Reading all that I'd written about my situation on this site from the perspective of what I now know, I'm feeling pretty stupid. But not to kick myself too hard, I guess I had to learn the hard way.
I'm still in touch with my girl. I assumed over time that she would see that I intend to be around for awhile, that I am a stand up, dependable guy. But I'm more realistic about things, knowing I'm not the first to have this sort of relationship with her. I shouldn't have expected to enlighten her about what a swell guy I am. And I see now that, because she doesn't have the physical virtues of a lot of girls, she plays on making guys feel sorry for her; it's a nice, dependable guy that she looks to jerk around. That's her forte.
After nearly breaking the bank here in HK, I no longer send money. Whereas before I would give--perhaps she really does need money for her mother's asthma medicine--I no longer see her performances as convincing to the degree of being worthy of Oscar nominations. Now, because of her frustration with me, they've become melodrama. About her recent request for money for medicine for her fever--she sounded fine on the phone--she tells me that next time I call she might be dead.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still empathetic about her situation. But at the same time I have tried to stop seeing her poverty relative to my own comparative wealth. Though things are definitely tough--and getting tougher--in the Philippines, people there are used to it and get by somehow. She tougher than I thought she was.
I'm not optimistic about where this is going. Yes, I will take it slower next time.
