Advice with Courting A Lady of the Philippines

[ginapeterb]

Help and Advice on some helpful ways in which to conduct a Friendship relationship with a view to marriage with a Philippines Lady.

[ginapeterb]

Suggestions for Initial Contact.



Courting a lady of the Philippines can be set with a number of problems...however most of these are cultural and stem from a basic lack of understanding beween the Western Cultural norms and the cultural norms..religious and behavioural standards that divide East and West.

If you are contemplating the possibility of a freindship with a Lady of the Philippines and wish to prorgress this further to a relationship and eventual marriage..then I will take you through a light hearted look at some of the pitfalls and differences you may encounter along the paths of love and marriage in the Philippines.

Over the next few entries..I will be talking about the initial contact...suggestions for letter writing...how to ennjoy cost effective communication without breaking the bank...why you do not always get the letters you are expecting...I will talk about the mail to the Philippines and how to speed up the process.

I will talk about telephones...calling cards...e mails...the significance of hand written letters against e mails...photos..how to progress your relationship...visiting the Philippines..what to do..how to arrange it...and what to expect...I hope that doing this will give some of you a bit of a laugh at what can happen and at the same time...give some serious insights into the relationship known as the Fil-West Couple.

There are various other sites on the Internet dedicated to this subject probably far more detailed than this...the Asawa forum is very good...and gives lots more advice on Immigration matters and differences in Culture but this advice is mainly for visitors and members of the FilipinoUK forum that is the British-Filipina relationships which I think are the best relationships/marriages in the world.

[ginapeterb]

Initial Contact.

Initial contact with a Philippines lady known as a Filipina can come in various forms...it may be someone you met in person whilst working in the Philippines..or some one you met in Singapore..Hong Kong Saudi Arabia etc...Filipinos generally are the most trans migrational work force in the world...that effectively means that Filipinos (nationality) can be found in almost every country in the world...and there is always a filipino community to be found.

Many Filipinas who work overseas are referred to as OCW'S that is Overseas contract workers..if you happen to meet one in person..then your freindship or relationship is of to a good start because you have met the person you are interested in.

But....most freindships/relationships are often started like blind dates...where contact has been made via the internet..on well known dating sites such as filipinaheart.com..or asianeuro.com..or even sites such as FilipinoUK forum...wherever contact has been made..much of the process of getting to know one another is difficult to say the least..however perseverance and time taken in attending to small details can make the process much more simpler and rewarding.

Whats the difference between electronic mail and handwritten letters ?

Its simple....for the purposes of evidence of relationship...hand written letters with postmarks on are clear evidence that a relationship exists at least in communication if not in person...e mails are not evidence of relationship..whilst they may be quick forms of instant communication..they have little value when it comes to establishing that you actually known someone in the Philippines..this may be useful to know as you will come across this problem when your loved one is being interviewed by an ECO.
Entry Clearance officer...these are govenment pen pushers whose sole job it is...to ensure that UK immigration rules are adhered to.

So Letter writing is a very important step in establishing communication...can you imagine 8000 miles away when your loved one opens a nice air mail letter postmarked with lovely stamps on..and reads your personal handrwritten communication..she will be all smiles and know that you have taken the time to write the letter and mail it...that is the first secret to effective communication with a filipina...letter writing is personal ...e mails are clinical and can be rattled out to 100's of girls in one go..handwritten letters cannot.

[ginapeterb]

My advice to you is to first make contact with a Filipina by sending her a pesonalized hand written letter...take some time over thoughts about what you will say.

I will base this information for many of you who might read this on how my own relationship with a Filipina was developed....and tell you about how to make it a success.

The leter you write should contain your home address in the first instance..however my suggestion is at first do not put your home or mobile telephone numbers at first...as this can lead to a slight pitfall.

Putting your home or mobile telephone numbers in your letter may not be at first a great idea...this could be because if you do this..you may get text messages at the most amazing times..and sometimes inconvenient moments...like during the silent hours when you are sleeping.

Even though there is extreme poverty in the Philippines...you will be suprised to find that most filipinas have access to a telephone especially a mobile phone...the two networks Globe and Smart make a small fortune out of text messaging in the Philippines...its possible that your contact will have a mobile phone...if you wish to exchange mobile phone numbers further down the line...then that is fine..but in the first intance...the letter is the most important tool.

