To Trust Or Not To Trust? (That Is My Question!)

[aromulus]

he needs to go and see her, simple as that, not everyone is a scammer,
just becuase he sent her money doesn't mean it will not work out or shes a scammer..

good luck ..

Yes Joe...

But the guy is doubting it himself....

Too many things don't add up in the story.

I took the risk of going back quietly, after a couple of months of meeting Jet and the reception I had from her told me everything, it wasn't a flash in the pan.
http://s75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...eshock1415.flv

I know about work commitment and being in the "red" and not being able to go as often as I wanted, and support when needed, even if sometime the reason given sounded a bit outlandish....
But my wife never asked for money really. Sometime I could see from the cam that she was not happy looking and took me days to get to the bottom of what was worrying her.
The only time she asked outright was when her father had a stroke and was in Cebu Doctors hospital.
For speed, I paypalled some money to a yank friend of mine, living there at the time. He went to the hospital and gave it to her.

I am of the opinion that this guy is being taken for a mug, but good luck to him if it pans out.
Still, it is a hell of a big "allowance", no incentive at all to find a job and look genuine in his eyes....
Anulment money...???? Another story.........

[misscarie]

[QUOTE]

if i listened to people on here we would have never meet or got married... i understand that in many cases it will not work out for everyone on here as it has for us.. ,

yes you're right mod joe,we experienced the same thing tho but not listening on here lol i mean when hubby and i getting to know each other 2 years ago. and now we are turning 3 years soon but we only met once

just becuase he sent her money doesn't mean it will not work out or shes a scammer..

good luck ..

hubby send me money not meeting me at all for past 2 years and he never think im a scammer

[joebloggs]

But the guy is doubting it himself....

Too many things don't add up in the story.

yes i was doubting and so was the misses for years , time and distance are

and many things didn't add up either, but i'm not going into that , you'll have to buy the book oneday, after i get to palawan and right the thing or read the story in the middle of a sunday paper .. or maybe we'll just forget about the past ,

[LEAHnew]

I took the risk of going back quietly, after a couple of months of meeting Jet and the reception I had from her told me everything, it wasn't a flash in the pan
http://s75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...eshock1415.flv

Wow that's lovely scene Kuya Dom reminds me when the first time I met my beb

if he's gullible then i was , i sent a lot more than that for a lot longer, only crazy thing i did was marrying her

Sounds wife not around


To IAnB

NOT TO TRUST that's my answer!
The reasons It's all been said

[Sim11UK]

At the end of the day, IanB can send as much money as he wants, it's up to him.
I just want him to go out there, for his own benefit...We all know what it's like, things go around & around in our heads, with this distance thing. I read posts on here sometimes & that gets me thinking?

If he went out there now, to see how things were, there would be no need for him, to start threads like this.

Go on do it!

P.S. Nice one Aromulus

[joebloggs]

Sounds wife not around

yes shes still around, on the other pc

[Piamed]

Nice clip Dom!

[Terrielicious]

As for 15,000 pesetas. Her room rent is 4,000 and bills right now are pretty high, as you all know.

Living in the province a large house will only be about 4000 pesos it is not that expensive renting a room in the province. When I was in Manila I rent a house in Makati Area which is a good area for 5000 pesos a month. I think you should consider what everybody is telling you here. Be more cautious. Goodluck anyway.

[aromulus]

Nice clip Dom!

Cheers, mate.

It was worth all the cloak and dagger stuff.........

I still don't know how I pulled it off, without my friends wife spilling the beans.

[joroco]

Ian B. Remember that you are not only going to perhaps marry this girl, you will be marrying her family too. So it is absolutely essential that you meet on her home territory and meet her family, friends etc. That way you will understand so much more about her. If something is wrong, it will soon become apparent. You will be able to deduce that from conversations with others, and you will find out if there is someone else in her life or someone else pulling the strings. Don't think it might be a wasted journey, I met my wife only six weeks after we started chatting, but I told myself that going to her home town in Bukidnon was a holiday and if things didn't work out, then it would be a great holiday adventure in any case. And of course, you won't have to travel far or long to wait if you decide to look for someone else. Take the advice Ian. Go there, don't even THINK of meeting her in Thailand.

