Local Customs in the Philippines - Behaviour

[ginapeterb]

Ok folks...it has been mentioned about local customs..and how to behave...in the Philippines...again based on my own experiences I will try and give some helpful advice on local customs...as best I can..and how to behave with a Philippines lady...but this will be taken from my own experiences ok...some of it will differ depending on situation...and the areas in the Philippines you are visiting...but accept the fact that this is only my own expereinces...it is not a guide to every situation that exists between a Western man and a Philippines lady ok....take it tongue in cheek if you want.

Listen to my advice dont listen to it...it can be useful it may not be....

[ginapeterb]

Local Customs.

1. Filipina and her Family.


One of the things that visitors to the Philippines do not always take into conisderation is the power of the family structure that governs Philippine Life...if you look at the social structure within the United Kingdom there are many marked differences between the 2 cultures.

Firstly if you look at the UK family structure...it has diversified over the last 50 years and there are various reasons for this...firstly the move to single parent families...loss of manufacturing jobs for males...and a move for more women to move into the work place....this has meant that families have changed in their outlook and social make up...not wishing to get too much into sociology.. this shows a marked diffference between our way of life and that of the Philippines....if you wish to pursue a relationship with a filipina...you must understand that for her family is very important...Mother..Father..brothers sisters..Aunts Uncles..neices...nephews..cousins..you name it..she has them...she may have a small family...but the point to take out of this advice..is that it is very important to understand that a filipina and her family are a close bonded social unit...I can think of numerous situations where you may find this frustrating...my advice is...you have to make some changes in the way your outlook is..and if you do have a difficulty with this...then a slight adjustment in your temperament and respect for the family unit in the Philippines will help you understand this foreign woman you are pursuing.

Nanay and Tatay are very imporrtant...Nanay being Mother and Tatay being Father...a Filiipina will rarely do anything without consulting her Nanay.

Many parents in the Philippines have to work hard to provide a good education for their children...much more so for their daughter...thats why many filipinos (both male and female) feel a sense of family obligation to ensure that their parents in later life are provided for financially...so dont be suprised if the lady you are pursuing wants to ensure that her parents are going to be secure if she consents to a marriage and a move to Western Europe or USA.

A discussion may arise about this during a meeting with her family...when eventutally she arranges a meeting with them for you...and you will be expected to meet her parents....I cannot speak for all situations..but its customary to meet her immediate family for them to get a look at the man who is pursuing their daughter...the question of security for the family may arise...it may not...the best advice I can gvie any Western man...that being British American etc...is not to get into any confrontation with a filipinas family...just smile and be extremely polite...remembering that agression is not a quality that filipinos will show in public.....it is better to smile.. be polite and suggest that any matters relating to financial security would be discussed between you and the lady concerned prior to any decisions being taken.

Remember most of us in the UK tend to leave our Mother and Father at an early age...and marriages in the UK often taken place early on in life...we may take a more blase attitdue to marriage and living together..trust me when I tell you they (the filipinos) do not !!!!... for them Marriage is very important and relationships are a serious matter..that is not say that some ladies in the Philippines do not have relationships before marriage...yes they do..but when it comes to marriage and spending the rest of their life with a man..the marriage is considered to be a marriage for life..remembering that their is no divorce in the Philippines which I will cover later.

So if marriage is for life...and family is important...there is a certain standard of behaviour that a Western man may wish to adopt....certainly just being yourself helps...the way you dress also has a bearing....if you want to hang around in a pair of football shorts...old t shirt and a pair of flip flops....my advice is..do that on Boracay or when you are alone with your lady freind....it would not be appropriate to look like that when with a filipina and her family....dress smartly..look at how filipinos (males) dress when they go out...they always dress smartly...nice slacks..nice dress shirts..or Barong Tagalog...Western men make a big mistake in my view...they go hanging around the shopping malls...with their lady..looking like a beach bum...it doesnt look good..trust me....its an embarassment...and dont forget filipinas think most Western men are gentleman...so ignorance and sloppy dress only goes to make them think you are a bad apple....take your dress seriously when you are stepping out with her...look smart..and its noticeable.