So how should the letter be written...some of us boys do find letter writing a little tiresome..as we are so used to e mails and the mobile phone..

This is fine..but realizing that an introdcution by personal letter is the best way to get started can save you frustrations later on...Filipinas in my experience do not think too much of e mails from Western Men in the first instance...they might suggest you use Yahoo or Messenger at a later time..or use their e mail addresses. but you have to take into account that most Filipinas do not have access to personal computers and the internet in their homes...the usual way for them to get access to these tools is by visiting a "Cafe" this is problematic because the times when they can visit is normally when you are at work..the time difference being 7 hours.

Therefore this takes time to arrange..therefore my advice regarding a hand written letter is good advice..this sets the scene for an introdcution.

An introductory letter needs to be fairly formal... for example..a introduction of your name..address...a little personal history but not a life story...this is unnecessary at this stage...tell them a little about yourself..your age..likes dislikes...and your intentions for the future...a 2 page letter is more than enough to get the ball rolling..and most importantly enclose a photograph of yourself if you can..this is known to increase your chances of response by 75 per cent...this is because although words and how they are written may be important to a Filipina...she is much more likely to respond if their is a photograph enclosed...just in the same way if she responds to you...with no photograph..then you might be hesitant to respond if you do not know how the person looks.

Looks are very important...athough trust me when I tell you that photographs can be flattering but look nothing like the person you are corresponding with...so photos have a place...this is because most filipinas tend to have their photographs taken unnaturally...that is they use a studio with studio lighting and they are often done professionally.

This means lighting is used..and their features are often enhanced..and rightly so...but my advice is..on a personal note...that anything you see from a studio...is to be taken for what it is a studio photo...I prefer natural photos..then you can see what the person really looks like.

The one thing that may frustrate you about sending mail to the Philippines is the time it takes to get their...most of us old sweats who have gone through this...all call it Snail mail...that is the letter seems to take forever...sometimes between 2 to 3 weeks to get to the Philippines.

The reason for this is probaly doe to the blase attitude of the Philippine postal service and also...if you are writing to a young lady in the Provinces...and not Metro Manila or surrounding connurbations such as Angeles City..or Pasig City...Makati... Luzon province...any of these can be reasonably fast... but Western Visaya or Mindanao...can by all accounts be a nightmare..and this is a frustration..however it may take about 2 weeks for your letter to reach your intended freind.

This is something you will have to live with and their is no way around it...however once you have received a reply..and you wish to continue on with a filipina..then my advice is to send 2 a week...or more if you want..then she gets a constant stream of your letters...however be mindful...that wages in the Philippines is low....and the cost of a stamp is alot of money to a filipina especially if she is relatively poor in the Philippines..or is on a low income.....the average earnings in the provinces is around 150 to 200 pesos per day..that is around £1.50 to £2.00 per day..now you understand why a stamp may be expensive...the use of an internet cafe is around 50 pesos per hour...or 50p...so if you keep that in mind.

If you wish to correspond with a paticulary filipina...and feel you wish to do it...their is nothing wrong with a visit to the bank or cambio..and buying a few 1 US Dollar bills...this is a good tip...if you stick a 1 Dollar US bill in your letter..it gives the lady a chance to buy a stamp and return a reply to you.

This is a well known tip that is used to encourage replies to your letters...however my advice about money is simply this...do not entertain any requests for money...in the first instance...i.e. the roof has fallen off our house and we need to repair it .....this sort of request is used by the wrong sort of Philippines ladies for the purposes of extorting money...just be aware that if you hear that in the first letter...its probably not a good idea to continue the contact.

If you wish later on to send a little money to the lady concerned after getting to know her..that is your decision..just be aware that requests for money for this and that in the first instance are not a good sign.

So letter writing is the preferred way to make initial contact and is fun...too. enjoy it and watch your suprise when a letter comes to your door from the Philippines...

If you wish to send anything more than an air mail letter which is about 68p to the Phiilipines with about 3 pages in...the next rate is £1.12p...then use the international signed for service which is about £5.00 this ensures that the letter has to be handled by a courier in the Philippines and must be signed for personally by the recipient....this is a good service if you want to guarantee that a paticular item reaches your intended...its not something to be used for normal letters as these arrive ok...but can be useful in other situations where what you are sending has a monetary value and if lost...cannot be replaced.

