My wife's affair

[Ritter68]

I met my wife in online 5 years ago in the Phils. For five years of marriage everything's okay we have a beautiful 3 year old daugther.

My nightmare starts 6 months ago when I found out that my wife had an affair whom she met thru texting. I found out this relationship when my wife left her cellphone unattended and I open her inbox out of curiosity and I read a few messages though its in tagalog but the word " mahal, i miss you, i love you and kiss n hugg " you don't send it to a friend isn't it? I am so devastated that time I can't believed in my eyes that my wife will do such a thing. My daughter even mention to me that her mum has a male visitor sometimes so my conclusion is justified that she has an affair. I didn't confront my wife bec I am so scared to know that truth there's a famous saying " what you don't know won't hurt you " so I just ignore it but deep inside i am deeply hurt asking my self where did I go wrong.

One day I went home early and unexpectedly the guy is in our house. He is a filipino working here as a caregiver. I keep my self calm down and its like there's nothing going on and we talk etc.

To make the long story short, finally I confronted my wife of what I know and what I found out. My wife facial expression is so imaginable. And she admitted that she and the guy has an affair but its just a fling and nothing more. How can I believe her? She's asking a second chance.

I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter

[joebloggs]

sorry for you and your daughter..

it's not common for a filipina to do this, how did she meet the guy ? does your wife work with him ? and is he married, i would have thought if he has come here as a caregiver, he could well be married

so you and your daughter might not be the only innocent victims here.

if you love your wife so much, then how can you leave her.?

[telford]

I met my wife in online 5 years ago in the Phils. For five years of marriage everything's okay we have a beautiful 3 year old daugther.

My nightmare starts 6 months ago when I found out that my wife had an affair whom she met thru texting. I found out this relationship when my wife left her cellphone unattended and I open her inbox out of curiosity and I read a few messages though its in tagalog but the word " mahal, i miss you, i love you and kiss n hugg " you don't send it to a friend isn't it? I am so devastated that time I can't believed in my eyes that my wife will do such a thing. My daughter even mention to me that her mum has a male visitor sometimes so my conclusion is justified that she has an affair. I didn't confront my wife bec I am so scared to know that truth there's a famous saying " what you don't know won't hurt you " so I just ignore it but deep inside i am deeply hurt asking my self where did I go wrong.

One day I went home early and unexpectedly the guy is in our house. He is a filipino working here as a caregiver. I keep my self calm down and its like there's nothing going on and we talk etc.

To make the long story short, finally I confronted my wife of what I know and what I found out. My wife facial expression is so imaginable. And she admitted that she and the guy has an affair but its just a fling and nothing more. How can I believe her? She's asking a second chance.

I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter

honestly speaking, its already common here for a filipina to have fling with a filipino guys...im not surprise with your post anymore... maybe some filipina will be mad at me,but im just saying what i notice.i know lots of filipina that are doing that.fellow filipinas,tell me liar but its the truth,we already have lots of fellow filipinas that betrayed thier husbands and family...i fell shame for them...

[joebloggs]

if it was common, i don't think i remember reading about a filipina cheating on her brit husband b4 with a filipino guy on this forum b4, scouser keith will have a better idea, maybe the british husband has never found out, or it has never happened, or the brit guy doesn't want to tell a public forum

[telford]

if it was common, i don't think i remember reading about a filipina cheating on her brit husband b4 with a filipino guy on this forum b4, scouser keith will have a better idea, maybe the british husband has never found out, or it has never happened, or the brit guy doesn't want to tell a public forum

not only with a brit husbands joebloggs but also to other nationality...coz as u notice, lots of filipinas are already married to foriegners... theres even a filipina here in my place who's married to a foriegner and was been pregnant to the friend of her husband which is also a foriegner.coz here our place, the foriegners here have a group which they have a weekly meeting and gatherings in VJ's resto and bar.mostly who attend there are those foriegner who have a filipina wife.they just went there for a drinks and chats...but my husband dont like to attend in that gathering coz mostly americans went there to boast and act like they own the world.

[LEAHnew]

...........I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter

Set a holiday with your wife as well as with your daughter maybe you need a relaxing and sweet day
As you've said you love your wife so much but how can you love her if you don't trust anymoreGive her the second chance, if she will do it again then move on
Good Luck and my prayers to both of you....

[Piamed]

And she admitted that she and the guy has an affair but its just a fling and nothing more.......I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

I'm really very sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through. I'm at a lost for words.

not only with a brit husbands joebloggs but also to other nationality...

I've certainly come across a number of atypical filipinas recently in Germany, Scandinavia and Holland. Not in UK yet.

my husband dont like to attend in that gathering coz mostly americans went there to boast and act like they own the world.

