My wife's affair

[Piamed]

I twice previously started to post again to this thread but deleted my comments before submitting them as I was not sure my thoughts at the time would have been constructive in any way.

What I will say now is that it would take a very special man, in particular, to get over this. Only you know how you feel, whether your wife is capabale of remorse & undertaking a commitment never to do the same again and also whether your staying togther would be better in your situation for your child or not.

One thing that occurs to me is that without removing the cause, as stated by you, i.e. your long absences and her wanting to work weekends, surely there is a risk of this happening again. I further suspect that you saw the signs before the present outcome manifested. If so, was there no way to head this off? It's not in anyway meant as any form of criticism but rather a genuine question.

Good luck to you!

[KeithD]

You also have reason boss but please don't so much stone heart (pusong bato) remember the daughter ------

You don't stay in a relationship just because of a kid!! That's a lame excuse. Besides, cut the kid in half then everything is fine

[Welsh_Italian]

Not a nice situation Ritter, and I guess you're feeling poor even if it's not your fault. Things can get better after time though.

Your wife should have considered your daughter. Children are naive, but not stupid. I knew of my mother's affair when I was young and it gave me problems in trusting in later relationships. Even though I was a child (but older than yours), I could tell something was going on, that it was a secret that I wasn't supposed to know, and that it would hurt if it came out.

My advice would be to have a couple of beers, and belt the guy a couple of times - nothing serious, just something to let him know that he's well out of order. It won't solve anything, but it will make you feel an awful lot better - and it lets him know exactly where he stands. Having said that, I'm no expert in these things and the creep might cause trouble because of it, so maybe it's best to chalk it to experience.

I can't advise about the trust situation for only you know if you will both be able to build your trust back again (or even if you want to). If so, then there is a chance of the relationship surviving. If not, then it's over even if you don't realise it yet, no matter how much you want it to work.

Either way, take it steady and remember to look after yourself and your little one. You're the best man in the world to her.

[Peanutz]

There is no excuse when someone commit this kind of mistake. The lost respect and trust is very, very hard to give again to a person who you onced trusted 100%.
I am very skeptical to give your wife another chance. Firstly because trust is something that is very difficult to give. We give our total trust to our husband/wife because they are the person whom we are going to spend our life with. This is not the same trust we give to our family and friends. This degree of trust is much deeper.
I can not give trust again to a person who didn't gave considerations of what his/her actions might bring to our relationship. That he/she didn't manage to deal with her/his boredom while I am miles away earning money for my family...I can not give trust to a person who doesn't think of consequences of their actions.
A relationship should be built in trust, it is the base of a successful relationship.
You might forgive your wife, will you be able to forget?
I hope you can, because with all honesty if this happened to me I will not be able to put the pieces of those happy moments together again.

Like Joe says earlier, it is not easy to just walk away and dump her. But in the back of my mind a voice says, I will be much better alone rather seeing her face everyday reminding me of those happy days...

At the end of the day...when you close your eyes can you face your own ghosts?
I hope you can.
I admire how you dealt with your emotions, very few can remain calm like you did.

Goodluck.

[kimmi]

You don't stay in a relationship just because of a kid!! That's a lame excuse. Besides, cut the kid in half then everything is fine

I do believe in this.. Maybe before during our grandparents time wherein they used to say that they do this and that because they love their kids and they dont want them to grow up in a broken home..

I've read in a research that almost 65% of old couples now are divorcing/ separating eventhough they married for long years its just because their children are all grown ups now and they dont need to pretend and be a martyr..

[Sangoma]

I twice previously started to post again to this thread but deleted my comments before submitting them as I was not sure my thoughts at the time would have been constructive in any way.

What I will say now is that it would take a very special man, in particular, to get over this. Only you know how you feel, whether your wife is capabale of remorse & undertaking a commitment never to do the same again and also whether your staying togther would be better in your situation for your child or not.

One thing that occurs to me is that without removing the cause, as stated by you, i.e. your long absences and her wanting to work weekends, surely there is a risk of this happening again. I further suspect that you saw the signs before the present outcome manifested. If so, was there no way to head this off? It's not in anyway meant as any form of criticism but rather a genuine question.

Good luck to you!

Wise words, a point I haven't noticed being brought up before.
If you can survive driving home deliveries in your area instead of long distance for example, it will make a huge difference to your chances of sorting things out.

[flomike]

for me there's no excuse that a woman or a man will have a fling bec of whatever reason....just get over it or make a decision asap

good luck again!!!

[skysky]

that is such a drastic story! hope it will be settled soon in the most peaceful way!

hoping also that our british hubbies won't generalize the situation with all filipina wives. it may be true that some filpinas are doing it, but there are also some who are loyal to their husbands as well.