Be Polite to her Parents...it might be appropriate when meeting her Mother for the first time to suggest that you go the mall..and buy her Pasalubong... this is a gift which filipinos of both sexes like...it is taken when coming back from a vacation or just something small that you can say...oh here I brought this back for you...certainly it would be a good idea to take it for her Mother...that will endear you straight away...and dont be surprised if she does not open your Pasalubong straight away..it is not appropriate in every situation to do that....it can cause embarassment.


A Filipina and how to behave.

How you behave with a filipina gives her a pretty good idea of what sort of man you are..and much more importantly what sort of husband you might be to her....ok here goes..in my own experience there are 4 thngs that a filipina looks for in a man....again (I said again in my own expereince) some filipinas will differ but generally this applies.

She is looking for:

1. Honesty
2. Loyalty
3. Respect
4. Trust

and finally she is looking for a man who is committed in his relationship with her.. for a filipina love is a very serious matter...and love which leads to marriage is probably the most important decision she will make in her life..consenting to marriage with any man whether it be a native filipino or a man of another country...so how you behave in your initial meetings and throughout any courtship will be looked at carefully.

You see we may come from a lacklustre McDonalds eating video rap culture...but they do not !!!!

Marriage is for life...there is no divorce in the Philippines....due to the influences of the Catholic church on the state in the Philippines...marriages cannot be dissolved simply because "She wont scrub your back"....seriously...when courting a filipina I would suggest the following will help...

1. Do not make fun of her in public
2. Do not pull her down or character asasisinate her.
3. Do not make fun of her accent when she speaks english.
4. Do not shout at her...when you have a momentary loss of remembering where you are.
5. Do not show your frustation at the filipino way of doing things..i.e. bureacracy and queues.
6. Do not try to hurry her when you are getting impatient.
7. Do not play big time with her about how much money you have..how many cars are on the drive...what size house you have...you get the picture.
8. Do not boast.
9. Do not show ignorance or displesure when she breaks into her local dialect or the filipino language.
10. Dont pull down the Philippines.


ok here are a few do's for you.

1. Do tell her how nice she loooks..comment on her looks....beauty...dress sense..(come on boys I can help you but Im not going to throw the game for you ok)

2. Do try and learn to speak some filipino before you go to the Philippines...one thing I find with a filipina and the people of the Philippines is that if you attempt to speak a little filipino..they will help you.and in some ways feel quite flattered that you made the effort.

3. Be Polite in all situations.....be polite in hotels...to the staff there...her family...her freinds...remembering that her freinds are looking at you as welll..they may not say anything about you while you are present...but trust me they will be talking to her about it later....so remembering you are on show.hahahahah but dont be put off by this...its called sparring...

4. Do trust the lady with some money...this is a classic mistake that western guys make...they think they should handle all the money...trust me this a great courtship tip....hang on ...I should write a book on this and make some money out of it....but trust me...their is nothing worse for a filipina than if she asks you for a 50 pesos for the taxi ride.

(My tip is....ask her if she would mind handling financial matters for you while you are in the Philippines...watch the response...of course she would...after all...the woman takes care of these matters in the family in the Philippines) this shows you are respecting her as a woman and future wife...let her handle some of the money if not all...at least give her some money....this is a nice gesture..and will be very welcomed.

Also think of her in front of he freinds...if you decide to take her to lunch and her freinds are invited...this may happen to you...there is nothing worse for her if you settle the bill....that is not your job..that is hers...give her the respect...let her have the money..if she is seen to be settling the bill....it is considered normal for her to do so...if you settle the bill...it indicates a lack of trust on your part...and could be seen as disrespect...think about it boys...!!!

5. Do go shopping with her to the Mall...shopping in the mall for a filipina is important..its a social pleasure and something that filipinos of both sexes enjoy...shopping in the afternoon in the air conditioned malls...is a filipino past time...dont get bored...try to be attentive...just be there for her...walk around....if she spends too long in one store....chill out..she is only vetting the prices....and dont try forcing her into buying a garment....she knows when she is ready...and whatever you do..dont have her asking you for money...its embarassing for her ok.

6. Always ensure she is not hungry....hahaha ask her if she is comfortable or would she like to eat something....

7. Eating out is another filipino past time ok....make use of it.

8. Mobile Phones..

A Filipina likes her mobile phone...Manila is the text message capital of the world...a filipina will want to keep in close touch with her freinds...dont get frustrated if she is on the phone tapping in a text message let her do it..its a mark of respect...dont get frustrated..its her enjoyment.