I've seen many of these clowns and I feel ashamed that I am included in that homogenous group Foreigner with them. They stand for so much that I abhor.

[KeithD]

They do it once, statistically they do it again. Kick her out, start again, your pain will be justified in a few weeks. No use living in misery for something not your fault, you could drop dead next week. Relationships are built on trust, you no longer have that, and although some women can forgive, men usually can't, as it is a pride thing.

As Joe says, 7 years here, first one.

I would imagine that the stats on adultery are the same for most countries.

[IainBusby]

They do it once, statistically they do it again. Kick her out, start again, your pain will be justified in a few weeks. No use living in misery for something not your fault, you could drop dead next week. Relationships are built on trust, you no longer have that, and although some women can forgive, men usually can't, as it is a pride thing.
As Joe says, 7 years here, first one.

I would imagine that the stats on adultery are the same for most countries.

I agree, in the long term this is usually the case.

[ginapeterb]

Ritter,

One day I went home early and unexpectedly the guy is in our house.

What did you do when you found him in your house ?

How did you keep calm mate ? cos quite frankly, I think you were amazing to keep your cool, personally, thats an invasion of your castle....boy oh boy...you were calm compared to what others would have done.

[Sangoma]

Ritter,



What did you do when you found him in your house ?

How did you keep calm mate ? cos quite frankly, I think you were amazing to keep your cool, personally, thats an invasion of your castle....boy oh boy...you were calm compared to what others would have done.

Yes, I agree. I think I would have been locked up for adjusting his attitude.

Perhaps he needs talking to gently with a pick axe handle

When I first read this, I wondered how much of it was due to her background, and how much was due to just being an unfaithful woman.

Come to the conclusion it is probably a bit of both. If we believe the avearge age differences usually involved, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. It certainly would if they were English girls!

Many people ask me why do I think that someone much younger would be interested in my, and say they are just after the passport, the chance to earn to send home, and any inheritance, as it is likely they will live longer.

Personally, I don't believe this, as I'm not stuck with a blinkered view of the world.

But, when you hear stories like this, it does make you think if it was true in tis case.


I would make sure I have his full name and address, so that he can be named in court papers if it comes to that, and tell your wife that she has to earn your trust again. If she is not prepared to tell you who he is, or prepared to prove herself to you again, I would think very seriously about whether to continue the relationship or not. It would be better for your daughter if it failed now than when she was older.

It is possible it was just a friendship that went to far, but if it was a deliberate affair, I don't see much hope. People, male or female, don't usually seem to mend their ways.


But if it was an error, it is worth every ounce of effort to rebuild again.

[islander]

that is such a drastic story! hope it will be settled soon in the most peaceful way!

hoping also that our british hubbies won't generalize the situation with all filipina wives. it may be true that some filpinas are doing it, but there are also some who are loyal to their husbands as well.

[jimcarie]

sorry to hear your story, but for me the trust and honesty is broken there would be no second chances, if this woman truely loves you the affair wouldnt have happened, no good fooling yourself, stay strong for the sake of your daughter ,good luck

[aposhark]

Sorry to hear about this affair

Some people will try to fix their marriage, and some will finish with her.

Me. I would be down the road like a shot after sorting out the most favourable situation regarding your daughter.

I would always be thinking of what my wife is up to and it would be a tremendous amount of stress for me.

Trust is everything to me (both ways).

[Mrs.JMajor]

Talk to her Ritters,give her ultimatum, cause if you just leave like that...she will get on...but the more you give her hard time the more she scared to meet the guy...btw you're still young..don't afraid to lose her,also not a good reason that u don't like to have broken family ? nahh,even she step in your pride,
Here in Philippines we have saying married man can flirt many times nothing will lost they still man,but if the married woman get flirt shes totally prosti (cheapppppppp)

"ang asawang lalaki pag pumatol sa iba,lalaki pa din!!
pag ang asawang babae pumatol sa iba..puta na yon"

[Sangoma]

Ritter68, where are you?
I just have an idea that you may not be in the UK, or maybe you are not from the UK.
Decisions on children and mariage may be affected differently by laws in different countries.

[kimmi]

hi Ritter, am sorry to hear about ur situation..As a filipina, I feel ashame for what she is doing but I hope u dont generalize all of us she's only one of those rotten tomatoes..

I know the situation for u and ur daughter is hard right now, but I think it will be better that u talk to ur wife about it..

it is not right that she is flirting or having a relationship with other men at ur expense and the worse is ur daughter even knew it and she's also bringing that guy in ur very own house..