There only after one thing, there only after for ***

[pennybarry]

There are three most important ingredients in a relationship. LOVE, TRUST AND RESPECT . You lost one Better to forget her, Most of us hurt in the past, but all wounds heals.
Cheer up!
Goodluck! Be brave

[KeithD]

There are three most important ingredients in a relationship. LOVE, TRUST AND RESPECT . You lost one Better to forget her, Most of us hurt in the past, but all wounds heals.
Cheer up!
Goodluck! Be brave

A woman with brains.....whatever next?

[friend]

I know in my heart that she is really sorry and she wants our relationship in the right place again I am in a situation that I can give her a second chance but Im not sure if I can forget....5 years of happy memories and

I'd say this marriage is worth another chance. You love your wife and she is sorry. Your daughter deserves two loving parents. If the two of your can rebuild your relationship your little girl will have the very best example of lessons learned, love and forgiveness.

We're all entitled to make a mistake and be forgiven. If we do it again though, that's bad and sad

Have a long look, together, at all the factors that brought this about and then throw yourselves into rebuilding. You don't have to forget, Ritter, it's not possible to forget but it won't always be at the forefront of your mind

At the end of the day, only you can decide, of course. Wishing you the very best, whatever you decide.

Friend

[pennybarry]

A woman with brains.....whatever next?

I cannot lie to myself, hard to live with lies better to live hurt, than live with full of lies. It really hurts if you learned your partner screwing around, but how long you will get on with lies?

[sam_althea]

it breaks my heart to read this kind of entry...filipina wife cheating?? never, but it did happen to you folk..truth can be painful sometimes...

[Mrs Daddy]

I completely agree with joe.I mean life is too short for drama and bitterness.As what others said give her a second chance and take it from there.I know someone who was working as a lorry driver he had same situation as you are ritter but he was not married to a filipina they were a british couple but same to your story the woman had an affair and they end their relationship,the worst thing there is the woman had an affair thru internet chatting and she eloped with this internet friend who happened to be a lesbian so its like a slapped on his face that his wife went to this lesbian and leaving him.

[robeth]

so I just ignore it but deep inside i am deeply hurt asking my self where did I go wrong.

I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter

remembered the cause and effect...

affairs happen or the effect of an already broken down marriage which both or one of you have ignored the symptoms...

and its a very difficult situation...the dilemna of whether to stay or to leave but theres no right or wrong decision ...follow your heart and in time everything will fall on its right places....

discern of what will give you peace and happiness...its all that matters...

good luck!

[keithAngel]

As he is a filipino perhaps you should ask him for £7000 to repair your honour and threaten to inform the Philippine Embassy and have him arrested when he returns home next.

[aromulus]

As he is a filipino perhaps you should ask him for £7000 to repair your honour and threaten to inform the Philippine Embassy and have him arrested when he returns home next.

In Sicily, they are usually used as aggregate in road building.........

[keithAngel]

In Sicily, they are usually used as aggregate in road building.........

I was being pleasant Dom and ironic

I never make threats personally actions speak louder

[David House]

Ritter's pain is clearly very real. It is easy to take the moral high ground in such matters but no-one, other than Ritter himself, will know the full circumstances. Many of us guys will have been through a divorce and will know just how painful it was. It is all too easy to take entrenched positions and do and say things that you later deeply regret. Making mistakes is all part of living life and sometimes you hurt the one you love the most, without realising it at until many years later. No-one is perfect and sometimes people get carried away by flattery and opportunity, it's part of being human. I would say to Ritter that his situation is far from hopeless. It might even be the making of his marriage but that he and his wife need to both work hard. Counselling may help because an outside, independant mind might enable both to see the other's viewpoint. It is important not to dismiss his wife's viewpoint and try to associate all the "blame" with her. It might be neccessary for a lifestyle change, so Ritter is at home more, even a change of location and a completely new start. Certainly a good holiday in which they can have some fun as a family, come together and appreciate what is really important, makes sense. Sometimes we behave as kids when we are well into adulthood but when this sort of thing happens it is time to really grow up, not take rush decisions and work everything out calmly together. Try to avoid rows, plan carefully when you will discuss matters and walk away if the heat rises because this deserves as much care and attention as anything in your life.

[KeithD]

Many of us guys will have been through a divorce and will know just how painful it was...

Mine was a celebration!! Psst for a month

[aromulus]

I was being pleasant Dom and ironic

I never make threats personally actions speak louder

I was just being facetious really.

[Cheryl Tyndall]

Ritter, in my opinion, your wife doesn't deserve a second chance. She shouldn't even imagine having an affair with another man while being married, but she even did it! And that filipino carer, who has no respect whatsoever, even got a nerve to step inside your house and did a mortal sin with your wife! What was he doing there? Taking a shower?

