Keeganisms.....

[aromulus]

After Al's sports commentators gaffes the only reply I could find was from the geordie Messiah....

Keeganisms
* "You get bunches of players like you do bananas...though that is a bad comparison."
* "Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America."
* "People will say that was typical City, which really annoys me. But that's typical City, I suppose..."
* "By the end he [Asprilla] was knackered-o. I think that's the Spanish for it."
* "They're the second best team in the world and there's no higher praise than that."
* "One of his strengths is not heading."
* "He's using his strength and that is his strength, his strength."
* "My father was a miner and he worked down a mine."
* "If I had a blank piece of paper there'd be five names on it."
* "Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they're different countries..."
* "I didn't see a lot. When Benitez learns a bit more English someone have to tell him to sit down."
* "England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second to none."
* "Against France we'll have to be at our best both technically, tactically and spirit-wise."
* "You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw."
* "We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half."
* "I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona."
* "He [SWP] is now getting paid what he deserves to be paid. I don't approve of using kids as cheap labour."
* "The 33 or 34 year olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful."
* "Maine Road was a great football stadium but as time moved on it stayed where it is..."
* "Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose."
* "Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
* "The tide is very much in our court now."
* "The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23."
* "You don't get two chances at this level, or at any other level for that matter."
* "He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted."
* "Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders."
* "There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight."
* "It's understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney."
* "England can end the millennium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world."
* "I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon."
* "They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different..."
* "In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."
* "Should Al-Fayed get a British passport? 1000 per cent yes."
* "The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game..."
* "Despite his white boots, he has real pace..."
* "That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved."
* "Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late 2Os or 3Os."
* "The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."
* "The ref was vertically 15 yards away."
* "Sir John Hall was a multi-millionaire when I came back to Newcastle. With all the players I've bought, I'm trying to make him just an ordinary millionaire."
* "Football's always easier when you've got the ball."
* "People still have the concept of one big bath, but the way forward hygeine-wise is single baths."
* "It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card."
* "I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time."
* "I'm not trying to make excuses for David Seaman, but I think the lights may have been a problem..."
* "The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it."
* "I'm not disappointed - just disappointed."
* "There's a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who definitely won't be playing tomorrow."
* "I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different."
* "We managed to wrong a few rights."
* "It's my job not to get beheaded."
* "I'll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again."
* "Sometimes there are too many generals and not enough people waving to the generals as they walk past."
* "A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off."
* "That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong."
* "Danny Tiatto is not going to make a mistake on purpose."
* "He'll also be very dangerous from set-pieces. That means he'll be a threat from free-kicks and corners in the final third of the field."
* "He's [Shaun Wright-Phillips] got a heart as big as his size, which isn't big, but his heart's bigger than that."
* "The problem in our country is that we use hindsight as our judge. When she [Margaret Thatcher] was in power, there were a lot of good things done, but people will always pick out bad things. She was a good lady."

[aposhark]

COLEMANBALLS

"Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out." - ALEX FERGUSON

"If we played like this every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent." - BRYAN ROBSON

"Such a positive move by Uruguay - bringing two players off and putting two players on." - JOHN HELM

"When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1." - LAWRIE McMENEMY

"The ball was literally glued to the back of his foot, into the back of the net." - ALAN PARRY

"Once you've had a bull terrier, you never want another dog. I've got six bull terriers, a rottweiler and a bulldog." – JULIAN DICKS

"Nicky Butt, he's another aptly named player. He joins things, brings one sentence to an end and starts another." - BARRY DAVIES

"Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve." - JOHN GREIG

"He'd no alternative but to make a needless tackle." - PAUL ELLIOTT

"The ball must be as slippery as a wet baby." - TONY GUBBA

"We pressed the self-destruct button ourselves." - BRIAN KIDD

"Welcome to Bologna on Capital Gold for England versus San Marino with Tennent's Pilsner, brewed with Czechoslovakian yeast for that extra Pilsner taste and England are one down." - JONATHAN PEARCE