[ginapeterb]

Ok so you have started writing one or two letters..if you are succesful in obtaining a reply from a filipina...the next stage is to perhaps enclose a small number of photos...this helps in establishing you as a "Ok" kind of guy..by now you should have received maybe 1 or 2 letters...if you consider that a freindship may develop with the paticular Filipina it may now be time to enclose your e mail address and suggest that you can use e mail as a method of contact.

This is fine for daily communication but should not take over as a substitute for hand written letters...for one thing I have already explained that hand written letters are the most important way of proving to the ECO..in the future that their is a stable and serious relationship..one of the things that often comes up in ECO interviews..is that the Filipina gives the game away because she gets caught out in questions... when she does not know anything about the man that she is contemplating marriage with..its very easy for the ECO to spot this...if you havent been communicating by letter and have tried to do this by e mail the interview will be terminated and the ECO will most likely deny a entry clearance visa...so its best to establish a relationship through regular letter writing.

So e mail can be helpful in continuing a daily dialogue with a filipina...one of the things to take into account is the time difference...you must also take into account that most filipinas work day time hours..so they are unlikely to be able to get to a cafe before 6.30pm in the evenings..that is around 11.30am in the morning in UK...if you are expecting an e mail reply to your message...be patient...she will reply but only when she can get to a cafe..if you are lucky enough to be pursuing a filipina who has a pc at home...then this will not be as much of a problem...one word of caution..be careful of being flippant in e mails with a filipina..our sense of humour in the UK is often difficult to understand...even our American cousins across the water find our sense of humour difficult to grasp..a filipina can misread your e mail...so be in no doubt as to what you intend to say..then it does not leave your e mail open to interpretation and your filipina freind will not be left puzzled by your expressions or phrases.

[ginapeterb]

The next way to progress a relationship..is by instant messaging... the favourite form in the Philippines is Yahoo...obtaining a Yahoo ID is probably a smart move..as most Filipinas prefer it.

If she can get to a cafe...then this is a good form of communication where you can both talk online...it helps if you can be available around 12.00 - 1pm in the afternoon...and she will probaly be able to chat to you for an hour at least..this costs her about 50 pesos...so be mindful of this...you may at this stage want to consider helping her out with some money..to cover costs..but again keep it simple and low key...obviously no one is saying you cannot send her money at this stage...but just be aware that in the early weeks...sending money can be mis-understood..and may not be appropriate..it could also send out the wrong message.

I can think of one or two reasons why this might be so...one of them could be that you might be taken for a source of income remembering that sending £50.00 a month might be not much to you..but to a filipina that is nearly 5000 pesos per month...nearly a months salary to most of them, its a friendly warning.

Yahoo is a great tool to communicate with a filipina..use it...

[ginapeterb]

Text Messaging.


Text messaging is the best way to keep in instant communication with your filipina lady freind...text messaging is the preferred method of keeping touch with people in the Philippines...a word of caution.

Please be mindful that most filipinas who have mobile phones...are aware that texting international especially to the UK...costs them 15 pesos per text message.. that is alot of money considering that a text message in the Philippines is only 1 pesos per message..that is about 1p..which is very cheap by our standards..however a filipina is very aware that to text you in the UK is expensive to them...they might only have a 300 pesos load on their phone to last them for all their texte messaging requirements for the month.

If she is texting you back to the UK...then she is soon going to run down her "load" and not be very happy about it...my suggestion is....use the text messaging because its quick but be minduful of the costs involved for her...

If you are using text messaging from her in the UK...its about 15 pence a text message on the Orange Network to the Phiilippines. but I have a better tip for you.

If you keep a cheap NEC 313 Video Mobile from the G3 Network...you can put on £10.00 per month and receive 200 text messages..this works out at 5p a text message and thats international to the Philippines..so its much cheaper.

Text messaging is a great way to keep in touch with a filipina..make use of it.

[ginapeterb]

The Telephone.


After some weeks have elapsed...you may consider wanting to actually do a voice conversation with the lady concerned...you might think this is straightforward and easy..often it can be...but on the down side...you may have to accept that the lady you corresponding with may not be great on the telephone.

