Local Customs.
1. Filipina and her Family.
One of the things that visitors to the Philippines do not always take into conisderation is the power of the family structure that governs Philippine Life...if you look at the social structure within the United Kingdom there are many marked differences between the 2 cultures.
Firstly if you look at the UK family structure...it has diversified over the last 50 years and there are various reasons for this...firstly the move to single parent families...loss of manufacturing jobs for males...and a move for more women to move into the work place....this has meant that families have changed in their outlook and social make up...not wishing to get too much into sociology.. this shows a marked diffference between our way of life and that of the Philippines....if you wish to pursue a relationship with a filipina...you must understand that for her family is very important...Mother..Father..brothers sisters..Aunts Uncles..neices...nephews..cousins..you name it..she has them...she may have a small family...but the point to take out of this advice..is that it is very important to understand that a filipina and her family are a close bonded social unit...I can think of numerous situations where you may find this frustrating...my advice is...you have to make some changes in the way your outlook is..and if you do have a difficulty with this...then a slight adjustment in your temperament and respect for the family unit in the Philippines will help you understand this foreign woman you are pursuing.
Nanay and Tatay are very imporrtant...Nanay being Mother and Tatay being Father...a Filiipina will rarely do anything without consulting her Nanay.
Many parents in the Philippines have to work hard to provide a good education for their children...much more so for their daughter...thats why many filipinos (both male and female) feel a sense of family obligation to ensure that their parents in later life are provided for financially...so dont be suprised if the lady you are pursuing wants to ensure that her parents are going to be secure if she consents to a marriage and a move to Western Europe or USA.
A discussion may arise about this during a meeting with her family...when eventutally she arranges a meeting with them for you...and you will be expected to meet her parents....I cannot speak for all situations..but its customary to meet her immediate family for them to get a look at the man who is pursuing their daughter...the question of security for the family may arise...it may not...the best advice I can gvie any Western man...that being British American etc...is not to get into any confrontation with a filipinas family...just smile and be extremely polite...remembering that agression is not a quality that filipinos will show in public.....it is better to smile.. be polite and suggest that any matters relating to financial security would be discussed between you and the lady concerned prior to any decisions being taken.
Remember most of us in the UK tend to leave our Mother and Father at an early age...and marriages in the UK often taken place early on in life...we may take a more blase attitdue to marriage and living together..trust me when I tell you they (the filipinos) do not !!!!... for them Marriage is very important and relationships are a serious matter..that is not say that some ladies in the Philippines do not have relationships before marriage...yes they do..but when it comes to marriage and spending the rest of their life with a man..the marriage is considered to be a marriage for life..remembering that their is no divorce in the Philippines which I will cover later.
So if marriage is for life...and family is important...there is a certain standard of behaviour that a Western man may wish to adopt....certainly just being yourself helps...the way you dress also has a bearing....if you want to hang around in a pair of football shorts...old t shirt and a pair of flip flops....my advice is..do that on Boracay or when you are alone with your lady freind....it would not be appropriate to look like that when with a filipina and her family....dress smartly..look at how filipinos (males) dress when they go out...they always dress smartly...nice slacks..nice dress shirts..or Barong Tagalog...Western men make a big mistake in my view...they go hanging around the shopping malls...with their lady..looking like a beach bum...it doesnt look good..trust me....its an embarassment...and dont forget filipinas think most Western men are gentleman...so ignorance and sloppy dress only goes to make them think you are a bad apple....take your dress seriously when you are stepping out with her...look smart..and its noticeable.
Be Polite to her Parents...it might be appropriate when meeting her Mother for the first time to suggest that you go the mall..and buy her Pasalubong... this is a gift which filipinos of both sexes like...it is taken when coming back from a vacation or just something small that you can say...oh here I brought this back for you...certainly it would be a good idea to take it for her Mother...that will endear you straight away...and dont be surprised if she does not open your Pasalubong straight away..it is not appropriate in every situation to do that....it can cause embarassment.
A Filipina and how to behave.
How you behave with a filipina gives her a pretty good idea of what sort of man you are..and much more importantly what sort of husband you might be to her....ok here goes..in my own experience there are 4 thngs that a filipina looks for in a man....again (I said again in my own expereince) some filipinas will differ but generally this applies.
She is looking for:
1. Honesty
2. Loyalty
3. Respect
4. Trust
and finally she is looking for a man who is committed in his relationship with her.. for a filipina love is a very serious matter...and love which leads to marriage is probably the most important decision she will make in her life..consenting to marriage with any man whether it be a native filipino or a man of another country...so how you behave in your initial meetings and throughout any courtship will be looked at carefully.