"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot." - RAY WILKINS

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack? Will you stay in football?" - STUART HALL

"I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." – RON AKTINSON

"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals." - PETER WITHE

"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals." - ALAN GREEN

"And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards." - PETER REID

"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs." - ANDY GRAY

"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes." - STEVE COPPELL

"Rosenborg have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them." - BRIAN MOORE, ITV

"The lads really ran their socks into the ground." - ALEX FERGUSON

"That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and the goal." - BRIAN MARWOOD

"I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it." - ALAN BALL

"And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold." - JIMMY HILL

"If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again." - TERRY VENABLES

"Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs." - RON ATKINSON

"I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were great years." - MARTIN HODGE

"Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet." - JAMES SANDERSON

"Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side." - MIKE INGHAM

"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him." - BOBBY ROBSON

"The match will be shown on Match of The Day later this evening and if you don't want to know the result look away now as we show you Tony Adams lifting the Cup for Arsenal" - STEVE RIDER

"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different." - TREVOR BROOKING

"Many clubs have a question mark in the shape of an axe-head hanging over them." - MALCOLM McDONALD

"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead." - TOM FERRIE

"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley......unless somebody knocks us out." - DAVE BASSETT

"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought."- BOBBY ROBSON, after England played Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup finals

"There's a rat in the camp trying to throw a spanner in the works." - CHRIS CATTLIN

"Once Tony Daley opens his legs you've got a problem." - HOWARD WILKINSON

"I can count on the fingers of one hand ten games where we've caused our own downfall." - JOE KINNEAR

"Playing in Italy was like being in a foreign country." - IAN RUSH

"I promise results, not promises." - JOHN BOND

"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds, totally against the run of play." - PETER LORENZO

"We can beat anyone on our day... so long as we score." - ALEX TOTTEN

"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised." - IAN McNAIL

"Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales." - RON GREENWOOD

"What I said to them at half-time would be unprintable on the radio." - GERRY FRANCIS

"No-one hands you cups on a plate." - TERRY McDERMOTT

"For Tony Adams to confess his alcoholism like that took a lot of bottle." - IAN WRIGHT

"My heart goes out to Graeme Souness." -BRIAN CLOUGH AS THE THEN-LIVERPOOL MANAGER RECOVERED FROM BYPASS SURGERY

"Don't sit on the fence, Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through?" "I think it's 50-50." - JIMMY HILL and TERRY VENABLES

"And in the day's other football match, Manchester City and Norwich drew love-all." - FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON RADIO MANCHESTER

"Unfortunately it goes right down the goalkeeper's throat....where it hits him on the knees." - RON ATKINSON and JOHN HELM

"I am hoping to restore Nuneaton Borough to their former greatness." - MANAGER JOHN BARTON

"I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week." - JACK CHARLTON ON ITALIAN PLAYERS

"The match was settled either side of half-time." - JOHN MOTSON

"And Wimbledon play Barnsley, so Plough Lane will be very busy." - CARLTON TV TRAFFIC ANNOUCEMENT FOUR YEARS AFTER THE DONS' MOVE TO SELHURST PARK

"Lee Sharpe has got dynamite in his shorts." - STUART HALL

"We're taking 22 players to Italy, sorry, to Spain... where are we, Jim?" - BOBBY ROBSON ON WHETHER PAUL GASCOIGNE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE 1998 WORLD CUP IN FRANCE

"If they hadn't scored, we might have got a better result." - HOWARD WILKINSON

KEVIN KEEGAN KOLEMANBALLS From the mouth of English football's saviour...

"One of his strengths is not heading."

"He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted."

"There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight."

"England can end the millennium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world."

"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"

"In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."

"Despite his white boots, he has real pace..."

"That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved."

"Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late 20s or 30s."

"The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."

"The ref was vertically 15 yards away."

"The tide is very much in our court now."

"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him."

"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."