I have seen various situations before where a British Guy calls a Filipina and cant communicate with her very wel...this is because although most filipinas speak english...there english and pronounciation is totally different...and lets face it...its almost like a scouse talking to a cockney...or a Geordie talking to a Jock....lets be honest a geordie doenst speak english anyway...way ay man !!!

So talking on the telpephone can be problematic..and you need to be patient in the first instance.

There are various ways to call the Philippines the most obvious direct from your home telephone..this is expensive with British Telecom.sometimes around 30p a minute and if you get chatting can soon run up a bill from around £25.00 to £50.00.

The next best way is the other networks such as One Tel or Telewest or other alternative providers..however the most cost effective way is to obtain a calling card..there are numerous available and Forum Admin has done a subject on this...so check it out.

I think the post office provides one or two good cards for the Philippines...I use Alpha Asia Card...for a tenner you get about 86 minutes to the Philippines on a land line phone and about 68 minutes on a mobile.

Calling her mobile phone is probably the best way for you...because she can chat to you in private and she can be anywhere and can take the call...if she is not at home..and may not have a phone there..the mobile is much better.

Most Philippine mobiles start something like this...092090 ...... so when calling the Philippines the initial 0 is removed and the call goes something like this...00 639 20........as the Philippines country code is 63 you can see that 00 is the international acces code..and 63 then 9 which is a mobile...then the rest of her number.

Telephoning is an expensive way to communicate and unless you have deep pockets and can afford a £500.00 a month phone bill..I suggest you restrict it to a courtesy call once a month or if you have to eventually 1 call a week normally on a Friday.

Also when you call a Filipina it might be advisable to think about what you will talk about first...another embarassing situation that can often happen...is that you dont know actually what to say to her..and she goes quiet on the other end and you do also...then you are wasting money...if you have a problem picking up the phone and are a little shy of doing this....a good tip is imagine you are calling on busines....in othe words make the call to her a courtesy to inform her of that you recieved her letters and that you would like to thank her and so forth and so forth...then a conversation can start and it goes on from there....gradually you should be come more comfortable with the telephone.

As I said before be mindful of costs....it can be a shock if you get a BT Bill in...its ok talk talk talk on the phone and think ah well in 3 months I will pay the bill...when it comes in its a shock..trust me...many have done this...and regretted it...use calling cards that you buy from corner shops...on the print of machines....you have already paid..and are not going to get a big billl...many of the cards go through freephone numbers...so its not actually costing you anything on your home phone bill.

Best of luck with calling the Philippines.

[ginapeterb]

Consolidating your long distance relationship


It has been said that a "Relationship" does not exist between a corresponding couple until they actually meet....this is not true..in fact a relationship can be formed very quickly using hand written letters and text messaging/telephone calls.

So the next stage is where the fun starts...at some stage 1 or 2 things are going to happen...your filipina lady is going to want you to come and visit her...or you are going to get the urge to go and see her anyway.

This can often involve considerable expenditure on the part of the British Guy...so it has to be thought about...one of the things that you should bear in mind..is that having a relationship with a Philippine lady is not cheap...!!! so dont think its going to be an easy passage.....many men who correspond with Filipinas..get caught out when it comes to the cost of humanizing the relationship....humanizing means actually bringing to the two of you together.

It is generally the case..that the British Guy has to make a trip to the Philippines...this is because it is highly unlikely..I would say almost impossible for a filipina to make the trip to UK and visit you...for one thing the cost to her is prohibitive and anyway even if she could afford it..its 99 per cent guaranteed she will not get a tourist visa to come and visit the UK...as Filipinos (male and female) are considered by the UK government as a "Flight risk" i.e. they are likely to do a runner once they arrive here...and if you watch the news its likely you are used to hearing about immigration stories and foreign immigrants dissapearing into the system.

I have thought about this seriously and I would like to give any of you who comtemplate looking for love with a filipina some basic guidelines to adhere to...so here goes...

I am going to call it "So you want to pursue a Filipina" !!