[joroco]

test message

[keithAngel]

Cheers, mate.

It was worth all the cloak and dagger stuff.........

I still don't know how I pulled it off, without my friends wife spilling the beans.

Sounds painful Dom!!

Great moment and my sort of scene ,

[joroco]

This is my first ever message
IanB, Don't forget that if you marry this girl you will be marrying her family too. So it is absolutely essential that you meet her on her home ground. That way you will know for sure if something is wrong, either by conversations with others around her or events that take place while you are there. It will also give you a chance to understand her background and culture. If she tries to put you off that idea, then she clearly has something to hide. Don't think it might be a wasted journey. It won't. I met my wife only six weeks after we started chatting, but I told myself that if things didn't work out, then it would be a great holiday in any event. And of course, if things don't go as planned, you won't have to travel far or wait for long for someone else to come into your life. If you go without commitment at stage the trip is bound to be a success. And by the way, a filipino can easily manage on 5000 pesos per month. 4,000 is way over the top for lodgings. So take the advice Ian. Go to the Philippines, and don't even THINK of meeting in Thailand.

[joroco]

Sorry for the repeat messages everybody. It's going to take a bit of time to get used to this system

[CaptB]

The last few months ive met a few people asking for help and il just add some of the information :-

First guy i came across was asking for assistance for his fiancee who lived in Bohol but had gone to Cebu to process paperwork for her K1 visa to the U.S. and sort her passport. The issue was she had been robbed a taxi driver picked her up from pier 1 and left her with only her clothes.

First alarm bells for me is why is she travelling alone and showing a lot of Jewellery? Secondly the chances of being robbed by a taxi driver is pretty slim. So the advice i gave was to find out "which" police station she reported it to.. To cut a long story short although they had met and engaged. The guy had supported her including furnishing an apartment she was scamming big time. There were at least 3 - 4 guys supporting the same woman and there was no robbery she had sold everything including the engagement ring he bought her.

Second guy arrived a fews ago to meet the love of his life. She didnt show even after he travelled half way round the world.. she collected the money he sent no problem but wouldnt face him so who knows the truth of what she was upto.

Third guy arrived in Cebu to meet a girl.. no show at the airport, called her she was going to meet him at the hotel... an aunt showed up to find out and confess that she was a he and too ashamed to face him. Although yet again collects the $$

The point being you dont know until you go there. DONT send money is one big bit of advice. I had someone scam me last year and things run true when i said i was broke and couldnt send money.. Then every conversation revolved round $$ yet it wasnt an issue before. I would do what i did.. play broke. Cant send money, if she still keeps in touch after a month its likely things may be on the level. If she disappears or starts feeding sob stories i would be cautious. Pinays are generally shy of asking for money. With my wife her phonebill from my calls were around P4k a month because of calling me in the UK when something bad happened to me. But she never asked for one peso.

The annulment if it is all true and there is a real annulement as soon as people are aware a "kano" is involved you are likely to be fleeced for cash and the ex is likely to take a bribe to agree.

I know its hard to accept there is a high chance of this just being a scam but its very likely it is and sending money is just going to make things worse.
Like others have said here get on a plane..
Heathrow and gatwick flights are cheap enough and 2 weeks in the Philippines is cheap take a holiday!

Either way im not trying to cause offence just offering some real advice and i wish you luck.

[tuft249]

i wouldnt stop sending money if you are comfortable in doing so ,but maybe you could send less money.you know almost everyone wants to leave phils for a better life.you are making a difference to her life.you want to beleive the best of her .even if your girl was scaming you,given the same set of circumstances could you blame her?after spending 3weeks in phils i still dont trust my girl 100%.i met her friends that were desperate to leave phils.i never sent money @first but i have sent since returning in march.i think its very difficult to trust anyone so far away,&you are still yet to meet.good luck .