Remember mobile phone texting is not a matter of life and death in the Philippines...its much more important than that.

You have been warned.hahahahaah

Divorce in the Philippines.


1 There is none !!!!

There is legal anulment...or legal separation.

Legal separation entitles couples to live separate lives if they choose to do so...but divorce in the way that we know it in the west does not exist....that is why marriage is a very solemn institution in the Philippines...legal anulment is the closest to this...although it can take years to have a legal anulment.and it centers around state of mind.

The only grounds for legal anulment is that the petitioner has to prove that the person was mentally unstable...or unbalanced or was incapacitated at the time of the marriage..and could not possibly be considered to be able to carry out the duties of marriage...this means that person has to be ruled by the court as a complete imbecile..and a complete mental case at the time of the marriage...the petitioner has to prove that their marriage partner could not legally undertake the obligations of marriage.

So there you have it....divorce in the Philippines is not an option...so that is why filipinas are brought up that marriage is for life and hence their ability to make very successful marriages with their partners.

[ginapeterb]

Should you be on your best behaviour at all times then with a Filipina ?

The answer to that is.....just be yourself !! i think the bet way to be is like that...if you put on some kind of act and project the image of a person you are not...it will eventually come out.

Most Filipina's are very mature women....they may look small and petiite...but they are women and very soon can see into your actions...speech and general behaviour...should you behave like a gentleman at all times...absolutely...remembering that everywhere you go...you have to think of the next guy that goes over there...he has got your reputation to follow.

Local Customs --- The Wake

Some of you may come across this custom of the "Wake" if it does happen while you are in the Philippines..you may have to accept that you may loose out on some time with a Philippine lady.

The Wake is an event that takes place when a loved one passes away..be it Grandmother..Grandfather or other relative etc...A Filipina may have to go of to her Mother and Father and be involved in family arrangements for the deceased person...unlike in our society where the deceased generally goes direct to a chapel of rest...this does not happen quite the same way in the Philippines..the deceased will lie in the house for some days...and relatives will take turn to stay with the deceased and mourners will come along to stay there also.

Food may also be consumed and such things as drinks.snacks etc will be available...A Filipina will be most probably involved in this...this may also go on for a few days..until such time as the arrangement has been made for the deceased to be transferred to the chapel of rest.

If this happens during your visit...then you may have to show more than the usual sympathy to her situation...my advice is to encourage her to settle her family arrangements...you may have to spend some time on your own and make your own arrangements for entertainment ec.

Also should you by that time be co-habiting be that in a hotel...you may find that you are spending one or two nights on your own...this is normal..and the Filipina will be also concerned not to leave you too long on your own...however accepting that she has the Wake and must be with her Mother..relatives etc..for this Local custom to be fulfilled...showing your respect for her customs goes along way to establishing your credentials with her...and it will be most appreciated..if you take the pressure of her and tell her to go and do what she has to do.

[ginapeterb]

"Kaiina" LETS EAT.


There is hardly a day goes by when the above filipino phrase does not ring in all the households of the Philippines..."kaiina" or Lets eat...iis a famliar past time with Filipinos in general.

Eating is a social occasion for the family...so much so that families will generally eat together...

This perhaps conrtrasts greatly with UK Culture..where sometimes but not always...families generally do not eat togther...this may be due to work shifts...commitments at the office...late arrvals...and many other situations where the family does not eat together...allthough now in the UK...there is an encouragement for families to try and sit down for at least one meal per day.

In the Philippines Eating as a family is considered to be very important...there is nothing better than the whole family gathering to sit down and enjoy a fine meal together..Lechon Kawaili..Grilled Squid...Chicken Adobo..and Salad...perhaps Sinigang...Bagoong...all of this is the Filipino past time of eating.

This is a very important local custom to get used to...not so much for th eating which is of course something we all have to do...but more so for the social intercourse that takes place...relatives chatting away to each other in full flow.

As a Western Man you may be invited to join the family for dinner... or Hapunon...and you may hear one or two of the relatives shout "Kaiina" which as you saw means Lets eat.