But before I talk about that..I would like to talk about why any Western man would want to have a filipina for a marriage partner anyway...I say Marriage partner..because quite frankly..if you are interested in a filipina for just a freindship..or dare I say it...a sex partner..forget it....most filipinas who are decent ladies...are not interested in that...yes they are happy to engage in a freindship..but the majority...who may be interested in a British Guy are looking for a stable relationship and long term marriage partner...if its sex you are looking for...the FilipinoUK Forum is not the place to look for that...and in any event the Forum Moderators...will not allow that sort of activity on this site...this site is purely A Community site and is for Filipinos and British alike to exchange help and informatiion for the betterment of their respective situations.

So.....if its sex you want..there are lots of other sites...dedicated to the Go Go girls of Angeles City..Makati or Pasig...we are talking here about genuine courtships and how to develop them with a filipina.

[ginapeterb]

"So you want to pursue a Filipina"

Who is she ??

A filipina can be in many ways all things to all men...generaly speaking...filipinas are:

Graceful
Charming
Well Spoken
Sweet
Loving
Adaptable
Resourceful
Helpful
Good Household Managers
Maternal
Funny
Caring.....

So the list is endless...A filipina is generally adaptable to almost any given situation...on the other side of the coin...one does need to be aware ..that in any society there are always bad apples in the cart...you are going to note stories on the internet...that show that some filipinas are quite frankly...economic marriage seekers...but in most countries in South East Asia and other areas..you will always get these people...I will talk about the things to be careful of later in this dicussion thread...although even with the best advice its still possible to fall prey to a fortune hunter or a "Dumper" a dumper I will talk about later.

So I should start a little sub section here on "Dont marry a Filipina or pursue a relationship with her unless"

Dont Pursue a Filipina if:

1. You are pushed for time and want a quick relationship.

2. Youre not prepared to spend hours of your time getting to know her..her family and other relatives.

3. Youre not prepared to invest money and time in dealing with the various bureacratic authorities in the Philippines..and the British Authorities.

4. Youre not prepared to accept that their are wide cultural differences between you and you cannot make adjustments.

5. You think you are going to get a sex goddess in the form of an english woman.

6. You are looking for a little slave to cook wash and clean for you.

7. You dont like hot weather

8. You dont like travelling.

9. You are not prepared to learn a new language.

10. Youre not prepared to spend long periods of separation in the 1st year of your relationship.



So now you know some of the above...still interested ??

ok youre still here..and didnt decide its not for you...


So you might be thinking does a filipina want to be your partner simply to escape economic poverty in her own country.

There may be somethingi in this...but it can be considerd to be viewed as a simple trade off....you might be looking for a marriage partner and someone to start a family with....this may be because not much is happening to you in the UK..it may be because you are fed up with English woman and their attitudes..it may be because you like South East Asian women..which is fine...

For A Filipina she is not always looking for a western man..but generally she will be informed that older Western men can be more mature..can be relied upon to provide for a good family...and are good to their wives...so yes I would say in some ways..its a trade off of skills and qualities.

A Filipina will generally make an excellent wife..because she has been brought up to take care of a household...a man and children, and to manage money....she can be very malambing..or loving...sweet and caring....and the marriages have an excellent chance of success...this is mainly because divorce in the Philippines is not valid...so generally Filipinas do not consider divorce as an option and it rarely comes into mind...

Yes their is extreme levels of poverty in the Philippines...and many filipinas do wish to leave for a better quality of life...but that is no different to Brits who go to Australia with more or less the same wishes..the only difference is ...the Brits who leave to go to Australia are relatively better off...the only reason a big deal is made out of a filipina wanting to escape poverty in the Philippines through marriage to a British Man..is because she is poor.

Of course we all know that wealth is a relative expression...to a filipina the concept of a broke British Guy does not compute....so almost any man will be acceptable..providing she likes him and he is good to her....the requremnts for a filipina in a marriage partner..is totally different in many ways to what a young english girl is looking for.

So would it be fair to say that a Filipina wants to leave the Philippines ?? the answer is yes..she wants a better quality life just like you or I....so keeping this in mind...really helps you to decide if the person you are pursuing is the one for you.

This is where one needs to be aware of economic migrant relationships and dumpers......just a word of caution....there are scare stories that exist regarding dumpers.

What is a dumper ??

[ginapeterb]

What is a Dumper ?

A Dumper is a filpina who consents to a relationship with you with a hidden Agenda.

Her Agenda may have been put down to paper long before she met you....or it may have been hatched during your correspondence with her....it may be that her whole family is involved..this has happened to someone I know.