[Eljohno]

What is good about this site and the like of Pete, Keith etc is when you come on asking a question you get the truth whether you want to hear it or not and many on here have saved a lot of money and pain by listening.

I am not saying that your girl cannot be trusted as i do not have all the facts and maybe some of the lack of trust might be related to your previous wives and what went wrong with those relationships. I hope things work out but one thing i will agree with is sending lots of money to someone you do not know very well is crazy. My mother in law who is in charge of a school in Mindanao does not even get that amount of money.

[marylen]

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yep right.....................thumps up...........careful guys..........(lol)..my hubby started to sent me some a bit of cash when were about 4 months into relationship way back 2006, before those there is really no money involves and yet still I stick by him...

but it's not a monthly support as what some of you think of, it takes another more months before he sent another one BIG TIME.....(joke) ..not that kind of big amount as IanB....just a little bit of. Anyway .....were almost in 3 years of relationship and just got married......................have a happy ending after all the waiting game..........


So I guess IanB..you have to be careful and enjoy the process of getting to know each other instead, you lose nothing if you won't sent that much, In fact thats really a good way of testing how true her intention to you........Even I guess if you knew her well enough still its not the basis of sending her a big lot unless maybe if you have more spare cash available (no problem) So..It's your choice. We are not in the best position to dictate you to say NO...


okay...................... so very lucky she is otherwise.

[Sangoma]

How much distrust is based on facts, and how much on feelings?

Most people can start to wonder when things don't go as they expect, missed phone calls, not being around to chat. Most reasons for doubt are just thoughts getting out of control.

Reading through this made me think of the reasons why I did not mistrust a girl/lady I was in contact with a while back.

I knew where she lived, and identified it on Google earth. The address did get letters to her.
I knew where she worked, and again the address did exist. The company was partly in the name of a relation, who had the same family name as her. I found reference to him on the net, and with subtle questions it was obvious that it was her relation.
I had her landline and mobile number.
I knew her name and ID was as she had stated.
I knew which university she was studying at, and confirmed that she was really there.
I had phoned at all kinds of different times, spoken to her brother, seen the family on cam. The family make up coincided with numerous photos taken in different places. (and the camera data added up with answers to questions I asked)

Lots of little bits of conversation tied in with each other, and the details of her life and family life were too consistent to be fabricated.

When she said she had sent an email from an internet cafe, and not home, the IP address confirmed it.

OK, not a lot, but compare that to people who had sent me one email then asked for money, they never had a landline, wouldn't give exact addresses, gave inconsistent stories about family and friends, and generally weren't willing to answer specific questions.

To me, it is not all that likely that someone who is open with info, and has a family life that you can soon predict as if you were in the house, that their family is around when you have a cam running etc are going to be scammers.

It would be quite an achievement if they could orchestrate the whole thing, and do the same thing with more than one person, or keep a boyfriend hidden.

How much of what you have been told can you prove to be correct? How much of what you don't believe can you prove to be wrong? Would you have enough info to go to her door?

I heard a survey that said 60% of married women in the UK flirt in the workplace, and 40% have had affairs.

Looks like the chances are you are going to be better off looking elswhere.

It must be worth being careful with someone so far away, both careful you know enough about them to trust, and once you have established that, careful that nagging unfounded doubts don't lead to mistrust.

[IanB]

Well, thanks for your replies. sorry I have been offline for a while. Here are some quick answers:

I value your replies and was not seeking to rebut them all - I hope all I was doing was providing more information.

I am meeting her in Thailand for personal reasons. My son is half Thai. He has not been there for a few years, and his last trip with his Mum was pretty horrible. As he is 15 I see it as our last chance to have a holiday there together. Mae will be very welcome and make it a complete and relaxing break. Plus it will be exciting for Mae to see another country.