If you are invited to this important social past time..again be yourself..but behave as a gentleman..but dig in and eat...you will be expected to do so...if you dont like something..its ok...your filipina lady..will no doubt be aware of your likes and dislikes..she may even have made special arrangements to have something cooked for you...such as steak or fries..so that you can also enjoy the experience...even better though if you like Adobo or something similar....you may find also that you are the center of conversation.

Remembering that most Filipinos when it comes to Western people or in fact strangers...will be quite and shy at the table...they may only speak when spoken to...and will probably sit silently and listen to your conversation..it may be just that they are tickled by your prescence...do not think that they are being dull...its just their way.

I hope that you do ennjoy the experience in the Philippines of eating with your future family...and get used to the fact that you may inherit hundreds of relatives...if you do decide to progress to marriage with a Filipina...hahahahahah she has lots of them.

Relatives will appear out of everywhere....its normal its the Philippines...if you wanted a big family...marry a Filipina.

Good Luck with Kaiina hahahaha

[ginapeterb]

"Pasalubong" The giving of gifts.


Pasalubong is a very important Filipino custom....when a Filipino (male or female) travels or visits anywhere..it is common for them to remember family...even work colleagues and others with small low value gifts.. called Pasalubong.

There are shops in the airport..and in other locations deducated to Pasalubong.

That is because it is such an important custom...so much so that it is highly noticable although perhaps not openly commented on directly...if you do not take pasalubong for relatives...loved ones...or work colleagues...this is not to say that you have to spend milllions of pesos on Pasalubong.

Pasalubong can be almost anything...chocolates..biscuits...chinese umbrellas..figurines...souvenirs of travel...the list is endlesss...but Pasalubong is very important to the receiver...it tells that person that you thought of them...very similar to takeing flowers and chocolates in the UK...or perhaps a bottle of wine when you call on someone special...or maybe if you are invited over for dinner here in the UK.

Pasalubong then is a part of Filipino life and custom...as a Western man in the Philippines you need to be aware of this custom...as mentioned in other areas of the forum it would be appropriate perhaps to keep in mind that you may wish to obtain Pasalubong for most importantly your Filipina freind or fiancee..etc...maybe her immediate relatives...you do not have to go mad with spending...etc...as I said it can be almost anything..some chocolates...M and M's or something wrapped up in decorative paper or in a small gift bag can bring a smile to the receivers face..and endear you to them forever...

Just take note that Pasalubong is expected and appreciated by all in the Philippines.

I hope you enjoy this well known custom of Pasalubong in the Philippines..if you do pursue a relationship with a Philippines lady..no doubt you will come across this many times.

[ginapeterb]

"Pulutan" or light snacks when having a social discussion or a drinks party.

It seems to be a filipino custom to have an availability of Pulutan...what is it ??

From what I can gather..Pulutan is normally a snack which resembles meat on sticks..very similar to a kebab stick on a barbecue...although it could be chicken..beef..or pork...but one of those...Pulutan can also be crisps...chips..snacks..nuts...very similar to what we would put out on the table if we had a few beers at a freinds house.

I have actually experienced this with 3 filiipino nurses....and they seemed quite happy down the rose and crown having a lager and lime..with cashew nuts..and walkers crisps...and they mentioned "Pulutan"...it seems to be the hosts responsibility to provide the pulutan..so if you are hosting the evening out and your have your Filipinas family relatives in tow...or her (brother) the chaperone..hahahaha then its your responsibility to provide the Pulutan..

But watch out though...you do not wish to be seen to be too cheap...it is noticeable if you are cheap..and do not provide good quality pulutan..you must not be cheap....therefore make sure the pulutan you provide is good quality and your guests will eat it.

Enjoy this local custom of Pulutan and its provision in the Philippines..good luck.

Pete

[ginapeterb]

The Philippine custom of "Sustento"

The Filipino Custom of “Sustento”


“Sustento” or translated, Sustenance can often be a source of conflict in Fil-West relationships, there have been numerous stories, too many to mention where “Sustento” has caused relationship problems.

Firstly what is “Sustento” ??

Sustento or Sustenance is a Filipino custom that is really hard for Western people to understand, this custom, of providing for ones family, especially elderly parents, siblings and other relatives, is a part of Filipino culture.