I understand u have to protected ur daughter, and its hard to have a broken home but at this point in time u need to weigh things..

will it is still be good to ur daughter to see her mom flirting with other man and having no respect with u at all?

well all we can give u is an advice, opinion or our point of view and still ure the one who will going to decide but I hope and pray that GOD will give u enough strength and enlightenment so u can overcome this situation.. I wish u and ur daughter all the very best..

Just keep posting here and Godbless..

Kimmi

[flomike]

hi ritter. sorry to hear that very sad story specially if a filipina involved: well i hope there's a good solution to your marital problem

all the best!

[Ritter68]

hi again. thanks for the advice and words of wisdom and I take that on board. First of all, my wife is a fulltime housewife after our daugther born. The filipino guy is a collage friend according to her and I asked her how they met in UK she said he got a friendster account that's how they had a communication she send her a message to say hello etc so they start texting and calls all just thru cellphone. The guy works in Surrey and we live in Yorkshire.

I change my job a year ago, now I am a lorry driver, so most of the time Im away from my family I need to provide a good money for my family as a lorry driver the only way to do that which she is not happy bec she wants to work like weekends and I think that's the cause of our problem

Like most of your questions how I managed to calm down....at first I know that there's something going on already my emotional level been in control and the time i found out the affair i could physically hit her but never i would do that specially with a woman. Im 6ft'2" my wife is just 5ft'3" can you imagine if i hit her? When the guy is in our house my daughter is in the table with them morethan anything else i am protecting both of them my daughter is only 3 yrs old and haven't had a clue what's going on.

I agree that how can you love a person if there's no trust? I know in my heart that she is really sorry and she wants our relationship in the right place again I am in a situation that I can give her a second chance but Im not sure if I can forget....5 years of happy memories and

[Ritter68]

They do it once, statistically they do it again. Kick her out, start again, your pain will be justified in a few weeks. No use living in misery for something not your fault, you could drop dead next week. Relationships are built on trust, you no longer have that, and although some women can forgive, men usually can't, as it is a pride thing.

As Joe says, 7 years here, first one.

I would imagine that the stats on adultery are the same for most countries.

I wish I can just kick her out and start again and the pain will just gone in a few weeks....may be im too soft to handle our issue never in my wildest dream my wife will ever do that to me...never

[Shamrockdave2003]

Jesss dude i feel for you, trust is broken i don't feel that you have a choice.

If my wife went down that road it would be goodnight Vienna!

But people change.

Its easy for me to say, but i would not give her a second chance.

Sorry Dude

SD

[Mrs.JMajor]

Come on Ritter,life must go on ...we only have one life to live...don't let the sadness or problem occurs in our life for long...if she really feel sorry and YOU LOVE HER THAT MUCH ...so well and good ,no one can decide to yourself just you ..FORGIVE HER AND ENJOY LIFE FORGET ABOUT THE PASS...THAT IS IF SHE REALLY MEAN TO SAY SORRY TO YOU
god bless you and wish u happiness above all this matter comes on your way..

[LEAHnew]

Come on Ritter,life must go on ...we only have one life to live...don't let the sadness or problem occurs in our life for long...if she really feel sorry and YOU LOVE HER THAT MUCH ...so well and good ,no one can decide to yourself just you ..FORGIVE HER AND ENJOY LIFE FORGET ABOUT THE PASS...THAT IS IF SHE REALLY MEAN TO SAY SORRY TO YOUgod bless you and wish u happiness above all this matter comes on your way..

[joebloggs]

hi again. thanks for the advice and words of wisdom and I take that on board. First of all, my wife is a fulltime housewife after our daugther born. The filipino guy is a collage friend according to her and I asked her how they met in UK she said he got a friendster account that's how they had a communication she send her a message to say hello etc so they start texting and calls all just thru cellphone. The guy works in Surrey and we live in Yorkshire.

it's easy for someone to say walk away, but your talking about your wife and daughter,

what reason did she give for this affair?, no excuses for it, but there is temptation from 'friendster' and 'facebook' sites where some people start flirting after a while, old b/fs anf g/fs can be found, people get carried away and stupid mistakes can be made, i think my own manger at work meet someone thru facebook, which in a way has lead to the breakup of his marriage,maybe for him the marriage was already over, i don't know.

no excuse again but boredom, for someone stuck at home each day, your not there, no one to talk to?, 6000 miles from family and friends, and she ends up chatting to someone from her own country, no doubt they started chatting about life back in the phils, family and friends

how many filipina's realise b4 they marry a brit, for some life in the uk will not be what they thought it would be like, if they ever thought about it at all, for most filipina's family and friends are everything to them, and they end up in the uk alone, living in isolation if they dont work, if their lucky seeing they familiy and friends once or twice a year, i know my misses is feeling a bit home sick now, not seen her family for 3 years , but unlike most she was living away from her family most of her life and she is use to it, she works here and we've got 2 kids, but i know she starting to feel home sick..