When I sent the post I was having a little bit of doubt. I was amazed by some of the really negative responses, and pleased by some of your kind words.

As I said, I haven't got a lot to lose by meeting her in Thailand in 11 weeks time. I will let you all know how we get on. If it goes well I will visit her in the Philippines soon.

Ian

[aposhark]

............
[I took the risk of going back quietly, after a couple of months of meeting Jet and the reception I had from her told me everything, it wasn't a flash in the pan.
http://s75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...eshock1415.flv
[/SIZE]

Excellent, very Mooooooooooooooooving
Well thought out conspiracy

[IanB]

I was surprised to see so many comments saying I was sending Mae too much. Looking through other threads on this forum I found:

2. Monthly allowance for your girl - Php 10,000 to Php 30,000 or if you have deep pockets, Php 50,000 and above. This varies according to affordability.

I also seem to remember someone being told they were being a bit mean when they sent 5,000 per month. In that context, 15,000 doesn't seem too bad.

Also, looking around 4,000 per month to rent an apartment in Angeles City sounds reasonable. But I would be interested to hear other views on this.

Ian

[bornatbirth]

i think that u havent met each other yet! but sending money already? im surprised that you can send her that much but its going to be almost a year before you have both meet?

i know ur killing 2 birds with one trip by meeting mae at the same time as ur hoilday,if u really want to meet her why have u waited so long?

why have you got any doubts but u send her money?

if in doubt,DONT!

at the end of the day its upto you what you do?

[flomike]

I was surprised to see so many comments saying I was sending Mae too much. Looking through other threads on this forum I found:


I also seem to remember someone being told they were being a bit mean when they sent 5,000 per month. In that context, 15,000 doesn't seem too bad.

Also, looking around 4,000 per month to rent an apartment in Angeles City sounds reasonable. But I would be interested to hear other views on this.

Ian

My opinion is if you have a good pocket and money is not a problem to you its your right to give whatever amount you want. I can't judge you nor Mae coz I don't know both of you and I can't give advise either but one thing I can say is that your "Mae is so lucky finding someone like you whose willing to give Php 15k/month even you're both strangers with each other."

[IanB]

i know ur killing 2 birds with one trip by meeting mae at the same time as ur hoilday,if u really want to meet her why have u waited so long?

Strangely my boss will not let me have unlimited holidays whenever I like. Whats more, even when I do get holidays I have a son and his needs come first. Finally I have been in the middle of moving home.

I think its lovely if someone can drop everything and nip over to the Philipines whenever they want. But I'm not in that situation.

[bornatbirth]

neither am i,i have to take some unpaid leave to see my gf.

most of us are in differcult situations like urself but wouldnt u like to know that mae is the real deal,she could be taking ur money with no real intentions towards you sadly alot of guys will find this out for themselfs.

i dont think anyone is being critical of you or means any offence,it is possible u have found a lovely woman or justs wants you for ur money.its upto you how u deal with it so whatever u decide what to do goodluck with it,just becareful of how it may turn out?

[Banana]

Thanks IanB - nice to know you are over your doubts.

Look forward to your next thread in a few weeks

[KeithD]

I think its lovely if someone can drop everything and nip over to the Philipines whenever they want....

I can.....but I'm not going to that dump ......a weekend in MancLand is much better

[aposhark]

I can.....but I'm not going to that dump ......a weekend in MancLand is much better

At least you've got a red scarf.
Watch out for your accent in Salford though
Funny (I was born in Sefton Park) when I was living near Salford last year, all the locals said it was no problem for me to be in their pub as I supported Everton so I wasn't a "scouser"

[joebloggs]

i know you watched the match last night scouser keith, did you see the sign some chelsea fans had "SCOUSE FREE ZONE"

Aposhark, what part of Salford did you live in ?