sad newbie

[sphinx]

been reading this before but never registered myself..i am also looking if i can read something or the same story as mine,here it goes...
i am married, with one child, live here in the UK, we came from Eastern Europe and now being settled here for awhile..
i married my husband 4 years ago, i love him and i know he loves me...as we go on in our marriage, of course there are times we are in a row, sometimes i hear foul words that i feel i dont deserve, i know i am not perfect so i also say something that could hurt his ego, he shouted several times, strangled me twice bec. i dont like to make love with him..inspite of those, i remained to be nice and responsible wife and mother, i forgave him several times, gave him _th chances as after our fight he begged for forgivesness....and many more sad stories to tell...now i am falling out of love, been also to a counsellor but i couldn't open my heart anymore to him, i feel there is a revenge already inside me, grudges, heartaches and frustrations as well...
but whenever i think of leaving him, i feel pity on him..
what am i going to follow? my heart that i don't love him anymore or my conscience leaving him?
i know after reading this everybody wants to crucify me and maybe they wouldn't understand, but i am ready to take all the words being thrown upon me.......

[sam_althea]

so sad to hear...you only live once, follow your heart...that pity will lead you to nowhere..
go where your heart will lead you, you will be happier..believe me

[jencha8569]

been reading this before but never registered myself..i am also looking if i can read something or the same story as mine,here it goes...
i am married, with one child, live here in the UK, we came from Eastern Europe and now being settled here for awhile..
i married my husband 4 years ago, i love him and i know he loves me...as we go on in our marriage, of course there are times we are in a row, sometimes i hear foul words that i feel i dont deserve, i know i am not perfect so i also say something that could hurt his ego, he shouted several times, strangled me twice bec. i dont like to make love with him..inspite of those, i remained to be nice and responsible wife and mother, i forgave him several times, gave him _th chances as after our fight he begged for forgivesness....and many more sad stories to tell...now i am falling out of love, been also to a counsellor but i couldn't open my heart anymore to him, i feel there is a revenge already inside me, grudges, heartaches and frustrations as well...
but whenever i think of leaving him, i feel pity on him..
what am i going to follow? my heart that i don't love him anymore or my conscience leaving him?
i know after reading this everybody wants to crucify me and maybe they wouldn't understand, but i am ready to take all the words being thrown upon me.......

oh no sphinx i am sorry to hear your story
love and pity is different thing but at times it goes hand in hand unconsciously. so u have to choose among the two.
ur husband not treating you well infact you are suffering from domestic violence which is a total no no in any relationships.
yes making love is vital for a married couple but should be with love and mutually compromised you dont love him anymore so no use.
leaving him not gonna mean u are not a good wife or mother, you are a good wife to a bad husband and for sure you are a good mother.
since u suffred enough and u not happy anymore i suggest you follow ur heart where you gonna be happy.
always remember that happiness comes from within plus think of your baby she/he will be ur strength, happiness and inspiration to go on with life, there is so much out there for both of you.
keep reading and posting here sis i know many will give their advices.
hope mine helps.

lots of love,
Jen

P.S. happy mothers day

[Mrs.JMajor]

Hmmm what about talk to him heart to heart and tell the real score,don't scared to tell truth,(truth will set u free they say)

what if u told him that u don't love him anymore but u feel pity to leave him alone and he promised he wouldn't hurt you and change? are u going to accept him? think about it

i have been through similar w/ your story the thing is he is pinoy ? but its almost same as you,good thing i know how to earn money and i can say i'm better person now (having comfortable life as well) on my own way,meaning i choose to kick him out of my life,but i do same thing what i suggest you talk to him and he promised to be good but after few months back to normal so i said "you're such a hopeless" and i leave him alone ]


OOpssss i forgot to welcome u lol,

[alicat]

follow ur heart,but dont forget to use ur brain as well.
btw..welcome to the forum.

[pennybarry]

been reading this before but never registered myself..i am also looking if i can read something or the same story as mine,here it goes...
i am married, with one child, live here in the UK, we came from Eastern Europe and now being settled here for awhile..
i married my husband 4 years ago, i love him and i know he loves me...as we go on in our marriage, of course there are times we are in a row, sometimes i hear foul words that i feel i dont deserve, i know i am not perfect so i also say something that could hurt his ego, he shouted several times, strangled me twice bec. i dont like to make love with him..inspite of those, i remained to be nice and responsible wife and mother, i forgave him several times, gave him _th chances as after our fight he begged for forgivesness....and many more sad stories to tell...now i am falling out of love, been also to a counsellor but i couldn't open my heart anymore to him, i feel there is a revenge already inside me, grudges, heartaches and frustrations as well...
but whenever i think of leaving him, i feel pity on him..
what am i going to follow? my heart that i don't love him anymore or my conscience leaving him?
i know after reading this everybody wants to crucify me and maybe they wouldn't understand, but i am ready to take all the words being thrown upon me.......

Sphinx'
In your 3rd sentence you said YOU LOVE HIM and later you, said you are falling out of it and you also said you don't love him anymore Seems you are so confused. Why not leave him alone for a weeks, or even months. Have a break! Think and refresh. Discuss this to him. Give yourself a chance to think while you are apart from him. Heartaches and frustrations are part of relationships but we all have our own limitations in life. Think if you are really ready for a divorce which is really easy to get in this country, but if you did it, and feel you still in love, then it's too hard to turn back. Is your child also ready for what decisions you will make if ever?