as you said you being away alot of the time would not have helped your marriage, just as time and distance is a problem for many long distance relationships

he travelled all that way

as for trusting someone, you being a lorry driver, you have to trust people all day you don't know, who are driving on the other side of the road will not smash in to you..
your trust in your wife has gone, but you still love her, well you either walk away or rebuild your marriage, and to rebuild some trust in your wife, get some key logging software on your pc , so you know what she gets up to, but then if she found out, her trust in you will be gone

good luck what ever you do, i do feel sorry for you and your daughter..

[ginapeterb]

Hey Ritter,

Joe is right, there are many reasons for her behaviour, but what I am quite proud of mate is your attitude, you have a nice daughter, you love the wife, and as Joe says, walking away, or kicking her out are easy peices of advice to give.

I am sure you don't want that, there is no embarassment on your part mate, that your wife has a fling with a Filipino, I know it may feel somewhat embarassing, but the fact that you wer able to talk about it, tells me that you can deal with it.

It hurts that is true, but as others have said, its easy to give advice to walk away, get rid of her, dump her, but you love her, I think in time you will get over it, and in the short term you will be talking to her, to try and resolve it, and again, you have a small child to consider, and consider this, if you do break up over this, she will no doubt have the child, you have to consider that, do you want to break up the family, I think you sound a nice guy who will take a calm view, you have done well mate, quite proud of you really.

Don't Hit her mate, whats the point ? anyway, hitting her won't sort this one out, be firm and tell her, that if you find any more instances of her contacting this Filipino, or it happens again, you will give HIM !!!!!! SOME HOSPITAL TREATMENT FREE WITHOUT NEED FOR NHS.

Just tell her plainly, that intensive care in the NHS is not what its cracked up to be these days, what with MRSA and other things.

She is your wife, the women you love, look after her, its a mistake, time is a great healer mate, and in time, it will heal, best of luck with it.

[Mrs.JMajor]

yeheeyyy its sounds like mine....as i always count on ginapeterb advice

[kimmi]

Hey Ritter,

Joe is right, there are many reasons for her behaviour, but what I am quite proud of mate is your attitude, you have a nice daughter, you love the wife, and as Joe says, walking away, or kicking her out are easy peices of advice to give.

I am sure you don't want that, there is no embarassment on your part mate, that your wife has a fling with a Filipino, I know it may feel somewhat embarassing, but the fact that you wer able to talk about it, tells me that you can deal with it.

It hurts that is true, but as others have said, its easy to give advice to walk away, get rid of her, dump her, but you love her, I think in time you will get over it, and in the short term you will be talking to her, to try and resolve it, and again, you have a small child to consider, and consider this, if you do break up over this, she will no doubt have the child, you have to consider that, do you want to break up the family, I think you sound a nice guy who will take a calm view, you have done well mate, quite proud of you really.

Don't Hit her mate, whats the point ? anyway, hitting her won't sort this one out, be firm and tell her, that if you find any more instances of her contacting this Filipino, or it happens again, you will give HIM !!!!!! SOME HOSPITAL TREATMENT FREE WITHOUT NEED FOR NHS.

Just tell her plainly, that intensive care in the NHS is not what its cracked up to be these days, what with MRSA and other things.

She is your wife, the women you love, look after her, its a mistake, time is a great healer mate, and in time, it will heal, best of luck with it.

Couldn't agree for more..

[gemini63]

talk to ur wife seriously.if she is willing to kiss and made up and promised u ,that it will not happen again.if ever try to rebuild again ur trust to her coz without the presence of it,relationship still in dark side and doubts still there that makes trouble again and again.if ever u wil forgive her of what she done..try to forgive and forget.. to make relationship smooth again.just give one more chance if u still love her...and for ur daughter too.if ever uve kissed and made up,dont talk it over and over again.PAST IS ENOUGH.rebuild and hv trust again with so much love. if ever she will do it again...i think its time to have it period.SO GOOD LUCK..

[KeithD]

Do you see a pattern emerging here?

Most women are saying make-up as they know they can forgive, it's a woman thing, but the majority of guys are saying dump her, which fits in with what I said earlier. It will always be in your mind, especially when you are apart, is that really 'happily married'?

[Mrs.JMajor]

You also have reason boss but please don't so much stone heart (pusong bato) remember the daughter ------