[Piamed]

She shouldn't even imagine having an affair with another man while being married, but she even did it! And that filipino carer, who has no respect whatsoever, even got a nerve to step inside your house and did a mortal sin with your wife! What was he doing there?

Taking a shower?

[joebloggs]

for a bunch of Christians your not very forgiving

those without sin cast the next post

[misscarie]

What was he doing there?Taking a shower?

Drinking water

[Peanutz]

I can forgive if the guy/gal sits next to me fart.
I can forgive if someone made me cross because of silly things he/she did .
I can forgive if someone stinks because he/she forgot to take a bath for a month.
I can forgive if someone stole my lunch box.
I can forgive if neighbour watch television in high volume because she is going deaf.
I can forgive if someone took my pen out of my desk without my permission.

I can go on, and on with other examples of forgiveness.
We can give forgiveness on based on what has been done wrong to us.
Is it something that we just let it be and move on?
Is it something that will affect us?
Is it something with great importance?
Is it something that has to do with my moral credo?

Now, some would say, forgive her, take her back because for the sake of the family and the daughter?
That means, forget your happiness and peace of mind (what I mean here is real happiness; joy feeling that we feel when we are with someone we love and trust totally!) If he is capable of this kind of forgiveness then, He should follow the advices to take her wife back and be a happy family together again.

I wonder how many of us here have experienced the same thing and has been able to rebuild the trust again to their partner?
How many are capable to give again the 100% trust?
This is my honest answer:
If this has happened to me, I know that I can forgive, but I cannot forget. For the sake of my peace of mind and dignity left for myself, I will move on and rebuild somewhere again my lost happiness.

[Piamed]

for a bunch of Christians your not very forgiving

those without sin cast the next post

Notice I did not quote the bit about not giving a second chance. BUT, giving a second chance is not necessarily tantamount to forgiving anyway. I ,for example, could forgive but giving a second chance would not be an option as I'm not made that way, to get over something like that. What would be left of the relationship would not be tolerable for anyone.

I do agree with the fact that the lady in question shouldn't have even imagined having an affair with another man while being married.

I also agree with the comment that the man with whom she had the affair demonstrated no respect whatsoever.

I'm casting posts! LOL!!!

[aposhark]

I can forgive if the guy/gal sits next to me fart.
I can forgive if someone made me cross because of silly things he/she did .
I can forgive if someone stinks because he/she forgot to take a bath for a month.
I can forgive if someone stole my lunch box.
I can forgive if neighbour watch television in high volume because she is going deaf.
I can forgive if someone took my pen out of my desk without my permission.

I can go on, and on with other examples of forgiveness.
We can give forgiveness on based on what has been done wrong to us.
Is it something that we just let it be and move on?
Is it something that will affect us?
Is it something with great importance?
Is it something that has to do with my moral credo?

Now, some would say, forgive her, take her back because for the sake of the family and the daughter?
That means, forget your happiness and peace of mind (what I mean here is real happiness; joy feeling that we feel when we are with someone we love and trust totally!) If he is capable of this kind of forgiveness then, He should follow the advices to take her wife back and be a happy family together again.

I wonder how many of us here have experienced the same thing and has been able to rebuild the trust again to their partner?
How many are capable to give again the 100% trust?
This is my honest answer:
If this has happened to me, I know that I can forgive, but I cannot forget. For the sake of my peace of mind and dignity left for myself, I will move on and rebuild somewhere again my lost happiness.

Well said Peanutz

I knew this thread would put us on either side of the fence.
I think trust is the essence of love, for both sexes.

Yes, it seems more women would forgive than men, but the purity of unsoiled love fuels the desire of our lives

To wait for someone and enjoy the moments of being together is the reward for all of us.

[joebloggs]

are there 2 sides to every story, you don't know her or him, or who is to blame, or who is not..

i would never tell anyone to stay together for the sake of their kids, but the point is, he still loves her.

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.”
Martin Luther King

and as for advice, listen to kat stevens 'father to son'..

I know that it's not easy
To become when you've found
Something going on
But take your time--think a lot
Think of everthing you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not...

[Peanutz]

That quote from MLK is for brotherly love and forgiveness.

No one is blaming him/her Joe. We all know that there is always the two side of the story.
My opinion is based on love and betrayal.

Would you betray your wife/husband if he/she couldn't satisfy your needs?
Why the need to betray? Is it the option to chose when something is not working within the relationship?
If he loves his wife and is capable to forgive, then goodluck for him.

I would advice to read a book of Hemingway instead.

The old man and the sea.