[Mrs Daddy]

I am so sorry to hear about your story sphinx.as i was reading your story i realize how lucky I am to have a nice and wonderful husband just recently we had a mis understanding a pity one really and I exaggerate things and it came to a point that I went to the loft and took the big case to pack my things (unfortunately it wasnt enough) and also I dont know where to go but the thing there is we had`nt had a fight really.I even didnt know why I reacted like that I was just being childish I supposed but that pity mis understanding didnt last long (tnx goodness)silly me!we just had a big cuddle.My husband said am always in a bad mood if its my PMS starts and I think am agreing with him.As for your case I dont know what to say,as long as you do whats in your heart and what makes you happy and not regret it.Go for it but can you just pray for it first that he`ll change and talk things about it with him first and take it from there!if you go on your separate ways,have you thought about the kid/kids?its all up to you,you know whats best for you!

[kimmi]

I am so sorry to hear about ur story, sis..Just keep on praying and follow where ur heart is..God Bless..

[marylen]

to sphinx...:

I am so sorry to hear all the troubles u had with ur husband...for us all to know it is only just part of a marriage life, just don't be too rush into things that u aren't sure yet to take into actions....what i mean is be considerate for whatever pain involves, u might get sick of forgiving him but that is what a husband/wife should be, u shouldn't count how much u forgive him but be thankful instead that you still be able to manage the difficulties whenever u have that kind of pain for today and for the years to come . Yeah maybe for now you feel bad for all you thought that you never feel any LOVE at all at any moment that he started to act like a ..... (forgive me to use this one)...if u kinda feel right then you are absolutely in a good position to leave him all for good. but so kinda bad if you just feel right those things for now and yet tomorow when hes gone you miss him terribly bad and u need to turn back things....so be sure first before you take any further actions that would definitely change your whole life.....

I guess all married people experiencing the same thing its only up to you guys on how to deal with,..I myself accept that me and my husband do have an arguments as well, in any terms of it doesnt matter...no matter how lil/big is.....it won't be enough to weight things that we consider "it depends"...as its only a matter of love, understanding and respect both ways.....if u both have those everything would fall into place....so try to talk him heart to heart....try to open all your heartaches and pains in whatever by means....point it all out to him and maybe he could understand even not all but at least some of...so by that he will definitely try to change his ways that makes u feel bad about ...and so as try to ask him if you did something wrong even if u are fairly sure u have done nothing wrong at all. (who knows!) ye with regards to my own i often ask my husband if i did something wrong in every moment that i feel something sounds fishy in between ...Maybe just lack of understanding towards things...so go on...talk to him heart to heart....be gentle and polite in all words that u have to ask but of course you have to take ur pride off and accept that we all not perfect and you do as well committed any mistakes or if u can't try to send him an email (even if you already living together as one )and point it all out in details..opssss in a calm way....okay good luck girl......try those simple steps..

In my own case...if ever we have any lil misunderstanding happen or if do feel something bad, mad, upset or whatever i just tried to keep my mouth shut first, not even mentioning whats going up , but we never yelled out no matter how bad we feel....we just give a lil space for each until we are ready to confront whats goin on...until such then that I am ready to face the consequences ....i do have tell him what makes me feel bad and so as he is...of course you both should learn to say SORRY after all and willing to accept your faults and weaknesses.....and then at any moment to satisfy my peace of mind i do have to send him an email and understand him all as why i acted that way and hope no matter what happen we still keep the LOVE alive....of course he will do same thing as....everything goin smooth after all...

i havent seen any reasons yet for you give up the marriage .....

[SephEan]

oh that is a sad story... this is all i can tell you,...pray...it really helps...

[lavander]

been reading this before but never registered myself..i am also looking if i can read something or the same story as mine,here it goes...
i am married, with one child, live here in the UK, we came from Eastern Europe and now being settled here for awhile..
i married my husband 4 years ago, i love him and i know he loves me...as we go on in our marriage, of course there are times we are in a row, sometimes i hear foul words that i feel i dont deserve, i know i am not perfect so i also say something that could hurt his ego, he shouted several times, strangled me twice bec. i dont like to make love with him..inspite of those, i remained to be nice and responsible wife and mother, i forgave him several times, gave him _th chances as after our fight he begged for forgivesness....and many more sad stories to tell...now i am falling out of love, been also to a counsellor but i couldn't open my heart anymore to him, i feel there is a revenge already inside me, grudges, heartaches and frustrations as well...
but whenever i think of leaving him, i feel pity on him..
what am i going to follow? my heart that i don't love him anymore or my conscience leaving him?
i know after reading this everybody wants to crucify me and maybe they wouldn't understand, but i am ready to take all the words being thrown upon me.......

i feel for you sphinx, if you think you have given him enough chance to change and still nothing has been achieved...then there is no more reason to be with him...aside from the words and physical abuse that you might have with him in the future, am scared for you to loose your self respect later on, given that you still have kid that will depend on you for sure...so to avoid more possible damages....break the routine and try to smell the other side of the fence....HELLO!...di na kaya uso ang martir!


and lastly .... ask HIS guidance.... you can never go wrong with HIM guiding you all the way... cheer up....





lavander...

[jencha8569]

sphinx i say get out now while you can .
it scared me to hear you say that he strangled you because
you would not make love to him.maybe his violence will get
worse you never know.you have to go . i know its sad for him but
he not deserve you if he is violent to you.
if he love you , he would never hurt you but he has physically
hurt you so trust jen and me (jens fiance) hes no good .
take care of yourself sphinx.