I wont go into the paticulars of this case....as I wish to maintain the confidentiality and privacy of the person concerned...but it has been known that a filipina will go through all the processes of saying she loves you...having a sexual relationship and then applying through you for a spouse visa...even going through marriage only to arrive in the United Kingdom...to "Dump" you within 7 to 14 days....if you have the misfortune of ending up with a Dumper....no doubt its a harrowing experience....sometimes all the tell tale signs can be there earlier on in the relationship if you choose to look for them..however if you tell yourself they are not there...they wont be....its only in the end that you will find out the hard way....A Dumper will generally wait until she meets another filipina and her husband and then complain you are beating her...if this happens...she will seek refuge with them..and then just simply dissapear into the system.

If this happens....its a shock..but quite frankly you are well rid of her...divorce her the minute this happens..its unliekly that she will be deported but then thats not your problem...

I am not going to talk any more about the above....its just a freindly warning...the majority of Filipinas are not like that...and enter into relationships for all the right reasons...there are over 120,000 in the UK happy and leading productive lives.

[ginapeterb]

How to continue your courtship with a View to marriage.


If you have decided that this lady is really worth visiting and your adamant you would like to make trip...now is the time to start thinking about doing that.

Getting to the Philippines is not much of a problem....I have detailed in other parts of the forum about travelling to the Philippines...there is a lot of information on where to stay...in the Philippines...what to do..whee to go..and a do's and dont's section which you might wish to read.

I can advise you that if you are going to the Philippines and want to see our Philippine lady..be aware that you need to spend as much time as you can with her.....she will be over the moon if you actually do decide to go...and also...you need to think about time....if you are employed then I appreciate that getting time of work is hard...if you are self employed..then in some respects this is better...whatever the situation....if you really want to go...then 3 weeks is an absolute must....because you need at least 2 days either side of your vacation to visit.

Also....the chances are...if you are getting close to the lady..and everything works out..you may wish to propose marriage to her..if she acccepts..then you will want to make some arrangements to spend more time with her before you have to leave and return to UK.

A word of Light hearted caution..hahahaha its not too difficult to fall for a Filipina.....once her little hand is in yours...and her bright smile..and petite looks...and pop...you are hooked....but when a Filipina falls for you...she really does..so take it seriously...you will know what I mean when this happens.

So its time to get ready to make a trip to the Phils...good luck...there are lots of information about flights...travel...the Philippines...innoculation information...and just about everything else you will need...I hope it works out for you...I know it worked for me...and if its any help to you...I am still awaiting the chance to bring my loved one to the UK....so its not over for me as yet...so writing this information is to help anyone in my situation and yours.

Best of luck

Pete and Gina Bennett

[ginapeterb]

Ok.....so you are still here....hahaha not put off yet...well if you are still reading this...it means you are thinking of a visit to the Philippines to meet that lady in a far of place you have been corresponding with....well if you think she is a mirage....hahahaha watch..out you may get more than you bargained for...ok switch to the topic....preparation for the Philippines..


Good Luck....hahahah you will need it...but promise me one thing....try not to loose your cool...after all..it is the Philippines.

[ginapeterb]

So !!!! You had a succesful courtship ?? have you proposed marriage as yet ?? if you have maybe you have left the Philippines and head back to the Sunny Shores of the UK....arrrghhhhhhh I know what youre thinking...I miss it....that lovely weather...the White Cliffs of Dover....Afternoon Tea...Tony Blair..Man Utd playing a blinding game...or if you are an Arsenal Fan...Thierry Henry linking up with Dennis Bergkamp in a blinding goal....yes we know what you are thinking...but seriously..come on its time to think about visas !! What do i do now ?? well go to the next section...How To Otain a Visa for my spouse/Fiancee from the Philippines.





Good Luck...enjoy the reading and come contribute to the thread....we know you are reading all our posts out there.




Regards


Pete and Gina

[ettennom]

liked reading your articles. they are very informative.

just wondering..how is your filipina wife doing there presently? is she working there, or a home buddy? Doesn't she cry because she misses her country???

hope to hear from you soon

[ettennom]

liked reading your articles. they are very informative.

just wondering..how is your filipina wife doing there presently? is she working there, or a home buddy? Doesn't she cry because she misses her country???

hope to hear from you soon