Many Westerners, mostly males, as they are the ones who generally come up against this custom, have enough trouble, making ends meet for their own lifestyles, such as mortgages, credit card debts, and high energy bills, and general living expenses, find little time for extending out their generosity when it comes to relatives or ageing parents, in some ways, this might bring Westerners to have a little shame, or guilt on the conscience, however little is done in the way of direct action.

What are examples of Sustento ?

The provision of educational fees for siblings.
The provision of living costs for parents, or immediate relatives
A Lump sum payment for a new house or shelter.

Philippine culture is quite the reverse, the prospect of a Filipino elder daughter married to a Western man, who is having a good life, one of which is successful, whilst her family is struggling and poor, does not show to those that are viewing from afar, that she is in fact successful.

In fact to many Filipino’s it actually shows the reverse, in fact there are those who would say, she is having a bad life, over their in the United States, Canada, or Western Europe.

It would appear that often in the Philippines where there is abject poverty, the Philippines economy relies very heavily on foreign currency receipts from overseas contract workers, and to a lesser extent from relatives who are married to foreigners, education has to be paid for, and it is often the job of the elderly child in a family to make provision for others, such as brothers, sisters, and elderly relatives, this could be money for education school fees, and general living expenses.

So how does this affect a Filipino eldest daughter of a family, who may be contemplating marriage to a foreigner, it affects her very much, it would be true to say, that she is unlikely to be happy in her marriage, if she is enjoying the fruits of a Western economy while her family are in poverty in the Philippines.

So much so, that she will almost certainly want to work in her new found country, even if her Western husband is against such a move, he would be wise to consider her cultural needs very seriously, if he does not want to encounter conflicts with his new bride.

Understanding that for a Filipino, her family are as important to her as is her marriage, and relationship with her husband, she cannot and will not be happy, unless they are taken care of, this may not amount to very much for a Western man, maybe a few thousand pesos per month in help, but it is everything to her.

So what is the best tip here, if you want to make a success of your marriage to a Filipino, make sure that provisions are made for her family, discuss the matters with her, and decide between you how best this can be done.

You will be amazed at how happy she will be, and also, dare I say it, be amazed at the love you will receive, if she can fulfil her obligations to her family, that she believes, are of paramount importance.

If she wants to get a job to achieve this, this would be a good move, as she can then physically attend to this, in the only way she knows how.

For a Western man, at first this may seem to be an obsession, it is only when you understand that this custom of Sustento, has been around for an awful long time, and your wife or fiancée may have received schooling and had this paid for by parents or other elderly siblings, who have had to go through more or less the same.

It is a general rule in Filipino households, that whoever has the chance of providing for the others, they must do it, there is no exception to this rule, it is accepted and expected.

There may be occasions, when a Filipino Tatay or Father, may be very against a marriage or relationship, if he thinks, that no provision is going to be made for the family, this is not to say, that Filipino families should be seen as “Gold diggers”, this is certainly not the case, although as I have always said, there are always exceptions to the rule, it is not a Filipino custom in decent families to ask for money directly.

If you do receive requests in a very early stage, for money, for broken roofs, etc, I have said in the past, its not a good sign, however if the relationship has gone on for some time, and you find it within your heart to extend some help, that is a good thing to do, it will certainly endear your future wife to you, as she is seen to be fulfilling her obligation, remembering of course, you are asking her to move from one side of the world to the other.

If she is prepared to do that, then perhaps some thought might be given by the Western fiancé/husband for helping with Sustento.

I hope that clears up this very valuable local custom, and if the advice above is taken, it will I’m sure lead to a very happy relationship.

Best of luck

[walesrob]

Originally posted by ginapeterb@Aug 9 2004, 10:50 AM


Some of you may come across this custom of the "Wake" if it does happen while you are in the Philippines..you may have to accept that you may loose out on some time with a Philippine lady.

The Wake is an event that takes place when a loved one passes away..be it Grandmother..Grandfather or other relative etc...

Quoted post

I went to one of these when one of Elsas friends father died. It was almost like a celebration with music, food, singing and lots of talking with friends and family. I felt uneasy about it at first, but I learned to go with the flow, even if it meant visiting this wake at 3am on a Tuesday morning!

Rob