You see we may come from a lacklustre McDonalds eating video rap culture...but they do not !!!!
Marriage is for life...there is no divorce in the Philippines....due to the influences of the Catholic church on the state in the Philippines...marriages cannot be dissolved simply because "She wont scrub your back"....seriously...when courting a filipina I would suggest the following will help...
1. Do not make fun of her in public
2. Do not pull her down or character asasisinate her.
3. Do not make fun of her accent when she speaks english.
4. Do not shout at her...when you have a momentary loss of remembering where you are.
5. Do not show your frustation at the filipino way of doing things..i.e. bureacracy and queues.
6. Do not try to hurry her when you are getting impatient.
7. Do not play big time with her about how much money you have..how many cars are on the drive...what size house you have...you get the picture.
8. Do not boast.
9. Do not show ignorance or displesure when she breaks into her local dialect or the filipino language.
10. Dont pull down the Philippines.
ok here are a few do's for you.
1. Do tell her how nice she loooks..comment on her looks....beauty...dress sense..(come on boys I can help you but Im not going to throw the game for you ok)
2. Do try and learn to speak some filipino before you go to the Philippines...one thing I find with a filipina and the people of the Philippines is that if you attempt to speak a little filipino..they will help you.and in some ways feel quite flattered that you made the effort.
3. Be Polite in all situations.....be polite in hotels...to the staff there...her family...her freinds...remembering that her freinds are looking at you as welll..they may not say anything about you while you are present...but trust me they will be talking to her about it later....so remembering you are on show.hahahahah but dont be put off by this...its called sparring...
4. Do trust the lady with some money...this is a classic mistake that western guys make...they think they should handle all the money...trust me this a great courtship tip....hang on ...I should write a book on this and make some money out of it....but trust me...their is nothing worse for a filipina than if she asks you for a 50 pesos for the taxi ride.
(My tip is....ask her if she would mind handling financial matters for you while you are in the Philippines...watch the response...of course she would...after all...the woman takes care of these matters in the family in the Philippines) this shows you are respecting her as a woman and future wife...let her handle some of the money if not all...at least give her some money....this is a nice gesture..and will be very welcomed.
Also think of her in front of he freinds...if you decide to take her to lunch and her freinds are invited...this may happen to you...there is nothing worse for her if you settle the bill....that is not your job..that is hers...give her the respect...let her have the money..if she is seen to be settling the bill....it is considered normal for her to do so...if you settle the bill...it indicates a lack of trust on your part...and could be seen as disrespect...think about it boys...!!!
5. Do go shopping with her to the Mall...shopping in the mall for a filipina is important..its a social pleasure and something that filipinos of both sexes enjoy...shopping in the afternoon in the air conditioned malls...is a filipino past time...dont get bored...try to be attentive...just be there for her...walk around....if she spends too long in one store....chill out..she is only vetting the prices....and dont try forcing her into buying a garment....she knows when she is ready...and whatever you do..dont have her asking you for money...its embarassing for her ok.
6. Always ensure she is not hungry....hahaha ask her if she is comfortable or would she like to eat something....
7. Eating out is another filipino past time ok....make use of it.
8. Mobile Phones..
A Filipina likes her mobile phone...Manila is the text message capital of the world...a filipina will want to keep in close touch with her freinds...dont get frustrated if she is on the phone tapping in a text message let her do it..its a mark of respect...dont get frustrated..its her enjoyment.
Remember mobile phone texting is not a matter of life and death in the Philippines...its much more important than that.
You have been warned.hahahahaah
Divorce in the Philippines.
1 There is none !!!!
There is legal anulment...or legal separation.
Legal separation entitles couples to live separate lives if they choose to do so...but divorce in the way that we know it in the west does not exist....that is why marriage is a very solemn institution in the Philippines...legal anulment is the closest to this...although it can take years to have a legal anulment.and it centers around state of mind.
The only grounds for legal anulment is that the petitioner has to prove that the person was mentally unstable...or unbalanced or was incapacitated at the time of the marriage..and could not possibly be considered to be able to carry out the duties of marriage...this means that person has to be ruled by the court as a complete imbecile..and a complete mental case at the time of the marriage...the petitioner has to prove that their marriage partner could not legally undertake the obligations of marriage.
So there you have it....divorce in the Philippines is not an option...so that is why filipinas are brought up that marriage is for life and hence their ability to make very successful marriages with their partners.
