neighbours?

maybe it needs to be told to him by another person, some blokes are thick when it comes to feelings and emotional things they need it spelt out to them in BIG LETTERS and sometimes from different people.

[allyn]

Your Husband and his dad seem like very weak people. Worried at upsetting the little Brothers/sons.

Is there any members of the family or his friends you get on with well. Your hubbys mum any aunts, any of his mates or neighbours?

maybe it needs to be told to him by another person, some blokes are thick when it comes to feelings and emotional things they need it spelt out to them in BIG LETTERS and sometimes from different people.

i used to get on well with my mother in law, when she found out about my argument with my husband about her two son's, she talk to me and tell me that in this country its natural in their age to act that way, they used to do those crazy stuff their doing in my flat on their parents place..she said they are used to it and understand it....
after that talk she became cold to me...

[andypaul]

i used to get on well with my mother in law, when she found out about my argument with my husband about her two son's, she talk to me and tell me that in this country its natural in their age to act that way, they used to do those crazy stuff their doing in my flat on their parents place..she said they are used to it and understand it....
after that talk she became cold to me...

you mean she is happy for them to muck about in some elses house rather than hers

i think you need to go major tampo asap.

[mhynne]

hi there allyn
im really sorry about your problem.. its really a hard situation to get into... I can imagine..
i just want to say that yes it is quite unfair for his brothers to disrespect you.. and i think that really should be put on straight..
but also i just wanted to say that i dont think your husband is putting you second to them.. I think he is just as torn as you are.. lets also try to understand the husband that he also loves his family and his brothers... and that if it was also you, asking for help from him bec one of your family member is in trouble.. im sure he wouldnt mind helping.. try to work this out with your husband.. but i suggest compromise..

[allyn]

hi there allyn
im really sorry about your problem.. its really a hard situation to get into... I can imagine..
i just want to say that yes it is quite unfair for his brothers to disrespect you.. and i think that really should be put on straight..
but also i just wanted to say that i dont think your husband is putting you second to them.. I think he is just as torn as you are.. lets also try to understand the husband that he also loves his family and his brothers... and that if it was also you, asking for help from him bec one of your family member is in trouble.. im sure he wouldnt mind helping.. try to work this out with your husband.. but i suggest compromise..

nice said...you know your right and you have point...
well, i tried to be in my husband shoes, and tried to understand his brother situation..i agree of my brother inlaw in staying with us coz i understand his situation...i just react on the way they disrespect me....
i know and i feel that my husband love me...but theres lots of actions and words been said that give proof that im not his 1st priority...
i know how much he love he's family and im not trying to ruin those love and his relationship with them...
all i wanted is my own peaceful family, for me to be able to treated and respected as a wife..
they were able to respect their younger brother (19 yrs old) relationship with his girlfriend by respecting the girl why cant they respect me and my marriage to my husband? i dont remember doing bad things to them to do that to me...i tolerate on whatever they said to me and do before...i just dont think i deserve it...i have no one to run to except my husband...he's the only one i have here, so i run to him, but most of the time im just being hush......
dont worry i already compromise...
i now keep my thoughts and pain to my self what ever they do...
i just post this rant of mine here coz i just want somewhere to release my irritation...
my husband is not hearing any complaint from me anymore...